Friday, December 31, 2010

Resolutions Revealed

I'm not a great one for resolutions and seem to set the same three each year:
  • Sell my property
  • Lose Weight
  • Get Laid
None have come to fruition  in the recent past but I live in hope. Although this year, I feel a brightness. There's something special about 2011, a new positive energy if that's what it can be called. Oh yes, I still want the three above but have decided that none are going to fall in my lap.  The house is for sale and I'm actively pushing it to anyone who shows any interest but much of that is in the lap of the gods. However, if it hasn't gone by September, it's being auctioned or the price dropped. I want 2011 to be my last Christmas here. Not because I don't love the place but because it's simply time to move on.

Losing weight is happening and I've moved about 7 kilos in 7 weeks.  I need to lose another 18 over the next 12 weeks which is quite a task. Slow and steady but I'm walking every day and was even cajoled into buying some dumbells and use them three times a week to reduce the canteen lady arms. So by April 1st, I hope to win, or come close to winning my bet with The Benchwarmer and taking a nice crisp $100 bill from his wallet.

Getting laid? This is a problem. I'm no spring chicken. I'm incredibly fussy about the men that appeal to me. I'm a social recluse and frankly, I've not been asked for a long time so, we'll see.  Hard to find an attractive man who can look past the sagging boobs and cellulite thighs and the recent Harry Potter scar across my eyebrow doesn't help. Maybe I'll start dating, maybe I won't but if it happens, I'll be forever grateful to whoever breaks the drought, although  I think I've forgotten how to do it and no man will 'see' me totally naked. Ever.

I'm adding a few as well. Resolutions that I can or should be able to control.

Reduce the neuroticism

I can be a worrier and think of the worst. As my friend in the US constantly reminds me 'Stop thinking the worst all the time - it's all good'. The fact that he frequently 'makes' me think the worst often escape me but I think I'm improving.  I worry when my kids travel, I worry every time Adam gets on that bloody bike. I worry about bills and cleanliness and job security and . . . well I should stop. I do overreact but I'm working on it. Really I am.

Have Patience
I do get frustrated when things don't happen, or happen now. It makes me tetchy and adds to the worrying so this year, there will be a few deep breaths, more exercise, more tolerance, more 'relaxing' about things. I even bought a hypnotherapy tape and at the end of it I still can't work out if he counts down to 10 or just says "TEN" it's very relaxing.

Be a better financial manager
2011 is  my year of consolidation. I've set a goal to travel in 2012. For a short time, if I've not sold the house. For a prolonged period if I have. Before that, I need to get my credit debt under control, pay my loans, live frugally and manage to save. I'm very motivated for this one. I want to sit in KJ's hot tub on a snowy night, visit Provincetown and New York, see the Grand Canyon,  watch Cirque du Soliel and gamble in Las Vegas, touch a Redwood, have 50 million checkout chicks say "Have a nice day", have a bear break into my car, buy a cowboy hat, go to a Navajo reservation, drive the I-whateveritis in a red truck with three dogs, two cats and a mad ex-paratrooper with OCD and pick up a shy but equally mad writer and illustrator (if his wife will let me). Yep 2012, US here I come.

Be a better friend
I really do need to get out more and have neglected friends over the past year. I need to arrange get-togethers, make others include me because I think many are sick of issuing invitations or think that I'm comfortable in solitude. Indeed, I have become so but it's not good for me to be on my own. I'm a social animal and need company.

Be a better blogger
I've been pretty crap this year. I'm not talking about the quantity, I simply don't have time to blog every day like I used to but the quality of the posts I've put up in 2010 apart from those on Creative Infanticide or perhaps Paris, have been pretty ordinary. I promise to do better with content, subject matter and wit.

So 2011 is looking up for me. And I hope for you. I know so many people for whom 2010 has been a pretty shitty year.  I have three overseas visitors heading this way next year and I couldn't be more thrilled. Work finally is challenging and satisfying and I have a wonderful employer. The kids are settled. One away from home, the other planning a wedding. My nephew gets married here in March and one of my sweetest nieces has become engaged. Of course, my own son is getting married in July. There seems little to worry about if you're in the right frame of mind. Well as long as you don't count that strange bumping sound in my car or look at my credit card statement.

Have a wonderful New Year. Take it easy if you celebrate NYE.  I don't as a rule but did spend the evening with someone I care for, ate a dozen oysters, far too many king prawns and a blue swimmer crab, skinny dipped all on my own in a pool so warm it could be a spa and snuggled my dog who was terrified by neighbourhood fireworks. Well that's her excuse. 

Here's to 2011, good health, happiness and friendship . . may they all be yours.

Gotta love the coathanger when she explodes . . NY? All you have is a big Swarovski ball?

Happy New Year, Happy All Year . . .


kylie said...

happy new year to you, too baino!

i beati said...

love the order they are listed in haha did not know you wanted to sell that loely place

I haven't felt that energy and spirit yet!! sk

Grannymar said...

