Saturday, May 02, 2009

The More I See You

Sorry, I missed the Friday Fuckwit and have been reprimanded on many levels. I've just been busy and distracted.

It's now Saturday night, Clarebear is christening her new contacts and practicing her moves with two men I've never met. (Dont!). Adam and the Front Row Forward (formerly the Fringelet but she eats like a footballer) have pissed off for some Saturday night housewarming so I am at last, alone and able to catch up. Chardy in hand, house clean and tidy, washing done and the entire block pruned or pwned to within an inch of it's botanical life. Been a big day.

My suspicions were confirmed today that those big-fuck-ass-buy-designer-frames-and-get-rubbish-for-$600 shops where you go and get your eyes tested and then are pressured into buying the Chanel frames with transition lenses and anti-glare film and graduated optical lenses are, in fact, a rip off. OK I'm a slow learner.

About 12 months ago I went to the big-fuck-ass-buy-designer-frames-and-get-rubbish-for-$600 shop and was suckered into Burberry frames, graduated lenses and anti-glare for the cool sum of around $600! My health fund covered the lenses but I only received $150 off the frames. They've been crap. Seriously crap. They have those little clear nosepeggy things which give me sinus headaches, never fit, leave dings either side of the bridge of my nose and I've taken them back over 50 times to be 'adjusted'.

My sister came over for coffee last weekend with a flash new pair of specs. Nicely angled and a sort of deep sea blue frame, very sexy. She bragged that they'd cost less than $200 and that ThePlumber had also acquired two pairs of Neo Matrix style sunnies and normal glasses for a song.

Clarebear who finds seeing a soccer ball on a pitch and impressing men in clubs with her amazing dance moves a bit trixy without her specs, decided to investigate and has walked away with 30 day's worth of contact lenses plus a 4 day 'try before you buy' deal and is pleased as punch.

So I made an appointment and this morning, she and I headed off to Hornsby uber discount can't remember the name of the spectacle warehousey place to pick up her contacts and get me a new pair . . I'm interviewing for jobs folks so need to look spiffy and being able to actually see my interviewer is a distinct advantage.

So, today. I walks in to the super-dooper-discount-specky place and decide I want solid acrylic frames. The nice lady behind the counter who turns out to be the sister-in-law of The Benchwarmer (I mean how many Damjanovski's do you know?) suggests that she can remove the awful hard plastic nose dingers and wack in a couple of soft silicone ones that shouldn't hurt my schnozz - fer free folks! No charge. Unfortunately, with all the tweaking and adjusting and bending . . the metal holding the little plasticky put-a ding-in-your-schnozz thing fell off! She was very remorseful and suggested I go back to big-fuck-ass-buy-designer-frames-and-get-rubbish-for-$600 shop for a refund. Which I fully intend to do.

Anyway . . ClareBear gets her contacts and behaves like someone touched by Jesus "Oh my God I can see . .I can read that sign, I can see those flowers . . .these are awesome." So while I leave her to plonk around Westfield and come to terms wtih her newly spec free face and ability to read from 80 metres that there is actually 40% off at Sportsgirl, I have a chat and a consultation with Mr Hong the hilarious Chinese optometrist. I know Chinese and hilarious don't really go together but this guy was.

Now he is not your normal optometrist. He's not on commission, he's not making any dosh out of the frames. He works for a salary but does do some locum work with, you guessed it big-fuck-ass-buy-designer-frames-and-get-rubbish-for-$600 shop . .

In 20 minutes, he gave me a script, tested for the usual nasties, commented on the high proportion of shopping centres in Kellyville, declared my previous lenses as total crap, bought for peanuts by said big-fuck-ass-buy-designer-frames-and-get-rubbish-for-$600 shop and sold on at premium prices to ensure their margins and assured me that my new, rather smik goggles would be ready by Wednesday, all for the handsome premium of $70! S-E-V-E-N-T-Y now that's cheap by anyone's standards.

Excellent. I love Mr Hong and his pretty acrylic russet frames!

Then I went to buy a corporate outfit for interviews and came home with two pairs of black comfy yoga pants and a nice red hoodie! Doh! God life's exciting at the Bainbridge Homestead, aint it just?

There will be proper pictures when I pick them up. I need your opinion as to whether I look professional enough to get the job in $70 specs and a red hoodie.

I just love this song . .my mother used to play it on the piano . . .

