Friday, August 28, 2009

Friday Fuckwits and a Little Tipple

Police are appealing for information after a man was glued to a public toilet seat in far north Queensland in what police describe as a 'sick joke'.

Police, ambulance officers and fire crews were called to the 70-year-old man's aid after he became stuck at the Cairns Central Shopping Centre toilets about 10:30am AEST on Saturday.

Police say someone smeared strong glue over the toilet seat and the man had to be taken to the Cairns Base Hospital to have the seat removed. Police are urging anyone who saw anything untoward to call Crimestoppers. The poor man involved is recovering, embarrassed but not undone and will be in need of a 'cushion' for a few weeks I'll wager.

Now what sounded like a funny prank was a pretty awful thing to do. Then I guess it beats being mugged. See why I don't do public loos? My aversion to public toilets, perhaps with the exception of those at work I (which I still try to avoid like the plague) has resulted in a colossal ability to 'hold on'. Go you good pelvic floor muscles . . .If that poor soul had those hygienic paper toilet seat covers, he could have saved himself quite a pain in the ass.

Hmmm . .at least that way he'd have just had to take off his shoes!

And finally, vindication for the chardy set.

At last, the research I've been looking for and one GOOD thing about being in your 50's

Elderly people who drink light to moderate amounts of alcohol are less likely to develop dementia than teetotallers, an Australian study shows.

The study, led by Dr. Kaarin Anstey of the Centre for Mental Health Research at the Australian National University in Canberra, analysed the results of several researches that involved some 10,000 people globally.

"We found that light to moderate drinkers were 28 percent less likely to develop Alzheimers than non-drinkers, 25 per cent less likely to develop vascular dementia, and 26 per cent less likely to develop any dementia," she claimed.

Anstey (Why am I reading that as 'Antsy') said it wasn't clear why moderate consumption of alcohol could reduce the risk of dementia, but suggested that it could be to do with a protective effect of alcohol in reducing inflammation and heart disease or the benefits of social interaction associated with drinking. Oh be still my beating heart!

The report is published in the American Journal of Geriatric Psychiatry. So where's the fuckwittery I hear you ask? Reports on three or four sites that I've seen have stated that 28 drinks a week help prevent dementia . . twats . . it's 28% less likely to develop Alzheimers . . and I think I've got a poor eye for detail. . . I hate tabloid journalism. . .really . . .I do. I wish medicos did recomment four drinks each night! Clearly I'm going to be super smaht!

Have a great weekend folks. Light rain in the antipodes in the morning, just enough to give my marigolds a drink then a sunny 28 degrees and time to clean out the . .SHED FROM HELL! Wish me luck!

38 comments:

Alan Burnett said...

Your Friday pieces always set me up for the weekend. Good luck with the shed. I did our garage yesterday and it wasn't fun. I am sure I read that report about moderate drinking and dementia somewhere but can'r remember where. I need a drink.

Grow Up said...

I believe bacon is good too. In that it makes us blokes pop our clogs in advance of the onset of dementia.

Mmmmmmmmmmm Bacon [Homer drool noise]

Pam said...

Ahhh thanks dear Baino. I needed an excuse. My brother is coming home from overseas next week to help clear out my Dad's overflowing three suburban sheds.(The second two were to redistribute and store stuff from the first one, so Mum could get the car into it.)Didn't work.Three stuffed sheds. Thats Alzheimers for you. Pass the bottle.

Kate said...

So its onward and upward on the alcohol front then.... I'll drink to that- although I think I'd much prefer dementia in my later years to some of the other horrendous ailments!

Have fun with the shed - thank goodness I don't have one of those anymore - mostly because it always needed clearing out!!!

Melanie said...

I bought a $5 bottle of cab/sav on a whim the other day even though I dont drink for 364 days of the year. A sign maybe? Yeah yeah , i know Im a cheapskate lol. As for the shed, you are such a tease, set up a shed cam for me. I have lots of pink and green paint left btw LOL I am visualizing you shaking your head saying NOOOOO not pink and green!!!!!!!!!! Fine! I better go drink my bottle of 5 buck chuck so I dont get dementia. Have fun tomorrow.

Ropi said...

Is it sick to imagine a 70 years old guy with a toilet seat on his arse? Anyway I spent 2 hours in bank so never mind. I just realised that my future profession is stupid.

subtorp77 said...

