Monday, March 31, 2008

Man Sentenced over Wombat Rape Claim

I kid you not . . .

A Miotueka man who claimed to have been left speaking 'Australian' after being raped by a wombat has been sentenced to 75 hours' community work for his trouble.

Arthur Ross Cradock, a 48-year-old orchard worker, admitted in the Nelson District Court in New Zealand yesterday to the charge of using a phone for a fictitious purpose, after calling police with the message, 'I've been raped by a wombat'.

Police prosecutor Sergeant Chris Stringer told the court that on the afternoon of February 11 Cradock called the police communications centre, threatening to "smash the filth" if they arrived at his home that night.

When asked if he had an emergency, he replied "yes", Mr Stringer said.

On a second subsequent call to the communications centre, Cradock told police he was being raped by a wombat at his Motueka address, and sought their immediate help.

He called police again soon after, and gave his full name, saying he wanted to withdraw the complaint.

"I'll retract the rape complaint from the wombat, because he's pulled out,'' Cradock told the operator at the communications centre, who had no idea what he was talking about, Mr Stringer said.

"Apart from speaking Australian now, I'm pretty all right you know, I didn't hurt my bum at all,'' Cradock then told the operator.

Prosecutors said alcohol played a large part in Cradock's life, although his defence lawyer said he was not drunk on the afternoon of the phone calls.

Well now! We all know that a wombat is an Australian marsupial that eats shoots, roots and leaves right?Does he look happy to you?


Thriftcriminal said...

OK, rolled around on the floor laughing at that, so much so that my new colleagues had to come and investigate and now they think I am a perv.

Anonymous said...

I fervently hope that his community service is not with the local animal shelter.

ian said...

Left speaking Australian?

Does that mean he went around saying things like "Beezer, Cobber" and complained to his sheila about the tucker?

Absolute Vanilla (& Atyllah) said...

ROTFLMAO! Do you reckon he'd been smoking the wombat's socks?!
Fair dinkum, mate, that can only be a story from down-under!

Anonymous said...

Wombats are ugly brutes, aren't they? It can't be that easy to find a date looking like that, so fair play to it for improvising, I say.

Quickroute said...

with such a creative mind he should be blogging!

Clare & Jem's Excellent Adventures said...

Its a worry that we have these people in Australia. Amongst Ivan Malat and the guys who wrote Saw...

Baino said...

Thrifty: that's the penalty for looking at blogs when supposedly working! Besides, you could do with a giggle after all that economic postulation!

Kate: Me too! Whatever he ends up doing I hope it involves staying upright!

Ian: Bloody oath mate, stone the crows, he must have dropped the 'fush und chups' accent and picked up a little 'well I'll be buggered!'

AV: I just want to know where the wombat came from? They're native to Australia not NZ! Tell him he's dreamin'

K8: not a very flattering photo I agree they're actually very cute and cuddly and make square poo and nobody knows how or why. Absolutely true!

Qickroute: Heaven forbid! Poor old New Zealanders get a rollicking for being 'sheep shaggers' at the best of times.

Clare: He's a New Zealander! What do you expect! Then again, they made a horror movie about zombie sheep!

Brianf said...

Jeez! You Antipodeans are all the damn same! Can't ya bang a good woman instead?

Kath Lockett said...

Aw bless him - remember, fellow bloggers, the rapee was a Kiwi, not an Aussie. Only the wombat itself/herself/himself can lay claim to that.

Does he look happy - yes. Thrilled to have escaped the worst root of his life - YES.
Is it hoping that Aussie pubs everywhere will now be selling the new cocktail 'Wombat Whoopie'? - triple YES

Anonymous said...

I mostly wondered how he snuck a wombat into New Zealand without being caught! Now if it was a sheep, the police would have believed him ...

Baino said...

Brianf: Now don't you put us in the same basket as the sheep shaggers . . we mongrel convicts are much more discerning! Then again, after 20 beers anything looks attractive!

Kath: Wombat Whoopie! I'll have a double with a Kinky Kangaroo and a Platypus Punch

Anony: Maybe it was stuffed . . .or very tired!