Friday, December 04, 2009

Friday Fuckwit - Steady on Tiger!


"I will strive to be a better person and the husband and father that my family deserves." So said Tiger Woods after being caught almost red handed having an affair .. .well having a crash which led to news of him having not one but several affairs. Bloody idiot.

Oh yeah, had to go there. The most admired, talented and highly paid professional golfer in the world, role model to millions, all round nice guy has turned out to be a cad. He was recently paid $3million just to appear at the Australian Masters. Gooness knows how much he won! Very disappointing although I'm nominating three fuckwits this week all related to the stupid, greedy and avaricious Mr Woods who clearly has a problem keeping his pencil in his pocket.

First fuckwit, the media - everywhere - . . if I see another report on phone messages, what happened, was he drunk, did his wife smash his window with a golf club? I'll spew. Who gives a flying fuck about his indiscretions. Surely there is more worthy news to splash all over the tabloids and 7:30pm TV. I don't care. Really, I don't. The recent bombing of medical graduates in Somalia barely got a shoe in an only on public television yet some voice message supposedly Tiger asking his mistress to remove his name from her phone was headline news. Shame on you.

Tiger, yeh yer the second fuckwit. You got caught. You did it more than once. You have everything and you risked throwing it away you power hungry twat. I hope your putter fails you and someone pinches your Big Bertha.

And finally, his greatest fan. The transgressions of Tiger Woods have proved too much John Ziegler, the pastor of the First Church of Tiger Woods - www.tigerwoodsisgod.com - has announced in a statement on the blog that the organisation is being dissolved because of the golfer's "personal sins".

The church, whose home page has now been rechristened "The Damnation of Tiger Woods", was launched by radio host Ziegler in 1996 to "celebrate the emergence of the 'true messiah". Oh for fuck's sake, no wonder we have this saying 'only in America' I just hope he wasn't getting a tax break for starting a new 'religion'.

The church had it's own "Prayer for Tiger" and "Ten Tiger Commandments".

However, Ziegler's reaction appears to fly in the face of the 10th of the "Tiger commandments" - "Thou shall pay no attention to Tiger's apparent flaws".

All three of you are flawed Friday fuckwits!

There you go. . . steady on there Tiger. Bloody silly name too.

Have a great weekend everyone. Pay me a thought as I do the Christmas shopping Marathon on Saturday and attempt to purchase all my family's stocking stuffers in one short day! Amid grizzling toddlers, twittering tweens and the rest of the Christmas shopping madness. God, I need a few chardy's to steele myself!

34 comments:

Thriftcriminal said...

What's the difference between a golf ball and a car? Tiger can drive a golf ball 400 yards.

conortje said...

I am astonished at how much coverage this story gets in the news. I couldn't give a flying squirrel about what he gets up to either :-) Good luck with the Christmas shopping!!

Cinnamon said...

LOL re 'the first church of Tiger Woods'- is that stuff for real?

Adultery ruins lives is all I can say. Pah!

Good luck with the shopping Baino!

tony said...

(to quote Billy Blake.)TIGER, tiger, burning bright. In the forests of the night,. What immortal hand or eye. Could frame thy fearful symmetry?
P.S. I voted above.

Ribbon said...

I like what you're saying here Baino... He's a dickhead and we don't need to hear about over and over again.
Definitely too much coverage.

Enjoy shopping :)

x Ribbon

PS... great voting link...
well done :)

laughingwolf said...

amen to alla dat, baino...

if you shop online, you avoid crowds

hokgardner said...

My husband started shouting at the TV last night when more Tiger info led the national news cast. I had to turn it to the Simpsons to calm him down. : )

Roy said...

He's still the best golfer around. Anything else is between him and his wife. I've hated the intrusiveness of the press for quite a while, especially when they shove the microphones in the faces of people who have just watched their house burn to the ground, or just found the bodies of 7 family members, etc. Pigs!

As for the shopping... Good luck. I plan to spend the weekend in the woods and salt marshes, where people are not.

Kate Hanley said...

I heard some commentary on the subject yesterday on NPR (of all places) but one guy said, "For celebrities, infidelity is the rule and faithfulness is the exception. You should just expect them to be unfaithful." Interesting, it would certainly cut down on the media circus if we all just figured they were cheating anyway. Then the good, faithful celebrities would get more press (which they probably don't want).

nick said...

I couldn't care less. I've no interest in golf and no interest in celeb misdemeanours. That's for him and Elin to sort out. As you say, I wish the media would give the same sort of space to things that actually affect the future of the planet and our everyday lives.

Susan at Stony River said...

