Tuesday, November 27, 2007

All I Want for Christmas is . . . ummm . . . .ummmm

The Groovy Granny rang me last night to ask what I would like for Christmas. Yep, she's an organised possum that one and we have our Christmas celebration with her and Ray's Brother, his wife and their three boys, the week before Christmas day. We now draw a Kris Kringle, a Secret Santa - each draws a name out of a hat and has a maximum $100 spend for one person instead of us all busting the bank for each member of the family. We can then buy a 'decent' gift and spend less time opening and more time sweating around the dining table in 35 degree heat with silly paper hats on, sweating into our traditional European roast dinner, complete with pudding and home made custard before we switch into our sarongs and languish on the deck looking out over the Skillion at Terrigal and noting sagely how very lucky we are.

This year, it's so, so hard. I've been thinking and the things I need are well, none. The things I want are well, few. I like a real 'present' because it shows thought and effort and is received with grace and thanks. I don't much care for a voucher because there's always that $12 that is unspendable at the end of the day unless it's a Coles Myer voucher which I can spend at well, Coles, Target, Liquorland, and a number of other outlets to get full value.

But seriously, beyond the big things, the impossible things like world peace, a new American President, a Qantas round the world ticket and an end to third world poverty what could I possibly need? I'd like a new car . . . the old Accord is starting to behave strangely but ClareBear is going oveseas next year so I'll have a spare. I'd like a holiday but that would never come in at under $100. I'd like a new Canon EOS 400D with interchangeable lenses but that's exorbitant. I'd like DrummerBoy to change his linen once a week. I'd like a Jason recliner and a home theatre system to go with it. I'd like the Japanese to stop killing Minky whales for 'research'. I'd like to buy new blankets for the homeless guys in Parramatta Park. I'd like a nice corporate suit that fits well and makes me look like all the other suits when I'm in boardroom situations but then I'd just be another mumbo jumbo asshole running it up the flagpole or throwing it on the tarmac to see if it sticks. I'd like a new mattress or even a new bed or a 6' 2" hairless German who knows how to cook and give a good foot massage but we all know that aint gonna happen so . . . my list is modest. She won't buy anything on it because she'll consider it trivial and not 'gifty' enough but seriously I'd like:

A pool noodle
New wooden spoons (you know how they get all black weird shaped at the end)
2 new pillows
Some 'melts' to put in my oil burners - Lavender, Sandalwood or Tea Rose
A couple of pairs of anklet socks for walking
A car air freshener
A quirky dashboard ornament
A bronzer in a compact
A new doorknob for my bathroom door (currently held into closed position by a face washer draped over the top of the door to help it wedge tight into the door jamb)
A new Holland blind to replace the one that refuses to roll up in my dining room
A handyman for a day! Now there's one that won't come easy! . . .and of course . . .
some new champagne glasses because I've broken the ones given to me last Christmas.

There . . . mind you, I'll probably get a lettuce spinner (yes they make such things), a linen shirt with gold embroidery which I shall pass on to the homeless people in Parramatta Park and a bottle of Moet and Chandon which is very nice but gone in an instant.

So kiddywinks . . what's on your Christmas list and don't tell me you haven't even thought about it! December this weekend folks, time to trim the tree, plan the event, dread the rellies (although I don't I must admit, I have a deep affection for Christmas and lots of fun celebrating it - I've already got my Carols by Candelight candles). Time to get into action for that one day of the year that unites and separates. Maybe this year, I'll manage not to smash the table.
Don't ask!

Can you see a little bouncy Santa on the floor . . .
he kept bouncing for about 10 minutes after his traumatic fall from grace!


Ryan said...

Come on, it's not even december yet. I haven't even thought about Christmas yet :( The only thing i've asked for is a combined present from all my family members for a new TomTom GPS for my new car and maybe a shovel to help me dig for oil in the backyard until i figure out how the hell i can afford to run this climate change accelerator.

nonny said...

Well dear being of the more organised variety I have all my Christmas shopping done well I have only a couple of things left, my parents presents to be exact. I am going to NY so will get them there I know what they want as they tell me on a daily basis, my mother is like a small child each time I look at her she adds to the list. I over did it with the kids toys and will probably take a beating but it just so happens I like Bratz dolls and the aeroplane/limo/school bus they come with so my motives where not strictly of the generous variety. Myself erm I don’t know I never asked for anything even when I was small, I would like a tall dark and handsome stranger or that dress I really want but because I made it up in my head it is proving rather difficult orrr my family to fuck off and leave me and my animals alone or at the very lest somebody to finish plastering my ceiling. I will probably settle for a mountain of jammers and perfume. Boo hoo!

thebenchwarmer said...

I want Rock Band soooooo much...


Oh, and perhaps a good looking petit girl with razor sharp wit, is able to both partake in, and initiate intelligent conversation, has a vast knowledge of pop-cuture and associated humour, has a stance on both domestic and international politics, understands macroeconomics in detail, can cook a mean gnocchi, enjoys the finer things in life including the theatre, opera, symphony, art galleries, wines, and who can potentially kick my ass on the xbox.

Is that too much?

Grannymar said...

I'm thinking..................


JackMcMad said...

1. World Peace
2. A new Minister for Health
3. Two front teeth
4. Not to be on-call like last year and having to deal with a major technical fault in Tel-Aviv whilst stocious drunk upside down behind the telly.
and 5. Time to relax.

Baino said...

Ryan: I'll give you the shovel if you dig in my back yard! That's what comes of living with a Landscaper! Nuthin! Why do you need the GPS? Can't you ask for Directions (oh no that's a girly thing)

Nonny: And I thought I was anal! Kudos for shopping in New York, I'll be doing mine online this year! Jammies are good. Perfume is good. The kids will love the Bratz although I have questions about their morality. (The Bratz not the kids)

Benchwarmer: Wow Rockband looks good, makes Guitar Hero look a little lame eh! Probably aiming a little high there but there's no harm in being truly aspirational. I'm free! But I suck at XBox. I'm old, and far from petite . Ah, maybe in another life!

GM: What? No Toyboy on the top of the list. You disappoint old gal!

Jack: Prolly can score a 1 out of five there. Two if you get a new Health Minister and subsidised dental care.

Ian said...

I thought you said a bonzer in a compact! Bonzer what? I was going to ask.

nonny said...

You are right about the Bratz but I was very selective and only bought the more conservatively dressed dolls. This is where my jammers normally come from, http://www.jumpinjammerz.com/

steph said...


All I want for Christmas is...

...to hear you say "I wish I'd had my op sooner". It's the best thing ever - honest!

Will be thinking of you and keeping my legs firmly crossed! xox

Anonymous said...

*sigh* Why didn't you post this in December? Ohhh ... will be thinking of you also from 'please remind us'. YES, must get that tree up THIS weekend and start writing lists of pressies for others. As for myself ... last trip to the dentist was for a few birthdays ago, so money in a hat for the next trip would be very much appreciated. I'm too practical.

Clare & Jem's Excellent Adventures said...

You ask for the same thing every year!

Baino said...

Ian: nobody says Bonzer and nobody drinks Foster BRONZER silly sausage. You know to brush on your face to make it look nice and tanned without the risk of melanoma!

Nonny: They're class! Not much cause for them here but might get some for a joke anyway! I'd look like a Telly Tubby!

Steph: You're sweet thank you. I feel like a bit of a goose given what you've been through - only ever had my tonsils out and two indicent free deliveries (the baby type, not the Fedex type) but I am very positive. I have my Naprogesic, *wonderdrug* some nice smellies and a load of DVD's so I'm well prepared! (ish!)

Baino said...

Haha INCIDENT free ...not indecent!