Friday, December 05, 2008

Friday Fuckwit

Ok I'm taking the term Fuckwit, literally tonight. Just had lovely after-work drinky poos with the girls from work and TheBoss a the honorary matron (hey, he's good for a round) so research has been a little stymied by good times and sex talk was obviously on the Agenda once TheBoss left (hey, girls talk about it too!) But this week, some interesting facts from France and their nemeses, the Brits:

As Britons tighten their belts to cope with the credit crunch, a new poll showed their favourite leisure activity is whipping off their pants for a quick roll in the hay.

According to the YouGov survey conducted over the Internet, 37 per cent of Britons rank having sex at the top of their list of free time activities. So much for that reserved stiff upper lift. I once dated a Brit for ages before he took the plunge to venture a french snog!

That was more than the next three highest options combined - gossiping with friends (18 per cent), window shopping (9 per cent) and going to a museum (6 per cent). Now that's more like it.

"During the credit crunch our famed British upper lip might not be as stiff as before but other parts still are," said Lisa Power, head of policy at the Terrence Higgins Trust, the British sexual health charity that commissioned the poll. (A Charity has funding to commission a sex poll?)

According to the poll, however, women preferred gossiping with friends (no surprises there), while men tended to rank sex as number one. (still no surprises)

It also showed that passion levels may be tied to the cold weather, (You don't say . . dancing doonas (continental quilts or duvets for the uninitiated) all over pommieland attest to this fact) with 43 per cent of Scots rating sex as their favourite free time activity, compared to 35 per cent of Londoners. I think that might have something to do with what they don't wear under their kilts and ease of access perhaps? (I know, I know, don't get all sensitive and kick me for being stereotypical because that's what I am m'kay!)

Then there are the amorous French who apparently need the largest condoms in the world:

The French say (yeh they "say", as they would!) they need the largest condoms in Europe while Greeks get by on smaller ones, according to a Europe-wide study by a German consultancy that provides advice on condoms. (Another interesting career choice. "So, what do you do for a living", he says, "Well actually , I give advice on condom sizing!" Now there's a conversation starter if ever I heard one!)

The study by the Singen-based Institute of Condom Consultancy (sounds very credible don't you think?) was done by asking 10,500 men in 25 countries to measure their penis and enter the number into a database. (Wouldn't you like to be a fly on that wall while the tape measure was being utilised?).

The results show French men on average claim to need 15.48cm-long condoms, about 3cm longer than Greeks, whose condom-size requirement was the most modest.

The institute's director did not want to comment on how honest he thought the Frenchmen had been in reporting the data. "Hoh hoh hoh hoh, I iz ung like ze donkey! Ze chicky babez lovez eet."

The survey was aimed at educating youngsters about the importance of effective contraception.

The institute also offers online condom-size advice and hosts Pimp Your Condom (are they serious!), an annual fair organised in cooperation with the national Aids Trust, with the aim of educating teens about sexually transmitted diseases. (Oh well that's alright then)

Mr Krause was in the spotlight in the past when he produced a prototype of the 'spray-on condom,' an aerosol can which contains latex that creates a perfectly fitting condom. The idea was not developed further. (Erm because it hurt to peel it off?)

I have one thing to say . . .I was taught this at university in a perfectly authentic biology class, honestly, this is God's own truth: "The flacid penis is no indication of it's erect state!" And ever since Batman, I've had a thing for men in rubber suits!

So next time you get a clear view just think - Jesus, wouldn't want that as a wart over my left eyebrow!

This post is rated M15 for Mature Audiences.
Children under the age of 15 should be accompanied by an adult. Ropi, you just scrape in.


Thriftcriminal said...

I knew a lass once whose favourite quip was "Long and thin goes too far in, short and thick does the trick". She was a funny girl.

Grannymar said...

The damage is not done by the size of the gun, but by the amount of shot behind it! ;)

kj said...

ha! for my own unique reasons :),this in not my favorite subject, research or otherwise, but i must thoroughly agree with the favorite pasttime of the brits.


C'est La Craic said...