I'm still getting stuck in some of your spam boxes . .Hails? K8? Anyone else not had a comment for a while, please check and release me!


Brian Miller said...

lol. sounds like you have had quite the adventure with the specs. hurray for Mr. Hong! Red hoodie always makes me think

Ces said...

Actually you are not the Potty Mouth. You are the cute cursin feisty woman who doodles and tells but does not show so you are none but one big tease - YOU!

Show the doodles!

Oh specs, I need one. I can't see very well, or maybe I am just going blind.

Alms for the blind, alms for the blind....(no pennies please, will accept cheesecake) - that's the sign the homeless guy was holding yesterday.

Sarah Lulu said...

Specs do cost a fortune ...I had a friend going to Hong Kong and she got me the most amazing pair for next to nothing.

I also have another friend who swears by the Chinese Optometrist near China town (in Sydney) and I do travel 6 hours to go to the Chinese dentist there who charges a very reasonable rate and doesn't make me feel like I'm all wrong.

Miladysa said...

I'm predicting that you look a babe in the trendy specs & red hoodie - fancy the interviewer like crazy - trap off with him & never have to work again - invite all your blog friends to go on a world cruise with you both & we party like it's 1999!


Then again, I'm no Gypsy Petulengro...

nick said...

That's good that you've discovered someone cheap and reliable. I got my present (varifocal) glasses for about £150 several years ago now and luckily my prescription has barely changed in the meantime, though of course the optician suggests I could do with "more fashionable" frames. Bollocks to that.

laughingwolf said...

wunderbra onna new specs, baino!

methinks 'baino consulting' is BY FAR your best option... only YOU can ever fire yourself thereafter! :)

Melissa said...

Oh, Baino, this post totally cracked me up! I love you and your blog! :) Congrats on the new specs -- I love it when I find a mom-and-pop store that blows away the big guys. Charlotte just broke her glasses and I had to bring them in to be fixed (hopefully back by Wed.) and the optometrist was very impressed that she's had the same frames for three years and has only broken them twice. Soon she'll have her specs back, a new temple piece and rubbery nose thingers which came off a long time ago and she refused to let me fix. :D

Ribbon said...

tip for the day...
remove your specs when house cleaning as it will look cleaner a lot quicker than with specs on.

Ribbon :-)

Ribbon said...


that is a fantastic cow pic.

that is a cow isn't it?

hope all is feeling okay in your world and that a new job falls from the sky after you've had a short break from the old one x Ribbon

Grannymar said...

A red hoodie and snazzy specs will bowl them over, it sure beats boring black any day!

Fingers & toes crossed for you.

Marianna said...

Oh dear that was quite a story! I wanna buy a new pair of glasses myself and been postponing it...can't even try to imagine what I will go through to find a desent pair :)

Hey good luck on the job hunt!

Have a great rest of the weekend lol
Peace and love

Terence McDanger said...

Clarebear can see at last? Ah well. That adds another woman to the pile of ladies who won't snog me now so. I think I met most of them last night actually, one more won't make a difference ;)

Good post Baino, reminds me of the sort of guff I come out with myself. Which to me, obviously, is a good thing.

Good luck with the job hunting old friend, hope you get picked up soon.

And you can take that any way you like.

jay said...

I don't know why, but you still get put in my spam box too. :(

As to glasses frames, the ones I'm wearing were in the Boots (chemist/pharmacy) sale for £10. Yes, ten pounds! I bought two - one in green, one in blue. They're comfortable, look nice, and the lenses are big enough to provide space for varifocals without me getting a headache or falling over. ;)

Susan said...

What a wonderful post, I laughed out loud and loved it. Can't wait to see the new look.

I love my specs; they cost me 200 yo-yos all in (ouch) but I love them so much I figured well, they're worth it. Then a friend of mine shows up with cutie specs and confesses she always buys 5-euro reading glasses from the local shop--those just plain magnifier glasses-- then takes them to her optometrist to have the lenses replaced with her prescription. D'OH! Why didn't I think of that? The shop has a bigger selection too, including a pair of rhinestony Dame Edna sort of things that I think I just might try for next time... heh heh.

e said...

LOL on the specs! I've been there, too, unfortunately. Now, like you, I go to uber discounters and like their lenses and frames just fine. Can't wait to see yours and the hoodie!

Now, if only I could remember the name of the knee ointment you told me about...

Baino said...

