Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Impending Neutoronomy

Ha! I'm s-o-o-o-o glad I took a day off before my surgery. I started the day right with a half hour lie-in. Hilarious . . woke at 6:00am! Hey! That's a half hour sleep-in! I am a mutant, my internal alarm is persistent and regular as clockwork. I tried to roll over and take it easy but my body was screaming for a cup of tea so pushed the hound off the bed, made a cup of Irish Brekky then checked the blogs. So far, a normal day. Then swanked over to the Vampire's to give blood, that was fun . . . it's still pumpin thank goodness! She bruised me this time so I look like a junkie. Actually I have no problem with needles and feel constantly embarrassed that I don't donate enough blood. Although I don't think my A RH- is very valuable as a cross match these days. So, denuded and a little woosy by the loss of a little blood for my op (just in case, always the pragmatist) and further blood work to make sure they don't pump me full of type O instead of A, I headed off to the Chemist. I have to take 4 super duper antibiotic tablets with a meal tonight and NO ALCOHOL *sobs uncontrollably* So the plan is to have an early afternoon drinky poo then a meal, dry out by 10 then the drugs . . . . sorted!

11:00 am and my lovely Outlaws popped in on their way to a lunch and dropped off all sorts of freezer food. Sadly, none will be left by the time I get out of hospital. DrummerBoy will have consumed the lot: Spinach and Fetta Triangles, Mushroom and Chicken Pasties and a home made Quiche - but at least that means my staple store in the pantry will remain untouched. He prefers 'ready mades' to actually putting ingredients together, even though he's quite the chef so for now, my tomato stir throughs, coconut milk, rice, pasta, baked beans and pizza bases are safe.

Sadly, work got on top of me so I had to go in this afternoon and finish the Newsletter and brief the troops - not my best effort I have to admit. I've left a few loose ends. I still haven't updated the website or completed a big mail merge to clients who will be receiving a Wilderness Calendar for Christmas but then again, it won't do any harm to leave a few things undone . . . proves I actually can justify my existence. Even Sgt Bilko was quite sweet and TheBoss of course. The self-obsessed Elder Statesman cranky as ever said nothing. I hope his prostate plays up over the weekend and gives him a severe case of brewers droop!

While I was at work, the hospital rang with the brief.

Her: "You need to show up at 6.00am with your Medicare card and you'll have to pay your $200 excess prior to admission"
Me: "Ooh nice surprise. I thought I was up for $1000. Do I get a private room"
Her: "Yes if there's one available - are you just staying the one night?"
Me: "Um I don't think so, I'm being neutered"
Her: "Oh, well you'll be with us for a few nights then - in that case, you'll need a clean nightie and some toiletries. Don't forget your toothbrush"

I am in good hands . . .really . . . I think . . . or will they send me home after day 1?

Back in time for a quick chotapeg and chain smoke my remaining cigarettes. Roit . . I think Im ready. I have two new large pinky/bluey T-shirt style nighties and a pretty pair of pink pumps with stars on them - all colour coordinated of course and thankfully they cover my less than fabulous knees, a new 'hotel style' cotton dressing gown, three pairs of black yoga pants, two new T shirts. A bevvy of Bridget Joneses which I'll trade for pretties once the scar heals and just for good measure, I bleached my Havainas so they're nice and turquoisy and clean looking. Packed my toiletries bag, complete with about 3 kilos of Naprogesic. Man that's a wonder drug - I sure hope it works in the area where my bits used to be, certainly did when they were still in place and some ibuprofin just in case. I'm not taking ANY chances on running out of Analgesia, private hospital or no! Also bought some American Indian preparation called Black Cohosh and Red Clover or something which is supposed to be good for menopausal symptoms. Apparently, we're straight into it after the op . . . I'll be flushing and sweating all over the place (Why does that make me think of Fat Bastard from Austen Powers?) DrummerBoy asked if they'd give me the bits in a bottle! I think not baby puppy! I've packed some smellies and lip gloss and of course the ubiquitous curl taming creme so I don't look like a nappy headed ho when visitors come. Bang the Gong, We Are On!

