Time to set things straight!
You're all familiar with Plumber's Crack right? Those larger than large men who seem to have difficulty finding a belt or a pair of trousers the same size? They bend under your sink and all you get is an eyeful of hairy butt crack and loathsome stretch marks?
Not quite the image of the well-oiled and buff porno tradesman that every housewife aches for now is it. Now this is more like it . .
Apparently plumber's crack is also a problem for the young and glam thanks to the popularity of low rise jeans but someone's come up with a less unsightly solution . . .well that's a matter of opinion . . .
The 'Backtacular Gluteal Cleft Shield' solves unsightly bum crack problemsHave a great weekend and I'll try to catch up with you all tomorrow . . looks like a chilly and wet weekend so be prepared to PLAY!Tired of low-riding trousers causing unwanted buttock-cleft exposure? Want to put an end to bending over only to find that your bum cheeks have been on display to the world? One designer may have come up with a solution for you.
The Backtacular Gluteal Cleft Shield in action
The Backtacular Gluteal Cleft Shield, created by designer Kimberly Brewer, is a stylish cover that prevents any unfortunate butt-crack revelations.
Made of hypo-allergenic denim, and decorated with studs and rhinestones for added bling, the Backtacular Gluteal Cleft Shield is applied directly to the skin, and sits above the waistband protecting the wearer's modesty and morals like a tiny, fashionable nun.
The BGCS can be bought online from Brewer's Kimberlily site.
Now all she needs to do to make it really take off is offer a customised version, which instead of rhinestones just features an advert for your plumbing services. She'd be on to a winner.
I could do with ordering one of these for the rather rotund young lady who was in front of me at the supermarket checkout the other day. As she bent to place her bags in her trolley the large studded "Jesus Loves Me" belt slipped to reveal a pair of knickers with "I'm Up For It" printed on the elastic. I couldn't help but noticing.... Honestly
ReplyDeletewell that's silly. our eyes need protection from the plumbers, and we know they won't be purchasing rhinestone cleft shields...ha, where do you get this stuff?
ReplyDeleteIs the 'desert dweller' keeping you entertained?
Those cleft shields would need to be in XXXL to cover a plumbers unhidden bend! I think I would continue to avert my eyes.
ReplyDeleteok you lot - enough said about yay plumbers! My Plumber does have a crack or "Gluteal Cleft", but he has a very neat and tidy bottom - no stretchmarks, no pimples, certainly no cellulite - nothing like that - its taut and terrific (thanks to all that bending under kitchen sinks no less!
ReplyDeleteStill, I could use a Gluteal Cleft Shield as a stocking filler - do you think they make 'em in christmas tinsel?
Oh and Alan - your checkout girl sounds a treat!
We are seriously into Kath and Kim territory here. Very "noice...unyewsual".Maybe Bretty could buy some for Kim for Mother's Day, and do the long-suffering eyes at Fountain Gate a favour.
ReplyDeleteWe've a guy at work that doesn't seem to know what a belt is...the girls do complain, as this is something they dinna wish to see at 5 in th' morn'! We even offered to take up a collection for a new belt :)
ReplyDeleteOh am I so thankful I looked in on you tonight and not for tomorrow's breakie!
ReplyDeleteEnjoy the soul pampering ;)
nice.... perhaps we could defend the publics honor and become crack shield heros...or at least hand these out to help a brother out...lol.
ReplyDeleteI know it sucks but I am not showing my butt.
ReplyDeleteHi Baino's sister. If this sentence is not fun enough for you I can write some jokes as well.
friday buttwits now? :P lol
ReplyDeleteGluteal cleft shield for builder's bum, as it's known here... latex dental dams for lesbians (my friend had one at university: I used to chew it when I was hungry and waiting for their bourgeois pasta to cook ~ it was blueberry flavour and I don't think anyone ever "used" it, it was full of toothmarks for a start ~ I suggested a square of maximum strength pond-liner might be "safer" ~ to gales of lesbian laughter... whatever next??!?
