Sunday, February 27, 2011

Wine Club and Weddings

You know the movie "Fight Club"? One of my absolute favourites but the first rule of Fight Club, is "You never talk about Fight Club." Same with "Wine Club", so I'll show you then that means I'm not 'talking' about it.

I'm sure there were more than three bottles . . the 23 was delish

My daughter can cook when the mood takes her. Home made chicken satay and spinach salad with sugar glazed walnuts and parmisan - it was awesome

Clearly you have to discuss the merits of Merlot, the suavity of Shiraz and the candour of Cabernet

Sniff it, swill it but never spit . . . always swallow

OK . . .get this one into you son

Today, I went with the lovers to a Wedding Expo at our local Entertainment Centre. Not for any particular reason other than I've never been to one. Interesting. Well. Amazing in terms of what things cost. I wouldn't know because my two lovers are planning and paying for their own wedding. I feel guilty about not being able to put on a Royal bash but they want control and given current circumstances aren't interested in being subsidised. I'm still overwhelmed by the cost of things from flowers to cars.  I'm even more overwhelmed by the potential crassness of weddingy things from pink Hummer limousines to having your bouquet 'framed' for posterity. Aren't you supposed to chuck it to some hapless spinster?

Apparently the 'average' wedding costs about $15,000 . . . A guy at work recently had a $200,000 wedding thanks to wealthy in laws. Are you serious?  Anyway, here are a few happy snaps. I wasn't allowed to photograph the fashion parade which is a good thing because it was full of women impersonating pavlovas. All they lacked was the passionfruit and strawbs on top. I think Adam enjoyed the lingerie set though.

You can get a fake Californian cop to escort your wedding party and 'arrest' a designated guest . . .er why?

Horrible, all of them, just horrible

Hmm . . so you haven't bought the rings yet?

You know you're kid is going to dye it blue and wear to Medieval day at school?

Very Adam but he wasn't too impressed
A PINK Hummer? For a wedding?  Kill me now

Wrong for a wedding in so, so, so many ways  . .

Awww dat's nice

Friday, February 25, 2011

Friday Fuckwit

Not feeling very fuckwittery this week since I lost my job on Wednesday. Poor profits, non revenue raising member of the workforce. Yep dream job is down the toilet but hey, I get to go in Monday and eat cake and get presented with a pen. Awesome. A post on how to be made redundant 4 times is pending.  No I'm not a hopeless case, I am extremely employable I just have bad luck. KJ read those cards and soon . . .

A gang in Ireland on Monday and forced him to eat part of his own ear, police say.
The man, 21, is recovering in hospital.
The attack occurred in Newbridge. Police said the gang dragged the man down a lane and beat him with a hammer and a metal bar.
The suspects cut off part of the man's ear and forced him to eat it, police said.
He also suffered injuries to his head, jaw and leg.
No arrests have been made.

Er hello? No arrests? Only in Ireland.

Have a good weekend everyone.  Thank God for Wine Club and no, can't talk about Wine Club. I will survive.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Tropfest 2011

It hardly seems a year since we were there but the 2011 Tropfest Finalists strutted their stuff at the Domain in Sydney last night. Whilst I was very embarrassed about the way the presenters put the finalists forward, the 16 short films were indeed entertaining. Australians have such a relaxed attitude that frankly the commentary bordered on amateur. Still, there's nothing nicer than sitting on green grass, champagne, smoked trout dip and pate with rye on a warm summer night with bats flying overhead and movies playing free on the 'could be a bit bigger' multi screen:

Domain Carpark moving walkway - $25 to park when it's normally $10 after hours frooooaar

The walkway walls are muralled to make us invaders feel guilty

Used to be held at the Tropicana Hotel but now it's just too damn big

Plastic bag man ensures we take our rubbish away with us

Camera men dodging fruit bats

Beautiful women

Questionably dressed men

Oh no, some beautiful men

Some hersuite men

Scantily clad picnickers

A very little chanpagne
Happy Campers

And the winner is:

but the one I liked best was:

You can see all the entries/submissions at h

I hope I'm not infringing any copyright.


Friday, February 18, 2011

Friday Fuckwit

Now I'm pretty sure if someone had stabbed me in the jaw, broken the damaging implement and a blade stuck in my brain I'd seek a little more help than Panadol. 

