Friday, January 04, 2008

Drop Bears

Recently there have been a number of shark sightings off the northern NSW coast. Apparently packs of the suckers are moving north, following large schools of pilchards and nibbling at surfer's toes and bums as an appetiser. Summer is a dangerous time in Australia. We locals are used to the perils of the wild and the ravages of the sun but the unsuspecting traveller often mistakes the shark alarm for an ice cream van, doesn't know his Taipan from his trouser snake and has absolutely no idea about the danger of drop bears.

Whilst apart from a nasty scratch and the propensity to wee all over your Armani, Koala's are relatively harmless, very secretive and well disguised in the foliage of Australian Eucalypts. A variation on the Koala is the colloquially named "Drop Bear". Drop bears are similar to Koalas. They live in trees, dropping to the ground only when it is necessary to feed. It comes as little surprise that such a strange animal exists amongs the other unique fauna in Australia such as Echidnas, wombats, koalas, kangaroos, wallabies, platypus, bandicoots and potoroos. The Common Drop Bear is found in forested areas across the continent and is thought to in fact venture as far north as Papua New Guinea and Indonesia.

Whilst Drop Bear's are arboreal
they are able to walk on two legs, but are much faster on all four, being capable of bursts of speed approaching 60 km/h over short distances.. They posess enlarged canine teeth and upper incisors but unlike their Koala cousins are carnivorous marsupials. They can grow up to a metre and a half in height in the right habitat. Unlike the slow moving, energy conserving Koala, they are extremely strong and due to their largely carniverous diet, far more active.

Because tourism is a booming industry in Austarlia, little is published on the Drop Bear for fear it would deter internationals from visiting and specifically taking advantage of our national parks and coastal hinterlands. German and Swedish tourists, Australian naturalists and vegetarians are particularly fond of hiking in the Australian b
ush and provide a welcome injecton of tourist dollars to the economy.

There are however, incidences of Drop Bear involvement in various attacks from the disappearance of Azaria Chamberlain, to the disappearance of a group of cross-country skiers in the Victorian Alps, and the deaths of a number of hikers, canoeists, 4WDrivers, campers, sunbathers on the Northern NSW and Gold Coast hinterlands.

These 'accidents' are often reported as crocodile attacks, falls from cliffs, exposure, and in the Chamberlain case, dingos were blamed to dispel rumours of Drop Bear attacks and hide the truth from the public.
And the notorious disappearance of Peter Falconio . . his fiance Joanne Lees inventing a tale of abduction rather than face the ridicule she might receive had she told the truth about a central Australian Drop Bear attack.

Their hunting technique is simple and effective. They drop from their arboreal nest and wrap themselves around the body of their unsuspecting prey using asphyxiation as the most efficient method of rendering their subject lifeless.


If seen, Drop Bears should NOT be approached, as they are easily frightened and likely to attack.. Food should not be left in vehicles as they may attempt to retrieve it and camping in Drop Bear areas is not recommended.

There, you've been warned:

A feral goat succumbs to the predatory drop bear

13 comments:

Ryan said...

i think Baino is looking forward to going back to work next week...

Anonymous said...

I had one of those in the backyard last April Baino! Thought it had eaten my baby magpie …

Baino said...

Haha . . week after actually Ryan. Back on the 14th. And yes, my recent incarceration has left me a little short of material. Hey! Gimme a break! If it was your blog it would be about utes and booze!

Anony: Trust you! Now I know you're on the Northern Beaches. Nearly was eaten at Clareville during a high school reunion on the foreshore! They grunt at night as well! Scary little beasties.

Um PS: how do you put a link in a comment?

nonny said...

Baino I almost believed you, for shame I am a gimp!

ian said...

A country that produces Sir Les Patterson can have no more horrors to surprise us!

jackmcmad said...

Just as well my suit of armour is nearly ready. As if I didn't need another Australian killing thing to worry about. Happy New Year Baino!

grannymar said...

Baino when you learn how to add the link to the comments, please give a Master class!

Emperor Ropi said...

I heard there are a lot shark attacks in Autralia

Baino said...

Nonny: for shame, you've even lived here! I'm surprised nobody tried that one on you! I bet if you were an apprentice you'd obey when asked to go and find a left-handed hammer!

Ian: I think we've exported him and that silly Dame to Britain. He pops up now and then at the Opera House and spits at people in the front row, then retreats to Pommieland and that's the way we like it. Cultural Attache indeed!

Jack: You're not getting squeamish are you? It's a bit hot here for a metal suit. Go the Batman rubber style and it can double as a wet suit. Apparently chicks love a man in rubber. Then if you only go to Melbourne, the worst thing to look out for are the Trams.

Grannymar: Tis my project for next week. I'm hoping Anony will come up trumps. If not, TheBenchwarmer will certainly know.

Ropi: Not really, there have been two this month because of a large number of migrating sharks chasing pilchards near the shore. Neither were fatal. Although one surfer was embarrasingly bitten on the bum! You're safer crossing the road but you do have to be careful. Swim in designated areas and get out of the water if an alarm sounds. Most attacks are on remote beaches and usually early morning or late afternoon . . surfers look like seals dangling their legs in the water and are very 'tempting' to a big shark.

Anonymous said...

I thought the terrors only ventured inland, too salty on the beaches! Luckily I knew a trick the next morning to check whether the bear was still about. Lie on your back and spit upwatds, if something spits back - the dropbear is still OUT THERE!

I can't explain how to put a link in a comment in your comments because the explanation just turns into a link without an explanation! You have email me Baino, address is under my profile. Then you can send my reply to other visitors who want to know how to do the same linking in comments :)

Absolute Vanilla (& Atyllah) said...

Apart from the resemblance to koalas, Drop Bears sound remarkably like Winnie the Pooh's jagulars. Are you sure they're not jagulars?

日月神教-向左使 said...

成人論壇,080聊天室,080苗栗人,免費a片,視訊美女,視訊做愛,免費視訊,伊莉討論區,sogo論壇,台灣論壇,plus論壇,維克斯論壇,情色論壇,性感影片,正妹,走光,色遊戲,情色自拍,kk俱樂部,好玩遊戲,免費遊戲,貼圖區,好玩遊戲區,中部人聊天室,情色視訊聊天室,聊天室ut,成人電影,成人遊戲,成人文學,免費成人影片,成人光碟,情色遊戲,情色a片,情色網,性愛自拍,美女寫真,亂倫,戀愛ING,免費視訊聊天,視訊聊天,成人短片,美女交友,美女遊戲,18禁,三級片,自拍,後宮電影院,85cc,免費影片,線上遊戲,色情遊戲,日本a片,美女,成人圖片區,avdvd,色情遊戲,情色貼圖,女優,偷拍,正妹牆

文章 said...

avdvd,色情遊戲,情色貼圖,女優,偷拍,情色視訊,愛情小說,85cc成人片,成人貼圖站,成人論壇,080聊天室,免費a片,視訊美女,視訊做愛,免費視訊,伊莉討論區,sogo論壇,台灣論壇,plus論壇,維克斯論壇,情色論壇,性感影片,正妹,走光,色遊戲,情色自拍,kk俱樂部,好玩遊戲,免費遊戲,貼圖區,好玩遊戲區,中部人聊天室,情色視訊聊天室,聊天室ut,成人遊戲,免費成人影片,成人光碟,情色遊戲,情色a片,情色網,性愛自拍,美女寫真,亂倫,戀愛ING,免費視訊聊天,視訊聊天,成人短片,美女交友,美女遊戲,18禁,三級片,自拍,後宮電影院,85cc,免費影片,線上遊戲,色情遊戲,日本a片,AV女優