Cruising

Today I received two tickets, travel tags and an Itinerary for a Caribbean cruise on the Carnival Valor (Exotic Western Caymans). I was thrilled! Whilst I'm not in exactly swimsuit condition a carefully chosen, slimming black number and a GrannyMar style spray tan might disguise the fact that we've had an arctic summer. A quick water diet for the next couple of weeks might even disguise the cellulite and cut off a few kilos. I began the cucumber diet.

I was a little concerned that I haven't yet put in my passport application but nevertheless began thinking about who I could invite to accompany me on this great adventure full of Spring Break revellers. Unfortunately, the tickets are in the names of ClareBear and Toots. Bugga.

I have actually been freaking out a little as I think they thought they were going to pick their tickets up in Miami on April 10th . . in readiness for an April 13th Departure on the Love Boat. Sadly no . . the tickets are sitting on my kitchen bench and the timezones are playing havoc with my attempts to contact the Carnival Cruise organisers. Their Toll Free number is obviously for the US only and I haven't been able to contact them via phone. This was made even more difficult by the fact that the booking was made through Cruise Web in Maryland!

Hopefully someone will answer the many emails marked with little red flags and displaying the word URGENT DESPERATE MUMMY NEEDS HELP. I need to know where I should return the tickets or whether they can be reissued in time for the exhausted travellers to experience the cruise of a lifetime. South America isn't an option as they are never in the same place for more than three days, internet access is limited and experience has taught me that it takes 7-10 days for parcel mail to hit the US so they need to be returned to someone soon!

Failing that, anyone up for some quick impersonation of two nubile 23 year olds and wanna share a cruise during the US spring break on the party boat?