Saturday, January 12, 2008
She is My Lily and My Rose (Name that Song?)
It's not long until I surrender my daughter to the world at large. I've encouraged it. I started it. I perpetuated it, she continued it. But now it's getting serious. Paraguayan and Brasilian visas are procured. The inoculations have been completed, the medico letters for her myriad of drugs acquired. The backpack and hiking shoes have been purchased. The entire trip has been planned and booked. The wardrobe has been cleansed and the farewell party planned. It is time she left. And we are both coming to realise it. Our only worry is the troubles on the Ecuadorian and Colombian border at the moment but what can you do?
Frankly . . I see little of her anyway, she's 23, independent, financially secure and leads a life of her own. She costs me little more than a bottle of shampoo and the odd meal so our 'estrangement' has been coming for some time. I find myself increasingly 'teary' about her departure, as I would if it was my best friend and this from the Iron Maiden is rare but I think I'm mourning in advance and at 5:30 am on 31st January, I'll be as cool as a cucumber and ready to let her go. I'll serenely wave goodbye and pop off to work.
It would be easier if she was a horrible person. Sure her bedroom's a mess and she can't cook anything that doesn't involve chocolate and her willingness to chip with household chores can be a bit slack but she's a terrific companion. When we're home alone, we indulge in seafood picnics or go out to dinner or spend a weekend in a posh hotel and shop. There's not a day goes by when we don't email or have some sort of verbal exchange that involves advice or direction. And when I'm irate, she has her father's talent for calming the waters and making things right. She doesn't need me any more. She is fully formed, fully fledged and fully ready to find her way in the world.
When we do get chatting, we're normally like two girlfriends but lately, the signs have been there. She's like a chick who hasn't quite got its flight feathers but wants to take the plunge off that tall cliff and I'm like the hen who has to migrate but doesn't want to leave the chick behind. The timing is right. We're niggling at each other, we're arguing, we're getting into not so deep and meaningful D & M's. Something we've rarely done in the past and both recognise is a natural and obvious way forward. I'm demanding and she's unforgiving . . . but she knows when she's overstepped the mark or more to the point, how to keep the peace. Bless her . . . she turned up with the most beautiful bunch of white lilies (my favourites) as a little apology for a contretemps we had the other night and rarely are they in apology and frankly, she wasn't the only one to blame . . I went off in one of my tyrades! It's not the first time she's done this but the first time she's done it to say she stepped over the line. She is sensitive and sweet and tough and everything I hoped a daughter could become. This old Sansai has trained her pupil well but it's graduation time!
It doesn't stop me wanting to chain her to her doorknob or her wanting to feel the wild wind in her hair but we both recognise that this bickering that's going on is very much like our backyard magpies . . .they have an annoying son who will not leave . . so between feeding him, they bully him . . .a couple of days ago, he left. I don't want it to get to that point with ClareBear. Her leaving home should be a happy new chapter in both our lives. I need some space as well . . I have things to do, plans to fulfill and now that my family are all growed up, it's time to start getting into it. Thanks for the Lillies darling, they're lovely and they smell gorgeous!
Now . . time to focus on DrummerBoy because he's not long for the nest either bless him!