Thursday, December 03, 2009


I have a friend!

She's pretty decent. Young, attractive, optimistic, articulate, fun loving and generally happy.

She's well educated, cultured, artistic, creative. She has a great level head on her shoulders and runs her own business, earns a good living. She brings me back to reality when I go off on my diatribes. She calms my temper she soothes my savage breast when I'm hormonal or depressed. She knows more about me than any other person on the planet with perhaps one other exception. She buys me flowers for no reason at all and can read my moods.

We cry together, we laugh together we drink together, we dine together. We holiday together but not all the time. We car pool, we share money and friends. We drink together and have nibbly bits on Friday whilst dangling our feet in the pool. We go to concerts together, and festivals together. We walk the dog, watch soppy chick flicks. We used to ride horses together and in many ways I taught her most of what she knows in terms of respecting others, being compassionate, understanding differences but being hard enough to ask for what you want and to not let people walk over you. She taught me to be more patient, optimistic and grateful. She taught me great love. That big love that makes you feel like bursting. That enduring, unconditional, incredible overwhelming, tear-welling love. But we are not lovers. We are very different.

She reads a lot, parties hard and drives like a maniac. I hardly ever read a book except when on holiday. I'm a bit of a voluntary social recluse and drive like a 'Nana' apparently. She's slim, attractive with lovely fine grained skin and long auburn hair. I'm chubby and ageing and have a bonce loaded with greying frizz. She burps and farts and swears like a trooper a lot, then giggles afterwards. I save most of that for my private time or when I'm hanging washing on the line. She hates to cook, I love it. She adores the beach. I hate getting sand in my crack. She travels constantly . . I travel vicariously.

In many ways we're proof that opposites attract. She's a bit of a slob, I'm anally retentive. She doesn't mind roughing it, I like a hot shower and my bed turned down. She loves desserts and I crave savouries. She drinks beer, I drink wine. She looks stunning in a little black dress, I prefer my yoga pants and a t-shirt. Mess doesn't bother her, it drives me crazy. Her blood group is O, mine's A. Her eyes are hazel, mine are brown, her fingers are slender, mine are stumpy.

I don't have many friends. The ones I have, I treasure and they're loyal even if I am neglectful. I do forget their birthdays, anniversaries, high days and holidays but I never forget the milestones in
her life and there have been many, I've been there for them all. She's the sweetest thing on the planet. The most honest and determined soul I know. Indeed an 'old soul' she's been here before I swear!

There is one very important thing that we share . . . she carries my genes. I look at her every day and think she looks nothing like me and wonder from where did such a creature emerge. Yet others see a similarity. She is ying to my yang, black to my white, softness to my brutality. She's the light in my dark and the stars in my sky.

It's her birthday tomorrow and she'll be 25 years old. I am so, so, grateful to have a daughter who is proud to call me friend and a friend that I am proud to call my daughter.

I grew that! Al by my selfses. Erm she's blowing hot soup
while we were sitting around one of our winter bonfire

Happy birthday baby. I love you and I like you . . you are without a shadow of a doubt my best friend.

Ok you can all have a group hug now!

Now that you've either thrown-up or sobbed your hearts out. Check out the other 'Friends' contributing to Theme Thursday.

And for the record. I'm not one of those mother's who mollycoddled their kids and displayed every bloody certificate and trophy they won. I didn't brag about them when they were growing but these days, I find it hard not to share my appreciation and affection for them. They've seen me through an awful year and been bloody awesome. I share more with them than I should but that's what makes us a 'unit'. They even know my pin number! Just as well there's diddly in the account!


Mim said...

As I was reading this I was thinking "daughter" but did go back and forth a bit. It's a wonderful piece Baino - just lovely. You are a lucky woman, but I'm sure luck is not the only factor here...I'm sure you have given her so many of your strengths. It's delightful that you enjoy her so much, and she you.

Alan Burnett said...

Ahh Baino, that's so sweet. But I had guessed who it must be before the end of the second paragraph. Happy TT to you and happy birthday to your daughter

Pam said...

Thrown-up? Are you kidding? That's awesome! I'd cry but I'm still laughing too hard at you hanging out the washing in your fart-filled yoga pants, and battling sand in where it settles and irritates THE most. What you've written is so beautiful!! Happy Birthday to the birthday girl.

Ribbon said...

A big happy birthday to your girl and congratulations to you for raising a daughter that you not only love and adore, but whom you like and are openly proud of.


Love to you both
x Ribbon

Candie Bracci said...

Wow Baino!That post was so beautiful and warmed my heart.Much love to you both and happy Thursday my friend,Otin started this!;)

Anonymous said...

Aw. I knew is was about your kiddo( well half way into the reading ). Has she read this yet? It's a great tribute :)

Susan at Stony River said...

That's the best birthday card there EVER was. What a beautiful post!


nick said...

That's very sweet. Good to know you two are so close when so many mothers and daughters are forever at loggerheads. Happy Birthday, Clare, have a good one!

Leah said...

...sobbed my heart out...

okay, not really, but I did tear up a little. What a post.

Happy birthday to your "little one."

