Coin Operated Partner

I've been single for a long time and am quite used to it but with the impending loss of my job, I've been thinking that it would be so much easier to bear with someone who was understanding, employed, empathic and well, life would be so much easier, emotionally and financially, with a partner by your side. Why is it so hard to find the right partner these days? I know the good ones are taken and the single ones are not about to go there but . .surely there are people like us . .sensitive, nice, ready for commitment (I've just scared all the single readers haven't I?)

I have a beautiful 24 year old daughter, intelligent, attractive, fun loving, well travelled . . she has wonderful manners a sense of obligation and fantastic ethics . . Ok she can burp with the best of them and her language can be blue in the right circumstances (she is her mother's daughter after all) but when I see her leave the house on a night out . . well it's enough to turn me gay! (No that didn't sound quite right but you know what I mean - she's a stunner!) All she wants is a decent man with visible means of support and a sense of humour. Someone interesting and romantic unafraid of commitment but willing to party. Someone who can talk the leg of a chair or deal with the pregnant pause. (Ok less of the pregnant but you know where I'm going here) Someone who loves her in her gladrags and smokey eyes as much as when she's wearing her flanny PJ's, Ugg Boots and Panda eyes . . .oh and he has to like dogs and horses and to be able to cook something that doesn't involve chocolate because she has that covered! Where are you late 20's supermen with you're big burly arms and wonderful mother-impressing manners!

Biker Girl - who is not a biker at all but an instructor and races occasionally. All she wants is some intimacy and a man who can tell her he loves her and embroil her in passion and embrace. She's barely 40! Gorgeous . . intelligent, interesting, well travelled, experienced in love and life, a good cook, great conversationalist. No baggage just warmth and a smile that makes even me melt. Where are you, handsome mature men unafraid of emotion and commitment?

The Paduan - He's shy and masks it with arrogance but take some time and he's sweet and generous. Fun loving and a bit of a speed king. Well-dressed, clean shaven, moral and quite hilarious. He's intellectual, well-travelled, well educated, well read and totally interested and aware of the world and all it's foibles. I don't think he can cook much more than pot noodles and toast but he's young, he can learn - then he was also a guest so didn't have the opportunity. Where are you chicky babes?

The Photographer - sensitive, quiet, creative. Self supporting. Now he can cook! Articulate, romantic (perhaps a little too so), well dressed. Observant of the human condition, environmentaly aware and politically naive, a bit of a dreamer and gentle as a lamb. He's just hanging for a redhead with big green eyes that he can call his own. . .Where are you ginger girls?

Me! Ok I'm a little on the pudgy side but self sufficient, entirely capable and I can fix machines and stuff. Apparently, I'm 'alright looking', (someone else's words not mine because of course I am stunningly beautiful) intelligent, slightly anal retentive, also well travelled and a Good cook . . you should try my sauces! Rich in life experience. Fun loving, young at heart and hardly any wrinkles (except those little ones just there that you'd hardly notice with a pair of beer goggles or some mood lighting). C'mon you silver foxes . . .

Seriously, how do people meet people these days. Once you get to a certain age and it doesn't seem to matter whether you're 21 or 51 . . it becomes exasperating. Small talk and chit chat . . .flirting and flauting . . .I know, I jest. None of the abovementioned are what I'd put in the 'desperate' category but it's just so hard to mix and match without putting yourself in uncomfortable crowded pubs or clubs or making the first move and dealing with ridicule and rejection or joining a singles club or speed or internet dating.

I wish you could just 'design-a-mate' online and get them home delivered like the designer gourmet pizza where you choose the topping . . or order one like the couch you loved but not in that colour and so select the perfect fabric for your tastes so that it's just a perfect fit.

When you have a life partner . .whatever life decides to throw in your direction . .good and bad . .it really is much nicer, the joy higher, the dispair easier to bear if you are able to share your experiences, your joys, your problems and worries with a kindred spirit.

Not sure where all that came from, my fingers made me do it. . .Ces, you do it unconsciously with a pallette knife or a pencil . . . I just blither out the words.