Felicitations . . .That's posh for Merry Christmas

Thank you everyone not just for commenting on my site but for emailing, Skypeing, posting wonderful tales of family, friends, travels, your fears, your joys, your lives and your loves, your fiction and your truths and allowing me to have a sneak peek into your world. I have met amazing acquaintances and incredible friends over these past years.

I can't see me having much time to post between now and Christmas so let me wish you all a safe, happy and wonderful family holiday. Whether you're wrapped in a blanket of snow or walking barefoot on the beach, resisting the urge to take drugs or enduring the trials of illness, being reunited with returning soldiers or sharing this time with those whom you hold close.

You have made what was an pretty horrible year for me, very tolerable. I know some of my wonderful commenters are not having the best of times whilst others are reunited, happy and fulfilled. You are a diverse bunch and my life would not be as rich without you.

I value your contributions to this humble blog and your friendship. To those for whom Christmas is not going to be such a festive season, I can only offer my support, friendship and an open heart and let you know that you are in my thoughts and have touched my soul.

To those in happier circumstances, I congratulate your verve and lust for life, your humour and your candour.

To those who are planning holidays and a celebration, enjoy it as if it were your last.

Hold those who are alive and close, dear. Remember those who are no longer around with warmth and affection. Wishing you all the very best of the season, no matter your race, colour or creed.

Oh look . .I'm trapped in a bauble!

To any of you . . should you be brave enough to venture to Sydney, and some actually have! There is a sofa bed with your name on it, cold chardy in the fridge and a tour guide for free.

So from the land down under where Santa arrives with six white boomers and is left a coldie and a bag of beer nuts, to you and yours. However you celebrate the festive season. . . much love . . warm wishes and I'll see you on the flip side!

And thank you. No really . . thank you . . .More than you will ever know.


Helen

Friday Fuckwit - Could this be the last?

Some time ago, I had a little protest on my sidebar about internet censorship. Senator Stephen Conroy's consultation paper on mandating the filtering of internet sites by Australian internet service providers suggests that our nation could soon have the most restrictive internet regime in the Western world. A 'limited' trial of internet censorship of pornographic and risque sites has been underway for some months and the good Senator said on telly the other night that it was 100% successful. Bloody rubbish . . He's such a fuckwit! The sample was small, comprised volunteers who 'opted in' and only two ISP providers accepted the offer to trial this idiocy. This is the same Senator who proposes protecting children by installing speed humps every 100 metres on Australian freeways. Fucktard.

The idea is to incorporate a list of local and overseas-hosted child sexual abuse material, filter it at ISP level and prevent younglings or sexual predators from accessing. The problem is that it also has the potential to filter innocent sites with unfortunate names or keywords in their Search Engine Optimisation.

There appears to be a commitment to elevate the Refused Classification category to form the backbone of the new "RC content list". This will include material that deals with "sexual violence, detailed instruction in crime, violence or drug use and/or material that advocates the doing of a terrorist act", as well as other aspects of the RC regime, far beyond the relatively restricted prohibitions of "child sexual abuse imagery [and] bestiality". OK I know this sounds disgusting and no child should be exposed to sites like this. No adult frankly. The fact that they exist is abhorrent but I do not want the Australian Government banning me because I post something that might be mistaken for an abusive site any more than I want them to choose what I should and should not access via any media.

A significant concern is that in mandating a regulatory regime at odds with most of the Western world. Australia will identify itself with, and give tacit encouragement to, a range of undemocratic political regimes dubbed "enemies of the internet" by Reporters Without Borders (RWB). The list of a dozen or so countries includes Burma, China, Iran, North Korea, Saudi Arabia and Vietnam. Indeed, in even considering the embracing of such a mandatory regime, RWB have placed Australia on a watch list as being "under surveillance" – company the nation keeps with Bahrain, Eritrea, Malaysia, Sri Lanka, United Arab Emirates, Yemen and Zimbabwe.

Australian research has consistently indicated that a majority of parents choose to negotiate with their children around their access to the internet. They also talk with their children about any content that is troubling to them, including everyday concerns such as bullying and online harassment, which will not be touched at all by these deliberations.

It is ironic that at the very point where Australia seeks recognition as a world leader in its vision for a National Broadband Network it may also gain censure as legitimising a range of repressive policies pursued by some of the globe's least accountable governments. Further, given that the filter will categorise and block websites, but not chat rooms, Facebook, Twitter and other social networking where the highly illegal activities of those who peddle images of child sexual abuse or worse still engage in predatory behaviour are likely to continue with little additional inconvenience.

The scheme is opposed by child welfare charities, civil liberty groups and professional bodies - and with good reason.

OK that's a long winded way of saying, Government has no right to impose such censorship without guarantees that the sites censored are indeed pornographic and that without the full consent of the Australian public.

