Monday, November 02, 2009

Memelicious Monday

Writer's block has hit big time. I have lots of ideas but little inclination. Didn't even feel like a Friday Fuckwit last week, due in no small part to a 'warning interview' by the woman I work for who doesn't want me to put things on her desk when she's absent, doesn't want me to organise her diary, doesn't want to communicate via email and doesn't think I'm capable of attending to detail. Basically, we just don't like each other. Not one bit. I am a disappointment so she's farmed me off to the loveliest man and his project team right down the other end of the office. I still have to be her Executive Assistant, but on a day to day level, I'm working with a gentleman and five of the nicest men you could hope to meet. While the sword of Damocles hangs over my head, I'll stick it out until I actually do vomit before leaving for work in the morning (I've come close!) So here's a little meme to lighten what is otherwise a rather stressful existence at the moment.

My earliest memory is . . . being in my high chair and terrified at the shimmery shadow a spoon made on the ceiling. Oh that and sitting under the kitchen table sharing the dog's Winalot!

At high school I… met my best friend in the world, in year 9, after going to three different high schools and 9 different primary schools. She's still my best friend was my Maid of Honour and I her bridesmaid. I love her but I treat her badly.

My first relationship was… Well apart from my riding partner Casey Vanderzaag who I dumped after 2 years of lovely friendship because he wore white socks to a party - Steven Rodriguez who was the best eucalyptus and honey tasting kisser on the planet. The whole thing was quashed when I moved from Melbourne to Sydney and my prying mother found his letters . . yep . . he used the 'F' word and I was banned from corresponding! (Haha . . if she could hear me now!)

I wish I’d never worn… a pink corduroy pant suit that my Nana bought for me to the Monkees show in Melbourne. I stood out like the Pink Panther at an Amish service! Didn't stop me standing on my seat and screaming like a banshee. Oh and a poorly inserted tampon when I was 14 and rode a horse all the way down Windsor and North Rocks Road (about 15 kms) . . .

My mother told me… If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all and always have $50 in your pocket for a cab and wear clean underwear. Oh and don't burn a roux and eat your vegetables and a banana is a meal in itself and "I love you . . "

I wish I had… Money . . lots of it. Then I'd work in a job I liked not one I need. Oh and I'd pay the kids' HECs debts and buy Adam a new van with army camouflage on it and big "Garden Assault: plastered all over the side! Then I'd book my holiday . . .

My most humiliating moment was… I'm only allowed one? Let's keep it funny . . Farting rather loudly in a car full of five twenty-somethings because I was laughing so much. It wasn't that humiliating except it's been remembered and reminisced frequently and after 30 years . . .move on girls!

At home I cook… most of the time. Deciding what to cook for the fam 24/7 x 365 is getting a little laborious. Although Adam's pretty good and fills in now and then.

My last meal would be… Hot and cold seafood platter without the 8 legged thingamies with suckers and a bottle of champagne. OK maybe a little pot of chocolate mousse to finish and a flat white, extra strong with one.

I’m very bad at… managing money, paying attention to detail apparently, keeping in touch with good friends, relaxing, looking on the bright side, swimming in the surf, making pavlova, controlling my emotions, biting my tongue and . .well that's enough for now . . I'm very bad at a lot of things.

When I was a child… every birthday found me asking for the money for a "Day Trek" at the local stables. I was allowed out until the street lights came on . . didn't matter where and to eat rhubarb from my Granddad's patch without washing it and pouring lashings of castor sugar in the groove . . I have never had an allergy in my life so I put that down to childhood, grubbiness and a good immune system.

The book that changed my life is… Ken Follet's Pillars of the Earth . . I'm not a great reader but this one has never left me.

It’s not fashionable, but I love… rubber thongs, yoga pants and DJ's T shirts. So much so that I have multiple 'units' oh and not wearing a bra on the weekends. Go girls!

Friends say I am… bolshy, confident, argumentative, unreliable and I snore. I'm also loyal, helpful, there in a crisis and can always be the voice of reason.

