Friday, June 19, 2009

Friday Fuckwit and A Dinner to Die For

Yeah the biatch is back! The glass is half full . . .so catch-up time for international stupidity. Three to choose from, now you leave your vote. (If I was clever I'd do one of those poll thingies)

Tattoos See Belgian Teenager Seeing Stars
A Belgian teenager has told police how she emerged from a tattoo parlour with 56 stars over one side of her face rather than the three she had asked for, prosecutors have said.


"I said this part, the top, is OK, but not the rest," Kimberley Vlaeminck, from the city of Kortrijk, north-west of Brussels, said. The 18-year-old said she fell asleep during the procedure and woke up in pain when her nose was being tattooed. Now parents . .are we falling for that one?

A spokesman for Kortrijk prosecutors' office said police were investigating after a complaint from the teenager. The tattoo artist said Ms Vlaeminck had agreed to 56 stars.

"She agreed, but when her father saw it the trouble started," Ah now we're getting to it. I'll bet! I'd have whooped her from her to next Friday! Ms Vlaeminck said she wanted to keep the tattoos on her forehead but would have the rest removed.

Am I the only person wondering how you can fall asleep while someone tattoos 56 stars on the side of your face?


Woman Loses $1,000,000 in Mattress

An Israeli woman has mistakenly thrown out a mattress she claims has more than $1 million hidden inside. The woman says she bought a new mattress on Monday and threw out the old one. The next day she remembered she had hidden her life savings inside the old mattress. Now I have the odd 'where are my shoes' moment but I'm pretty sure I'd remember a gazillion under the mattress!

She began a frantic search but rubbish collectors had already taken it. Searches at three separate dumps turned up nothing. Oh, now that's a surprise! Lucky Garbos.

The dump manager confirms she was desperate and his staff were helping her to rummage through the dump (I'll bet!), but said with 2,500 tonnes of rubbish arriving every day, the mattress would be impossible to find. Because dear readers . . I reckon it's been buldozed, exploded and the kish has floated like feathers on the ether. There's probably more than one very happy dump scrounger planning a helluva bar mitzvah!



Young Liberals Use Sex to Attract Subscriptions (aww c'mon they need something!)

Now out here, the 'liberals' are the conservatives - slightly right of centre. The 'labour' party the socialists ever so slightly left of centre - although the difference between them is almost indiscernible.

A Liberal Party student activist is under fire for using pictures of scantily-clad Young Liberal ‘babes’ on his blog in an effort to boost conservative support.

Former head of the Liberal Students’ Federation Tim Andrews posted the photos on his blog to support the ‘Babe Theory of Politics’. The pictures show dozens of young women who belong to uni Liberal Clubs across the country. Some are in bikinis, one is wearing suspenders and several are lying suggestively on a bed. Good taste prevents me from displaying them here!

The ‘Babe Theory of Politics’, according to Andrews, posits that if a political or social movement has ‘hot babes’, men will show up in droves. Well the kid has a point. Sex does sell but these chicks are not to my mind 'that hot'. “Here in Australia the fiscal vandalism of the Rudd Government is unparalleled in our history. Things seem bleak indeed,” he writes. “However – there is reason for hope! For optimism! Definite proof that here in Australia we shall triumph!

“How do I know this? Easy – the Babe Theory Of Politics. To put it simply – we have all the hot girls.” But NSW Liberal MP and former Federal Sex Discrimination Commissioner Pru Goward is unimpressed by Andrews’s efforts.

"I'm disappointed that he's misjudged the importance of a political party like ours that for so long has defended the dignity of men and women," she said. "We do need to recruit young people...and I commend Tim for having a go, but I think that we have to remember that people join political parties because of the facts, not the figures." Tell 'er she's dreamin'


And last but not least . . .

Some Friday Fucking Fantastic news! I have a contract . .yay . .4-6 weeks work with a possibility of extension and interesting stuff at that.

To celebrate, my daughter, motivated by Master Chef (we're addicted) and not the best cook in the world, made this for dinner last night . .trust me, this is a big breakthrough and tasted awesome:

Smoked Salmon parcels filled with chili crab and bell pepper mayonnaise,
with citrus chilli vinegrette and baby leaf salad!
Tadaaaaa!
Thank you Master Chef! Thank you Clare, it tasted fantastic.