ReplyDeleteThey're crying out for a few pithy slogans like "Stop staring" or "Look no knickers" or "Crack of Dawn".
ReplyDeleteHuh! What'll they think of next? It hurts to think that this is a prime example of the old saw: "Necessity is the mother of invention."
ReplyDeleteWhat a crack up! Pun intended...
ReplyDeleteCould I have the name and number of the second plumber please? :)
ReplyDeleteOMG. Now I've seen everything. I would like a crack at the second plumber, though. He can fix my sink anytime. (Does that make me a dirty old woman?)
ReplyDeleteHow is it that the front cleavage is considered to be so attractive but the rear is not? I smell right-wing modesty conspiracy here...
ReplyDeleteWhere oh where do you find this stuff?
ReplyDeleteDo you google 'butt fashion'?
Or 'crack ups'?
I hope you have a brief affair with a studly man before you are too old to remember. I suugest a sound proof room
see hells, you encourage this side of me!
Love love
kj
"The Backtacular Gluteal Cleft Shield". This is a joke, right!!!?
ReplyDeleteKinda takes the wind out of the phrase "crackin' good time"...
ReplyDeleteAnd if Mr. stranded in the desert tells you he looks good in panty hose...well, I'm sure you could have some fun with that one...I was so busy wiping my tears from laughing so hard when I saw that I could scarcely reply...
Happy Weekend!
Oh my...is it ok that I found that...useful info (hahaha)
ReplyDeletexoxoxo
I got nothin'. I'm speechless.
ReplyDeleteJust the NAME alone makes me laugh OUT LOUD!
ReplyDeleteBacktacular Gluteal Cleft Shield
Backtacular Gluteal Cleft Shield
Backtacular Gluteal Cleft Shield
well that second picture certainly spiced up my Nepali meusli breakfast hehe thanks XX
ReplyDeleteA Gluteal Cleft shield? A ridiculous new invention all because people want low-waisted jeans!
ReplyDeleteI'd, er, hate to think of how much they'd stink at the end of the day.... surely they're not reusable?
Did miss you this week! But glad you were having fun with crushbubble. Oh, how I wish I was that bottle of ammonia in the second photo:-)
ReplyDeleteA BGCS for the guy in the top photo would need to be the size of a cow.
oh for goodness sake.
ReplyDeletedoes that make me sound old. well i don;'t care.
I admit to quite enjoying the persistent trend for unfeasibly low-cut male trousers (sometimes known around here as "busting low") - no bum crack as it tends to be boxer shorts on show, not skin. But I do wonder what keeps these trousers up
That was great craic! ;-)
ReplyDeleteI have to say this is bordering on the ridiculous. For starters, the item pictured looks like an over-long sanitary napkin, with bling. Why don't people realise just how awful these extremely low jeans are, and demand something that covers properly. Even slacks are now made low like this. Several of the girls I work with wear them and their butt cracks are on display every single time they bend down to get something out of a cabinet. I'm afraid to go shopping for new work trousers because of this ridiculous fashion.
ReplyDeleteHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Will they catch on, do you think? And meanwhile, can I get the second guy, please?
ReplyDeleteBy the way, it's not just the large who suffer butt-crack syndrome. We had a nice young man round the other day who wasn't overweight at all, just rather out of shape and lily-white, and his trousers let him down too. Or is that the other way round?
You're all very silly! Thank God!
ReplyDeleteExcellent camera work.
ReplyDeleteO God. Are they washable? Reusable? What do they stick on with? And what happens if the rhinestones fall off and
ReplyDeleteNever mind.
Making it an advert made me laugh out loud!
ReplyDeleteThat's almost as stupid as low-rise jeans if you ask me -- yikes. More stuff we don't need.
call me old-fashioned but whatever happened to good fitting trousers and jeans?
ReplyDelete