I mean, I've always had this 'call when you get there' thing with the kids. You know, those times when you worry because a six hour drive has turned into ten and you haven't had the 'we've arrived safe' text yet? Usuallyy because the surf on the way is good or they've stopped for a Maccas. I'm like that with everyone who has a 'pattern' in their contact. It's so much worse when your correspondent lives in another country.
When Clare was overseas for 11 months, I only went without contact during a stint on the Inca Trail but I knew she was in good hands and good company.
When I get a phone call from Adam, knowing he's riding his motor bike I'm always sure it's to tell me that he's in traction in some hospital or he needs to be picked up after missing a bend, my heart jumps into my throat.
I've done it three time with this lovely man in 11 months. He's gone AWOL which usually means falling asleep with his phone off for extended periods and I have a conniption. This particular friend and I, correspond, chat, Skype, frequently, predictably, and pretty much in a pattern, so naturally, I imagined him writhing in pain or dying in a twisted car wreck having some interstate crisis (it happens) or taking off for some decompression time without letting me know despite having promised that he would.
I think I sent about 8 phone texts, rang twice and left messages on his voicemail, hit him up on every email address he has (and there are a few) then finally got a neighbour to make sure he was alright. Crazy mad woman, found his mate's number and rang another country! For fuck's sake! What was I thinking!
I know it was stupid. Poor guy's still recovering from a stint of night shift and a sleepless weekend and just turned his phone off and slept for 14 hours but I persisted. Now I feel eternally stupid - AGAIN! He's being very forgiving and I got myself into such a state that I bawled myself silly in the shower.
Crazy thing is, I can go weeks without contacting friends who live close. Not because I don't care about them but because I know if anything's wrong, there's a network of people who will let me know. And also, there's no regular pattern of contact so no 'Hey, wonder why Thommo didn't call me tonight?"
Not so with overseas contacts. If he died on the road, who would tell me? If he needed help who would call? If he was there all alone and unable to move it could be days before anyone found him. (Er however unlikely that might be). It's an awful, helpless feeling when someone close is so far away.
So my bloggy friends, if anything weird happens to you, good or bad, make sure someone has my email. Maybe I can't do anything, maybe I can but close as we seem in this world of interwebs, we are thousands of miles apart.
I'm sure this guy is getting the shits with my neediness when he's not available at the usual time but I just can't help it. Tizz doesn't describe it. Me! Level headed, well organised, laconic, normally shitty friend and phonaphobe to most - Me! Having an absolute 6 hour nervous breakdown because I can't contact someone. He's right. I'm high maintenance. I hate it but can't control it.
Is that normal?
Don't answer that . . .
Yeh well, at least I know what to buy him for Christmas.
A little obsession is a good thing. Sounds like he is very special to you.... and "normal" is a cycle on a washing machine!
ReplyDeleteThis is pretty funny, but oh boy I can relate. I used to do this with my husband - always pictured him in a fiery crash and no one telling me. I actually put my business card in his wallet with "Wife" on the front so that the EMT's would know to call me. I'm over it now, and I think you'll get there once you know his patterns better.
ReplyDeleteAdmirable. Now that everyone knows perhaps they'll be a bit more gentle with you ... or mess with you.
ReplyDeleteHa! Tend to stay away from the 'normal cycle' sense it doesn't have what it means in the instruction manual. -J
just so you know...i am alive and well...lol. i dunno on some level i think it means you care for this person...
ReplyDeleteYou'll b e happy to know that in my "In Case of Emergency" message (on my computer and in the shoulder bag I always carry) there are instructions to inform my peeps online via Facebook, my blog, and Gather.com in case anything should happen to me, whether fatal or just knocking me out of communication for a bit.
ReplyDeleteThat may actually be important right now. Yesterday was the start of deer hunting season here in Pennsylvania (and believe it or not, they let the kids out of school for the first day of the season!). Given the sobriety of your average deer hunter out with his buddies for a weekend hunt (as in minimal; those coolers they're toting are full of cheap beer) and the fact that I walk everywhere, you can rest assured that you'll be informed should any of the drunken fools wing me.
nice book! :P lol
ReplyDeleteGood to know about that book...I need to slip it into a few Christmas stockings.
