I think I have a problem. I'm turning to a neurotic twat. Not just a worrier but a totally idiotic, pathologically, doomsday-predicting moron.
I mean, I've always had this 'call when you get there' thing with the kids. You know, those times when you worry because a six hour drive has turned into ten and you haven't had the 'we've arrived safe' text yet? Usuallyy because the surf on the way is good or they've stopped for a Maccas. I'm like that with everyone who has a 'pattern' in their contact. It's so much worse when your correspondent lives in another country.
When Clare was overseas for 11 months, I only went without contact during a stint on the Inca Trail but I knew she was in good hands and good company.
When I get a phone call from Adam, knowing he's riding his motor bike I'm always sure it's to tell me that he's in traction in some hospital or he needs to be picked up after missing a bend, my heart jumps into my throat.
I've done it three time with this lovely man in 11 months. He's gone AWOL which usually means falling asleep with his phone off for extended periods and I have a conniption. This particular friend and I, correspond, chat, Skype, frequently, predictably, and pretty much in a pattern, so naturally, I imagined him writhing in pain or dying in a twisted car wreck having some interstate crisis (it happens) or taking off for some decompression time without letting me know despite having promised that he would.
I think I sent about 8 phone texts, rang twice and left messages on his voicemail, hit him up on every email address he has (and there are a few) then finally got a neighbour to make sure he was alright. Crazy mad woman, found his mate's number and rang another country! For fuck's sake! What was I thinking!
I know it was stupid. Poor guy's still recovering from a stint of night shift and a sleepless weekend and just turned his phone off and slept for 14 hours but I persisted. Now I feel eternally stupid - AGAIN! He's being very forgiving and I got myself into such a state that I bawled myself silly in the shower.
Crazy thing is, I can go weeks without contacting friends who live close. Not because I don't care about them but because I know if anything's wrong, there's a network of people who will let me know. And also, there's no regular pattern of contact so no 'Hey, wonder why Thommo didn't call me tonight?"
Not so with overseas contacts. If he died on the road, who would tell me? If he needed help who would call? If he was there all alone and unable to move it could be days before anyone found him. (Er however unlikely that might be). It's an awful, helpless feeling when someone close is so far away.
So my bloggy friends, if anything weird happens to you, good or bad, make sure someone has my email. Maybe I can't do anything, maybe I can but close as we seem in this world of interwebs, we are thousands of miles apart.
I'm sure this guy is getting the shits with my neediness when he's not available at the usual time but I just can't help it. Tizz doesn't describe it. Me! Level headed, well organised, laconic, normally shitty friend and phonaphobe to most - Me! Having an absolute 6 hour nervous breakdown because I can't contact someone. He's right. I'm high maintenance. I hate it but can't control it.
Is that normal?
Don't answer that . . .
Yeh well, at least I know what to buy him for Christmas.