Friday, January 08, 2010

Friday Fuckwit - 繁體中文版 有在我的鼻子的一雙筷子

Yes, it's back. Didn't think you'd get away with three weeks without a Fuckwit making an appearance now did you?

It's a well known fact that kids love to see what will fit up their nose. I once tried putting a corkscrew up the dog's nose but had the good sense to leave my own well enough alone. My nephew firmly lodged a pea that was only discovered three weeks later when his rancid breath began to raise suspicions and my other nephew managed to have his eardrum pierced by his big sister who decided poking a pencil in the offending orifice to see if it would emerge on the other side might be fun.

A toddler in China went a little further.

According to the boy's mother, the toddler, Li Jingchao, age 14 months, was playing with the chopsticks in the family kitchen and wedged one clear up his nasal passage and into his brain.

Turned away by the small local hospitals that we not prepared with technology or equipment to safely remove the chopstick, Li's parents had to drive 10 hours north to Beijing to receive treatment for their little guy.

Fortunately, despite the neurosurgeons' concern that removal of the chopstick could lead to internal hemorrhaging once removed, causing possible paralysis or even death, there was very little bleeding after doctors extracted the implement from Li's brain and an ensuing infection was his only serious side effect and is being successfully treated with antibiotics.

Apparently the doctors in Beijing were not surprised by Li's incident. They have extensive experience removing chopsticks from eyes, foreheads and necks. (Foreheads! That's some force required to stick a chopstick through yer noggin!)

At least you can't blame a toddler for not reading the instructions:



Makes my mother's advice to go and play on the motorway with a bread knife seem rather complex. She could have just given me a chopstick!

What unusual implement have you stuck where it doesn't belong? Keep it clean . . I might be fond of the 'magic' word but this is a family friendly site!

Well my leave is officially over and access to you and the internet will depend on the constraints of work and life generally. It's been a grand 2 weeks on all networking media and I've thoroughly enjoyed it. Don't feel left out if I don't post or visit as frequently, I'll catch up eventually. Have a great weekend folks. Hot weather is forecast for us so I might finally have my second dip of the season . . .under cover of darkness of course, you never know when those Greenpeace fanatics might be lurking and attempt to rehabilitate me into the wide open ocean!

39 comments:

JeffScape said...

Hey... I thought you were gonna make yourself the FF!

Scared? If you're scared, just say so. Scared? ;)

And as far as chopsticks are concerned... I'm gonna avoid Asian food for a few days.

Hails said...

Go and play on the motorway with a breadknife?! Harsh!! Our variation of that was simply "Go and play with the traffic", and I always thought that was pretty bad. It seems almost mild to me now! :)

Alan Burnett said...

Considering those warning notes on the chopstick packet it is a wonder that we are still allowed to buy breadknives without copious warnings not to carve our hearts out with them.

nick said...

Well, if you want to keep it clean, there's a few things I'd better keep to myself, lol. Funnily enough, I also got a pea up my nose a few weeks back. I had the urge to blow my nose and a whole pea shot out. It must have got in my nose while I was eating but God knows how.

Love the idea you might be rehabilitated to the ocean!

Baino said...

Jeff . . . .Jeff . . . Jeff . . .I have done so on more than one occasion but this one was not my fault. Blame that Mouse Medicine woman. . . No don't she's my pal and gives me photographic and photo upload tips so I have to be noice.
Eat Thai, they use spoons and forks. Actually had a very nice Goong Pad Thai for lunch. .

Haha hails, I got that one too . . or if we asked what was for dinner, she'd say "Kippers eyes and custard".

Alan I think a bread knife has to be the most innocuous knife on the block. I love my German kitchen knives. It's the little fillet knife that constantly slices my fingers. "Extra protein with your fish folks?"

Nicholas! *voice used to reprimand young children* Peas in noses are indeed a common occurrence. Out here it's flies in mouth. It takes skill to pass them through the eustachian tubes and down your nose but it can be done. Otherwise, just swallow and look forward to an impenetrable immune system. And as one of the bloggers who has actually met me, my good man, that was YOUR cue to say . . "Helen you're not that fat!"

Mim said...

I lost one of those cotton ends from a Qtip in my ear. Everyone noticed that I was a bit deaf so help came in the form of my uncle the pediatrician who laughed and laughed as he removed it.

