Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Pie in Yer Eye!

Work is really busy at the moment and actually I'm really enjoying it. Finally Marketing is taking a front seat and the admin side relaxing a bit but HR is always there . . .email from an Executive Assistant this morning:

"I'm sorry Helen but I need to meet with you and Sgt Bilko as I can no longer work with The Most Annoying Paraplanner in the World (TMAPITW)

Sigh!

This is the fourth complaint I've had about TMAPITW . . .Partners seem oblivious. I've even had to physically separate her from the Argentinian for fear he might deploy some fatal martial arts move and push her septum right between her eyes! The phrase "Baino, deal with this" has become a catch phrase in the office.

Jaime is no dummy spitting girl. She's experienced, capable, a paraplanner in her own right who put up her hand to assist TMAPITW until our new Admin Assistant is up to speed since she's the only Administrator currently with a single job description. She assists with filling in forms and chasing up information required for the completion of a Financial Plan . . . a morning briefing is supposed to apprise Jaime of TMAPITW requirements but then hourly changes of mind mean hourly interruptions and changes of plan which is driving the poor girl to despair.

So 3.00pm this afternoon Sgt Bilko, Jaimie and I sat in his office sagitating and prognosticating and working out how to tell this woman that she is way off beam. Personally, I'd give her the boot. Even Sgt Bilko who is far from my favourite partner is exasperated with her constant interruptions and work avoidance techniques and blithering but too shit scared to take her on single handed. TheBoss has the "You deal with it" attitude and The Elder Statesman simply doesn't care . . he's semi retired. Talk about principals not taking affirmative action! So what's so irritating about this born-again Christian who keeps inviting us to purchase Nutrimetics from her and attend fund raising Yum Cha breakfasts at her pissy little house to raise money for some other born-again Christian to plonk up Everest and touch the face of God?

She TALKS TOO MUCH . . . it takes her half an hour to convey a simple concept such as "could you fill in this application for me please". The term short sharp and to the point has no resonance at all.

She WASTES TIME . . .she drinks more water, coffee . . takes more breaks . . chat's incessantly to just about anyone she can trap in the kitchen . . .arrives late more often than any other employee and recently complained because her personal emails were being blocked by the spam filter (heheheh my doing . . .hehehehe)

She EAVESDROPS, every word that's uttered brings her out of her office like a tortoise out of its shell with a stupid grin and the pretence that she's actually understanding or interested in what we're talking about then she chimes in with her totally unsolicited five cents. The woman has a widget in her ear that allows her to hear subsonic whispering. We now speak in code to avoid detection!

She is HOPELESSLY DISORGANISED. The 'other' Associate Adviser is neck deep in work and bless The Argentinian's sox he gets on with the task at hand. He's fastidious, clever, precise and perfectly organised. Unlike TMAPITW who has shit all over her desk, spends hours revamping a template when there was nothing wrong with it in the first place and persists in reinventing the wheel. She fiddles with the default settings on her PC and even managed to get her spellchecker to do it in French to the point that trying to reverse the default is impossible.

She is PATRONISING treating highly qualified and well paid administrative staff like lackeys to do her bidding and cover her tracks. This is what really got up Jaime's nose . . being treated like an underling instead of a colleague. She's already pissed Char off. I'm tough enough to tell her to pull her head in so she avoids me like the plague but this time . . .

She DOESN'T LISTEN . . how can someone ask a question then talk all the way through the answer. Unless she has amazing extra sensory perception (in which case she wouldn't need to ask the question in the first place). And when she's not asking questions, she's interrupting!

And to top it all she insists on bringing revolting home made cakes that have probably had her kid's snotty little fingers dipping in the mixture and dumping Asian lollies in our Smartie jar! (her only overseas trip to Thailand last year has made her an international citizen in her own mind and we have to endure) Let's face it, the Thais make great curries but are not known for their confectionery. For goodness sake, we don't like the flavour of Tamarind Jellies and Cumquat Liquorice . . get them the fuck out of our lollie jar they're contaminating the flavour!

Can she put a plan together? Yes . . does she have the smarts . . yes . . .but she's so unproductive she's costing the business $ and that doesn't work for me. A profitable business means a bonus for yours truly and I could do with the kish!

So, my job on Friday afternoon . . a staff meeting . . keep the emotion out of it. Point out a few home truths and create a plan to resolve the conflict. It seems every time I come out of a meeting I've generated work for myself! Wish me luck. Talk about pushing jelly uphill with a hot pin! My solution to conflict resolution in the workplace . . have a pie fight!


21 comments:

Gledwood said...

That kangaroo to the top R looks like my old next door neighbour...

English Mum said...

Ooh, I like your style, Baino - I might also have suggested mud wrestling, but it gets SO sticky. Good luck with that one x

Thriftcriminal said...