The song I’d like played at my funeral is… Again only one! Every time I hear something I like I think 'yeh, that's the funeral song'. I vacillate between the absurd, Ween Push the Little Daisies, the serene, Pachobel's Canon (Remix) and the dreamy, Jeff Buckley's Hallelujah! There are more but they would bore.

If only I could… hug my parents just once more, walk into a room of strangers by myself, operate a camera on totally manual settings, work for a worthy cause and not worry about the salary. Give up my fondness for wine and cigarettes, lose weight, meet a goodly bunch of you . . especially the emailers with whom I've formed a some very close relationships. Swing the leg over a horse without fear of rupturing something important.

The last big belly laugh I had was…you know, I can't remember. I love that contagious uncontrollable laughter that makes your eyes water and your bladder leak. I'm having a weekend with the girls in November and that is their challenge! Make me lose it ladies!

What I don’t find amusing is… my internet disconnecting so frequently, control freaks, racist or sexist humour, Camry drivers, sycophants, animal cruelty and people who think they have power abusing it. I'm also not fond of people traffickers, Japanese whaling for 'ressearch', poor planning decisions by Government and an inability to find a lighter that works when in desperate need of a nurrell! I am also not fond of beer bottles on the window sill and smelly landscaper's clothes left on the floor for a week!

I’m always being asked… 'are you alright', 'how's the new job?', 'why don't you come out more often?', 'what's for dinner?'.

If I wasn’t me…then who would I be? Is that the point of this question? If I wasn't me, I wouldn't be. Although sometimes I wish I was Richard Branson.

At the moment I’m listening to… Triple J, Clare's career and travel plans, ABC News and crickets!

My favourite work of art is… anything Klimpt but I would like to see the Last Supper just to check out that effeminate apostle! And I long for a cruise around the Louvre. Actually I love art, any of it in any shape and form. I love looking at it, touching it and marveling at the skill behind it. I do have a problem with a piece in the National Gallery of Australia called PMS450 which is just a square of blue. Hell I can do that!

If I were a car I’d be… A Jeep Troopy . . .uncomfortable, practical, dirt coloured and able to tow a trailer.

I often wonder… What my life would be like if my husband had survived, if indeed I will ever live to sell this house and feel financially secure. Whether I'll meet a man young enough to interest me but be a tad older than my son!

30 comments:

Rowe said...

OMG Baino, for someone suffering writer's block you do a bloody fine job of it, writing that is. Great post, full of interesting tidbits about you. Hope the work situation improves soon. Did you keep the Pink Panther suit?

Alan Burnett said...

I hope you don't expect us all to pick up all those questions and answer them. Maybe you could allocate one each to all your blogging friends.

hokgardner said...

Interesting answers. I may steal this meme later in the month when I hit Nablopomo writer's block.

Roy said...

Very interesting. I duly noted the recurring theme of horses. And that pink suit must have been a sight to see!

BTW, I keep getting an error message when I try to play the video. Same thing happens when I go to the video's own page on YouTube. Apparently YouTube is having difficulties with it. They say try later, so hopefully the difficulty is only temporary.

Gledwood said...

I've peed myself because I was so drunk, but not purely from laughing..!! I think that one's a girl thing ...

i beati said...

I love this honest portrayal and will steal it soon,

Ocean Girl said...

Hi, I'm visiting from Rowe.

Enjoyed your writing.

Colette Amelia said...

the blogage block must be contagious...but I can't even muster a spin off your meme.

Well don't fret about the situation at work...I had a job that started out similarly and it all sorted itself out so I am just hoping that it is the stage of getting to know each other and the expectations.

PS when you get together with the girls nix the rubber thong for rubber pants...just to be on the safe side!

AngelMay said...

I definitely have writer's block. Have only parts of ideas but nothing will flesh out. I should just go upstairs and work on my quilt.

As always - love reading YOU!

Ropi said...

You may know that my favourite Hungarian king is Joseph II, despite he had never worn the Holy Crown of Hungary, due to political reasons. I like him because we share some common in character but it seems the writing on his grave is about to be applied on me: Here lies Joseph II, who failed in all he undertook.

