Road Rage

Only in the past few years have normally polite Australian drivers become infected with that world wide phenomenan 'road rage'. I myself have given the finger to a number of drivers for inconsiderate practices. Even on my short trip to work each morning I run the gamut of greedy lane mergerers and pushy bus drivers, mid-intersection traffic blockers and butt throwing smokers. And this morning . . . a cleaner had parked in my designated spot . . .that's part of my salary package thank you and you can move your little shit box toot sweet! Which he reluctantly did, pretending that he didn't understand a word I said.

Here are some moray's that need to be obeyed particularly on my route which is Wrights Road, Green Road, Showground Road and Old Castle Hill Road.

• Do not beep me when I'm stopped, giving way to cars on a roundabout. You're supposed to!
• Do not try to push in when I allow a single car to merge. If each car lets one car in, the traffic keeps flowing
• Do not tailgate me or I'll drop down to 30kms an hour, sit on my breaks and hold you up. I don't mind arriving late!
• Don't block the bloody intersection when I'm turning right you twit, it leaves me in limbo and the lights change before I can make the turn.
• Don't flick your cigarette butt out of the window. We're a dry continent and you'll start a fire you dickhead 18 something with your windows down and the doof-doof making the bonnet vibrate.
• I know you have right of way - but buses . . . use your fucking mirrors. If I'm up near the driver, give me time to move ahead rather than trying to barge arse me out of the way. \
• Do not steal the car park space I have stalked two shoppers for. I will not tolerate such arrogance. I will get out and shout at you.
• If you're a friggin' cleaner in my building you do not have a designated car space so stay out of mine (and don't pretend you don't speak English!)
• Stop at Zebra crossings - pedestrians have right of way
• If you're a small asian person in a Land Cruiser, get a booster seat so you can see over the dashboard
• If you hear a siren, pull over to the left dipshits. I've actually been in an ambulance that has been gridlocked and it's incredibly selfish and dangerous. Let them do their job.
• Police - don't random breath test at 8:00 on a Tuesday morning. It causes mayhem. This is the Bible belt for Christ's sake, who drinks on a Tuesay evening in this neighbourhood other than me!
• Check your mirrors . . . motorbikes ALWAYS sit in your blind spot so look over your shoulder too.
• Stop talking on your mobile phone, you're careening all over the road

And remember, I drive a 14 year old car and I don't give a shit if you ding me . . .I will hold my own as if it was a bleedin' hummer! Thank you to the nice truckie who let me in this morning just before I was squished onto the median strip by a school bus. Yer a champ!