Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it's to the Polls I Go

We have a General Election on Saturday and I have no idea for whom I will vote. Why? Because the major parties are useless. The big issues it seems are:

Climate Change
National Broadband
Internet Censorship
Stop the Boats (because so many people DON'T actually come in illegally)
Paying Dole bludgers $6,000 to get a job and hold it down for a few months
Banning unmarked cigarette packets
Taxing Mining Companies (now there's a stroke of genius, tax the backbone of our economy until they go offshore)
Becoming a Republic when the Queen carks it
Health funding - OK that's a biggie

So who to vote for:

    •    Australian Democrats
    •    Australia First Party (NSW) Incorporated
    •    Australian Fishing and Lifestyle Party
    •    Australian Greens
    •    Australian Labor Party (ALP)
    •    Australian Sex Party
    •    Building Australia Party
    •    Carers Alliance
    •    Christian Democratic Party (Fred Nile Group)
    •    Citizens Electoral Council of Australia
    •    Communist Alliance
    •    Country Liberals (Northern Territory)
    •    Democratic Labor Party (DLP) of Australia
    •    Family First Party
    •    Liberal Democratic Party
    •    Liberal Party of Australia
    •    National Party of Australia
    •    Non-Custodial Parents Party (Equal Parenting)
    •    One Nation
    •    Secular Party of Australia
    •    Senator On-Line
    •    Shooters and Fishers Party
    •    Socialist Alliance
    •    Socialist Equality Party
    •    The Climate Sceptics

Of course most Australians won't even bother to find out what the real issues are because our major parties, Liberal and Labor are both so  similar it isn't funny. This is the blandest, most uninspiring, unimaginative election ever in my living memory and I've been around a while.

So, being the shallow shit that I  am, I'm going to compare glamour photos and choose between our fearless leaders:

The slightly hirsute Tony Abbot, famous for big ears and budgie smugglers and an overwhelming desire to confess that politicians lie on occasion and a need to 'stop the boats'.  A man who's former treasurer accolades as being a decent guy as  long as he's not in charge of the economy and also a man of dubious morals who wants young ladies to treat their virginity as a precious gift . . . or:

Ms Julia Gillard, who stabbed her former leader in the back (his fault for not listening),  speaks  deliberately, isn't married (oh the horror she has a live in lover), could fake  being Jodie Foster's body double and looks mighty fine in a pair of corduroys in the pages of the Women's Weekly. Can a female Prime Minister cut the mustard in the land down under, where beer does flow and men chunder?

I guess we'll know come Sunday morning.


Brian Miller said...

you realise that whatever they say to get your vote is null and void once they are in office. right? smiles.

kylie said...

i thhink julia will make it by a hair.....

Ropi said...

By name I would vote for the Christian Democratic Party. We will vote about local governments in October. I stick to the conservatives in general, but I may not vote for the conservative Mayor-candidate of Budapest. I as a Budapest dweller will vote for the Mayor of Budapest, Mayor of Kőbánya (my district within Budapest) and the representatives of the 2 so at all 4 questions will be asked and there would be one more if I was the member of a minority community.

Ropi said...

Probably I would have been stabbed as well, because when I have an idea, then I find it difficult to listen to criticism.

Mim said...

maybe her..but what is chunder?

Elisabeth said...

For me there is no real choice. The sight of Tony in his budgie smugglers sends the hairs on the back of my arms rigid. I'm not sure why. It's instinctive.

Maybe appearances should not count but would you vote for this man to run your country?

nick said...

Never trust a man who wears budgie smugglers. Or refuses to wear a man bra.

Seriously though, as Brian says, they all do something different once they're safely installed in power. Their past record might be some guide as to what they'll actually do, but don't bet on it.

Roy said...

If I lived in Oz I'd probably vote for Julia, but I've been disappointed lately that she seems to be trying to blunt her natural sharpness and has been making concessions to religious interests despite her very public atheism. She's more likely to win running as who she is rather than trying to pander to the crazies to - maybe - pick up a few more votes; that's a strategy guaranteed to lose you the votes you thought you already had because of their disgust at the pandering.

Carolina said...

Perhaps you should start with eliminating the ones you definitely don't want to vote for. It probably leaves you with... nothing. Sorry.

(I have a guy in swimming trunks featuring in my last post. But I'd vote for him any day. I'm shallow too I guess. ;-))

Carolina said...

Oh yeah, what ís chunder...

Janice said...

Fun glamour shots. I think Julia would get my vote.

AngelMay said...

What in God's name is he wearing on his head? He's only missing a baby bottle in his hand. Ewwww.

I choose the gal with the live-in lover.

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

Are you sure you aren't talking about Canada;-) We took that boat full of illegals in the end. I hear many have TB. I wish they'd stop letting people jump the line. We're turning away those trying to enter the legal way in order to accept terrorists. Lovely.

Grannymar said...

I thought Northern Ireland was the place with the longest list of parties or candidates each election. You now beat us on that count.

I could lend you a pin!

Kath Lockett said...

Go GREENs first, then Sex party.
And just tick GREENS above the Senate line and save yourself a lot of bother.

Now if that Old Spice guy was wearing those budgie smugglers and was out there, swimming in the ocean HELPING to WELCOME the boat people .......

Vicky said...

I shudder when I see that budgie smuggler photo LOL

Now Julia scrubs up pretty well!

California Girl said...

Isn't this the "lesser of two evils" again? Jeez, why do we always have to vote for the least reprehensible candidate?

I dunno...the guy in the Speedo is scary. But so is the broad with the Hollywood photo shot.

Ces said...