Updated: Thursday, 17 Feb 2011, 11:29 AM EST
Published : Thursday, 17 Feb 2011, 11:28 AM EST
YUNNAN, China (CNN/CCTV) - Doctors in China have recently succeeded in taking a 10 cm. dagger blade from the head of a man who had been suffering from an unknown headache for more than four years.
Mr. Ni came to the hospital seeking treatment of what he suspected of aural disease. After careful examination, doctors found a metal blade in his head.
"We checked his mouth, but no wound or scar has been found. It is very strange as to how the blade got into his head," said Xu Wen, deputy director of the stomatology department of the People's Hospital in Yuxi city.
It turned out that Mr. Ni was stabbed in the lower right jaw when fighting with a robber four years ago.
After that, he had suffered frequent headaches of unknown causes. His mouth would bleed and it felt difficult to swallow food. His voice also became hoarse and he spoke gibberish.
But he had had hospital examinations on several occasions and no cause of the symptoms was found.
"As time goes on, I used injections to kill pains in head and ears," said Mr. Ni.
Doctors were able to remove the blade. Fortunately, the blade did not touch the brain artery and important facial nerves and that has kept him alive.
Mr. Ni is now receiving recuperating treatment in the hospital.
 So many fuckwits, so little time. Have a wonderful weekend folks.  Dinner with friends tonight, massive garden clean up tomorrow and hopefully it'll stay dry for Tropfest on Sunday.  Now . . where's that chardy. Where's your head at?

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Isn't She Lovely

I haven't much time tonight, it's "Wine Club" but I'm not supposed to talk about "Wine Club" but I've just heard that my wonderful Mother In Law has been admitted to hospital with Angina and heart complications. Just the right side of 80 she is amazing. Fit . . still plays Tennis every week and goes to aerobics and Zumba would you believe but has been suffering pain for a few days. They shipped her off to Brisbane Waters Private Hospital on the Central Coast of NSW and next week she'll be flown (I guess) down to Sydney's North Shore Private for a double bypass operation. I can't believe it's her frankly. The Groovy Grannies as she and husband Arthur are known, are fastidious about their diet and exercise but the old arteries are clogging up and she needs the operation.

Good luck to you my darling. In one way, I'm really glad that you're coming to Sydney for the operation, I worry about those regional hospitals although I'm sure I need not. Her surgeon is good, her family are around and we just hope that this sorts her Angina and that she recovers to Zumba another day.

Isn't she lovely:

Monday, February 14, 2011

Four . .there's a Roo on My Fairway

Apologies- lousy upload speed means Sunday's Sojourn is being posted late.

As you know, it's a year of weddings here at the homestead. My nephew is getting married on our property on the 4th of March and my brother who normally does very little around the house is in a frenzy of activity spreading bark, laying phase 3 power for the band and spruicing up every part of the garden except mine. It seems that as long as the view from the Marquee is fine, the rest can go to hell but hey, that's just him.

Meanwhile my own darling boy is getting married in July. Today the 'in laws' were taken for a tour of Riverside Oaks, a rather nice golf course and function venue near Windsor where I might add we've had many a delicious Mother's Day smorgasbord. We had the grand tour, a lovely lunch and the bonus of seeing kangaroos on the course. I know you probably think that they bound down Pitt Street in central Sydney on a regular basis and they're the next best thing to public transport, but actually seeing them in the wild is a bit of a trick. They're early risers and evening baskers and for an animal with such odd proportions, roos are amazingly invisible when they want to be. Anyway, it was a lovely day despite the overcast and muggy weather.

I'm very proud of these two. They're organising and paying for the whole shebang themselves. Why? Not sure. I guess they know I can't afford it, they're keen to tie the knot and also paying for it themselves gives them total control over everything. Thought you might like to share the venues just a few months before the big event.

View down the Hawesbury Valley from the Church

Where they're tying the knot

Hope it doesn't rain

Hawkesbury Flood plains

The chosen venue for the reception

The Lodge . $1500 for 30 peeps if we can get them to commit

Nobody walks on this course

Mother and daughter, this is where the Bridal Table will be

Lunch on the verandah

Can you see them?

