Lips and Arseholes

It was a busy day today. I've been interviewing Receptionist candidates with Thommo which lead to an 'interrupted' day. No lunch, just a few boardroom Kool Mints for sustenance .Then flew out at 5:30 to feed his royal skinniness and fatty boombah on their gourmet Coprice and molasses soaked chaff and Lucerne hay which would keep a Congo family for a year. Dropped into the supermarket at about 6:30 for the necessaries and of course was starving hungry so everything looked yum! So I couldn't make my mind up about what to make for dinner. I toyed with meat balls, risotto, Caesar Salad or Pepper steak but eventually fell for the easy heat 'n eat option of two frozen meat pies. "King Island Meat Pies" and yes, I succumbed and bought straight cut chips. I never buy frozen chips or pies for that matter but it was late and he who labours hard was so hungry he'd eat the crotch out of a rag doll so something quick and easy was the recipe of the day.

Now the Australian Meat Pie is an institution. You're not Australian if you don't dig a Four and Twenty at the footy and eat it with lashings of tomato sauce. It's a hand held minced meat pie rarely hot enough and likely underwarmed to the point that salmonella is simmering beneath it's crispy crust. They're available at every milk bar and take-away. Every show stand, fete and Saturday sports event and even come in 'mini' versions which are the staple of kids' birthday parties - creatively named "Party pies" but frankly . . they are so overrated. I've written about them before and they taste fine and salty until you get that unidentified gristly bit. I'm never sure whether it's the lip or the arsehole but it's enough to make me gag and bin the thing!

So, DrummerBoy and I sat down with our McCain lights, our gourmet beef pies and a few hastily microwaved baby peas . . .sure enough, second mouthful. . . out comes an unidentified gristly bit and that's the end for me. I have never bought meat pies for dinner, I pride myself on fresh and healthy food preparation where every ingredient is identifiable. But I was tired after a night of restlessness and hot flushes (yep they're back after almost six months), grilling younglings about "How would your siblings describe you" and "Where do you see yourself in five years time?" and belting out to the horses for their nightly feed I was up for the easy option.

Hey, these were 'gourmet'. It said so on the pack. King Island beef (small island off the coast of Tassie, famous for it's beautiful meats and cheeses). But nup, this was just some old cow's lips and arseholes . . tasted like puff pastry encrusted dog food! (So Lily tells me, she enjoyed them immensely but then she thinks that roadkill is pretty tasty).

So a warning to intrepid travellers to Australia . . don't be conned into believing that a Meat Pie is the quintessential Australian food. It's not. It's iconic, like kangaroos and Holden cars but it's a total pattie of crap! It's as exciting as tripe and onions, pork pies, black pudding. It's as gourmet as fish and chips - although we do those pretty well. Aussie pies are horrible. Tomorrow it's Italian Meatballs and salad!