Candie Bracci said...

Oh I'm not surprised and what else you can do in a country where you can got killed for speaking your mind?:D allright I won't start..
Happy friday Baino and have a great weekend too!:)

Mrsupole said...

And people wonder why I only eat with my hands.

Sorry your two weeks is over, but glad you at least had it.

And if anyone calls you fat, just look them straight in the eyes and say; "Do you have any idea how hard I have worked to get this look?", then thank them immensely for noticing. That will just put them in their place and just them the f*** up.

You do take the chance of them thinking you are crazy, but who cares what the rude son of a guns think anyway.

God bless.

Ocean Girl said...

My son stuck up his nose a head of a lego man. We had to take him to the hospital to remove it.

Brian Miller said...

nice. had a friend whose dau put a sponge up her nose and did not tell anyone...until it started to smell really bad and then had to get it removed by a doc. where were the parents?

Leah said...

I was waving my hand around gesticulating at the sink as I was doing the dishes, and it came down right on a fork. The tine went clear through the top of a finger and the fork was just sort of hanging there. Now in my family we call it "fork finger." It was extremely unpleasant.

California Girl said...

you are bringing up memories of my own hapless children, one of whom lodged a small pebble in his ear which had to be extracted by the onolaryngologist (SP) ear/nose/throat guy (I can't spell it). My husband stuffed shards of windshield glass up his nose as a kid. I've been hearing about THAT all our lives. I did nothing even remotely like this. I played with dolls.

nick said...

I know it rather defeats the object to be prompted but indeed, Helen, fat is not a word I would apply to your perfectly normal figure. What's more, the medics now say that a decent bit of flesh is actually healthier than the fashionable skinniness such as my own.

Roy said...

"Look Rocky, nothin' up my nose!" Nope, never put foreign objects into any bodily orifices (except food and drink in the mouth, of course) and don't recall any incidents with anybody I know.

It's funny, I saw the Chinese letters in the title of your post on my blog list and I thought your Friday Fuckwit post was gonna be about comment spammers - that looks amazingly like the first two lines or so in those page-long screeds that turn up from time to time.

kansasmediocrity said...

Those instructions/warnings are hilarious!
And it's getting hot there?
Sheesh. Here, it was -2f when I woke up. High of 9 degree f. today.

Renee said...

That made me cringe.

xoxo

i beati said...

incredible- icy in Florida and we feel more for the rest of the country. i was offered a job yesterday and then they called and said that i was the wrong person- you can put that under fuckwit..blessings in 2010 girl !!

Jen Chandler said...

Gotta wonder why they'd let their barely over a year old child play with chopsticks in the first place unattended. Ouch! I'll admit I would put things in my ears for a good laugh, but never far enough to require a visit to the drs.

I have to admit I laughed at the Greenpeace comment! I've never met you, but I'm going to go with "you're not that fat!!"

Happy weekend,
Jen

Darlene said...

My son put pebbles up his nose. A trip to the pediatrician didn't stop him. His next experiment was putting beans in his ears. That one resulted in surgery when one of them became embedded in his ear drum. What a daring darling. ;-(

Tom said...

ha! i can understand why they'd want to stab themselves with a chopstick..they are so frustrating. I bet they tell their kids not to run with chopsticks. Really, outlaw them! Spoons should be good enough...and outlaw pencils, too; 'cause i got one stuck into my hand once and it's still green. Do you know how many people die each year from pen and pencil injuries?!!!

croneandbearit said...

I recall as a small child a trip to the emergency room and a doctor extracting a closed safety pin from my nose. I guess at the time I was trying to pin something closed. I've never been really right since then.

Grannymar said...

Sewing needles or pins are the only injury I inflicted on myself. When chopping veg I regularly chop the top off my thumb nail, but so far the thumb has stayed intact!

Cinnamon said...

@Leah- ouch!

Well Baino, I have removed a live moth from an ear when working in Minor Injuries- hairy wings vibrating and all...

Funny post :)

Megan said...

I never tried to do anything like that.

otin said...

Sometime look up hospital reports of things that they remove from people's asses! lol

That would be impressive picking your nose with a chopstick.

Jill said...

Hmmmmmm, chopstick in the head huh!? That freaks me out!

