Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Like Being Kissed by God

Once she was lifted from the abyss and kissed by God. . or that's how she remembers it.

Mary picks the scabs that litter her forearms like tiny mites.

Popping makes the brown last longer by injecting just under the skin. Precious cargo this smack and needs to be strung out in order to string out. It's a quick fix when her veins collapse but these days, only profers a lift, no longer a high. It's been a long time since she was brushed by the lips of God . . . a very long time. There's no more buzz, just craving, needing, a hankering she can't deny, can't live without. It has its mistress and is an unforgiving master. She is enslaved, entrapped, endangered.

Lank hair, unkempt and unwashed, has replaced her toussled locks. Her ample mouth, long since indulged in tender kisses is cracked, parched and sore. Her bright and optimistic eyes are empty and forlorn. There is no beauty for them to scope round here. Her words are slurred and slow, even when she isn't using. Her friends long gone, her family cautious. She can't remember when she last ate but whatever she eats only has flavour when she's high.

Her lovers have given way to paying punters. No difference, pay them no mind. It's a commodity like any other cool and calculated but it pays the rent, feeds the beast, and she feels no sensation anyway. There's no pleasure, no pain except at the end of a needle. Today, that's only little prick that satisfies.


The sub oozed its first dull thuds from under the gap in the doorway above the stairwell then exploded into a technoswirl of light and a cacophany of sweet sound. The bass vibrations swept through her body accelerating every particle, providing its own kind of rush.


She strolled into the mele, her arm entwined in his. Breathing in his intoxicating scent and idolising his every move. He was self-assured, handsome, talkative, persuasive. What he saw in a plain girl like her amazed and flattered her but he saw something. He loved her . . . or so he said. He'd take care of her . . or so he said . . .she was his life . . or so he said. She'd do anything for him, with him, to him. Besotted didn't cut it, she was in love, deeply, permanently irrevocably.

The bourbon and cokes she’d imbibed earlier were warming her skin, loosening her tendons, relaxing her form. She was woozy and euphoric rather than inebriated but in that place between suggestion and sleep, hypnotic and happy.

She didn't know anyone there other than him and clung like a limpit waiting for introductions.
The introduction she received was not one she expected.

A rapid and secretive exchange for a small foil pack and 'gear'. A dark corner and a tiny table. A candle, a spoon, a rubber tourniquet. "C'mon baby, you'll love it . . " he cajoled. She resisted, just slightly. Sure she'd dropped the odd pill, snorted the odd line but never envisaged more than a short dance with the devil.
Her perfect unpierced, body was unaccustomed to external abuse. She found it hard to contemplate the violation of a needle let alone its insidious contents but the bourbon worked its wicked way and made her swoon and submit to suggestion.

She had become compliant and soft and easy. "Just once . . " he whispered. His warm sweet breath covering her in lust and longing, " . . live like there's no tomorrow!"

. . and now she does.




This month's entry in the 10th Daughter of Memory
Please take a look, have a crack! Oops, no pun intended.

25 comments:

Brian Miller said...

dang baino...thats good stuff...well, terribly sad, the decline, defeat and dehumanization that people put themselves through but your writing is amazing...

Leah said...

This is excellent, Baino.

Subby said...

OUCH. Nice work but brings back a bad memory of one of me cousins, it does.

PattiKen said...

This is a very sad and moving description of a tragedy that plays itself out all too often.

kj said...

well written, hells. it is so nice to read your stories, to know you are writing! you build up the tension very well. and you turn a phrase very well. i wanted to write out some examples but blogger won't let me go back. hmmpf!

this is also a powerful anti-drug essay. and isn't it the truth!

love
love
kj

Ronda Laveen said...

Such a sad, but true to life, tale. Nicely executed.

That's the scary thing with drugs. You never know who is going to be the one who goes off the deep end with them...but you know it will be someone.

Carolina said...

Very impressive piece. That's the interesting thing of blogworld, I've just visited a lovely windowbox full of gorgeous flowers, a counting dog, a great dialogue between a doctor and a patient, and now this...
My emotions are all over the place now. I need my own drug, a coffee ;-)

River said...

Nice writing Baino, but such a sad tale. I can't help bu think, if only.....if only she'd said no and walked away, but there was the bourbon mellowing her reactions; if only she'd met a different guy; if only; if only....

Do you remember the posters that were up in cities many years ago showing a very pretty girl with sad eyes, lank hair, and sores on her lips and face? The caption read "skin care by Heroin". I sometimes wonder how many young people saw those and turned away from the offered drugs.

steph said...

Brilliant! I was on the edge of my seat right to the end.

People pay good money to be captivated by writing like this!

Alan Burnett said...

Excellent Baino, a really good piece of work. It reminded me of reading Zola's "L'Assommoir" : a comparison to be proud of.

Mim said...

Sad story but made sadder by the excellent writing. You made me SEE her.

jay said...

A most excellently evocative piece of writing, Baino. So sad that so many are trapped this way. *Sigh*

Rowe said...

Are you sure you are not interested in a writing career Helen?

Tom said...

well you pulled one out of your hat, that didn't take long! You know this seedy sort of life pretty well--i'm beginning to wonder about you! A few 'lines' had me confused, but the inverted telling was inspired!

Pam said...

Yep. Not fun.Heartbreak, anger and confusion in this deep subject. Every individual a complicated story. Each individual so far removed from the bonny baby that entered this world, often not giving their own child that option, writhing in withdrawal symptoms at birth. Makes me shiver.

Yodood said...

To each her own. Unfortunately, in our modern society representing itself by the stuff it owns, there's those whose each is owned by their possessions, from cars, to mates, to means of escape — all to make up for lacking possession of a sense of value for one's self as born.

She let her addiction to lovers lead her to addiction to love's eraser — very well done.

She Writes said...

Hmmmm, this made me think of a beautiful, artistic, everything in the world was going for her, young heroin addict I know. She had no idea, somehow, that she would turn into a crack lipped, horrid oozing sores all over her, stealing from her own mother, and tearing at invisible bugs she imagines beneath her skin woman. She now chooses to live on the streets so she can be free to do what she wants. Perhaps she did feel kissed by God when it all began...

Well told. Wondering if this kind of story has touched your life and that's how you know it so very well. You go me!

She Writes said...

That would be GOT ME :). Spelling! Sorry.

unstranger said...

Baino, you truly amaze.
A bit rushed I thought at first, until that final line. You know your subject. If you don't then this is truly amazing.

moondustwriter said...

sadly so many are lured into living death in a similar fashion.
Nicely done

Jill said...

Oh wow...that is poignant and so very vividly SAD...so SAD...but it is just THAT easy to do...for it to happen...excellent piece...

nick said...

A brilliant description of how this innocent girl gradually succumbs to the guy's persuasions as her romantic illusions and recklessness get the better of common sense. How quickly someone can take the first steps down a slippery slope....

JeffScape said...

I can keep these "I told you sos" coming, you know.

Very nice.

Bimbimbie said...

Tsup*!* You're good, but I really wanted her to just say no and walk away.

hvninhell said...

Evil tempter! Like the ending, easy to relate to! Nice!