Saturday, November 10, 2007

There Was a Moth in My Knickers

I was bringing in the washing today, as you do. Folding myriads of g-strings, pop socks, jeans, Tshirts and socks and a moth flew out of my knickers. (The ones I was folding, not the ones I was wearing). So, in the contemplative mood that I was . . I began to think about what the hell does one wear for 5-6 days in hospital. And then there's the knickers . . .people will SEE THEM. I mean, I know my mother always told me to wear a nice pair just in case I was run over by a bus but really . . .This time . . .lots of people will see them and just because they're medical professionals . . . I have my pride! So it's time to revamp the lingerie. I'm not the pyjama kind although I do have a couple of Peter Alexander bottoms which I generally wear with a Tshirt. I don't want to be swathed in 'brunch coat' or a chenille dressing gown but my very expensive velour one might be a bit ostentatious. I bought it in a fit of peak for a girly weekend and have worn it once. Silk . . nah, not for this sows ear so here I am planning a bloody wardrobe for a hospital visit! I figure I'll be in a gown for a couple of days. You know those lovely blue scrubs with yer ass hangin' out. But for the rest, one should look presentable. Visitors will come and go and lets face it, vanity, thy name is woman.

Apparently footwear of some sort for wondering the corridors of ailments is mandatory. I'm not sure my ugg boots will fit the bill. Ok, I've got that nailed with a pair of Havaianas (thongs or flip flops to those who don't know). And I bought a couple of pairs of uber comfy yoga pants so that's the bottom bits sorted. I guess the tops will be ruled by temperature. I mean gone are the days of the 'matinee set' or the 'bedcoat' and I don't want my visitors to see me in my jimmy jams. I have a $100 David Jones voucher that I got for my birthday which will buy me a silky nightie or a single pair of pyjamas so that's not really a good use of the funds and frankly, I'm not the slinky type. So, yoga pants and 3/4 T's it is and I can recycle them when I get home. Easy peasy . . so all that's left is a few pairs of half decent knickers, hopefully without the Bogongs attached.


Kate said...

You're doing well, to plan ahead. My first baby was 5 weeks early, and we were entirely unprepared for that little quirk. I walked across the street to the hospital, and after the birth sent my husband home for clothes... let's just say he made some odd decisions and I had my hospital bag all packed by about the 4th month of pregnancy the next time around.

I say, go ahead and splurge on nice underwear. You'll know it's there even after the days when a steady parade of strangers is coming into your room to poke, prod, and peek.

wordnerd said...

Yep, I agree. Splurge on some 'pretties.' You'll feel better, and since you're going to be recuperating for several weeks, this is a time to indulge yourself.

Grannymar said...

Get some nice low cut Knickers, then they won't hurt any tender surgery spots.

Sexy undies do wonders for a Gal, even at my age! I put them out on the line so the ould 91 year old B*gg*r next door has something to leer at!

Elly says Crocs are great for hopping about the ward in.

Anonymous said...

I'd go for extra long novelty T's that point out I'm a Superwoman or whatever message you want to give visitors and hospital staff. HAHA slasher T-shirts would be fun, ones with knife slices and blood dripping out

S.I.D. said...

Having been there, you can be sure that no matter what you wear,your dignity will remain firmly at the door of the hospital.

Good luck!

Ian Poulton said...


Having spent the last twenty-odd years visiting people in all sorts of hospitals, I would advise comfort rather than style! Those hospital gowns are awful: I was visiting an 88 year old guy last night who had fallen down the stairs form his apartment checking that the meals on wheels guy had got away safely, (the old guy was fine), and there was a young fellow of about 20 across the ward with a broken leg trying to retain a bit of dignity in a gown. I don't understand why they use them.

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

I think you can count on not caring a toss what you look like on the first couple of days. Do bear in mind that aside from wanting to look pretty for the dishy doctor, you might want to be wearing something that will not chafe on scars/stitches or cause you trouble to put on. I find voluminous t-shirts do the trick just nicely. As for the bottom bits, who cares whose looking. They've seen it all, and more besides. Just try not to do, as in the joke about the gynae and his patient, to apply glitter to your furry bits.

steph said...

Hi Baino

Forget the fancy knickers - what you really need is a designer bag to carry your bits n' pieces in (urinary catheter etc)when you go walk-about.

I do like the sound of the glittery furry bits though!

Best of luck!

Baino said...

People! My nether regions have never had so much attention. I guess I asked for it.

Kate: yep, always prepared me. I'm a born organiser

Wordnerd: What goes on underneath, stays underneath. Pretties sounds like a good idea. You never know when that bus might come along. (Or Dr McDreamy for that matter)

GrannyMar: practical as ever. Actually its a pelvic incision so I think the big bangers are probably better or just go commando.

Anony; I want a T shirt that says "You Can't Touch This" with a downward pointing arrow!

SID: I can't imagine you being embarrased in a gown or otherwise but thanks for the advice I'll be prepared. Just worried about the effects of painkillers. Visited my old Dad once and he was so off his face he lost all possession of modesty - Some things a daughter should never see! I should have entered the competiton for the green shorts!

Ian: Gowns are designed purely to reduce everyone to the same level, much like the nom de plume 'nil by mouth' I will make a special sign to go above the bed that says, "My name is Helen and don't you forget it!"

AV: You are wicked and that would be a wonderful idea however, I don't think I'll be retaining my furry bits. Too much information I know.

Steph: Welcome. A CATHETER BAG! Well they can just piss in my pocket! I'm not walking around with one of those things in full view!