I Am a Legend in My Own Lunchtime!

Today, I had to venture over into Castle Towers to change a sweater that I’d bought, typically not tried on in the store and then realised that it looked like something my Nana would have worn on a bad day once I got it home. I do it all the time. Anyway, en route to the appropriate store are wide terrazzo tiled avenues with shops on each side, the odd café plonked in the middle and plenty of those portable, market stalls adorned hair accessories and wigs, sparkly jewellery, mobile phone holders, Gym spruikers , ‘wholesale’ perfume, and a plethora of sea mineral cosmetics or skin care providores.

I usually walk very briskly through and avoid the, spruikers springing out at me from all sides. I rarely succumb to flattery and more importantly I hate shopping so I'm usually a woman on a mission and power shopping my way forward . . forging ahead . . .leading the charge! I am never sucked in by the desperate young things vying for my attention to sample their sweet smelling unctions or trying to tempt me into a Gym membership even though one or both could make me look 30 years younger!

Today, I was cornered . . I tell a lie – I surrendered!

I knew as I walked past the pet shop I was going to stop and he made eye contact . . that flash Brasilian smile on a beautiful man with hair exactly like mine, even ponytailed and the odd squiffy curl around his face- I was gone before I arrived! I didn’t know what he was selling, his accent was mesmerising, his face engaging and he literally grabbed me by the hand as I walked by and straight away sploshed some hand cream on my palm and began massaging . . .oooh er . . .

“Oh Miss . . .you have bootifool ‘andz . . . .

(I don’t but his long fingers are doing their thing across my wrists and fingers and it is slightly erogenous)

Each question is punctuated by the whitest of smiles and 'Excuze me for askin' personal queschins.' If he'd played his cards right I'd have given him my bloody ATM PIN!

“ . . but if yoo dozn’t mand me zayin’ you ‘ave very dry skin on your ands . . . Ow ole iz you?”

I answer truthfully as always, he jumps back,

“Nowaye! Nowaye! . . . . Surely you jokin me? . . Tell me your friendz zay you iz very yung for your aje? Zay do doezn’t zay?”

(Well no actually, they used to but those complements stopped the day I turned 50! Either they’re jealous of my fair and reasonably unwrinkled visage or hitting the half century suddenly made me look like a bucket of smashed crabs.)

Now I KNEW I was being played but it was oh so nice. Getting a bit goose bumpy by now and the tiny hairs on the back of my neck are standing up like they do when the man of your dreams sneaks up behind and just breathes on the nape of your neck. Feeling a little goosebumpy in a nice way . . . his pitch falls trippingly from his particularly beautiful mouth and youthful lips. At this point, I am alone, with him, somewhere warm and exotic . . . I’m overcome with waves of warmth and latin jungle beats and he’s cool as a cucumber!

‘ . . and finally, ze white buffer to smooze out ze lines, now look eeznt it a miracle! But alzo, we ‘az the fablious, cuticle balm. . Oh and Miss if you don’t mand me sayin’ you need some help on ze cuticles, zay are dry no? From ze dishes, and ze gardening and ze workin’ too hard. You needz to be pampered . . .’ere”

So while he daubs the very essence of Dead Sea minerals on my cuticle and begins massaging my fingertips, I am seriously now in another dimension and ready to jump the guy after we've danced the Lambada and had at least 3 caipirinhas!

Finally, there is a kit, the buffer, the cuticle stuff, some other bits and pieces and a choice of Vanilla, Frangipani or ocean smelling hand and body creams that are not greasy and if I buy the kit I can have it for half price and if I buy two he’ll give me one free . . ‘becoz obviously you have lotz of friends no? They will love eet for Christmas gift no?” . . .

OK, the record scratched, the frame froze . . time for a reality check rather than being a legend in my own lunchtime. That was quite enough sensual activity in full view of all the shoppers, in broad daylight and during my lunch hour. GAH! I’m in a shopping centre having an orgasmic delusion! Right where were we?I’ve been massaged, and buffed and have one very attractive ring fingernail with a shine he guarantees will last for a month. OK I’m convinced, I like this hand cream and the little buffery thing so I bought the little kit and happily parted with $50 for the priviledge.

All in all though, money well spent . . hell he even gave me a hug before I moved on! I’m going back tomorrow to check out the skin care range! Then again, two sessions in a row and I’ll have my palpitations back!