Just off the 15th Green . , . they still give me a thrill

And on the driving range .  "Hey, this is a golf course, wankers!"
The beauty of this afternoon is that these guys are only 20minutes from a really built up area. Lovely to see them invading the golf course and all are totally wild, clearly couch tastes great. I never realised they'd be so close to home. Not one, not two but three or four mobs of Eastern Greys enjoying the labours of the greenkeepers.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Friday Fuckwit The Bitch is Back

I nearly posted this a couple of months ago when I read about it. Some nutter who decided it would be a good idea to have a camera installed in the back of his head to record a year of his life  . . from behind which is an interesting concept. Anyway, apparently it didn't go quite according to plan:

Poor old Wafaa Bilal (which is interesting because I work with a Wafaa and she's a girl). Anyway his 'third eye' which was to record everything he did over the next year (well everything going on behind his back) caused something of a headache. The device was rejected by his body. My father would call this a perfect example of 'no brains, all intelligence' and oh boy have I met a few like that.

Wafaa Bilal, assistant arts professor at New York University, experienced severe and constant pain, despite treatment with steroids and antibiotics. To be precise, it wasn't the camera itself he had implanted, but rather three posts and a titanium base to hold the actual camera. Bilal had the base and one of the posts removed.
He hasn't given up on the project, though. 

Bilal plans on revisiting the project with a different set of equipment when the wounds from his surgery heal. It's unclear what that means, but it might mean a lighter camera or different materials for the implant.

Is his life really that interesting? Save it for the movies Bilal!

Oh and a bonus Fuckwit:

My dog went missing on Wednesday even though I'm sure she was just through the paddock fence snoofing rabbits and on Brighton Avenue. Some darling girlfriend of a boyfriend who lives in one of the MacMansions up the back took her home overnight and surrendered her the next day to Rooty Hill Veterinary Clinic about 30 kms away. Apparently her collar had become severed from her neck. Getting mighty clever that Miss Lily. So, thank you miss Do Gooder for rescuing my dawg but couldn't you have taken her to the vet down the road? No. I'm the fuckwit in this one. Bad dog owner. Bad containment. Bad everything. Although for a while there I was thinking of buying a cat. The dog is fine and has clearly been over fed given the audible farts and bloating evident this evening.

Have a lovely weekend punters. Three chapters to go on this stupid writing challenge (with no prize) and I'll be back like a blister from a pair of new shoes.  That was rather good, just made that up. Happy weekend.
Whah? I din''t do nuthin'. She made me eat Meatybites and sit on the back seat? Whah?

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

Mnemosyne Mad

Sorry for the crappy posting lately but I've got myself embroiled in this writing challenge thingy where a load of ratbags post up 9 topics and you have to write a continuous narrative or post a continuous creative piece with a narrative and just 14 days to finish the thing. That in itself isn't too bad but the muses are ridiculous and the competition challenging. I guess that's why it's called the River of Mnemosyne Challenge not the River of Mnemosyne Liesure Swim. 

First, big fat apologies for not visiting as frequently as I should. I shall catch up.

Secondly, with work obligations, writing commitments and an exercise regime being sadly neglected, and probably, until I've got all my pieces up (five down, four to go) things will be a little dull at Baino's Banterage. Bear with me, I'll be back and I'm sure I'll have time to find a fuckwit by Friday, hey they're everywhere.

So make a cuppa, hit the link and see what you think of the crazies knocking themselves out on this one. I've so far managed to cope with Deep Sleep, Deep Space, Deep Shit - Reluctant Titans - Fuck Origami - En Plein Air and The Faint Hint of Ambergris. What I'm going to do with Space Illiad and the remaining topics, only my muse knows:

"So who are he crazy nits that came up with "Fuck Origami" and "Space Illiad" hmm? Hmmm?"
Yep, looks like I feel right now!

And there isn't even a prize! Go figure!

Sunday, February 06, 2011

Sunshine Sweat and a Southerly Buster

It's been hot in Sydney, very hot. Eight consecutive days of high 30's and low 40's. Frankly it's been exhausting. Queensland's had floods and a cyclone bigger than Katrina now WA is in the grip of Bushfires so I guess we were lucky to have nothing more than debilitating heat. I washed my curtains on Saturday and they dried in 20 minutes! So today, in an effort to escape the oppressive heat and humidity, we picnicked at Lavender Bay with the Groovy Grannies and my sister in law and a couple of cousins. It was a stinker until finally, the southerly buster came in and cooled things off. Tonight, I may sleep all night. 

Picnic Spot in the Shade of a  Moreton Bay Fig

40 degree humidity on Lavendar Bay

Boy and his esky

Clare on the Champagne Trail

Chicken and Pasta Salad Roll

Here Comes the Southerly and Instant Relief

Windswept and interesting

Heading Home Before the Rain

Cousins Chillin' on the Verandah

Good Times