The Camera Really Does Lie

This is good, I've had a shit week frankly and blogging has kept me sane and distracted so being tagged was a Godsend.

I haven't much to do today other than the usual washing, cleaning, sweeping, pool water balancing, feeding animules and teaching the Merry Widow how to install and use Skype. So Plugger over at Blurb from the Burbs tagged me to air my dirty laundry, prove that I'm not anally retentive when it comes to housework. Envious of a friend's gorgeous home and superb decorator skills. My best friend also has a McMansion that looks like a display home. Beautifully furnished and accessorised so much so that I feel compelled to divest myself of shoes and tip toe around without touching anything. Kath bless her cotton sox puts her own slant on interior beauty. So thought I'd have a bash and I can nicely tie this in with English Mum's Fridge Friday even though it's Saturday . . So here's a peak at my place at its . . .normalest . . .is that even a word?

This is my raunchy, I mean ranchy house from the front. Quite nice and pretty Aussie actually. It' really two houses with a common area in between but showing any more would be giving too much away. Two weeks ago that grass was brown and I honestly didn't think it would recover . . one week of rain later and I had to ask the lad to come home from playing 'house' to mow today . . .



I so wish I lived with an Electrician then he'd fix the wobbly lights in my carport that were knocked skewiff by my nephew over 2 years ago . .yes TWO YEARS . . and have been precariously balanced on the rafters. Of course they don't work . . .oh wait . . .I do live with an electrician!The house is surrounded by a huge verandah. Keeps things nice and cool in summer . . .also a good place for a tipple as the sun goes down . . .



What you don't notice in the verandah shot is my crappy fly screens precariously held into place with an assortment of paving bricks to keep the creepy crawlies out . . . eeeuuww a bird poo'd on it. And it clearly isn't working because I've just been to the loo and there was a mouse, bold as brass sitting on the cistern! He'd crept through a gap in the toilet fly screen, caught him red handed!


Yep, it's a fridge . . .the little face is a magnetic dustpan and brush, perfect for a glass smasher like me. It's got all the usual things, magnets, petrol vouchers, physiotherapy exercises for gammy knees and the next fortnight's menu plan . . . oh and an assortment of veterinary phone numbers and after hours contacts for wildlife rescue . . .and my name, in case I forget it.



This was after my shop last week. It looks like this for about six hours before DrummerBoy get's his mitts on it and cleans me out of house and home. Note the empty milk bottle . . fwooooar that annoys me! He won't touch the prawns tho, they're for my tea! I guess keeping a 5kg bag of ice in the freezer seems excessive but it's been so hot this summer that my poor old ice cube trays can't keep up . . .actually all that's in my freezer is bread, peas and frozen raspberries . . and on very rare occasions a tub of ice cream. And that's low carb champers for the sticky beaks! Just so you know!



One of the great beauties of living in a warm climate is alfresco dining. We have a huge table in the paved 'communal' area but this is our private eating nook. Lovely for sunny breakfasts and light lunches . . .

What you don't see . . . is the crap around the corner stored on an old computer desk . .everything from garden implements to my trusty leaf blower and baby gates to keep Lily confined when she's injured. I took down the green plastic tub to house horse feed and found five Eastern Skinks dessicated inside. What a way to go! (not really sure why there's a CD rack there!)



This is the kitchen/family room. The hub of the house I guess you could say. I did mention that Saturday was cleaning day? Plus Clarebear was at the beach, DrummerBoy's house sitting so it's way tidier than normal . . no glasses on tables, shoes or mail . . just a camera bag on the benchtop . . .hot tip for would-be house buyes . . always make sure your kitchen cupboards reach the ceiling or have a bulkhead built . .they're dust magnets . . .



The bench normally looks like this . . .


