Joyfully Awesome

For Gaye

Last night, I came home and burst into tears. I lost the plot at the wrong person, had a moment of sheer desperation and the word 'low' didn't cut it. My heart was in my throat, I didn't feel like eating I just felt awful. Today, things seem a little better and despite three of these, all for jobs to which I'm well suited:

Thank you for your application for the position of Office/Administration Manager. We have received a large number of applications for the advertised role and all have been of an excellent calibre. Factors were considered when reviewing your resume and unfortunately, I regret to advise that you have been unsuccessful in your application.

I also had an interview with a company very close by, young, dynamic, go-getters! They seemed fun and within minutes of arriving home a psychometric test was waiting and asking me questions about how I felt about the 'open jail system' among other bizarre things. Where they get 'em from I don't know but I already know the result because I've been tested about 5 times and it's always the same. It's always exactly as I am. However as I am, is not always exactly what 'they' want. Are they ready for a 52 year old in age denial with a penchant for alternative rock?

Frankly, my downness was lifted by a link from Ribbon to this site . . nothing remarkable, just a young woman who has the temerity to call her blog "Welcome to the Joy Rebellion" now that can't be bad? She has decided to post a 'mission' each Monday, a mission to enhance joy and self-worth. An affirmative emotional action. I think it's time my wallowing ended. I have to realise that I'm not going to be paid what I was at Parkside until I prove my worth. I have to realise that to others, I look old and may be less competent, I have to prove to others that I am flexible and adaptable, competent and hard-working and fun to be around. Here's hoping that practice makes perfect!

So after relishing in the new positivity of the Joy Rebellion I have the courage to do Candie's "Awesomeness" meme. It's difficult to think of yourself as awesome - It does go with a 'Queen' of Awesomeness tag but I thought that might offend the blokes so pick it up in the sidebar if you're really keen:

Here are the rules:

List 7 things that make you awesome
Pass the award to 7 bloggers that you love (sorry I just can't pick 7 even if some of you top the awesome list)
Tag those bloggers to let them know and tag back to the blogger who tagged you so I can have a perve.

I am an awesome mother. Don't know how that happened but I've managed to balance 'ma authoritay' with a sense of fun and friendship and now have two pretty amazing friends who love and respect me, are well mannered, (if not a little messy) and who contribute to the running of our little commune more than your average progeny, and are not ashamed to be seen out in public with me (except when I talk too loud and glower at check-out chicks). And despite absolutely having a Mt St Helen's mega-erupting-narny-tanty at one of them last night for being a messy disorganised bogun, by and large our cohabitation is an awesome thing. In fact this afternoon at an interview I was asked, "What is are your greatest personal achievements . ." and frankly I don't have any other than surviving the death of my husband and raising my children, however, raising two human beings, single handedly, who are compassionate, caring, responsible and loving . .doesn't seem that spectacular to a 30 year old Director of an internet security company but believe me . . it's truly Awesome.

I am awesome at smashing shit. As I type, I have three band aids on three fingers after letting not one but two laksa bowls slip through them whilst washing up last night. If it can be broken, smashed to smitherines or chipped on a tap . . I'm your girl! And you've already heard abut the chutney jar! Maybe I should look for a position in a glass recycling plant on their crushing machine.

I am an awesome cook. Well when I get my act into gear. Normally it's spag bol or pan fried something or other but if I'm entertaining, I can whip up a Beef Carpaccio on warm baby leaf salad with horseradish cream, bung on a gourmet barbie or something simple but 'legendary' (not my word) Lasagne. . .Christmas is a gourmet delight with a degustation menu to die for. Come over for dinner and I'll show off.

I am an awesome host. You visit me and I will show you the sights and sounds of Sydney and her environs, entertain you, ply you with alcohol, laugh, relax and generally show you a good time so if you're heading down under, let me know. I love company, I love entertaining and I love showing off my wonderful country albeit a tiny piece of the larger puzzle.

I'm not sure I agree, but Adam says I am awesome at detail. Not in the academic, workplace sense but fastidious about manners, cleanliness, tidiness. I love beautiful simple things and sometimes its the little details that shine. That vase of lillies on the counter (well they would be there if I hadn't broken the vase). The basket of perfumes in the bathroom, plumped cushions, delicious crisp clean linen . . . just the little details that make a difference. I'd be more awesome if other people didn't keep putting the kybosh on my anal retentiveness.

I am awesome at listening to the problems and woes of others and making them feel better about themselves. I don't mind it. I always wanted to be a Social Worker but didn't make the cut at Uni and so never took that path. But I'd be a good counsellor, empathy comes naturally to me and I have a deep caring about people and their circumstances. I'm genuinely interested in people and listen to what they have to say. The best friend of an acquaintance once asked "How do youknow so much about my closest friend?" - Simple, I listened, I enquired, I was interested in what she had to say. That acquaintance is now one of my most treasured friends and I still listen. Weird, because sometimes I'd like someone else to listen to me moan but I can't bring myself to do it anywhere other than my 'secret blog'.

I am awesomely adaptable to change. My life has been full of it, good and bad and the latest change has seen me lob into deep depression. I'm not one to seek help but last night, I actually considered it until I realised there was a significant financial cost so self-help it will have to be and relying on the generosity of others. Lately I've had to really work on being positive and optimistic and many of you have come to my rescue by emailing and keeping my spirits up. Thank you. I cope well with change, I manage it, embrace it and give it all I've got. In fact now I'm itching for it . .a big change . . soon! Damn that scratchie . .$5 is better than a poke in the back with a pork sword . . well you know what I mean . .

There . . not mind boggling but it's difficult to recognise the awesomeness in yourself.

I'm supposed to tag others but there are so many who I deem awesome and I don't really like publicly singling people out, so please . . take it and run with it . . I know you're awesome so share it with others!

And speedy recovery to my friend Steph from the Biopsy Report who's having a shit of a time fighting Irish bacteria . . . miss you my love and please get well soon.