Wednesday, May 05, 2010

Hump Day Blues - No Really!!!!

Nothing interesting happening down under. It's getting cold but I'm resisting breaking out the heater. Here's a Twittery type post.

Heading off to work in the mist and realise that you're running on empty with only $5 in your wallet . . ha! Should see the face of the service station guy when you buy $5 worth of petrol. "Any Fly Buys? Wanna buy 3 packets of gum for $5 . . ."

Arrive at work . . .big meeting on today involving morning tea and lunch. All Hell breaks loose. No big deal except they changed the venue from the office to miles away in the middle of nowhere without telling me so first panic station was getting coffee, biscuits and lunch to a room full of rich fat people who think they're going to expire if they don't have a Tim Tam for sustenance and a sandwich before the big 20 km trip home. Super Exec Ass saves the day with some schmoozing.

I took my camera to work today. He likes a day out and hasn't winked at a passer by for a while and there's plenty happening around the river until it pisses down and everyone goes home except two cockatoos looking a bit soggy and not photo worthy.

Then a huge agenda and waste of paper has to be printed, collated and bound because it's a real emergency if it doesn't happen before lunchtime. Even though all 'essential' parties are out of the office (eating Tim Tams and Sandwiches in the middle of nowhere). Which isn't a real problem until you reload the printer and spill powdery Cyan cartridge stuffing all over the executive floor and have nothing more than a dustbuster to clean up the mess. What a waste of engineering those things are. Couldn't suck the skin off a rice pudding frankly. Then seeing the funny side, you decide to take a photo of the shemozzle which is your workspace but the battery in your camera is flat as a tack.

Unfazed, you reach for your mobile phone, your new swanky mobile phone with a camera and video only to realise you've left it on your bedside table . . .bugga!

Then the 'drums' in your printer decide they're beating too fast and won't work until the pretty man from Xerox comes and changes them . . eye candy . .oh yeah! Bright spot to the day!

Then you grab the three hole punch to start punching and binding and three wedding fulls of confetti fall all over the floor by which time you've got the giggles so bad, and all on your own every passer by thinks you're on drugs . . .

Then you're called in to do board minutes half way through the meeting . . .and haven't a clue what they're talking about, other than an Aboriginal assessment consultant has designated 35 acres of development site as 'meaningful to the dreaming' and take half of it down in shorthand and hope to fuck you can read it back in the morning.

Then you get home and there's been a blackout and your oven clock's blinking like someone who's attempting to put contacts in for the first time and your surround sound speakers don't work.

Well the day went fast and I got a free lunch thanks to the meeting mix up . . .

Ah . . a day in the life! How do I get this turquoise shit from under my fingernails?
toothpaste for dinner

25 comments:

Mim said...

I guess a free lunch is nothing to sneeze at - better than a kick in the pants in my opinion.

my day is just starting but from the coffee dribbling down my shirt - and a dead cell phone, I think I'm in for the same type of day!

Brian Miller said...

a rough start here, but i got the whole day to make up for it...i'l take a free lunch...hope you have a great one today...smiles.

what is the consistancy of tortouise...oh never mind. smiles.

hokgardner said...

That's quite a day you had there.

California Girl said...

Remind me never to visit in your Winter. It's so confusing!

What's a Tim Tam?

The mtg sounds typical.

Alan Burnett said...

Ah, it is posts like this that make me glad I have now retired. Stay strong.

nick said...

Just another humdinger of a day at the ranch then. At least the sandwiches and Tim Tams didn't explode all over the carpet....

Jill said...

HA! What a day! You need a nap! Good thing you had a free lunch since your cash was used up on gasoline!

I do have a vivid mental picture of your rich, fat execs eating Tim Tams!!

Hope today is a good one!

Kate Hanley said...

Laughed my butt off - hope that means my day is going to go well. I hate it when something goes wrong in the morning like no milk for the coffee or breakfast ending up on my shirt, then I think the whole day's gonna suck.

Roy said...

Well, at least you had Timmies!

Janice said...

Some days are just like that...one little thing goes wrong early on and the rest of the day follows suit, one calamity after another.

laughingwolf said...

lol... when the shit hits the fan, it spreads, quickslike :P

Gledwood said...

