Bloggyphobia

I have created a monster. I started blogging about personal stuff. Something my kids could involve themselves in and find some level of engagement with me long after I'm gone. I wanted them to say "Oh that's so typical of mum . . " or "I didn't know that about her . ." but once you create a public blog and comments flow, the nature of the beast changes considerably. I can't write personal things which is what I want to do, so I've now established a private blog, just for those really close to me so they know how I tick. My Opus Dei however so pathetic.

Needless to say, I haven't actually written an entry on it yet but I will. The other conundrum is the balance between the trivial, the interesting, the politica, the social - humerous vs seriousl . . .I've actually really annoyed some people by stating my political leanings although I don't consider myself a political animal. The only post I ever removed was one about DrummerBoy to which he took offense and now I'm struggling to make things even mildly interesting.

This is not an unusual phenomenon. Gaye has gone AWOL although I know why, Vanilla is absorbed and quite rightly so in writing and focusing on being published. Daz has left the blogosphere for ever. Wordnerd rarely posts, Is that All There Is has lost the plot and Kahler is just plain lazy. Then Grandad manages to post every day. I am depressed but angsty about Steph's blog as she is a lone voice but so erudite and strong that I'm drawn to her analysis. Jefferson, I have the pleasure of talking to offline and adore his photography. Bird Anonymous has managed to escape the difficulty with an amazing photo blog. Red Mojo is just fascinating because I have never met anyone like her and ThriftCriminal is a delight. I love K8, no really, we're chalk and cheese, Laurel and Hardy but I will never visit Ireland without plonking on her mad family with armfuls of silly TShirts and stuffed koalas. Benchwarmer has other priorities these days but I see him occasionally. Moo Dog is a relative newbie, fresh and funny and Quickroute . . hey, he's my South American connection. Ryan is sweet but really not a man of the blogosphere. Ian is my total inspiration and just one of the many I would dearly like to meet - the athiest and the vicar . . .imagine that. Nonny is hilarious but rarely present and the others are polite readers and rare commenters. But to you all, you have brought a diversity into my life that has been really, seriously, interesting and wonderful. *has a little wipe with a tissue*. There are are many others but they either don't comment or have no idea of the impact their blogs make on me.

I'm at sixes and sevens tonight. I'm not sure what direction to take this in. I want a 'piece of me' to be extended to all of you which sounds completely hedonistic but it wasn't my intention to entertain a crowd although I love your comments and really enjoy the diversity and feel priviledged to have been in personal contact with most of you. Many of you I have come to know privately and I feel very blessed by that. But tonight as I struggle with blogophobia, TV looks more appealing . . that book that I've barely touched on my bedside table seems more attractive. Although I just can't draw myself away. Addiction . .almost but if I have nothing worthy to say . . what's the point?

I guess a blog by it's pure nature is short and sharp. I want a l-o-n-g dinner-time conversation about libertarianism in the wider context, religion life the universe and everything, life without partners, health problems, the trials of being published, dogs and grandchildren, memories of the past and your struggles, the difficulty of expressing love, life in your part of the world, Tibet and the Olympic games, Zimbabwe elections, wine and chocolate, why you're a vegetarian yet wear leather shoes, how you managed to capture that shot . . . blogging is great and it has filled a space in many a lonely night but . . . now I find I want to expand on my theories, argue my points but feel self censored. So what better place than my dinner table to fight it out, with a starter of GrannyMar's soup, an Absolute Vanilla chocolate dessert and . . . .well again, I have nothing yet feel compelled to write something. You're all welcome for dinner at chez Fairway any time! (But hurry . . this offer is limited! the bulldozers will be moving in next year)

No I'm not giving up, it's writer's block. I'll get over it. I actually rather like that I have this clandestine life that half my family and friends don't even know about. I am under no delusion that if I disappeared tomorrow life would go on without a problem but thank you my virtual friends . .whenever I'm down . . .


Now, I'm off to watch a documentary on Execution in the US . . .post forthcoming!