Kathy G said...


Although I'm close to my adult children, they're all boys; our relationship is different.

mouse (aka kimy) said...

that was absolutely brilliant and beautiful as are both you and your daughter.

by the way, I'm of the group who is all choked up!!

of course, reading your gorgeous homage to your baby makes me think of my own daughter, who in many ways is my opposite and then in other ways my twin and has been my best friend from the instant she emerged into my life!

group hug!!!

happy tt friend!

i beati said...

very special I loved it ..

Roy said...

Wow! That's certainly a birthday card/gift she won't soon forget! What a great tribute.

Brian Miller said...

you know this one gave me tears...and i hope to have my boys feel the same way one of these days...happy birthday to your friend! and happy tt to mine!

Grannymar said...

Twenty five years already! I bet it feels like the years went so fast that you just blinked.

Happy Celebrating to both of you!

Skip Simpson said...

What a lovely tribute! She is lucky to have a father like you, as you are very lucky to have a daughter like her. Happy TT!

Jen Chandler said...

Such a wonderful tribute! Your daughter sounds beautiful, both inside and out.

Enjoy the celebrating and happy Thursday :)


Kate Hanley said...

Beautiful. You both are so lucky to have each other.

Baino said...

Actually Mim, this blog also applies to my best friend Thommo except for the genetic bit!

Oooh must go over and register.

Pam I am nothing if not discreet! But everyone knows only sun shines out of my bum!

I am proud of her Ribbon. She's a delight and I'm actually really glad that she's still living at home even if it is to save cash for the next vacation.

Thanks Candie. She's pretty awesome.

Really? I guess you can't hide a mother's love Subby and the timing was perfect with this week's theme.

Well Suze, her birthday present didn't arrive in time (she'll have to have it for Christmas) so I'll give her the blog post instead.

We're very lucky Nick but again, being a single parent reduces the competition.

I have a son as well Kathy. His birthday is next week. He's also fantastic company and we are very close. But you know what they say, a daughter's a daughter for all of your life, a son's a son till he takes a wife.

Kim I know many mothers who have a very close connection with their kids. Just luck of the draw I think. I still can't believe she's 25!

Thanks Sandy.

Oh she's used to me by now Roy!

I'm sure they will Brian. Keep them close, don't spoil them, a little tough love and lots of hugs.

Well Grannymar you know the feeling. You and I have both been blessed with lovely daughters.

Haha. Well Skip I'm both mother and father. I don't get Father's day pressies tho! Ripped off in that quarter! You did realise that Im' a chick right?

She's pretty Spesh Jen.

That we are Kate.

Tom said...

ha, you didn't fool me for one second. Well, you raised a winner; good job mom, hope my 3 rascals give me half the joy yours does.

Jasmine said...

What a beautiful post and a beautiful daughter. :) x

The Silver Fox said...

Lovely woman. But reading your post, I'm not sure who's luckier, you or her. Guess it's a tie.

Skip Simpson said...

I'm so sorry! My brain said, "Type mother," and my fingers typed "Father." Forgive me!!!

The Silver Fox said...

The Slipster often has these little gender glitches...

The Silver Fox said...

I meant to write "Skipster," of course, but now that I think of it, the typo was rather appropriate.

Melanie said...

awww arnt you a sweety underneath all that banter.

Ropi said...

Happy Birthday to her! I wouldn't call my mother a friend. Actually, vast majority of my Facebook friends are not my friends.

I also have O blood type.

steph said...


You had me fooled, right up to..."she carries my genes".

I'll blame it on the milk of amnesia!

Happy 25th! Clare and here's to next quarter century, Baino!

Rebecca said...

What a great post...I sure hope my daughter and I have this kind of bond as she grows ( she's just shy of 3).

Thank you for sharing this for TT...

JeffScape said...

Yay! Baino's giving a group hug!

Betsy said...

Best friends are THE best! :)

e said...

What a wonderful tribute to Clare! She's beautiful...Lucky you, Baino, and very lucky daughter. I wish things had been that way for my mother and me.

Jefferson Davis said...

Ha! I knew within the first paragraph that you were talking about Clare. :)

Very touching post, Baino.

Happy Birthday, Clare. You're still a spring chicken! :)

Harnett-Hargrove said...

Isn't it wonderful to be able to cross over from 'mom', to 'friend'? I am looking forward to that. -Jayne

otin said...

Oh, Baino, you are too cool for words! I can see why your(Stunningly beautiful) daughter would want to be friends with you! Why are all the good ones 12,000 miles away!?

Happy Birthday to your daughter!

Rowe said...

A wonderful tribute to your beautiful daughter. Happy Birthday, Clare. I hope your day is magic.

On another note and just a little trivia, Baino, but I like it because it has that connection feel about it - you are a Libran mum to your Sagittarian daughter whilst I'm a Sadge mum to my Libran son. Sagittarius and Libra usually get on like a house on fire, if you believe in star signs and personalities, that is.

Ronda Laveen said...

You not only love her but you LIKE her. Not everyone can say such of their offspring at that age. Great job, Baino. I'm glad you have such a wonderful friend.