May 2011 be yours! It is beginning to sound like it will be one long party. Enjoy

The Jelly Monster said...

So in regards to your third resolution...if you come to Ireland I'll show you a good time ;) grrrrrr

Brian Miller said...

happy new year baino...i wish you best with all your goals...and scars are def a patience...yeah i need that too...

Roy said...

Happy New Year, Hels!

Janice said...

Loved your resolutions. Happy New Year to you!

nick said...

Wow, that's a lot of resolutions to live up to! I hope you manage at least some of them. My single NY resolution is always to cut the neuroticism/anxiety and just let everything flow. I think I've moved a little bit in that direction but anxiety is a stubborn beast to shift.

Jenny and I will be seeing in the new year with Jools Holland as usual. He always has some good musicians on the agenda.

Hope you have a great 2010, Helen!

nick said...

Oops, that should be a great 2011!

Tom said...

that's one hell of a list--but you sound pretty motivated, so go fer it! mr. ocd really carting all his animals cross country as well for your little(big) trip? that's pretty messed up.

We're up next....another 10 hours and the ball drops....

California Girl said...

Still laughing @ #3.

Good resolutions tho! I have to lose more weight in 2011 too. Getting laid? What the hay? I'm married and we rarely do it. Our time clocks are off, I'm too tired, he's too tired, we're fighting, he ate too much for dinner blah blah blah. Anyway, I'd like to get laid too.

Love ya Helen & Happy New Year!

e said...

I love your list, Hells. My recent experiences with #3 were so blah that I'm now asking that no more depressives with deep seated intimacy issues come my way, ever!

I hope you have a wonderful 2011!

Mim said...

put # 1 first and the rest will follow.

All joking aside - happy New Year to you Hells - and I hope to see you (NAKED!!) in KJ's HotTub this next year

Ocean Girl said...

Your wit is enviable! Travel is a great goal. I would like to plan a travel too, maybe in December 2011. I am developing an interest in the Maldives. My son's college mate is a Maldivian. It would be nice and exciting for him to visit a friend, I hope.

May all your goals come true in 2011 my friend Baino.

laughingwolf said...

thx baino, hope yours went well... only 10:17 pm here, so a bit to go!

Colette Amelia said...

Hey Cowboy hats are part of the dress code in this neck of the woods! July first is the famous to see you!

Wishing you all good things in the new year.

Anonymous said...

Happy New Year! Well, I don't want to be to optimistic, but It seems I have already done your dating programme.

Mrsupole said...

Wishing you a very Happy New Year in 2011, and also hoping that you mostly get laid. Everything else will happen for sure but getting laid and not letting him see you naked, well now that is pretty hard to do. But it can be done in a very dark room with all the windows blocked out and no lights on, but be prepared for some stubbed and hurt toes.

But then I do have to say that I don't blame you because I never like to see me naked either. I have also caught hubby on his knees praying that he does not have to either. Not sure what happened, one day it seemed like everything was where it was supposed to be and then the next day I looked in the mirror and started screaming. Everything had gone south of the border and when I hear them talking about protecting our borders, I know it is a secret code for them to try and figure out how much they will have to pay me to keep my clothes on for the rest of my life. I mean it's not like I don't blame them, but what was once a beautiful bod has turned into a muse for all of Stephen King's horror books.

Another thing though, haven't you heard that you can just use a vibrator, probably better then one of those depressive men that e was talking about. And as long as you pay your electric bill, you can get laid all day long.

And my resolution is to never make a resolution because I have never kept any of them. I just don't care and I am too lazy to bother to try and keep them. Plus with my CRS problem, I have no idea what they are anyway.

So good luck with all of your resolutions and may you keep them all.

God bless.

Sarah Lulu said...

I'm one step ahead of you! I wish I was the third step ahead really.

I sold the house ...ok I gave my half to my ex husband and he gave me the money and I bought the beach cabin with it. Hallelujah.

I've not lost an ounce and I need to lose about a million, but as I was swimming today, I know the more active, relaxed lifestyle will help that.

As to getting laid ... it's right at the top of my list of wishes ...
I'm also so so so hmmmmm contrary ...about what I want or don't want in a man's hard having been on my own in many ways for so long.

God help me (I hope) ...

Share details if you get any in case it helps me!

Betsy said...

Baino ~ happy new year to you! I love your list and good luck there in those goals. You have some good ones there and congrats on the progress already!

I'm happy to know you...great writing, super wit and you are an encouragement to me, too! Thank you.

Best of everything to you in 2011! xo

kj said...


you're telling the world you want (and probably by now NEED) to get laid???


there is so much i love about you and your charming honesty is at the top of the list. now i am going to put your sex life on my prayer bead list. hahahaha!

no bathing suits normally in the hot tub (unless you want to) but nobody looks (sounds like mim might) :)

count on me for hottubbing under the stars, provincetown of course, and maybe even nyc if need be.

i love this post madly, hells. it's all happening. and let it be known that i predicted every tiny weeny part of it. RIGHT?!

