Sunday, July 05, 2009

Trolley Folly and the Suzuki Swift

Having spent all of last weekend gadding about and neglecting my household chores, this weekend has been spent catching up. Saturday with the usual manic cleaning and washing and Sunday . . .

So, about 11ish on Sunday, I trundled off the the local supermarket for the 'big' shop. You know, the one you do that costs a bomb because you need to replace the shampoo and conditioner and those little sweet smelling plug in thingies then the hair dye's on special and you really need an extra couple of laksa bowls because you dropped two on Thursday and smashed them to smitherines and three of your fingers, then you're out of Lavender oil and toilet paper. Oh and don't forget the Sharwoods Mango Chutney which also took a dive from the top shelf of the fridge before splattering it's gorgeous gooeyness all over your 'just washed' slate floor yesterday . . I'm still picking up shards of glass . . .anyway . . suffice to say, a big restock was required unless my family want to live on tomato paste and tuna for the next week.

So, armed with greeny bags and a wallet full of cash, I do the shoppy thing, pay dutifully at the checkout. Chat to the pretty kid doing the scanning, named Kylee (where do they get the spelling) and wishing that the Paduan was with me so he could chat her up before steering the unsteerable jam-packed trolley back to my car. Parked with all the other cars in a massive car park and next to a little black Suzuki Swift.

Now normally, I'd put all 3,000 shopping bags in the boot but because 'he who landscapes' in his wisdom has chocked my boot (trunk) full of brown paper that should have gone on last month's bonfire, I had to wiggle between two vehicles, position the trolley and then put my bags in the back seat.

In manouvering the unmanouverable, I 'tipped', 'kissed', 'brushed against' the bumper bar of a little Suzuki Swift, its young driver, just sitting there on her mobile phone didn't bat an eyelid so I gave the bumper a lightening glance, no apparent damage, positioned myself between the trolley and her car and continued to unload by hoiking heavy bags over the top of the trolley and into the back seat. At about the last two bags, little Miss Havachat gets off her phone and stomps out of her car. She's knee-high to a grasshopper and hopping mad with a petulance that only a teenager can muster and clearly no knowledge of the insurance claim process but begins to mouth off anyway . . .

"Excuse me! You just bumped my car with your trolley."

"Yes I did. I'm sorry about that, they're hard to control on this slope but no damage done." Conversation over! . . Or so I thought, "Well I'd like your contact details please so that my Dad can have a look and see if you've done any damage!"

At this point, I'm putting the last bag in the car and I shut the door. I move the trolley from between the two cars to the back of mine. "Actually, there's no scratch . . nothing . . just a bit of dirt on your mudguard."

Not satisfied, she continued "Well how do you know, you didn't even look. I felt you bump my car, I was sitting in it at the time, you just kept loading your shopping into the car and would have just driven away, without leaving a note or anything please could I have your details and I'll get my dad to check" Oh she's a clairvoyant, I thought! . . "I know . . because I'm looking at your mudgard, where my trolley bumped and there's no scratch see?"

I assured her that I had glanced to see if there was any damage, had buffered my very buffery arse between the trolley and her car to avoid any further bumps and that once I had completed putting my shopping in the car I would have had another look before returning the trolley. I also assured her that had any significant damage been sustained I've have left a note on her windscreen!

Little madam kept on, "I still want your details just to make sure there's no damage."

What? Had I bent her chassis with a microbump? Knocked her wheels out of alignment? Punctured her petrol tank? Dinged her duco? By now I'm getting that 'fuck off you little dipshit I hate shopping and just wanna get out of here hot flush'. And wishing to hell that I had my camera with me because normally I would. I'd have photographed her little ass and put it all over the internet!

"Look 'Honey'! (nothing like patronising a young person by calling them a luvvy name). Had I done any damage, I would gladly give you my details but since there is none (ascertained after rubbing the offending area with my clean sleeve to reveal a nice shiny finish under the DIRT) . . why should I? What's to stop you claiming that I made that scratch on the door, or that one on your back bumper bar and you hitting me for the damage bill . . nope, I didn't come down with the last shower and I'm not happy giving you my details! Okay pet? (two patronising euphamisms in one sentence - brilliant!"

"I wouldn't do that," objected the poppet with doughy blue eyes, "I'm an honest person . ."

"Well so you might be sweetness and light, so be honest about the absolute lack of damage on your car by using your own eyes. Since there is NO damage caused by my trolley, I'm not giving you my details . . take my licence plate number if you want . . "

"Well I will then!" said the uppity Miss.

So I left little mite writing down my licence plate number while I put the trolley back. I resisted the desire to ask if she's so fucking blind that she can't see there's no damage, what's she doing driving in the first place!

As I drove away, I thought of my Paduan and how that could so have turned out to be a romantic encounter if I was a 21 year old single boy busting for a girlfriend. I could have made it such a positive experience!

Then my horoscope this morning said this:

"Although you might prefer to keep the peace by saying nothing, today someone could goad you into talking about a delicate matter that stirs deep feelings. From a practical point of view, it might be smarter to keep quiet, but an unfair presentation of the facts demands that you chime in with what you know. Just keep in mind that diplomacy is still a wise strategy and that you don't need to say everything all at once."
I hate it when my horoscope is righ but I think I managed to keep a few secrets despite the trolley folly.


29 comments:

RyanIAm said...

should have got her number for me

The Jelly Monster said...