Brian I hate shopping at the best of times. This jaunt was made tolerable by the very forthright Mr Hong and a rather nice cup of tea in a cup and saucer and a comfy chair at the Tea Shop . . Clare thought it was cute, she's never had tea in a cup and saucer with her own little pot before!

Cursin' Feisty Woman . .grand, I'll accept that. And I'm not showing my doodle to anyone. Not surprised you need specs with all those intricate drawings. Mr Hong did tell me that asian eyes are better suited to contact lenses becuse the pupils don't dilate as much as caucasian eyes so contacts have the same efficacy in bright and dim light! So go poke yer eye out!

Cheesecake! Haha! Great advertising grab by the homeless . ..someone should put him in an Ad agency.

Lulu a friend of mine goes to Melbourne to buy her frames! A little excessive (although I think she goes for the shopping and that's her excuse!)

A babe might be a bit of a stretch Miladsay, my 'babe' days are over. But I think I'll look pretty corporate and trendoid.The interviewer is a woman so there'll be no traipsing thank you very much!

Nick I'm ditching the varifocals this time. That was another 'lie' told to me by OPSM, I don't have anything wrong with my long distance vision and have been wearing the wrong lenses for years! Bastards. The Aviater style suits you anyway!

Haha well Wuffa, if my kids would get their sideline businesses up and running, I could be their right hand woman but they're a bit slow making a profit!

Must be tough with kids Melissa, my 10 year old nephew wears glasses in the classroom but I think he's managed to keep his intact. I don't blame her for not wanting the nose pinchey things . .mine are 'bendy' too so I can't break them (in theory anyway)

Ribbon, I don't wear them for housework. Just in front of the PC and for reading but I vaccum with my eyes shut just for good measure.Hehe, yeah a nutty cow, just like me!

Grannymar, seriously, every suit was black, dark grey, some with a slight self stripe but so, so drab. I think I'll buy a coat or a jacket instead. Thanks for the 'hat' by the way!

Marianna, I have no sense of style so I need Clare as my fashion adviser. She's honest and won't let me buy anything that doesn't suit me. She's not afraid to tell me that my bum looks big in that!

Oh McDanger get over it. I know yo get snoggged plenty. Take heart dear one. I have a friend who says that Irish women are hard nuts to crack. Go for the backpackers. Checkout the Woolshed, there's plenty of Nu Zullunders and Aussies there - they'll shag a sheep so go for it!
Less of the 'old' friend thanks! Don't you forget I went to a Prodigy gig in January!

Jay I was tempted to go for two pairs too but with two of us wearing specs/contacts, I think my health fund dosh is close to the limit. I even tried buying frames online once but they weren't much cheaper once you added shipping. Yeh, I've ditched the varifocals, I look stupid bobbing my head around trying to focus! (Imagine wobbly dog on back shelf of car!)

I don't think optometrists will switch the lenses here with the cheapy magnifiers. Rhinestones . .oooooh yeah . .very space cowboy - shiny, I like shiny things . .*glazes over*

Good things come to those who wait e. Voltarin Emulgel but I think it might not be strong enough for your problem. Another blogger is soaking his gammy knee in epson salts then wrapping it in cabbage leaves and cling film for an hour before he goes to bed! He swears it helps!

mouse (aka kimy) said...

you don't even want to know how much my last pair of specs cost.... the frames weren't, but my eyes are so bad to get glasses that don't look like the bottom of coke bottles, make 600 is a's bloody awful.

70 dollar glasses....I'm there!

a red hoodie works for me!

good luck!

kj said...

oh a baino personal ESSAY!

i can't wait to read this.

(i'm the only person on your blog who leaves a comment to say she will leave a comment later).

but it's true.


Baino said...

Mouse if it's the script that costs, I can understand that as long as they're good quality lenses but for frames? They're so outrageously expensive and I refuse to wear someone's logo unless they pay me for advertising.

kj that's fine. I've only just caught up with everyone after a week!

laughingwolf said...

set up your own consulting biz, baino

you have tons of experience and hands on doing :)

River said...

I have three pairs of glasses that I use for different things. All have those adjustable nose pieces that leave those awful dents. None of the pairs gives me the perfect vision they did when new. They're not that old either. Surely my vision can't be changing so often? Specs are costing me a fortune at my local eye place. I'm going back to OPSM next time. The last pair I had from there were good for almost 6 years.

Ronda Laveen said...

