Not In Front of the Children

Another Carnival Wednesday:

Many of my friends are teachers and all lament the reporting period. As the Easter Break draws near, it’s parent and teacher meeting time, and the first term reporting season . Thanks to political correctness there are quite a few things that teachers dare not express in front of the children, or their parents for that matter. Common phrases include:

Is learning to share and listen.

Is becoming more dependable during work periods.

Is developing a better attitude

Is showing interest and enthusiasm for the things we do.

Is learning to occupy his time constructively.

Wants responsibilities and follows through.

Can be very helpful and dependable in the classroom.

Has strong verbal skills

Is an avid contributor to discussion

Has great potential.

Working to full capability.

Is learning to be a better listener. . . .

Okay okay. . . you’ve all heard them . ..you know that what your kids’ teacher really wanted to say – but not in front of the children:

Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
I would not allow this student to breed.
Your child has delusions of adequacy.
Your child is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
Your child sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
This child has been working with glue too much.
When your child’s IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week
It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat 1,000,000 others.
His friends would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
This student is really not so much of a has-been as more of a definite won't-be.
Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.
He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
This student should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.
Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it together.
A gross ignoramus--144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless.
I would like to go hunting with him sometime.
He would argue with a signpost.
He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.
If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one.
A photographic memory but with the lens cover on.
Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
Had two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.
If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
One neuron short of a synapse.
Some drink from a fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.
Takes him 11/2 hours to watch 60 minutes.
His wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.