I Don't Get it . . .

I don’t get the dress over the pants thing. Seems to be a new fashion statement here. Get fully dressed in trousers/jeans, singlet or t-shirt then put a dress over the top . . what’s that all about?

I don’t get why men don’t see splodges and baked on stuff on counter tops, bathrooms sinks, cooktops, toilet seats. I have a theory that their eyesight is just pathetic and they don’t admit it. Then there’s a lot I don’t get about men . . .

I don’t get spam . . not the compressed meaty stuff although that’s pretty mystifying. . ..I’ve just deleted over 5,000 captures from our spam filter . ..all the same . . .offering online degrees, penis enlargements, viagra or naughty times with nice Asian lady . .. . .I assume someone’s paying to send all this stuff but what’s the point?

I don’t get vegetarians who eat fish . . surely you’re not a vegetarian if you eat fish, wear leather, use cosmetics made out of animal fat or eat cheese which is made with rennet?

I don’t get advertorials. If I’m not sleeping well, I’ll get up, make a cuppa and watch a bit of telly . . four out of the five free to air channels have advertorials that go on for hours and usually involve some skin product or other and a top model who’s never had a zit in her life or some jolly American couple demonstrating their incredible food muncher scruncher that you can buy for quadruple the price of a Bamix in six easy repayments . . . who buys this stuff?

I don’t get those puffy jackety things with no sleeves. The sort that you see horsey types or shooty types wearing. When did your torso get cold and your arms not?

I don’t get handkerchiefs. You blow snot and boogies into them and smear that all over your face and pocket before tossing them in the wash! Then all the clothes in that washload become covered with the byproduct of your mucous membrane . . it's disgusting.

I don’t get five cent pieces. If everything is rounded up or down by five cents what do we need these annoying little coins for? And I don't get prices that end in .99 cents . . . except when you use a credit card and some devious trader gets all those odd cents. Seems wrong in a country who's lowest coinage denomination is five cents.

I don’t get why police officers can’t just speak plainly. “We know who the hoons are and they’re gonna get their asses kicked” . . . no it has to be, “We are being assisted in our enquiries as to the identification of these alleged offenders who will be brought to justice at the earliest possible convenience.” (Plodders).

I don’t get people who have big yellow zits and just ignore them . . . I know that’s what the magazines tell you to do but it looks horrible. Give em a squeeze and a dab with some Clearasil . . don’t sit there with pustules on your face all day! Sheesh! . . . and least but I suspect not the last

I don’t get mullets . . .never have . . .never will . . .

So . . what don’t you ‘get’? (keep it clean folks)