What's $5? £2? How much petrol do you get for that? About half a bone china teacup full? Do you think the garage would give out free china teacups for 5x$5 worth purchased?

It always made me laugh, Americans complaining about their petrol finally going over $1 a gallon or whatever they pay. They should try British prices, complete with the 95%, or whatever it is, tax!!

Gledwood said...

Then you're called in to do board minutes half way through the meeting . . .and haven't a clue what they're talking about, other than an Aboriginal assessment consultant has designated 35 acres of development site as 'meaningful to the dreaming' and take half of it down in shorthand and hope to fuck you can read it back in the morning.

I like that!!

What on earth IS "meaningful to the dreaming" when it's at home?

Don't Aborigines live in Reservations in Australia?... or is that North America?

I learned shorthand, as you may remember... it was originally sparked off by my desire many years ago to become a journalist.... I realized relying on a dictation machine wouldn't be good enough (or to put it another way: shorthand would put me ahead of the competition) ~~ but I know exactly where you're coming from hoping to God to be able to read back the scrawls in the morning. By the way what type of shorthand do you use? Over here they teach a new one called Teeline but it's quite slow, so I taught myself the American one which is called Greggs...

Which is also the name of a famous bakery chain out here... which reminds me: FRESH CREME ECLAIRS!!!!

They're calling my name from the former drugs cupboard (now the eclairs cupboard...)

Eternally Distracted said...

Arghhh I had something smart to say for a change and laughingwolf stumped me ;0)

kj said...

some days just aren't going to cooperate!

you've written this mish mash as every person's sometimes-day. good that you can laugh. no victim are you!

also, hells, i think this is a week of troubled fingernails. i wonder what that means?!

xoxo

Tom said...

ugh...what a day. My days always start out rough, but then they ease up. got some interesting metaphors going there, too!

Ronda Laveen said...

When a day goes like that, there's not much to do other than laugh. Totally agree with you about the Dustbuster...a worthless piece of wall art if you ask me. Also totally agree about the Xerox man. When I worked in the doctor's office, ours had the nicest pockets I'd ever seen. We used to leave little bits off things under the machine he was working on so he'd half to bend over and pick them up. Sexist, I know, but some days you have to get your fun where you can find it.

Shorthand, now there's a lost art. I remember taking that in school, used it for a few years. Probably can't remember any of it now.

Susan at Stony River said...

What a day -- I hope tomorrow's better. Much better!

Good luck reading the shorthand back too.

Vicky said...

I can sympathise about your day, know exactly what you are talking about.
We are investing in a digital notetaker to assist with the unreadable rushed shorthand.

Kath Lockett said...

Oh Baino, I'm laughing WITH you and not AT you, promise!

River said...

Thanks for the laughs, you forgetful person you. Forgot to check your petrol tank before getting home yesterday, forgot to check your wallet for suitable cash supply before leaving home, forgot to check and change camera battery, forgot your mobile phone....haha. at least you got the free lunch. Did they leave you any TimTams?
I've owned a dustbuster in the past and had no trouble at all with it as long as I remembered to empty it after each use.

kylie said...

oh man,
that river person ought to be banned!!

Isabella Golightly said...

Sometimes I forget how disadvantaged our US & UK cousins are, because they have no Tim Tams.

Tim Tams are a chocolate coated biscuit, directly invented by the devil, or whatever source of evil you believe in, to lure you off your diet, your normal healthy eating routine, your clean living or just off your face. They come in several varieties, including Double Coat, Dark Choc, Peppermint flavoured, etc etc, and two of the absolute best things in the world to do with a Tim Tam are:

1. Get a cup of tea or coffee, not too hot.

2. Bite off diagonally opposing corners of the Tim Tam.

3. Insert into the liquid, and suck for all your life is worth.

The colloidal viscosity of the outside coating stops the whole thing dissolving in your hand, but you get a mouthful of warm mushy chocolate, which is topped only by the instant insertion into your gob of the hollowed-out husk of the Tim Tam.

4. Go & lie down.

The other thing is to do the same with a glass of milk. Not quite the same effect, but nearly as good. Sometimes known here as "the Tim Tam Slam".

unstranger said...

Superb.

River said...

It's okay Kylie, Helen understands me. I hope.