This is my lounge although it's more of a computer space and office space for AB Landscapes and Gardens these days. It doubles as the guest room and is pretty much like this all the time although there's no labrador plonked prone in the open space . . . the little tapestries on the backs of the sofa's were gifts from South America, I love 'em. Oh and the Japanese hat . .well that's from Japan . . .Wherever you hang your hat and all that.

Then there is that messy bit under the windowsill and hiding behind the dining table. The business files (cost zippity from the Reject Shop) horticulture references and the Guitar Hero corner but you're not supposed to notice that.




My bedroom. . pretty ornary but tidy with summery linen and the books I have been intending to read for over 2 years . . .maybe when the electrician does his bit, I'll nail the books . . .



What you don't see? . . .The scrappy corner. Winter's Dimplex heater covered with an old towel to prevent dust, the family tool box (there to stop others pinching stuff and not putting it back.) A cork board that I'm not sure what to do with but it's too good to throw away. The wicker basket is the 'dressing up box'. Very handy for fancy dress. A pair of Colorado shoes that I love but they're so whiffy they need to 'air' near the window and the teev, well it works but it isn't even plugged in. I just have nowhere else to put it and I never watch TV in bed so . . .


Ah the workroom. . .yes I still do my children's washing even though they're big and ugly enough to do it themselves. The front loader might be sooper dooper energy efficient and wash 7kgs in a mugful of water but it takes forever to reduce my carbon footprint! Not sure why there's only one gardening glove hanging from the tap either . . .funny what you notice in photos.

Actually it doesn't look much better after the laundry's been tidied does it! (Should have washed the floor!)


Ah the shed. Looks like a normal double garage no? . . .pretty tidy with a tractor ramp . .

Sweet Jesus you don't wanna go in there. It's festooned with spiders. I've just baited for rats, found a possum on the hay yesterday (was then wracked with guilt and hoped it hadn't eaten any of the rat baits - it was actually enjoying the lucerne so hopefully safe) and believe me, I can barely move in there. The section on the right was supposed to be my painting nook . .never happened. Full of next door's tax returns and horsey stuff and old drums, and landscaping acoutrements and tractor stuff and motor bikes and workbenches and spiders and did I mention rat poo?



I'm not even going to mention the curiosity corner, the boxes of Taboo, Monopoly, Scene It and dominoes on top of the glassware cupboards or the soccer ball that Lily wedged under the TV trolley. And I'm definitely not venturing into the kids' rooms . . .or talking about wardrobes. I simply have no storage in this house so everything is shoved out of site in wardrobes and cupboards.

And final proof that I'm nowhere near as tidy as I'd like to be and why I'd never let anyone open my cupboards without undergoing a commando boot camp first . . .the dreaded cupboard above the microwave. You know, the one with the dog chains, bandana and drugs, the cables that once charged your old Nokia in 1992 which has been kept long after the phone's bitten the dust, the wrapping paper and gift bags. The cellotape dispenser that weighs a ton and falls on your noggin' the minute you open the door? Yep, THAT cupboard . . .I'm not proud of it mind you but no matter how frequently I tidy, it gets in a mess in a whisper . . .if you ever visit . .DO NOT OPEN THE CUPBOARD ABOVE THE MICROWAVE!Oh Kath, I nearly forgot . . .I have a fan . . .

Friday Fuckwit/s

So many I have to give you more than one. . .in the spirit of fairness . .an Aussie heads the bill:

A THIEF has bungled an attempt to break in to a car in Adelaide, locking himself inside the vehicle as police arrived.

Police said the man was one of two caught early this morning breaking into cars at Port Noarlunga, in the city's southern suburbs. A 28-year-old was found hiding in some bushes while a 53-year-old was found hiding in one of the cars.

"The man, while breaking in to the car, had locked himself inside and couldn't get out," a police spokesman said.

Two men have been charged with illegal interference and theft.

but they have them in England as well . . .

A SUSPECTED armed thief got himself stuck on a narrow unit block ledge 15m above ground and stayed there teetering on the edge for six hours.

