Thursday, November 16, 2006

Feelin Alright? . . not feelin' too good myself

OK this is definitely the last draft, maybe the sixth . . it gets . . . well, more even handed with each draft . . .I'm just so pissed that my lovely ClareBear is so upset.

Well uni has finished for ClareBear. After 16 years of education my first born now only has to participate in an exhibition of graduate’s work and it’s done. My baby is free to fulfil her destiny and this should be a happy time, gap year, choices, travel, love, whatever comes her way . . . the happiest of times – one of those milestones like leaving school or getting married - but it’s not – it’s veiled in tears.

This semester has been fraught with tension. Between soul destroying tutors, tight timelines, pretentious artists, an incredible workload and of course the ever demanding boyfriend, last week was hell on earth.

Sunday, there’s a heart-to-heart, a D & M because GymJunkie’s in a bit of a rut, feeling a bit neglected due to her uni priorities but it ends with hugs and kisses and “I’m glad we talked, it brings us closer together . .” Everyone’s happy, just the pressure of the final assignment. Uni is almost finished with just 4 days to go. Then they can spend lots of time together (That is when he’s not playing tag, going to the gym, working, watching footy and cricket, preening himself, shopping or feeling like an early night).

Tuesday he called her three times as usual and told her he’d bought tickets for Sara Blascoe for the following week – all is well, fine and dandy it seems the rut has been overcome.

Wednesday lunchtime, he hasn’t called, she wonders why and then, after some pressing due to the ‘tone’ of his voice - he announces that he loves her but is no longer ‘in love’ – just two days before her final presentation. Nice timing jerk.

She calls me in a tizz, no an hysterical moment, I race home from work and get the news that he doesn't love her any more and hasn't for a while - she is inconsolable and knows that it’s not a great sign but they’ve agreed to leave it until Sunday before making any decision on their future together. I resolve to take a couple of days off to keep her grounded.

Thursday – no news, she’s distraught and putting the final touches to this massive presentation. We’ve run out of tissues and the sleeves of her t-shirt are wet with tears. She has a feeling of foreboding but a glimmer of hope.

Friday – the big presentation goes well. The sense of relief for us both is enormous. I don’t know how she’d have actually got it together if I hadn’t resolved to drive. Her models were huge and heavy. So that’s it. . . we’re on the way home . . . she’s planning a celebration with some mates and a visiting friend from Queensland . . . once again, she’s put her problems with GymJunkie aside for now and resolved to have a big night and face the demons later.

Good job I was driving . . I hadn’t intended to it was only her fragile frame of mind and nerves that made me resolve to take her and bring her home.

Then, not more than 20 minutes after the presentation, he calls her, we’re driving on the freeway – He announces that it’s all over, he’s not prepared to try to rekindle the romance now that Uni’s finished and it’s a huge weight lifted from his shoulders we're so glad that he feels better. She can keep the John Butler ticket and try to get a refund for their Port Macquarie escape in December and maybe they’ll be friendly enough to sit next to each other at the Chilli Peppers concert next April. To add insult to injury (and we’re still driving on the freeway) he tells her that he’s consulted a number of people, including her best friend and decided that it’s the right thing to do – the ultimate humiliation, he’s not only breaking up, he’s doing it on the phone, on the road and after talking to every man and his dog about it. . Goodbye and good luck.

Well I'm really pleased that he feels better, lets face it, this has all been about his inability to understand the pressures of her final year at uni and when the going got tough, it seems the 'gloss' fell off the relationship and he became hell-bent on going . . better now than when she’s barefoot and pregnant I guess. These are my thoughts not hers, she's very forgiving.

I’m over the anger of it now (really, this is calm by comparison) and just consoling ClareBear who is absolutely gutted and was convinced this rather self-absorbed boy with a very silly haircut was ‘the one’.

What do you do when your child brings a boy home that you know isn’t quite right? He's chatty, funny - he embraces her, showers her with affection and whispers sweet nothings that make her feel like a Princess. He treats her well on this level but never buys her flowers, gifts or even pays for her concert tickets or dinner. In fact GymJunkie has never shouted her anything . . . she hasn’t a single memento from their 9 month relationship - ah but he's funny, and glib and charming and handsome (so some think). She’s besotted but I knew from the start that there’s little room for anyone in GymJunkie’s life other than himself. Even his father told me so when we first met.