I love those shopping trips!! I get so excited when hairdye is on special! That chick sounds like a beeyotch, you should hear Maxi when he's parking the car he always screams at me to be careful not to hit the next car, the way I see it is, if he could park properly I wouldn't have any issues.

Jay said...

Ah, I hate when that happens! She's probably just very young and not driving her own car, so she was terrified of what her Dad would say when she got back and he examined his pride and joy with a microscope.

She'll learn. I expect... If someone doesn't kill her first. ;)

Grannymar said...

You should have asked her for her father's number so you could tell him exactly what happened and how she behaved. That might have cooled her flame.

Kate said...

Ah Baino - this is why I like internet shopping - they bring all of the stuff right through to the kitchen - no parking involved, no strange people, its great.... I think I am becoming a hermit!

nick said...

Of course you could have invented some contact details and left her happily trying to contact M Mouse of Stilton Avenue.

subtorp77 said...

Baino, if she was really that on about the damage, she would've come flying out of the car, straight away( instead of continuing to natter on her mobile, wot? ). Wish I could find the blighter that knocked my driver's side door in. I still haven't fixed it. And I'da had amind to get her details( which may have had her back down a bit )...she can sod off!

But at least you got the shopping done (3,000 bags-LOL! )Seems that way sometimes, doesn't it?

Ces said...

Oh the poor poppet!!! You gave her a whiplash and a closed head injury! The fact alone that she insisted her car may be damaged from a bump of a grocery cart is a sure sign of brain damage! You ignored her signs and symptoms. You are such a meanie! She is probably in a coma by now.

River said...

Her Dad sounds like the type who would sue you for every little fingerprint on his precious daughter's car. Hope he doesn't track you down through your number plate.

Brian Miller said...

tomato paste and tuna...a fine combination..blah! we are almost tot he point of the "big shop", T is making the list now, but 3000 bags!

would have got her details as well. always good to keep the digital with you...people are sketch. paid $1500 for a scratch once, when i was young and dumb.

laughingwolf said...

shoulda saved this for your next 'friday fuckwit', methinks... grrrr

Don't Bug Me! said...

We NEVER run out of toilet paper, but I did have to get some Sharwoods mango chutney the other day.

Susan at Stony River said...

You're cute and obviously moneyed enough to go shopping, she wanted your number is all. That's what I'm seeing... I loved your 'trolley folly' phrase LOL The horoscope turned out to be a bit eerie however...

Megan said...

My trunk is full, too...

ebony said...

A interesting music video. I think she just hated being wrong and didn't want to addmit it.

K8 the Gr8 said...

Trolley fender-bender... bwahahah... I would've taken her wing-mirror off on the way out of the parking spot for that. Cheeky bint.

With you on the smashed jars. Had a full bottle of Olive Oil take a tumble from its high-shelf recently, smashed to bits. Oily tiled floors are NOT funny.

otin said...

should have taken some cell phone pics of the spot where the cart hit! People will always try to fuck you over!

Bimbimbie said...

Oh the joys of the trolley tango. I think it's only fair that your son does your next big shop *!*

e said...

I hope no surprise calls from an irrate father come your way this week...I'd have got her information just to be on the safe side and relayed her anxiety and other behaviours to a parent...

Have a good week!

kj said...

forgive me if necessary: this is fucking hilarious! i can't stop laughing...i'm trying to muffle my laugh, i have my hand over my mouth...i can just see you standing there.hahaaha...stop..i'm doubled over....this is too much..\
hahaha.

this is why i love you hahahaha

Moon said...

You have a far better diplomatic mind that me... think I would have told her to fuck off !

Renee said...

In conditions like that I can go from 0 to 7,000 in minutes.

I am as calm as possible until I totally freak out.

When you commented that respect is so important in a marriage, I agree, to me respect is one of the most important things in any relationship.

Love Renee xoxoo

Ribbon said...

Buggar!!!

ian said...

Course, the problem with your horoscope is that it's identical for me and while you were fighting, I was being sweetness and light to a little very old Indian lady in the next seat of a Boeing 777 who had no idea how to cope with airline food, or even how to do up her seat belt.

Candie Bracci said...

Ha!I was about to start about how i went to do the shopping on my own by feet but i see that you had a better time than I!LOL!Crap!

Tom said...

If you don't want a scratch, don't park in a parking lot...better yet, don't buy a new car, 'cause it's bound to get a scratch. People.

The Man at the Pub said...

Shopping! Don't get me started about shopping!

http://tmatp.blogspot.com/2009/03/supermarket-rant.html

(sorry for my shameless self-promotion)

Baino said...

Sorry everyone. I really try to respond to your comments individually but the 'scope' of work has increased (funny how your talents are recognised when you're on $28 an hour doing a procedures manual and suddenly you're asked to do HR induction packages for one of the largest Government agencies in NSW . ..savvy these employers!)as a result. I'm time poor and have lost my morning bloggy hour.

Loved your comments and not a peep out of Miss Uppitty so clearly Daddy was satisfied that there was indeed no damage to the Swift. I'm taking my camera with me everywhere now!

I blame the damn trollies. If they were buffered around the edges and remotely steerable I wouldn't have that nice scratch along my back door I'm sure!

Collective action folks, demand trolleys with brakes and that actually go in the direction you want them to!

Or if you're staff (which she was) don't park in the customer car park you naughty girl, you're supposed to park out the back!

Cheers :)

subtorp77 said...

AHA! Taking up space meant for custom. Hopefully you'll never have to run into her( not literally ) when you shop there, again. And so true about the trolleys. Even the plastic ones can leave marks.