Violence of the Lambs

I was going to write something poignant, political - make a statement about the upcoming APEC meeting or the fact that Army Leaders from 19 countries have just enjoyed a clandestine meeting in Sydney and nobody knew about it but . . . nup . . today has been a very silly day . . . my workload has slumped due to TheBoss being in Vietnam and I've had a barage of funny conversations with the Saturday party revellers and at long last, a NZ Pubcast to entertain me at lunch time with a two-pub ramble and a three man streetwalk.

I have two friends who live in New Zealand. One who I know really, really well but is all loved up with the insta family and hasn't called me for ages. The other who I have never met but spoken to often, has been off the radar for a few weeks until today's pubcast so it's welcome back Johnny Dodge. Sadly neither are actually of NZ birth but never let that get in the way of a good yarn. We enjoy a rare and strange relationship with our neighbours across the Tasman and jibes are par for the course. During the Pubcast, mention was made that only 5% of the population of NZ is human . . that’s because 95% of the population is sheep!

We Aussies, now that we are living no longer on the sheep’s back but on the resources boom and flogging the world substances such as yellowcake, tin, bauxite, iron, coal and gas, feel vindicated in transference and slagging the Kiwis big time about their sheepish bad habits.

You’ve heard the jokes:

1. How do New Zealanders find sheep in the long grass . . . “Very enjoyable thank you eh?”.
   
2. Why does New Zealand have some of the fastest race horses in the world? Because the horses have seen what they do with their sheep
   
3. An Aussie journalist was in New Zealand doing stories where he saw a Kiwi farmer doing unnatural things with a sheep. He approached the Kiwi and firstly asked, "What sort of sheep is that?" He scribbled down the farmer's reply - "a Merino". The next question was, "Do you shear them?" The farmer replied hastily, "No! Go and find yer own!"
   (I think only Kiwi's and Yarpies will get that one!)

Well we know that the Kiwi’s get a bit pissed off with these jokes (many of which were first levelled at Australia before anyone realised that the land of the Long White Cloud had a sense of humour – or indeed sheep) In fact they’re probably just puzzled as to why some Aussie would put a jumbuck in his tucker bag, when with a raised eyebrow and some sweet talk it could be coaxed into a sleeping bag!

Sheep jokes aside, the New Zealanders have taken the joke to a new level with a slash, gore-fest of a little movie called Black Sheep that’s taking the antipodes by storm. Sheep have exacted their sweet revenge via celluloid. Sheep shaggers – sheep baggers beware! An experiment in genetic engineering turns harmless sheep into blood-thirsty killers that terrorize a rural town in New Zealand.

This is a fun-filled ridiculous out-of-control blood-soaked ride where bitten humans are transformed into Weresheep. There are no rules set in the film and there’s nothing to take seriously. The goal is to have you sit back, relax and have one hell of a good time.

I told you I had a silly day. This just tickled my fancy.

And in the event you’re reading this Stan . . . you really should give me a call!