Perhaps your new job will be in the yoga industry! Onward and Upward Facing Dog!

River said...

P.S. I use Elmore Oil for my achy joints and muscles. L massages it on to the areas that I can't reach, like my back and neck. I do my wrists and knees. It helps a lot. I keep voltaren emulgel handy too, a tube in my locker at work, and one in my bedside drawer. This last one is massaged in at night like handcream, then I sleep with cotton gloves on.

Kath Lockett said...

Yay for you - nothing like finding a decent pair of black pants to set you up for happiness. Srsly.

California Girl said...

Baino: you are now tagged. am paying this forward from Red Red Whine.

Love that old Chris Montez song. Where'd you pull that up?

Quickroute said...

I got conned many times to buy over priced frames but eventually took the plunge for lasik and have never looked back - literally!

Ropi said...

Well, I just celebrated Worker's and Mother's Day so my weekend was rather peaceful.

ebony said...

Burberry frames :D! Cool! I can't wait to see your new glasses. Gosh, I'd need new ones too...

Baino said...

Wuffa, may happen yet. Clare is starting up a little web business so needs a copywriter and hopefully a business partner if things take off. A bit down the track tho. I need to get bread and butter money first!

River, OPSM was the one I was referring to. Avoid them at all costs. This place was called the Optical Warehouse or something. I'll find out and let you know. The frames were varied and good quality. Or you could try the eye centre sponsored by your health fund. j

Ronda if I could bend like a banana, that might be the case! They're just the comfiest pants ever!

True Kath but hardly interview material!

Found it on You Tube Cali . .my mum used to love it! Ooh tagged!

Unfortunately Quickie, laser surgery doesn't work for 'old' eyes! Clare might consider it tho!

Good for you Ropi, our Mother's Day is next Sunday, the 10th.

Ebs I thought they were cool but they hurt and the lenses are scratched badly after just 12 months. They're rubbish with a Burberry price tag!

K8 the Gr8 said...

Yeah.. I love that song.
You know those daily gas-permeable contact lenses that you're supposed to replace every day? I wore those for months at a time out of laziness. My record was 7 months, sleeping, swimming, constantly wearing the same pair of contacts.

I thought my optician would crucify me at the check up, but it seems the eyesight's improved! Go figure.

I'm so glad you sorted your face out, it's such a relief.. I feel ya!

Babysis said...

Well Done You!!! Its the Optical Superstore! Cant wait to see them.
Russet specs sound very noice!
Dare I say "told you so!"

Cuppa Jo said...

I had one of those Jesus moments. One night I forgot to take out my contact before bed and when I awoke next morning and saw everything clearly, my head floated rapturously off my pillow, and I breathed joyously, "IT'S A MIRACLE!"

Then I realized my mistake.

I was quite down-hearted.

Baino said...

K8 you're lucky. We have an idiot boxer over here who's contact fell out while he was at dinner so the moron licked the back of it and stuck it back in. . .nearly lost his eye a month later!

Well impressed I was with Mr Hong Babysis. Knows his stuff and talks the talk. If I'd had the money, I'd have gone sunnies as well.

Oh Jo . .she's had to ease into them and wore them just for a few hours on Saturday . . she sighed when she had to take them out! Played soccer in them on Sunday and they're fab . . .still getting used to poking her finger in her eye!

Coastal Aussie said...

I wish I knew your Mr Hong.
New specs are so difficult to select, and it's such a relief when you find the right pair. Can't wait to see how you look in your new ones.

Bimbimbie said...

Tsup*!* Please ask him if he has a cousin up here I'm in need of a new pair and ones that don't pinch my nose too ;) LOL Love your new corporate look, so your planning on becoming a personal trainer then*!*

kj said...

okay, here i am ready to read this eye of a post and that is what i did.

i want to see a picture of you, your $ 70 specs, your hoodie AND mr. hong--all together. Please please baino: it would make me sooo happy!

i hate it when i overpay for anything. i'm not cheap but i like a bargain. and it seems like you really got one.

baino, would you like to be a babe too? i'm thinking of starting an exclusive babe club and i'm quite sure you'll pass the screening.

love love!

Melanie said...

my glasses worked out expensive but they worked great for multifocals but i wont wear them because for crying out loud i didnt know i looked that freakin old till i wore them

laughingwolf said...

yeah, meeting initial costs on the homefront is critical...

best, to you both :)

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