Apologies for intermittent posting and less than frequent visiting. Work is very busy, end of year is nigh, Christmas with the outlaws this weekend and I simply am running out of time. Normal services will resume soon . . have a wonderful weekend folks. Looks like rain down under and boy do we need it!

Help me . .help me!

Ok it's been three almost 4 days since I've posted and I've got nothin'. Well I did write about the bollix that is the Copenhagen climate change meeting but that's just boring. Work is very hectic. In a good way but it's seen me working very long hours, I'm still a little slow grasping the concept and we're bashing out tenders at a rate of knots so by the time I get home, I'm knackered. Happy to visit but no inclination to post. However, I have a dilemma and you good readers can help me out.

We celebrate Christmas with my in laws next Saturday. It's convenient for everyone to have it a week early. We exchange pressies and usually have a wonderful very Aussie buffet style spread and catch up with a side of the family that we love but don't see that often whilst sweating under the ceiling fans until it's cool enough to sit on their deck and catch a glimpse of the ocean. This year, I volunteered to do an entree. Naturally I wasn't anticipating getting home long after the fresh food shops have shut (only the supermarkets are open until 11 and their fresh produce is rather questionable. I'm always suspicious of food you have to spray with water to keep it looking good!). So, I will have to purchase any thing fresh and de-lovely on Friday evening at Harris Farm and prepare something mindblowing. I have a reputation to maintain you know.

• Now there are provisos.
• It must travel well. Whatever I take can be packed into an esky full of ice but can't be 'spilly' or collapse if the traffic's bad
• It needs to be something that I can prepare on Friday night or 'assemble' on site
• It needs to be tasty, refreshing and not too heavy, we have high temps forecast this year
• It can involve a frying pan or a barbie but the oven will be in use
• It needs to be something a little different. . .a little special. None of this melon and prosciutto or prawn cocktail stuff. It needs to look and taste spesh

At the moment my preference is miniature surf and turf. Tiny filet Mignon, topped with a barbecued king prawn and a dollop of Bearnaise . . .

. . .the perfect entree for 10 people aged 16-81. Fortunately, their tastes are varied and nobody's very fussy about food. OK, Hit me with your best shot . . and go easy you yanks, we don't eat big meals.

Now this looks nutritious . . .

Perfect Day

Today was a lovely day. For no particular reason as Forrest Gump would say. The yard is tidy, the pool is crystal. The sun shone at 28 degrees Celsius and a westerly breeze zephyred through providing cooling relief. Even the parrots appreciated the respite.

Baby Crimson Rosella taking respite in the shade

I lucked out and scored breakfast when I visited my sister this morning. I don't go over as often these days. No horses to feed over there any more, they're now standing head to tail in the shade swatting each other's flies. So our Saturday vigils have sort of faded a bit. But it was gorgeous, eating corn pancakes, eggs and bacon under their pecan tree with the breeze, just glorious.

Came home and rescued a Blue Tongued lizard who had found his way inside and looked a little confused with the 'texture' of the carpet. No I didn't pick him up, well I did but with the safety of a towel just in case he decided to nip. He didn't he was pleased to be released and I have no more Christmas beetle carcases to vacuum, he took them all and then promptly poo'd on Clare's carpet.

No not the baby I rescued.
One that's been resident in our garden for a while.
The juvie was just about 8 inches long. This gorgeous thing was about a foot long and some.

Clare's crashed on the couch after a big night out with Elvis "Blue Hawaii" twanging on the TV. Adam's taken off to house-sit (read plug in the PlayStation and play Call of Duty on the Plasma screen with a case of Coopers cooling in the fridge) so I thought I'd upload a few photos that were still sitting in my iPhoto library from my Melbourne trip a few weeks ago.

I store my pics on Flickr but because I upload so many, I have a "Pro" account. It's cheap, just $24 US a year and I can upload as many as I want. So, my account has expired and had to pay my annual dues which I did so, online.

Within seconds I receive an email from my bank:

Dear MS HELEN E BAINBRIDGE,

Unusual account activity detected on your MasterCard® card

To protect your account we have temporarily blocked your MasterCard® after monitoring systems detected unusual activity on your account. The block will prevent you from using the card to make purchases or withdrawals while we investigate these suspected fraudulent transactions.

We have sent you this email because we were alerted to this activity at a time when it would have been
inappropriate to contact you immediately by telephone.

At first I thought it was spam, but called the number and sure enough it was Westpac bank saying that someone had made an unusual withdrawal.

Apparently it's common for credit card fraudsters to withdraw a small amount to 'test' the validity of the card. For some reason, there was a transaction fee of $1.10 on the new Flickr subscription which was drawn separately to the subscription amount and MasterCard were onto it in a flash.