I remember this happening to a chap at a Home Depot-not funny, that!

And wot? I've got to start drinking again to avoid dementia? The coffee's not enough?

And SHED FROM HELL-LOL! happy week-end Baino!

nick said...

A very sick joke on that poor old man. Though it's a story he can dine out on for many years to come! I've read about the alcohol and reduced dementia link, very intriguing. Assuming the journos haven't garbled ALL the details, I'm just off to pour my daily tipple....

Roy said...

Hmmm... I thought I'd heard that bit about moderate drinking and Alzheimers long enough ago that it was considered common knowledge now. I've certainly heard doctors say so in the last 10 years or so. Well, maybe this was the first certifiable test of the theory.

If they ever catch the comedian who put the glue on the toilet seat, he should be punished by undergoing the same!

Brian Miller said...

not envying you the shed...mine's going to need a go round before long...

i know its not funny, but...sorry just a few giggles. maybe its just relief escaping that it was not me...hope they catch the sticky cheeks...

enjoy a drink to your sanity...and a great weekend!

i beati said...

omg amazing to say the least - cheers to the weekend sandy

laughingwolf said...

first part's sad, second, brilliant!

there's but one way to avoid OLDtimer's diease: DIE YOUNG!

too late for me awreddy :P lol

Candie Bracci said...

Allright,no that wasn't a nice thing to do!:(

Wine forever!:)

And..good luck!:D

Enjoy your weekend!

Darlene said...

If I had 4 drinks in one night I would welcome Dementia so I could forget my headache.

Poor guy stuck on the loo. That would hurt and be embarrassing and I'll bet the guy that put glue on the seat was around to watch the fun.

Quickroute said...

I always squat rather than sit so hopefully will avoid the glue - good news on the alcohol front! - cheers

Marion said...

I believe in holding it in, as well, rather than use public toilets. The women's always seems to be in much worse shape than the men's, though.

I guess in this case the mens toilets were worse. I'm sorry for the poor man. Elderly skin is not very forgiving.

Good luck with your shed...watch for spiders!

jay said...

I love your Friday Fuckwit pieces! LOL!

But yes, poor man. These stupid bastards never think through the possible consequences of their actions, do they?

But I have to ask - who would sit on a toilet seat which looked as if it had been - or might have been - smeared with something? Unless the poor guy was partially sighted, in which case, all the more shame to the pea-brain who did it.

Megan said...

'Light to moderate' doesn't really work for me. ;)

Gledwood said...

I'm going to think twice before I ever go to a public toilet in Cairns ...

... hey did you know I once wanted to LIVE there ... isn't it right oop top, by the Great Barrier thang ..?

K8 the Gr8 said...

Someone did that in McDonald's toilets over this neck of the woods a few years back, cruel mofos. The fact that I'm inwardly giggling a little bit might have something to do with the wine.

otin said...

Great, I hardly drink, so I will probably get Alzheimers! It will make for some random posts!!!

Baino said...

Alan my 'shed' IS actually a double garage up in the back garden and it's full of stuff from tractors to tax records and horsey gear . . a daunting task.

Haha bacon . . yeh. Now I want a fried brekky

Actually Pam this is also in response to my nephew coming home in September after 2 years in England. My brother in his wisdom has redecorated the kid's room so now all his gym junk is up there as well! Can't swing a cat in it.

Good news for us Lush's Kate! If the Alzheimer's don't get ya, something else will!

Hey don't knock it Mel, I've been drinking $5 cleanskins and sometimes they're pretty good. Just the end of the vintage but you never know what . . .it's lucky dip wine.

It's a pretty horrible thing to do isn't it Ropi. Poor old soul. And it's very difficult to try to settle on a career at your age. Requires a lot of thought and maybe some work experience.

You too Subby. I'll do the 'before's' and 'afters' and you'll see what I mean!

Well it actually works out to four glasses of wine or it's equivalent per day but they didn't say what alcohol was good for you.

Roy it was the first accumulation of a number of peer research pieces. She put them all together to devise her report. Yeh, cruel joke alright, see, no good comes of going to public loos! Although you'd think a shopping centre would be pretty safe.

I know Brian, it's one of those jobs that gets delayed but now that I go up there twice a day to feed the horses, it's in my face. Just can't stand it any more.