My lil one has a knack for putting things in his ears and nose...mostly LEGOS!!! ACK!

River said...

The only thing I've ever shoved anywhere is cottonbuds in ears and earplugs too, to block out noise when there's a party going on and I need to sleep. My son once shoved a piece of bread up his nose, which I removed with tweezers.

jay said...

Good grief - poor little fellow! I bet he won't be doing that again in a hurry! I'm glad he's going to be OK.

Although 'Darwin Awards' and 'gene pool' come to mind, in a child so young, it's really the parent's fault, isn't it?

I'm not sure I've stuck anything where it didn't belong, except my head through the armhole of a vest one time. I still remember the panic that caused me!

lettuce said...

ouch

winceing.

my MIL famously (within the family you understand) got a safety pin lodged up her nose...

mind you, M's family do have a bit of a thing about noses

Renee said...

Nell did I tell you that my Mom is drying. Not tonight, but within the next few months they feel.

My heart is crushed.

xoxo

Rowe said...

My son, the chef, stuck a peanut up his nose when he was 2 or 3. I could use a swimming pool to dive into right now, it's 12.39am on Sunday and too hot to sleep. I'll read some more blogs til I'm ready to fall off the chair.

Kate said...

Okay - it was a pebble - I was around 4 years of age and, for once my brother didn't talk me into it! I can still remember thinking that it was just the right size to fit up my nose - I can also remember my Mum standing me in the kitchen holding my head and with the other hand holding my clear nostril closed.... "Blow" she shouted and the pebble shot across the kitchen narrowly missing my sniggering brother!

Ah - the memory - what a wonderful thing .... Thanks for that one Baino!!!

Ropi said...

Well, I didn't put anything to my nose.

Today I was extrmely upset (meaning: I was swearing as hell and I slapped my deks with my palm) because I got to know that a slight modification in application procedures to university made my application impossible for my ideal university and they didn't inform students too well (in an 800 words book they wrote it down in the tiny letters part). However I found an alternative solution but it costs some money.

Susan at Stony River said...

Oh, poor little guy! How did he get it up that far?!

I don't remember ever putting anything in my nose, and none of my kids did (well yet).

Good luck at work next week -- enjoy your heat wave; we're snowed in and the kids are off school.
:-(

Cuppa Jo said...

I've heard about chopstick injuries being quite the usual occurence in countries that use them as primary eating utensils; it just never occurred to me that one could actually cause brain injury. You know, because the nose does not lead directly into the brain. It takes a few turns before heading in that direction. You'd think he would have stopped once the excruciating pain took over. My whole head hurts thinking about this. Of course, this doesn't mean I didn't laugh when I read it. Heh.

Pam said...

No wonder the hospitals tried to pass the child on with those possible outcomes!! You'd have to be Australian to appreciate the following story from a nurse in the family.True story. Man in emergency,cordoned off behind curtain, pencil shoved into wee hole.( he tried to widen it,prostate problems weeing).Getting impatient,yelling for attention to Emergency medico's,one of which replied "Yair,righto (and under his breath) "Mr. Squiggle".

Gledwood said...

Dear me, a chopstick up the brain! That sounds really inconvenient...
And I thought the Chinese were meant to be genetically MORE intelligent (ever heard that one? there was a scandalous thing on telly about it the other week, though I doubt it's been shown down under yet) than the rest of us...

Carolina said...

A friend of mine is a radiographer and has the most interesting/hilarious stories about weird objects they tend to find inserted into various openings of human bodies. Mostly the openings situated in the Southern half of the body. Chopsticks up noses into unused brains wouldn't even make it into her top ten of weird 'accidents' I'm guessing.

Mmm said...

Oh this is so funny. Reminds me of the time, like a true nimwit, I wet the sucker of my daughter's baby star rattler and socked it onto my big forehead! I then walked around like a Dalek saying, "exterminate!" Worse thing was I pulled it off and had a massive purple welt where all the blood vessels burst. No fun that, especially as the very next day I was to meet the president of the company, flying in form San Francisco to meet me. Oh dear. Lots of makeup was worn, and thankfully with my curly hair I could sort of cover it up a bit. Still, quite awkward, let me tell you. He must have felt I had a most unfortunate birth defect.

Hey, this is so good remembering it, I might have to blog about this later in fact. LOL.