"I will strive to be a better person and the husband and father that my family deserves." So said Tiger Woods after being caught almost red handed having an affair .. .well having a crash which led to news of him having not one but several affairs. Bloody idiot.
Oh yeah, had to go there. The most admired, talented and highly paid professional golfer in the world, role model to millions, all round nice guy has turned out to be a cad. He was recently paid $3million just to appear at the Australian Masters. Gooness knows how much he won! Very disappointing although I'm nominating three fuckwits this week all related to the stupid, greedy and avaricious Mr Woods who clearly has a problem keeping his pencil in his pocket.
First fuckwit, the media - everywhere - . . if I see another report on phone messages, what happened, was he drunk, did his wife smash his window with a golf club? I'll spew. Who gives a flying fuck about his indiscretions. Surely there is more worthy news to splash all over the tabloids and 7:30pm TV. I don't care. Really, I don't. The recent bombing of medical graduates in Somalia barely got a shoe in an only on public television yet some voice message supposedly Tiger asking his mistress to remove his name from her phone was headline news. Shame on you.
Tiger, yeh yer the second fuckwit. You got caught. You did it more than once. You have everything and you risked throwing it away you power hungry twat. I hope your putter fails you and someone pinches your Big Bertha.
And finally, his greatest fan. The transgressions of Tiger Woods have proved too much John Ziegler, the pastor of the First Church of Tiger Woods - www.tigerwoodsisgod.com - has announced in a statement on the blog that the organisation is being dissolved because of the golfer's "personal sins".
The church, whose home page has now been rechristened "The Damnation of Tiger Woods", was launched by radio host Ziegler in 1996 to "celebrate the emergence of the 'true messiah". Oh for fuck's sake, no wonder we have this saying 'only in America' I just hope he wasn't getting a tax break for starting a new 'religion'.
The church had it's own "Prayer for Tiger" and "Ten Tiger Commandments".
However, Ziegler's reaction appears to fly in the face of the 10th of the "Tiger commandments" - "Thou shall pay no attention to Tiger's apparent flaws".
All three of you are flawed Friday fuckwits!
There you go. . . steady on there Tiger. Bloody silly name too.
Have a great weekend everyone. Pay me a thought as I do the Christmas shopping Marathon on Saturday and attempt to purchase all my family's stocking stuffers in one short day! Amid grizzling toddlers, twittering tweens and the rest of the Christmas shopping madness. God, I need a few chardy's to steele myself!