ReplyDeleteWell, I guess you're just a very conscientious, altruistic person who wants to know someone is okay and not lying in a ditch somewhere. A bit neurotic perhaps, but better than blithely assuming their lack of contact means nothing at all.
ReplyDeleteI think it's pretty normal. I once got a call from school saying my daughter was marked absent when I had seen her get on the bus. When I called the school, they said oh, okay she must be here. I had them call the classroom to make sure she was; they were just going to assume she was there. UGH! Worry away I say!
ReplyDeleteI'm okay, so that's one worry less ;-)
ReplyDeleteAnd I think you're normal. Well, as normal as one can be. And I don't just say that because you sound so much like me (especially the part about being a shitty friend and a phonaphobe). This guy must know by now that you care about his wellbeing, so he could leave you a message if he's going to hide somewhere under a blanket for a while. There must be a chapter about that in the book somewhere don't you think? ;-)
i got stuck on the roof hanging Christmas lights...where were you!?
ReplyDeleteNo you're not a nutta,come on',you care for the ones you love,it's perfectly normal,especially when it's about our kids.Don't be too harsh with yourself.Love.
ReplyDeleteooooo, are you gonna live with him? this is exciting! i've been married too long so not qualified to respond to the question. I think having children changes you and makes you more skeptical, pessimistic, worried. That's all.
ReplyDeleteaaaah hells, come here and let me hug and hold you a bit. i get this totally. i get it ALL.:) and thankfully the highs and love will sail you through your neurotic lows and worries. who couldn't love you, hells?
ReplyDeletehow wonderful to care, don'tchathink?
lovelovemaybeskypesoon,
kj
oh, i forget to say: this is also f_____ funny! very very funny
ReplyDeletehahahaheeheheee
I once had a friend who called another friend to meet her at my flat because she had not heard from me for a bit. Both then called the law to my residence, forgetting that I was to be gone for two days...
ReplyDeleteI did not mind, really. Funny thing though...Once I got my chair, the older of the two friends who was so anxious when I left town, stopped calling or coming around...
Your friend is lucky to have you.
if he needs a book about dealing with neurotics at home & work, does that mean you're gonna move in?
ReplyDeleteIs he local or overseas? If local, just go knock on his door, otherwise skype.
ReplyDeleteYou're not neurotic; you're a friend who cares.
ReplyDeleteAnd we could all do with friends like that.
Well, from there I can't decide whether it is a problem or not, but I can recite a sentence from my father: "if you are not taking medicines after a reasonable age, you are dead". However I don't think it is a health issue, you are just more emotional. My grandmother worried about me when I went to Poland, despite I felt as secure as if I was in Hungary. A bus can hit me next to our home, can't it?
ReplyDeleteGrinning, well for his own sake ;) he'd better send you a copy of his work schedule to keep you from imagining any of this again ...
ReplyDeleteIt's ok to care*!*
I know what you mean about friends overseas. A close friend of mine moved to America four years ago, and I often wonder, how would he know if something happened to me, or vice versa?
ReplyDeleteIf we had a couple of custard creams, I wonder which of us would take the biscuit for being most neurotic?
ReplyDeleteYou know when I was little I used to wash my hands so much they chapped up in winter and bled.
I opened doors with my elbows. Too afraid of "contamination"
ukkkkh. This is all down to a certain divorce type situation. And my Mum says stupid stuff like I need more interests. As if learning Chinese and writing a book isn't enough.
No my problem is I need heroin FIRST. Then I can do other things. Those 3 weeks on pretty much just methadone I barely got myself in a shower. Never washed my clothes. Washed my hair once. Piles of filthy dishes. And methadone is supposed to get your life back together. It has also been proven to cause depression. While it's better than a kick in the teeth, I'm planning a reprimanding talk with myh druggieowrkers next time I see them. My Mum was so horrified by the state of me the other day she grassed me up anyhown. So at least we can speak in actuality, not bullshit boxticking crap e.g. "no I never inject". This gives the worker a brownie point bc it makes them seem a better worker. It makes the service seem better. And everyone except me is better off for it. Because when I get an abscess I cannot show anyone, as I was bullied and put under duress to say I'd stopped injecting, by a bitch worker who if she didn't resign got sacked. I found out at least one other of us sacked that bitch. She literally stooped to open blackmail, it got that bad. So how I can ever trust the druggie agency again, I do not know. I can't trust anyone anyway. Why should I?