Nice to know they're protecting my interests although it's a desperate fraudster who tries to raid my MasterCard, I think after my Christmas online spending I'm maxed out!

Anyway, all good. it's 3:44, time for an ice cold Horton's Semillon and a leg dangle in the pool . .

Lilly dips, oh yes she does.

C'mon you didn't expect a picture of me in the cossies did you? Fat chance . . .

Friday Fuckwit

A LUCKLESS romeo has sued cosmetics firm Lynx after he failed to land a girlfriend during seven years of using their products.

Indian Vaibhav Bedi, 26, is seeking £50,000 from parent company Unilever for the "depression and psychological damage" caused by the lack of any Lynx effect.

Court officials in New Delhi have accepted dozens of half-used body washes, shampoos, anti-perspirants and hair gels for forensic tests.

Lynx - marketed as Axe in India - is famous for its saucy ads showing barely clothed women throwing themselves at men.

Vaibhav said in his court petition: "The company cheated me because in its advertisements, it says women will be attracted to you if you use Axe. I used it for seven years but no girl came to me."

Unilever refused to comment on the case.

But India's leading compensation lawyer Ram Jethmalani said: "There is no data to substantiate the supposition that unattractive and unintelligent men don't attract women.

"In fact, some of the bestlooking women have been known to marry and date absolutely ghoulish guys.

"I'd suggest the firm settle this issue out of court."

Have a great weekend everyone!

We have very few snow days. It's expensive and a 6 hour drive and only happens between late June and August:

Europeans and Americans and even a few New Zealanders do this:



Aussies do this:


What? It's just melted snow!

See more views on "Snow Day" by visiting Theme Thursday.

Drawn to Shiny Objects

Babybro has festooned his half of the verandah with a haphazard mess of fairy lights and a gaudy flashing star in what can only be described as an OH&S hazard. This year it's a bit of a race on my part and a battle between good taste and over the top kitch. I got in quickly with my icicle lights on our shared patio for Christmas and DrummerBoy has managed to bludge three bags of no longer needed sparklies from the almost-a-father-in-law who's such a Yulephile that he actually travelled to the Rothenburg Christmas shop earlier this year to stock up.

Our habit Christmas week is to pile into the car and visit the Council publicised streets who are lit up like National Lampoon's Griswald's house and ooh and ahh at their sparkly splendour, their inflatable characters and moving models. Usually, streets like these do it for charity and we're only too happy to put a couple of dollars in the Bush Fire Brigade bucket. But it got me thinking.

In my childhood I remember two particular sparkly events pre-Christmas. No not the epiphany kind but pretty lights and sparkly stuff that kids love.

The Blackpool Illuminations (or eliminations as my father would call them)
I think we only went once and I distinctly remember it being summer because we also went to an outdoor pool where I jumped in the deep end by mistake and stubbed my toe and lost my tatty blanket and had to stop at my grandparents in search of a substitute - one of my Grandpa's string vests, in order to be consoled. Yeh I was one of those kids with a blanky and an imaginary friend called Rena.

From memory, the Blackpool Illuminations were lights strung across streets in the early 60's that people travelled from far and wide to gloat over. I don't remember them being worth the two hour journey then, I was obsessed with my big toe and the loss of 'tatty'.

The other was the windows of large department store in Manchester at Christmas, could have been Kendalls, or Lewis's I'm not sure but the most fantastic pantomime stories displayed in each window and then a visit to Santa's Grotto. Not the 'throne' parked in the middle of the food court that we have here, donned by grizzly tots in their best get-ups posing for pictures that the grandparents probably stuff in a drawer as soon as the day is over.

This was a fairy grotto, sparkly and dimly lit with elves and fairies and long queues to see Santa who sat in all his glory at the end of a long corridor in a huge Christmassy cavern with a bag full of free presents for every child who sat on his knee and asked for a pony. All I wanted was a pair of Cinderella slippers. I didn't get them but I'm pretty sure I scored something reasonable like a game of Cluedo or Snakes and Ladders and for nicks! I blame Santa for my lack of interest in shoes, he shattered me, totally!



We used to have a Christmas parade in Sydney when Santa came to Myer, one of our large department stores. Used to be such fun to take the littlies, bands, kids, the Christmas Fairy and Santa sweltering in his red suit under the southern sun. They still have one in Adelaide and poor Santa had to tolerate 45 degrees. I'd have given him a bit of leeway and allowed red budgie smugglers with a bit of strategically placed fluff.

So, this weekend, we'll festoon and fuss, get the lights going and begin to watch the Polar Express, Scrooged, The Santa Claus and a plethora of Christmas DVD's to get in the mood. Yep, finally, I'm beginning to feel a little Christmassy.