The alleged thief, 50 and holding a six-inch knife, nearly toppled over the ledge three times but managed to stay on the ledge with his knife until eventually getting down to waiting police.

All residents of the block were told to evacuate their homes as the alleged thief broke through the windows of one unit and then another as he moved along the ledge.

Police, fire and ambulance officers were even made cups of tea by neighbours in Hove, East Sussex, England, as they waited for the alleged criminal to come down.

But no . .we have the best and the stupidest in Sydney this month

IF PETER Hinton had stopped after allegedly stealing five T-bone steaks and a frozen corn-fed chicken, he could have dodged any comparisons with stupid criminals.

Hinton, 20, is accused of breaking into Dangerous Dan's butcher shop in Macksville and taking the meat from a freezer room early yesterday.

Not content with having allegedly nabbed a decent dinner, it seems he then took the frozen chook to nearby Cafe Au Lait. After a couple of rocks failed to shatter the glass, he allegedly threw the bird in, badly slashing his hand in the process.

It was then that Hinton gave up the game and dialled triple-0 himself.

Police said he was fearful a few blood stains left at the scene would have led police to him - and he may have wanted an ambulance.

Police have compared Hinton, from Nambucca Heads, to two handcuffed escapees who ran into a pole and managed to wrap themselves around it in New Zealand last week.

Cafe Au Lait's Jessica Ormandy cast doubt on the seriousness of any injury, discovering only a small amount of blood when she arrived for work.

"Well, he is a bit of a chicken. There were no big splashes of blood," she said.

Police said they were stunned by the triple-0 call.

Ha . . vegetarians don't get into that much trouble nicking a lettuce!

Toy/s - Theme Thursday

It's Theme Thursday today . . .the theme? TOY but I decided rather than write, I'd give some of my regulars a virtual toy to play with . . .don't feel bad if you missed out. These are the commenters I 'know' the best . . you'll all get yours eventually!For JD at Jefferson Davis because . . well he needs one!

For kj cos she's a romantic at Options Associates

For Miles because he can tap along to his iPod at Jungs Programme Notes
For Ernest the intellectual at Rub Two Neurons
For Nick at Nickhereandnow because he lubs his Jenny

For Megan at All I Want is Everything because . . well she loves toast!

For Absolute Vanilla who's writing, rewriting and rewriting again!

For Thrifty who's a take charge do it yourself kinda guy . . .

For Terrence at Moo Dog because he's a bog-hopper who likes cows . . .

For Moon at Rambling Thoughts of . . . who likes dogs but forgets the messy bits
For Maxi Cane because he's filth

For Melissa at Forge Light because she has too much cooing in her loungeroom

For Jay at The Depp Effect because she has every photo of Johnny already and no doggies to doo-doo

For Ian at For the Feinthearted because . . well he likes Jesus
For Grandad to shoot tourists with affection instead of deprecation . . .I think he's sweet deep down
For Gledwood who has a thing about ping and hamsters


For Wuffa at Laughing Wolf because he's rather magical
For Bimbimbie because she won't find one of these in her birdy garden

For Annie Ha at Revolution - because she has a bacon fetish
For Ropi because he's quite the historian . . sorry she's not Hungarian kiddo!
For Miladysa who warps time with her Refuge for Delayed Souls . . .

For Kate at One More Thing to east the mega-migraines
For K8 the Gr8 because she loves her games . . .

For Steph at Biopsy Report because she's bouncy and found one at the Blog Awards

For Jelly Monster because she's good enough to eat . .or so Maxi says
For Kath at Blurb from the Burbs because it won't put on weight!
For Christopher at Just Right because even Librarians have a sweet tooth


For English Mum because she's delicious
For Ces, at Ces and Her Dishes because she really loves Obama deep down . . .



A G & T for GrannyMar who needs one to keep up with the toy boys.

Hehe don't I have great taste? Aren't you glad you're not on my Christmas List!