Apparently hit men are quite cheap these times?

Nick said...

Every office seems to have someone like that, lackadaisical and time-wasting but not quite awful enough to get instantly fired. They usually hang on until they leave of their own accord for an even more indulgent workplace or they're sacked on the basis of some trumped-up but vaguely convincing misconduct.

Melissa said...

Oy, I got a couple new gray hairs just reading this, Baino! And the bit about the lollie jar cracked me up -- this has just got to stop!! :D Good luck!

laughingwolf said...

fire the bitch... simple... prob solved! grrrr

fly me down for five minutes, with the power to do it...

and cannot ANYone just dump the crap out of the jar? sheeeeesh!

steph said...

Baino

Thanks! That did me good. It's ages since I read a blog post where I sniggered all the way through. It was cracking stuff!

Now I know who to ring the next time I meet up with an arsehole!

"Baino, deal with this"

Good luck with the bun fight on Friday. I hope you win hehehe

Baino said...

Haha, Gleds it's only there for effect. I'm a purry puddicat! (but I don't snarf Roborovskis)

Thanks EM I'm not looking forward to it, she's the sort of girl that doesn't take hints, should have been a bloke!

Thanks Thrifty, you offering? I have been watching Dexter .. hints and tips.

Trumped up! Nick how very dare you. That's the problem, when she does knuckle down, she is a very effective planner. I don't think I can sack someone for being 'annoying'. Still it's a small workplace and a tight team so she'll have to tow the line.

Of course Melissa, the lolly jar is sacrosanct. Not to be contaminated by undesireable sweets.

LW, we are very polite little pigs in our office environment. She has been told to keep her Thai jelly things to herself! Again, we can't sack someone for being annoying! Instead, we'll address her according to her psychometric profile. The problem really lies with partners who don't want to know!

Steph, I am the go to girl whether it's office conflict or replacing the water bottle *sigh*

Kath Lockett said...

Ah Baino, I feel your pain and have either worked for my share of these mental pygmies and also been the 'go to girl' for everything from catching a flying moth in a manager's office to running a seminar when the speaker didn't show up.

DOCUMENT everything. Make it her 'first official warning' (one more, then a final notice before getting fired). Have someone in the office with you and get one of the higher ups to own up, sign up and support you.

Fingers crossed. Had a laugh at the jellies bit though!

Bimbimbie said...

MY oh My *!* I came over this morning to wish you a happy 'Happy Day' seeing as it's the 10th But you have me laughing so hard I'm in serious need of the loo. I've been the go to girl in a prior life and as you say it's a real pain when the boss man is made of jelly ... good luck with her*!*

Anonymous said...

Well now use your imagination and channel my spirit and give her a retort of the sort I'd use ...

Baino said...

Kath, I'm not sure being a pain in the arse is sackworthy. It will be a 'meeting of the minds' so to speak with the four of us Moi, Jaime and Sgt Bilko in attendance . .solution focussed although she's a bit 'thick' when it comes to PC speak.

Bimbimbie! Happy Happy day. I'll post something cheery tonight. Knicker wetting ... something to do with age I warrant!

Notsoanonymous: I'm not sure "Fuck that Shit" will cut the mustard . . .I could do with you in the meeting! ROFLOCOPTER SOI SOI SOI

Anonymous said...

Maybe my ROFLCOPTER could fire a few sloloman missiles ...

Baino said...

Captain Sloloman of the elite omega roflcopter squad enjoyed a fresh ZOMGBBQPIZZA and a cool lolmonade after his swift victory over the lollerbladers, lmaoplanes and outlawls and returning safely to the lolapalooza.

Now that's enough of that Anonymous!

Anonymous said...

HAHHAA!!!! I came here for a laugh and NOT disappointed!

"get them the fuck out of our lollie jar they're contaminating the flavour!"

HAHHAHHAAAA... *oops*

Good luck tomorrow Baino :) Why not print this post out to hand around at the meeting ;)

Quickroute said...

Who employs these people and why are they in every organization I've ever worked in? Why can't we get rid of them? How come they survive the year end review? Answers on a postcard please!

Baino said...

Postcard to Argentina:

Sgt Bilko Employed her - fellow rabid Christian
Because nepotism is rife
I'm working on it
She's only been here 10 months

Hehehe!

Coincidentally she's been quiet as a mouse all day and head down/bum up! I wonder if she's getting the 'vibe'.

Thriftcriminal said...

Well, while I have always fancied myself as an assasin, the marketplace has become quite crowded, undermining the margin. Bit late in the day for me to start building up a rep that would justify the big bucks :-)

Anonymous said...

Damn you Urban Dictionary ...

laughingwolf said...

ok, my friend... i thought her mostly useless?

Grannymar said...

I wish you luck on Friday! Rather you than me sort her sort out!