I can assure you that french guys are full of shit when it comes to just about every subject related to their machismo. I swear the jonnies here (the ones in the machines and those marked "normal") are actually smaller than in Ireland.

TCL said...

I suppose it's cheaper than paying for heat during the winter.

Can't see answering a survey on one's john thomas being any man's favorite.

Ces said...

I can vouch that Americans are more endowed. Really. I have seen thousands of them. In fact in one day I saw 250 of them in all different state at a military recruitment camp. The ensign was off duty and the captain needed a nurse. I was 19 years old had to go through a parade of naked army recruits. After the exams, I was walking home with another nurse and the guys from the barracks all cheered as they waved by me and hollered my name. That night I had a dream of marching penises. I also assisted in outpatient adult circumcisions, plus I see that thing everyday. There no big deal to it, other than it's a big deal to the guys and sometimes it is really a big deal.

laughingwolf said...

french got nothing on our own howie mandell, he puts one over his head, covering his nose, then exhales thru his nose to inflate it... cuz he can, i guess....

[could be on youtube of all i know]

Megan said...

At least somebody's gettin' some.

Baino said...

Thrifty it's been so long I wouldn't know! And you're a funny boy.

Very true Grannymar, very true.

kj Enough said.

Blevenue Cest la Craic, well they are known as French Letters so I guess they deserve some credit. Or maybe you're just well-endowed.

TCL Cant see a man answering a survey saying "Oh yes, I have a small penis!"

Ces, you're hilarious. Shocking you would be a major coup I think given the things you've seen and done! 250 all at once is what I'd call a desensitisation program!

They make wonderful water balloons (erm condoms not male members) and I've even seen an email where some Japanese Designer has made wedding dresses out of condoms. Very pretty they were too if not a little hot and sticky.

I feel your pain Meg! All I have is memories these days . . *slips into Streisand song*

Jefferson Davis said...

15.48cm is all? French with their wee wee's.

Oh wait, one of my ancestors was from the Champagne region of France. Shite! :)

Kath Lockett said...

Ah yes, but I remember reading somewhere that all condom manufacturers amend their size descriptions to -ahem- best flatter the country they're currently selling in.

As for Brits heading towards increased amounts of horizontal folk dancing, who can blame 'em? There's sure as hell nothing decent to watch on tv!

Ropi said...

Well, is that petition thing a joke in the right corner of your blog? Because I think there should be restrictions about the use of net. I also think the liberty of people should be slightly reduced because I think people are too free nowadays and tend to do more unnecessary stupid things. So in my opinion mankind would deserve a Dracon to navigate back to the right path.

English Mum said...

Heh. I always knew us Brits were durty filty creatures.

I must print this poll off and give it to my Hubby

Ho hum....

Baino said...

JD you showing off?

Kath I note, no Australian men were surveyed. I've seen the surfer's getting their kit off at Terrigal beach and ..well .. .impressive!

No Ropi, no joke.The Australian Government is about to fore ISP's to censor certain sites. This will slow down our internet and not achieve it's aim of catching sexual predators who work through P2P chtrrooms. I am very much against government's deciding what I can watch and what I can't. Chine does this.. To me, it's tantamount to burning books. Might be different for you in a former eastern bloc country but I want the ability to choose.

EM . .He's got a dead sexy job though!

Ropi said...

Well my country is not different than yours!! We aren't aliens!!

Baino said...

No Ropi, you're not an alien. But you do live in a 'conservative' country. I am also quite liberal. I don't think a Draconian Code is a good thing. There are some here who think it's the right thing to do but I don't like censorship. Many would disagree but that's just my opinion.

Ropi said...

I still don't like that you make conclusion from something which didn't affect me. You know I was born in 1990. I just think people become wild animals if they are too free.

i beati said...

Leaving for France Sandy

Baino said...

Ropi it's OK to agree to disagree. I didn't mean you 'personally'. Actually the Hungarian constitution has strong protections for Freedom of Speech, it may well be more liberal than Australia on that issue.

Sandy, tempting if it's true eh?