You moved a lot, I wouldn't stand it. I like steady things.

nick said...

Well, I hope you soon meet Mr Right, make loads of money, find your dream job, and have plenty more belly laughs. And of course find the perfect, totally comfortable bra.

Grannymar said...

So Boss from Hell doesn't like you! Go spoil her day by smiling at her every morning. Do your job well and she can have no reason to gripe. Don't sweat the little stuff. Remember nobody has everything in life. It would be a hell of a lot worse if you had a great job and two lousy kids.

Darlene said...

I love memes because they make the blogger real to me. I feel like I know you much better now.

As Grannymar said, smile smile sweetly. It will make the boss from hell crazy. She may even soften up, but at least if you are smiling and feeling good it won't spoil your day. And thank gosh for the nice toyboys.

(I couldn't play the video either.)

Megan said...

I can't remember if I've done this one or not! It seems familiar, though?

I too noticed a lot of horses in there. And Camry drivers made me laugh - Liam and I put them right behind Prius drivers on our 'worst' list!

laughingwolf said...

laffed all the way thru ;)

Leah said...

Pure, sheer, wonderful get-to-know you better entertainment. I LOVED this post.

Tom said...

i would come to your blog just for your intersting video picks...but your insights are just too wonderful to be passed over...of my many blogging friends, you would surely be on my to-visit list; now i just need to win the lottery!

Susan at Stony River said...

Good luck at work; I don't think I could ever go back to an office now, remembering. I'm glad you're at least spending most of your hours down the 'other end' with good folks!

Meanwhile, thanks for a meme full of grins; I've been in similar fixes to some of them too many times, and you far outdid me on many others!

Brian Miller said...

smiles.

sorry to hear about the tough lot at work, sounds like you have landed in a good place for a bit at least.

pink courdoroy pant suit...yeah.

jeep troopy...i like it.

reflections on the ceiling...oooowwweeeoooohhh! lol.

nicely played! happy monday to you!

Ronda Laveen said...

Yes, I missed your Fukwit. But I certainly don't see writer's block here.this is all so funny except for the rhymes with witch at work.

I am in charge of remembering other's funeral songs. J wants Ava Maria, How Great Thou Art and Amazing Grace. My sister wants Mr. Bojangles. I don't think I can do that one. The whole room will be in tears.

I'm more of Spirit in the Sky, Stairway to Heaven and Closer to Home kinda girl.

Kath Lockett said...

If that stupid woman you work for can understand you or your work ethic then SHE is the mental and emotional pgymy at work.

I hope you do find a job that interests you, challenges you and pays you brilliantly well and in the meantime I also hope that the guys at the other end of the office that you're with now can be your allies in times of crisis.

She isn't related to Bulldog, by any chance???

Pam said...

Loved this post, and the film clip is powerful.That work thing can get under your skin. I worked with a teaching colleague like that.She would hand me notes to communicate,and walk away.Was never small-minded enough to write notes back, but her superior attitude got to me.Did the smiley thing too, until I was told it further contributed to me be being "f..'kn" Snow White", a title given to me by her when I was horrified to learn of, and refused to collaborate with, her intention to remove children's chairs in her class if they misbehaved,so that they had to kneel at their desk to write).Some people are happy creatures aren't they???

Mim said...

loved the image of the pink suit from Nana - god that's priceless. And for the Monkees - I never saw them but oh...we were all ever in love.

Damn that woman at work. what is she thinking? glad you get to work with the nice men tho'

e said...

Hi Baino,

It seems everyone I know is in a bit of a mood today about something...

I must say, for someone with writer's block, you certainly came up with quite a lot. I love this post, and wish you the best at work. I don't know what your super is thinking, but its a good thing she's shifted you down office a bit. I hope something works out.

Ribbon said...

Baino... one word for you...

Beautiful!

xx Ribbon :)

Baino said...

Well Rowe it took a meme to draw it out of me! Haha no . .I have no idea what happened to it!