What I do want to say though is THANKS FOR BEING MY FRIEND.
Even though I exasperate you.
I'd rather you were reading my vol 3 blog than crying because my parents had to post about my funeral. I don't want to live though. I'm too much of a coward for that. That's why I love heroin so much. Fucked up or what.
Well I'm off now. Sorry for lowering the tone as per usual. I probably should have emailed this but I don't mind, maybe someone will read this whose kid is on smack and as that saying goes, "if it helps just one person".... it's all been worthwhile.
Because my fucking life doesn't feel worthwhile at all at the moment. I've been in really bad pits. I won't go on about it, but you know what I mean. I'm too much of a wimp to actually do it, so don't worry about me. I'll write my memoirs instead.
Lots of love
xxxx
from Frosty London ;-)
If we had a couple of custard creams, I wonder which of us would take the biscuit for being most neurotic?
ReplyDeleteYou know when I was little I used to wash my hands so much they chapped up in winter and bled.
I opened doors with my elbows. Too afraid of "contamination"
ukkkkh. This is all down to a certain divorce type situation. And my Mum says stupid stuff like I need more interests. As if learning Chinese and writing a book isn't enough.
No my problem is I need heroin FIRST. Then I can do other things. Those 3 weeks on pretty much just methadone I barely got myself in a shower. Never washed my clothes. Washed my hair once. Piles of filthy dishes. And methadone is supposed to get your life back together. It has also been proven to cause depression. While it's better than a kick in the teeth, I'm planning a reprimanding talk with myh druggieowrkers next time I see them. My Mum was so horrified by the state of me the other day she grassed me up anyhown. So at least we can speak in actuality, not bullshit boxticking crap e.g. "no I never inject". This gives the worker a brownie point bc it makes them seem a better worker. It makes the service seem better. And everyone except me is better off for it. Because when I get an abscess I cannot show anyone, as I was bullied and put under duress to say I'd stopped injecting, by a bitch worker who if she didn't resign got sacked. I found out at least one other of us sacked that bitch. She literally stooped to open blackmail, it got that bad. So how I can ever trust the druggie agency again, I do not know. I can't trust anyone anyway. Why should I?
What I do want to say though is THANKS FOR BEING MY FRIEND.
Even though I exasperate you.
I'd rather you were reading my vol 3 blog than crying because my parents had to post about my funeral. I don't want to live though. I'm too much of a coward for that. That's why I love heroin so much. Fucked up or what.
Well I'm off now. Sorry for lowering the tone as per usual. I probably should have emailed this but I don't mind, maybe someone will read this whose kid is on smack and as that saying goes, "if it helps just one person".... it's all been worthwhile.
Because my fucking life doesn't feel worthwhile at all at the moment. I've been in really bad pits. I won't go on about it, but you know what I mean. I'm too much of a wimp to actually do it, so don't worry about me. I'll write my memoirs instead.
Lots of love
xxxx
from Frosty London ;-)
Shit I'm sorry I shouldn't have gone on like that. It's 7am and I haven't slept. I have to be up in an hour to get a £20 someone's lending me. I was so out of it the other day I flushed £20 down the loo. What the fuck am I going to do?????????????????
ReplyDeleteI think you are the BEST friend a person could have! He is lucky to have you to check up on him.
ReplyDeleteI identify with you QUITE A BIT...I am calm and level headed MOST of the time. Put one of "MY PEOPLE" in potential jeopardy and I become AGITATED. I have an imagination that is OVER THE TOP with creativity. I can imagine HORRIBLE things that can happen to someone in a single moment. JUST CHECK IN DAMMIT!
YOU are good people!
Oh, that is funny, Baino. i was wondering how you'd take this post to conclusion with the title. Yes, certifiably overly anxious there. I know someone like that too. and i have, in times past, been known to get rather than way myself. i do try to relax a little more now--not easy overcoming the neurosis bit though, let me tell you. Poor poor Adam. How will he manage you. Let's see how the book does. :)
ReplyDeleteOh, yeah. I'm glad to know I'm not alone. I've got the "call me when you get there so I know you're not in a ditch" thing going on, and the other thing too.
ReplyDelete