HAHAHAHA! you are so damn cute!


Anonymous said...

Great post!Happy new year to you!!!:)

Robin said...

Hello Baino! I am here courtesy of KJ..... your New Year's post made me giggle! Too funny!

And...I have to say that visiting KJ, JB and Stella last year...I was tempted to jump in the hot tub (sans clothes)....but we really didn't have enough time....this year, for sure! Hope you will come to YART 2011!

One of my dearest friends lives in New Zealand (Dunedin) I always wish her Happy New Years first! I'll add you on now too!Love that shot of the bridge - it is spectacular!

Hoping ALL your wishes come true this year!

♥ Robin ♥ (in San Francisco)

Anonymous said...

good luck! you can do it! I never make resolutions, so I never disappoint myself. :)

Megan said...

No Disneyland?!?

Good luck with all your resolutions, best Baino!

River said...

I love the bridge fireworks and missed seeing any of it this year as I was napping a lot due to being unwell.
I know how to help with your credit card debt....take a large pair of scissors and cut up those cards!.
I hope you manage at least most of your resolutions, (there's so many!), and congratulations on the weight loss. My own weight loss plan has fallen off the rails, mainly due to christmas baking and eating (mince pies, yum....)but as soon as I'm over this latest hump I'm back on the walking/eating less thing.

Anonymous said...

With you there Baino. I have few resolutions myself, mostly I just intend to have lots and lots of fun. Feck 'em. Good luck in your ambitions and do stop being a worrier, life's really too short for that.

rummuser said...

Baino, I have been enjoying reading your blog for some time without leaving any comments, but this one tempts me to.

The reason, your permanent three objectives are mine too and I simply have not succeeded!

I too hope that 2011 will change all that.

tony said...

Hey Baino, All The Very Best To You in 2011.Bestest Wishes,tony.

Ces said...


I want a follow up email detailing No. 3 when that happens.

Good luck darling. Make everything else happen except being a better blogger. What the heck does that mean? Look at us. It's been years since Anon flew the coop and we are still here and you and I are still talking to each other. That accounts for a lot! You are better than better. Remain. You have always been true. I like that about you. Happy New Year. How come I don't see you in FB anymore? Tsup!

Pam said...

Hahaha Helen! Be careful what you wish for! A friend of mine had a similar resolution to get laid this time last year. Her experience was disappointing to say the least. "It was" she told me,"like trying to squeeze a marshmallow into a piggy-bank". Nearly ran off the road in hysterics!
The lit-up coathanger as always on these occasions looks magnificent - makes our little rotunda effort here in Adelaide look like a squib, but had better not use that word in light of your resolution. Don't want to put a jinx on things.
Here's to 2011 - have a good one!

PattiKen said...

Great minds, my dear. Here's mine: I resolve…

"canteen arms"? Ah-ha-ha. Over here, they are often called bat wings or as my daughter says, "bye-bye arms," because you don't have wave bye-bye; your arms do it for you. Smart-ass kid.

As for the neuroticism part, hey, we worry. There's always the possibility of being in a ditch. I totally understand.

Happy New Year, my friend.

Jill said...

Baino! Happy New Year to you! LOVE your list for 2011 and hope that each and everyone can be checked off in 2011.

What fun it is to visit you here.
My best to you this year!


Quickroute said...

a long list but hope you manage to cross them all off - Belated Happy New Year!

Wally The Walrus said...

Haha - excellent. Made me smile.

We've just had a long family trip around the land of the Kiwi. Last one with the kids I think.

Current plan is to go with She Who Must Be Obeyed to the US as the next trip, without kids. At this rate our timing will be the same as yours. We'll probably bump into you gawking at the redwoods.

Robyn said...

Happy New Year to you too xoxox

& may there be many many happy new years.

Megan said...

Well, I finished my first resolution, which was to move the blog. New location is here.


Kate Hanley said...

Love your list. I need more patience as well; everything frustrates me. And be a better friend; I like that as well. Good luck with selling the house and here's hoping for many travels in 2012! Happy New Year!

Anonymous said...

Good list - good luck with all of that.
(On the getting laid bit - some of my mates do internet dating - not such a big deal these days - seems to work well.)

Jay at The Depp Effect said...

Many of those resolutions are good for me too. I've become a recluse, need to lose weight, need to improve my blogging output, need to stop being lazy, and be more positive. I should really be looking at selling up and moving too.. *sigh*

Happy new year, Baino - and good luck!! You've made an excellent start already with the weight loss! :)

Liza Ursu said...

Canteen lady arms, FUNNY!
I have referred to mine as chubs of bologna.
Be fussy,
but not a hussy! (sorry I couldn't resist the rhyme opportunity)
One of my resolutions was to give up Facebook which I did. I feel like an outcast now. Isn't that ridiculous? I need to make more human contact myself outside of home.
All the best Baino in 2011!!!!