Happy Birthday, Clare. 25? Won't be long before you're driving like a nanny.

Bimbimbie said...

Awwww Happy Birthsary day to you both Tsup*!*

AngelMay said...

This one made me cry. Can't say more than that. Except you are very lucky.

Stephanie said...

Goose bumps from another mother!

kj said...

you son of a gun: you've made me cry.

this is such a fine piece of writing reading it is like gliding on ice. what love! what a tribute!

i loved the opening line, "i have a friend." oh baino, our daughters. i think i will meet your claire one day and i know she will be all this and more.

i love you honey hells,

River said...

I knew it was your daughter from the first sentence. Isn't it great when daughters become friends? I'm not so close to my family as you are to yours, but we are friends, my children and I.
Happy Birthday Clare.

Baino said...

Ah well Tom you are one of the sharpest, if not quirkiest tools in the shed!

She is Jaz. I'm very lucky.

Aww Foxy. Keep it up . . .

Haha. . . Skip you're not the first to make that mistake. I must sound like a bloke!

Slipster . . hehe . . new nickname, it'll stick.

No I'm not. I'm a ratbag crusty marshmallow . . .are my cracks showing . . er no that didn't sound right but you know what I mean.

Snap then Ropi. Really? You wouldn't? Well I count myself even luckier then to have young friends and family who think of me as a friend. There's a fine line though. Wait until that lad of mine gets home and has a lecture about the state of his bedroom, there's a mouse in there! That's when 'mother' kicks in. Quite a few of my Facebook friends are bloggers I've never met, but I know them quite well so I count them as friends. Most are real though.k

Ah Steph you're prolly still a bit woozy after the anaesthetic! I hope Pops is as good a friend. God I have a child who's quarter of a century old!

Rebecca I think the key is to be honest, fair, warm, not afraid of discepline, curfews, rules and a little tough love but also to give them experiences and appreciation for things outside their normal realm of existence. That was my formula anyway. I also worked for all their lives apart from a couple of short years. I still do and I think now that she's gainfully employed, it's helped her realise that life isn't all a bed of roses so enjoy time out when you have it.

Yeh well it doesn't happen often so enjoy Jeff.

That they are Betsy. I'm blessed with a small group of wonderful friends but she's pretty awesome. Keeps me grounded, that's for sure.

God e I hope Adam doesn't read this he'll be getting jealous. There'll have to be another one next week!

Well spotted JD. You're very intuitive. Then we've known each other a while.

Well worth the wait Jayne.

Thanks sweetie. You're pretty damn cool yourself. You'd make a great fun dad if you ever went there. Eyes off my daughter! It's me who has the crush!

Both are saggitarians Rowe so it bodes well I guess!

I have this thing about liking people Ronda. I think you have to like someone as well as love them to complete the circle.

Tsup! Bimbimbie.

Angel May I am lucky. Even though she never really knew her dad she has his nature.

Well Stephanie, you know how it feels. Both my kids give me goose bumps, regularly. Mainly because they don't know what doors are for.

kj she's up for the big trip so you'll meet her next year or the year after. No doubt about it unless she's barefoot and pregnant (perish the thought) now stop snivelling.

I'm not that close to all my 'family' River. We have our differences but I'm very close to my kids.

laughingwolf said...

happy day, clare... seems your mama likes you, but just a tad ;) lol

Janice said... got me! Now my mascara is ruined, but it was worth it. I'm a mom of a daughter too, so I totally relate to how special the relationship can be.

Anonymous said...

I read this yesterday Baino and I decided not to comment as it is such a profound piece of writing. I think I figured that it was deserving of a more measured response.

Last night it came to me what it was your post said to me and it's this: That what I had just read was the greatest argument I have ever read that combines gentility with power as it shows us how we should correctly view abortion.

I hope i haven't overstepped the mark by bringing up such a terrible subject. Apologies if this is upsetting.

Baino said...

Well I think she had a happy day Wuff, haven't seen her since Thursday night! She enjoyed her pressies tho then went out to party hard.

One word dear janice "Waterproof". hehe

Hey Unstranger, sorry haven't been round to yours for a while. I'll catch up this weekend. Ah a bit heavy for this post. There are many good reasons for abortion and some not so noble. There's a story behind this little girl. She was not my first pregnancy. No I didn't have an abortion but I did miscarry my first. It's not something on my agenda but I don't judge others who might take that option.

Vita said...

Yes...I beautiful!!!
My mother Sylvia is my best friend.

Liza said...

What a wonderful post, and how proud you must be of each other.
Happy belated tt to you.

Megan said...

Yep. Choked up over here. Happy birthday, beautiful Clare!

Jay said...

That's a truly sweet post, Baino. I feel the same about my boys and I think you and I are really very lucky to have such wonderful kids.

Give her a hug for me, too, and tell her happy birthday!

lettuce said...

i was going to say exactly what jasmine said

just exactly

Kath Lockett said...

That is so beautiful Baino; my eyes are full of happy tears!

Sarah Lulu said...

Happy birthday Baino's baby ...your Mum's a sweetheart. xxx