Up to you Alan . . fly with it if you like. You could write shorter answers. I type fast so it's a direct line from brain to fingers.

Please do Heather, I'd love to know more about you! Although if you're competing in Nablopomo could be a bit of a challenge, aren't you supposed to write a book or something?

Horses . . .well they're the silliest purchase I ever made but I feel overwhelmingly fond of them and obliged to take care of them in their old age. They keep me poor!

Haha . . doesn't happen often thank goodness Gleds. I have a strong pelvic floor!

Go for it Sandy. Are you feeling a little better this week?

Welcome over . . n00bs are always welcome.

Oh c'mon Colette, you're posting as thoughtfully as ever. No I think our differences are irreconcilable. She is hard nosed, negative but the man I'm working for at the moment couldn't be nicer. Bit hot for rubber pants!

Angel, you're posting on Otins!

That I do Ropinator. And darling you do not fail in all you undertake. You're a very clever lad. I did move a lot but mainly before I was 15 . . I had no choice. My father's work took us half way across the world and through two states.

In the interim Nick I am surrounded by very nice men who are pleasant and easy on the eye . . comfortable bra? Now that's an oxymoron.

Haha . not hard Darlene, I'll spare you the depressing bits but the rest is all true!
I have been a the modicum of decorum this week, I think it's annoying her.

Yeh it's similar to a few of the 'five things about me ones' but I hadn't come across these questions before. It's true! My daughter calls me a racist but how can you be racist about a car!

Hehe . . we aim to please over here wuffa!

Thanks Leah . . I love talking about myself!

Aww Tom, that's lovely and should you ever make the long trip down under, I'd be happy to show you and the brood around.

Surprising really cos I'm not that exciting. Yeh, it's a weird culture where I am at the moment. I'm not sure what will happen. I might stay out of spite.

Yep. Definitely better. I still have to work for the troll bitch but she's not in my face making me nervous. I actually enjoyed work today even though it was busy. I love the troopys because they have bench seats along the sides rather than across.

Sorry about that chief, I had a 'warning' interview (badly run and completely against the award rules) so my mood on Friday was fragile to say the least. This woman has been occupying too much space in my head. This morning, she wasn't the first thought that hit me when I woke up for over 5 weeks! We were going to play Amazing Grace at my father's funeral until we heard the 'saved a wretch like me' bit and he wasn't a 'wretch' at all so it just didnt suit.

Thanks Kath, you are my greatest fan and I wish I could make a living out of writing about chocolate. May well be related to anyone named bulldog! Sounds just like the same type. There are managers who intimidate to get things done and those who encourage strengths and work on weaknesses. She is the former.

What an awful teacher Pam. I'm surprised she thought she'd get away with it in this day and age! "Snow White" haha . . I've been called worse! Actually I'm pretty thick skinned but this one has got right under mine.

Mim my Nana used to buy me very 'groovy' clothes but not always to my taste. I actually liked the pant suit at the time. Ah I made some silly mistakes in my first week and she's dragging it out even though I've been fuckin' perfect since. We simply don't like each other.

e that's the beauty of memes when you have nothing to say, they give you the prompt.

Aw Ribbon, thanks. You're very sweet. Really.

Candie Bracci said...

That was awesome Baino!A great meme!And I remember your collection of thongs!^^ :D

steph said...

Ah, Baino

That was a BRILLIANT read, thanks!

It's no wonder we all love you to bits... warts 'n all!

As for THAT WOMAN you have the misfortune to work for...

I suggest you get yourself another pink corduroy suit so that the next time she gives you grief, you can stand up on your chair and scream like a banshee!!!

Sue Vanderzaag said...

Sad to say your first love Casey Vanderzaag passed away on the 31st January 2010

All the best Sue Vanderzaag

Baino said...

Sue? If you read this, will you try to find me. I don't know if you're his wife, daughter but he was the sweetest friend for 2 years. We rode together constantly. He on Snoopy and me on Dusty. We were 13/14 and really he was my best friend at the time. I'm so sorry for your loss, so sorry. There's an email link on my blog, I'd love to know more about him.