Oh this is hard for me to choose. I will have to do a Tic-tac-Toe!

P.S. Tony Abbot needs a propeller on his cap but give the man credit for a sexy physique - minus the big ears - oh just put a pillow over his head.

Alex Bainbridge said...

Sick of the manipulative, increasingly policy-free barrage of major party negative advertising in the race to the August 21 Australian federal election? Here are some antidotes:

First, check out the table comparing the policies of Socialist Alliance with that of the Greens, ALP and Liberals: *Policy comparison from Left
to Right* compiled by Dick Nichols: 2010 Federal Election Policy Comparison http://www.greenleft.org.au/node/45171

Second, have a look at the independent *Vote Climate survey*
http://voteclimate.org.au/2010_Aus_Federal_Policy_Comparison.html on which parties the best policy on on climate change.

Third, challenge your friends and family to use the independently created *Vote-o-matic* http://trog.qgl.org/voteomatic/ to see which party they actually should support in this elections. They may be surprised at the results.

Megan said...

I don't care anymore since I learned I cannot emigrate to Australia because of my age. Oh, and because I have no essential skills. (!!!)

Don't tell Annie, but I posted my change of address notice 3 days too late to be able to vote in the California primaries.


Wally The Walrus said...

I'm sorry, I can't vote green. They are so far off in the land of lefty la-la it scares me.

I can't vote for Tony - he's so far in the land of conservative la-la it scares me.

I can't for for Joolya because, well, she just scares me.

So it has to be the sex party.


Apparently this originated from the passenger ships bringing people to the land down under, where those up top who paid more also suffered more rolling of the ship, and were thus more prone to seasickness. When rushing to the side to take a heave they would shout to warn those below: "Watch Under". Which naturally became abbreviated.

Like many Australian stories this may well be apocryphal (aka bullshit) but it makes a good story.

unstranger said...

Thanks Wally, that chunder bit; nice story. Obviously true too.
Anyway Baino, how come so many political parties but only two potential leaders?
I wouldn't vote for anyone that spouts about 'issues'. They always fuck-up when in power and invariably end up imposing massive tax increases in support of their idiotic fantasies.
People need a few things only; food, drink, leisure time, money, work and each other. Anything else is of no consequence and certainly not worth getting taxed for.

JeffScape said...

Senator On-Line? Carers? LOVE the party names.

Curious, though... how much support is there in Australia for dumping the monarchy?

laughingwolf said...

uh... it's cutting MUSTER [military term]... why cut mustard, when a spoon'll do? :P lol

i'd vote for the broad, she's an avowed atheist ;)

Liza said...

we have someone in Canada who wants to "stop the boats" as well, and this issue is HUGE now, because a boat just landed off of Vancouver. You should have seen Fox News' spin on that story. It was priceless! I had to look.
"This is the blandest, most uninspiring, unimaginative election ever in my living memory and I've been around a while."
I've lost count of how many of those elections we've had here now.
May the best fuckwit win.

Anonymous said...

Yes Isabella Golightly & Baino, decisions, decisions...but wait, isn't there also the lovely person of greeness and gayness from Tasmania, Bob Brown in the mix??
Imagine an athiest or deeply religious married gay greenie running the joint (in budgie smugglers of course)....ah, we surely are the lucky country...given where I live the "Shooters & Fishers" party might get a look in...KAZZ

Pam said...

*groan*. This is the first federal election in a very long time that I haven't volunteered all day giving out 'how to vote' cards at the local election booth.I've lost heart.
While Tony has done much to trumpet the cause of smuggled mortified budgies, Julia must be Mikimodo's darling. The spin doctors are having a field day.
While both prime ministerial candidates have been blessed (?) with a fine set of ears,they remain aurally-challenged, with an inability to REALLY listen to the Australian people.
Even Cec's idea of putting the pillow over Abbott's head wouldn't stop him. "uh... ..look..uh..." would simply morph into... "fwh..mfk..fwh" with another false promise struggling desperately to emerge.
Oh those photos Baino - *shudder*.
I intend to enjoy my Saturday this year, regardless, and trying to give thanks that we are at least,not living in a country dominated by the Taliban.That is of course, truly something to be thankful for.

The Man at the Pub said...

Woohooo! I love an election. I get nervously excited ever few years when the ballot box opens.

But Baino, seriously! Not only do you post a picture of Abbott in his budgie-smugglers, but you make it a BIG picture! I nearly chundered in my coffee!

I'll probably vote Julia, indirectly (though the Sex Party sounds fun), because I can't bear the thought of the alternative.

Also, for the information of some of your international readers, we are (I think) the only country in the world to have compulsary voting. I just thought I'd raise that becasue it's an endless source of debate.

Nancy said...

OMG, That is the funniest expression of all the funny expressions you have mentioned to us over the years.


If I ever stop laughing I'll look for your explanation of this remark.

River said...

I didn't know there were so many parties to choose from.
Seriously; a Fishing and Lifestyle party??

I don't yet know who I'm going to vote for, but I'm giving thought to letting Julia have a go. i'd like to see if she can manage any better than the men have done for the last umpteen years.

River said...

@Roy; julia's problem just lately is that she's been pandering to the spin doctors, instead of being herself. hopefully that will change if she's elected.

Julie said...

I felt differently about this election. I found it fascinating. I have been riveted the entire 5 weeks.

I think the one single thing that stopped the development of essential policy and the discussion of essential policy is the phrase "a great big new tax on everything'. There HAS to be taxes on things to solve communal problems like health, education, water, communications, equality. How else will equality be achieved. Leave it to market forces? Hah!!!!!!!