Amen to making the media the first fuckwit. There's so much real news that never reaches a soul because the masses are slack-jawed over crap like this. Ugh!!

Good luck this weekend!

Alan Burnett said...

I always thought Tiger Woods was a location in the Winnie The Pooh stories. Good luck with the dreaded shopping.

Janice said...

I love, love, love this Friday Fuckwit idea!!! I am assuming you do this every Friday? I hope so, anyhow, because I will be checking back with you. By the way, I totally agree with your choices.

...mmm... said...

Oh my goodness, that site must have been a joke, surely? Anyway, just goes to show why we shouldn't put anyone up on a pedestal, especially it its only superficial because they may look so jolly good. And yes, I quite agree about the media coverage. I really don't care either. This should be left to the family to deal with, not made more painful with gossip spreading around.

Well, good luck on the shopping marathon. I am putting off mine but must do it...well, after looking at bills that is.

Cheers,

Mmmm

Brian Miller said...

what a wacky church! but none the less wacky than this whole charade...sad really...can happen to anyone, if you are not careful.

Tom said...

some idiot sportscaster was saying that maybe people would learn from Tiger's mistakes. HA! In a million years idiots like him will continue doing stupid things. Whatever...

have fun shopping! might be able to pick up a Tiger putter dirt cheap!

Darlene said...

I'm with you on everything and especially your take on the media. That's my pet peeve; the way they obsess on Sarah Palin, Tiger Woods, Michael Jackson, et. al. while kids are dying in a meieaval country called Afghanistan.

AngelMay said...

Baino - I have something for you on my blog. Please come to visit.

JeffScape said...

??? Tiger Woods is a deity???

otin said...

Thank you dear! Why would I care how many women Tiger Woods, stuck his putter in??? Oh no, the poor billionaire!!! LOL!! On to something important, please?

Megan said...

I might have to re-post my Tiger post. Yes, I think I will.

SJ said...

lol...his name...haha

Ronda Laveen said...

T.W.'s behavior is discouraging to say the least. He definitely deserves Fukwit recognition. Good luck with your shopping. Years ago, when I managed a bowling center, there were many a lady who would stop in mid-day, pop into the bar, order a burger with fries and a couple of toddys. Then go merrily on their way. It's funny, I would only see these ladies during the holiday season each year. Cheers.

Bimbimbie said...

Tsup*!* That's a novel way to get yourself fired up for the Chrissie shopping ... Baino's haka no less :}

CatLadyLarew said...

I hope you have more fun shopping than Tiger had driving!

Gledwood said...

Yeah Easy Tiger ... and all that.

Did you know he had to turn down being in some "African American" hall of fame as he's actually South Sea Islander/Not African ancestry... What a stupid world we live in when we can't say what we SEE but need a detailed family tree b4 we can open our gobs~

!!

Vagabonde said...

I just read the posts I missed while I was away in France. I am not commenting on Tiger Woods as there have been too many comments on him already in the media. These are the comments on some of your past posts: I listened to your clip of the dueling banjos from the film Deliverance. I had not heard it in a long while. The rapids used in the fictitious Cuhalawassee River were in fact from the Chattooga River in Georgia. My husband went white water rafting on this river back then with some friends and they also ended losing their canoes in the river, and almost drown – mighty river. The sister of the author, James Dickey, was a member of my Rose Society Club in Atlanta. Maybelle was the typical Southern Belle – was in her 80s but had the nicest melodious drawl, flawless skin and impeccable manner – I miss her. Your posts were fun, as usual. I like your self-deprecating humour. I like the picture of the ponies snoozing at the fair; it was a nice close up. I'd love to visit Melbourne – you made it sound so exciting. Your two white horses look so soft and friendly. And what a lovely, truly lovely post to your daughter on her birthday. Thanks for visiting my blog and for your thoughtful comments. It always a pleasure to read them.

Lorna Lilo said...

Anything to try and make golf interesting.

lettuce said...

what a particularly excellent rant
well done

good luck with that Xmas shopping thing...

Candie Bracci said...

Well that was a real Fuckwitt!Right with what Otin said who give a fuckwitt about his pencil?LOL

kj said...

so you're trying to cover your tracks so you leave a voice message that starts with, 'hi, it's tiger.'

to quote my beloved jessica: dumbass.

xoxo

jay said...

Tut tut ... there's just no commitment anymore, is there? First Tiger, and now the church. I guess it suits him though, huh? LOL!

Rowe said...

Here, here and here to these three FF's!

Ces said...

Turns out he is not a tiger but a cheetah!

Hmn, I wonder of the black porn stars and call girls will protest for unequally employment opportunity since Tiger preferred blonde female porn stars and call girls?