The Groovy Granny rang me last night to ask what I would like for Christmas. Yep, she's an organised possum that one and we have our Christmas celebration with her and Ray's Brother, his wife and their three boys, the week before Christmas day. We now draw a Kris Kringle, a Secret Santa - each draws a name out of a hat and has a maximum $100 spend for one person instead of us all busting the bank for each member of the family. We can then buy a 'decent' gift and spend less time opening and more time sweating around the dining table in 35 degree heat with silly paper hats on, sweating into our traditional European roast dinner, complete with pudding and home made custard before we switch into our sarongs and languish on the deck looking out over the Skillion at Terrigal and noting sagely how very lucky we are.
This year, it's so, so hard. I've been thinking and the things I need are well, none. The things I want are well, few. I like a real 'present' because it shows thought and effort and is received with grace and thanks. I don't much care for a voucher because there's always that $12 that is unspendable at the end of the day unless it's a Coles Myer voucher which I can spend at well, Coles, Target, Liquorland, and a number of other outlets to get full value.
But seriously, beyond the big things, the impossible things like world peace, a new American President, a Qantas round the world ticket and an end to third world poverty what could I possibly need? I'd like a new car . . . the old Accord is starting to behave strangely but ClareBear is going oveseas next year so I'll have a spare. I'd like a holiday but that would never come in at under $100. I'd like a new Canon EOS 400D with interchangeable lenses but that's exorbitant. I'd like DrummerBoy to change his linen once a week. I'd like a Jason recliner and a home theatre system to go with it. I'd like the Japanese to stop killing Minky whales for 'research'. I'd like to buy new blankets for the homeless guys in Parramatta Park. I'd like a nice corporate suit that fits well and makes me look like all the other suits when I'm in boardroom situations but then I'd just be another mumbo jumbo asshole running it up the flagpole or throwing it on the tarmac to see if it sticks. I'd like a new mattress or even a new bed or a 6' 2" hairless German who knows how to cook and give a good foot massage but we all know that aint gonna happen so . . . my list is modest. She won't buy anything on it because she'll consider it trivial and not 'gifty' enough but seriously I'd like:
A pool noodle
New wooden spoons (you know how they get all black weird shaped at the end)
2 new pillows
Some 'melts' to put in my oil burners - Lavender, Sandalwood or Tea Rose
A couple of pairs of anklet socks for walking
A car air freshener
A quirky dashboard ornament
A bronzer in a compact
A new doorknob for my bathroom door (currently held into closed position by a face washer draped over the top of the door to help it wedge tight into the door jamb)
A new Holland blind to replace the one that refuses to roll up in my dining room
A handyman for a day! Now there's one that won't come easy! . . .and of course . . .
some new champagne glasses because I've broken the ones given to me last Christmas.
There . . . mind you, I'll probably get a lettuce spinner (yes they make such things), a linen shirt with gold embroidery which I shall pass on to the homeless people in Parramatta Park and a bottle of Moet and Chandon which is very nice but gone in an instant.
So kiddywinks . . what's on your Christmas list and don't tell me you haven't even thought about it! December this weekend folks, time to trim the tree, plan the event, dread the rellies (although I don't I must admit, I have a deep affection for Christmas and lots of fun celebrating it - I've already got my Carols by Candelight candles). Time to get into action for that one day of the year that unites and separates. Maybe this year, I'll manage not to smash the table.