Thank you to all of you who have wished me well. I'm a woos and need the positive reinforcement so it's much appreciated, especially from the progeny of course, Christine Hyphen (who lent me 3 series of Six Foot Under and Hamish Macbeth), Thommo and her lovely, lovely, lovely, seven second hugs, Strawberry Girl, Brian (who's lit a candle for my unrecoverable soul bless his gaelic tattoo), Daz, Vanilla and Steph (means a lot coming from you two ladies who are not in the best of health yourselves right now so reciprocal healing thoughts), BabyBro and BabySis and the rest of you who have ventured into the oestrogen zone recently. (I wonder if I'll be less emotional once I'm neutered?) Anonymous . . . you'd better let me know WTF that bird is or I'll go insane!

I've put my order in for a bit of 'tightening' and a 'tummy tuck' so who knows!

See you in about 5 days! Unless it all goes pear-shaped in which case . . . . it's been a hoot and say 'hello' to Paris for me!


You caption it and make me smile!

16 comments:

Ryan said...

Caption: "elliott, you are so hot."

But best of wishes and my prayers are with you mrs addy b, can't wait to come over and smother you with my blue ribbon propaganda. you know you love it.

steph said...

"Never seen such glittery furry bits!"

Legs up and enjoy, Baino - looking forward to hearing your take on hospitals.

nonny said...

Good luck Baino pal I am sure you will be splendid. Take care and I hope all goes swimmingly. May the drugs be plenty and your troubles be few x

Grannymar said...

Caption: "How did that get there?"

Sweet dreams and come back super quick, we miss you already.

>---(((^_^)))---<

Hugs GM.

Anonymous said...

"My job doesn't feel safe"

Sorry you're feeling like such a pussy Baino! You'll be right and if you run out of blood I've got the type ;) See you soon- Common Starling!

Anonymous said...

There's a Max Miller (the wartime comedian) joke about a woman who goes to the chemist when she found that her dog couldn't hear because of hair in its ears.

The lady goes to the chemist and asks for hair remover.

The chemist tells her, "If you’re going to use this under your arms don’t use deodorant for a few days."

The lady says: "I’m not using it under my arms."

The chemist says: "If you’re using it on your legs don’t shave for a couple of days."

The lady says, "I’m not using it on my legs either; if you must know, it's for my little chi hua hua."

"In that case", says the chemist,"stay off your bike for a week."

Stay off the bike ;-)

Fun Dee Mentalist said...

That's Scrubs.

Speaks for itself really, an absolute legend of a show.

Good luck.

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

Good luck, Kanga, hope all goes well and smoothly - and play nicely with those doctors ;-)

Caption it: "ooh, look, it's a wombat!"

wordnerd said...

"Uh,has anyone actually done one of these before?"

Good luck and best wishes for a speedy recovery (and good drugs)!!! Write when you can!!!

JackMcMad said...

'Jeeesus. It's still alive. We'd better have another go!'

Only joking, best of luck with the surgery Baino. I'll be thinking about you.

Kate said...

"Hey, THAT's where I left my car keys."

Thinking of you, way up here in New Hampshire... enjoy the drugs!!

Be well.

kahlerisms said...

Another vote for asking for the bits in a jar!

If I ever have anything removed I'm sure as hell keeping it. It'll go in the games room when I get it alongside my alien-fetus-in-a-jar.

All the best! I'll have a drink for you.

Terence McDanger said...

"The Siamese twins had the last laugh when she glued the entire surgical team's heads together."

Baino, you be good to yourself now me and the cows will be thinking of you.

Baino said...

Thanks everyone. Nice caption effort and I think 'Scrubs' from whence the photo came, is on my must watch list over coming weeks.

Back a little early due to a speedy recovery so your thoughts did count!

Kahler and DrummerBoy you are sick puppies. DrummerBoy's first question to me after the op was "Did your ovarian cyst have teeth?"

Anonymous said...

PS: Not a Common Starling anymore ;)

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