Cheers to you too Sandy . . I have three words for you - Duck Egg Blue!

Good God Wuffa . . nah I'd rather the Alzheimers than the alternative.

You too Miss Bracci . . Wine forever! Haha. . that's a very French thing to say!

Well I hope they catch the idiots Darlene. And nope, 4 drinks wouldn't give me a headache. Water off a duck's back!

Quickie! Too much information. Actually the Chinese squat on our toilets occasionally. It's not unusual to see two footmarks on the seat. Eeeuuwww.

Hi there Marion . . we're going to put a spider bomb in there first! At least the boys can pee behind a tree!

Jay, I'm sure they do think of the consequences, they just think it's funny when in fact it's cruel. It could easily have been a child as well. And yes, I would have checked!

Haha . . you, me and a bottle or too . . moderation isn't my style in anything really!

Yep far north Qld Gleds. Very hot and humid but pretty I'm told. Never been there myself But you can't swim half the year round due to box jellyfish

Yeh, cruel alright. Still wouldn't you get up the minute you felt the wet patch?

Otin, you already have random posts. No wine or Alzheimers needed! And I mean that in the nicest possible way.


Have a lovely weekend folks!

Ces said...

What a mean joke. Maybe the pranksters will sustain some bamboo splinters on their little peckers.

I love Piesportel Auslese or Spatlese.

How much is moderate? It's a relative term.

Ronda Laveen said...

Here's to Hell and back and the 4 glasses of wine to follow the journey! Cheers!!

Renee said...

Sweet friend xoxooxo

Vagabonde said...

People in France drink wine with meals and the country as about ½ the rate of Alzheimer disease as in the US. My mother, in France, always had a glass of wine for lunch and dinner, just one, and her brain was sharp until she passed away at 92. She also only used butter, drank coffee and ate black chocolate. Of course the heath care there is very good, so that could be a reason too.

River said...

I don't drink alcohol at all, so is dementia in my future? Probably not, as a completely different scientific study has shown that people who do crossword puzzles and other mind activities are also less likely to develop dementia. Which is a relief to me because I really didn't want to have to take up drinking.
As for "holding it", I just wish I could. I sometimes think I have the smallest bladder in the country. Like my mum, I know the location of the nearest toilet within 5 minutes of arriving somewhere new. I'm okay if I haven't had any coffee though. But geez, a day without coffee doesn't bear thinking about. As it is, I'm down to one cup a day unless I don't have to work the next day.

lettuce said...

yay for Dr. Anstey! what good news

ebony said...

Ouch, what a stupid prank! I hate public toilets too! Well, Have a nice weekend :D.

Bimbimbie said...

Tsup*!* I saw that report on drinking for healthy brains the other day too ;)

We were out cleaning and restocking our wood shed yesterday*!*

California Girl said...

My mother taught me to pee standing up...inotherwords, never sit on a public toilet seat.

Melissa said...

Oh, that poor guy. :( I hope whoever did it has to have the same done to him as punishment.

Now I'm off to have a glass of wine. heh heh.

Melissa said...

Oh. My. God. I have to post again just so I can type in the word verification. I am not lying ... it's "poophole" ... ROTFLMAO!!! Only you would get "poophole" as a word verification, Baino!!

e said...

Good luck cleaning your shed, Baino. LMAO, I guess I'm destined for dementia since I can't drink...I loved your "dead funny" comment on my limo aka hearse story. Happy Weekend!

Grannymar said...

What was I doing? hic! Ah go on fill the glass again while I sit and try to remember! I have to make the most of it now as I don't want to be found guilty of being drunk in charge of crutches! ;)

kj said...

hells honey: we all have stories about public toilet seats. my mother taugtht me never ever to sit on one. when i became a teenager, i defied her and put toilet paper across the seat. now i have a job where i HAVE to go somewhere and i won't ask a client to use their bathroom. so i'm in crappy mcdonald's rest rooms in an urban poor area and i wish it weren't so..

now for moderate alcohol, my intake was not considered moderate. i stopped drinking years ago because i drank too much. but i hope i got some of this benefit!

love love love

Dot-Com said...

A real pain in the ass! Hope the find the people who played with glue and give them an appropriate punishment.

Kate Hanley said...

I wonder what they actually mean by light to moderate drinking. I'm sure I'm more on the moderate side. And, I'm with you, I love a good chardonnay.