He has difficulty walking past a reflective surface without checking himself out, has no interests other than sport and the body beautiful and music of course. Won't travel unless there's a gym, a shower and the opportunity to clean his teeth three times a day. Doesn't dance. Doesn't party late.

OK people fall out of love all the time, shit happens on both sides - no-one is at fault and I'm not lamenting the end of this relationship as much as Clare but frankly, this issue was about timing and it sucked.

Why couldn’t he have waited until today? She didn’t even have a chance to celebrate the one night she can say she’s truly free. She, on the other hand defends his many ‘layers’ and says that I don’t know the half of it. Bullshit, I didn’t come down with the last shower. Okay, he says he's felt this way for some weeks and was sparing her the agony during a time of stress - thanks heaps - breaking the news three days before after a three week silence - grand jesture of selflessness my boy - worked a treat.

Anyway, he’s feeling liberated so that’s OK. Here are some hot tips for you GymJunkie and I mean these as a way of improving yourself for the next relationship:

  • You will never find love when you love yourself more than the person you’re with
  • You will never have a successful relationship if you do a runner as soon as the pressure is on
  • You will never 'deal' with a relationship if you aren't prepared to put in a bit of effort when things get tough.
  • You are not the centre of the universe
  • Your table manners need improving
  • Show some respect for your parents
  • Girls don’t give a shit about how great you’re feeling about yourself
  • They also like a little selfless love . . and that goes for the bedroom
  • Stop talking everything up . . the best concert in the universe, the most fabulous workout, the biggest night . . shit man, life comprises highs and lows as do relationships so put it into perspective and learn to deal with them both. Your enthusiasm is simply you trying to convince yourself that things are better than they are . . .take a long hard look at yourself and the world around you, try it without those rose coloured glasses! Sometimes life's great, sometimes its boring and sometimes its just plain pig shit. Take it from someone who knows. Maybe I should put this down to limited life experiences and youth.

At least a relationship with my daughter may have taught you a little more about how to handle the next with more finesse. Your immaturity is evident in your need to consult others to confirm your feelings. You have no idea how to break bad news, your timing is unbelievably selfish for the sake of two days, she could have at least celebrated the end of 4 years of uni with a smile on her face. I also hope you feel so much better now that this burden has been lifted from your shoulders because Clare is still carrying hers . . . she will come to her senses but the hurt she feels at the moment is deep and infectious. You my friend are a high-maintenance self-obsessed sales pitch on legs and she fell for your dulcit tones hook line and sinker. Wow, to use your vernacular - smashed that one didn’t we!

GymJunkie, seriously just quit talking it up . . you showed her the best time of her life because she believed your glib talk and sales pitch which at the time might have been genuine, but down deep, I knew it wouldn't last. You have nothing in common . . . she cares about and respects her family, she has concern for others and the environment she is not self-obsessed and vain . . . she sleeps in and parties late, she loves to dance and hates the gym and some of the pretentious people it attracts - yet she fell in love with you, forgave you all your faults because she loves you whereas you found that the sparkle faded whilst she had other priorities and gave up on her. I guess sometimes the chemistry does just vapourise but in your case, it seemed to happen so quickly and you talked yourself into leaving rather than trying. Relationships are hard work and not always smooth sailing. Take a good long look at yourself and realise that whether at work or in your personal life you can't just spin the sales pitch . . . relationships are more than a few well placed words at the right time. You can be so much more than just salesman in a pink Ralph Lauren shirt.

I thought you were fun GymJunkie . . you were nice to have around, easy to feed, seriously flattering and ultimately presentable in mixed company and I thank you for a lovely birthday dinner, that meant a lot to me to see you actually at work in the kitchen rather than wolfing down large portions of meat without enjoying the flavour. I have to say however, that in my mind, you werre never a serious contender. Clare begs to differ - Ahh well, she'll live and learn.

Now . . who's game enough to face-off with the mother-in-law from Hell and treat my baby right? She is sweet, low maintenance, loving and takes people at face value . . she's hard working, ambitious and ultimately adorable so heads up fellas . . .who's game to run the mama Baino gauntlet and be the man of her dreams . . I know you're out there but sadly - probably don't read my blog.

1 comment:

ClareBear said...

God, I hope Nick reads this, its funny cos its true! Thanks mum for all the support, I wouldn't have made ti without you. You're th one person who understands everything I go through and you're always there. I'm sorry my pain has rubbed off on you so much.