However the Billiecart Salmon Champers is being held until a permanent job comes alive!

27 comments:

sandyshares said...

that sounds like an extraordinary meal!!

Don't Bug Me! said...

I vote for the woman who chucked out the money stuffed mattress, although I have my doubts about the authenticity of this story. How on earth could you ever forget that much money? Yes, I am sometimes pleasantly surprised when I find $5 in a coat pocket, but I have yet to stumble across that kind of money in my mattress.

Brian Miller said...

my vote goes for the girl with the stars...it may not have been tatoed stars, but i have been there. if she follows through with the removal i'd love to know if she could sleep through it.

YAY! congrats on the contract! definitely worth celebrating! Your some day has come! hope you enjoyed every bite!

Brian Miller said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Susan at Stony River said...

I love your Fridays; they make me feel normal. (HA!)

Meanwhile, LOVING that supper--if it tasted half as gorgeous as it looks, you must have been in heaven. But it's still not as wonderful as that news! I hope the contract leads to bigger and better things for you, and am glad to know you'll be off the streets for a few weeks at least LOL.

Seriously, congratulations, and I hope you enjoy!

Kate said...

Got to go for the girl seeing stars - she would have been it she were my daughter! How incredibly stupid is she both to have it done and think that anyone would believe her story!!

Food looks lovely - send your daughter over here to teach mine I could do with a night off.

AND,,,,, CONGRATULATIONS!!! Isn't it fun starting again. I can really equate to that.. enjoy it I predict its the start of a whole new era!! Have a hug!!!

Grannymar said...

My vote goes to the Girl who got the CONTRACT! Woo hoo! Well done, the door has opened!

nick said...

Well done on the contract. Hope it leads to other things.

If Kimberley had fallen asleep, then surely any reputable tattooist would have stopped and woken her? Pull the other one. Why 56 stars anyway, why not 55 or 57??

Candie Bracci said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!That was a hell of a friday fuckwit!LOL
And last but not least...

I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!CONGRATULATIONS!!!

And that looks de-li-cious!!

Enjoy your weekend Baino!!

P.S:I have last minute guests,i'm so happy..(but you don't hear me saying that with a sarcastic tone,lol,shhhut)Whatever..:D

hokgardner said...

Congrats on the contract!

And having gotten a tattoo, there's no way that girl fell asleep while having that many stars put on her face unless she was passed out drunk or on some other substance.

subtorp77 said...

One of the gents in the old mobile home park Iused to work, had a habit of leaving his cash in envelopes, scattered( hidden )about the premises. When he died the( adult )kids, raided the place then pad-locked the door. The park owner finally got ownership( after two years ). I had the honour of cleaning out the leavings and $1,600 in cash, the kids missed!

I'm dubious to the woman's claim but only to the amount. She gets my vote.

And congrats on the new work! better things to come, wot?**HUGS**

Colette Amelia said...

most awesome news! Lets cross our fingers that the contract is great, the people are great and it gets extended!

Great take on some truly fuckiing great stories!

ebony said...

congratulations Baino :)! The food looked so pretty and posh and so I can't even discribe it. WOW.

The star face girl looked really sad. Why would someone try to do that? Well I hope she is satisfied.

reyjr said...

no photo of the "young liberals"? hahaha!

Ces said...

The best part - the good news YAY!!!

Yum, the salmon looks mighty deliciouso!

Have a great weekend love. See you when I return.

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

My vote for Friday Fuckwit goes to the mattress woman. I mean, really, how dopey can you get?!
As for sleeping through the tatooing, perhaps the girl was well stoned... did anyone perchance consider that?
And huge cheers for the contract! Who knows where it may lead. A friend took on a contract job four years ago - she's still there.
Go for it!

Ropi said...

I heard about the 1st and 2nd news. I don't want to waste sppace on your blog therefore I comment them in one sentence: if they are so stupid then they deserve it.
About the political news: hey, we are living in a modern world. It is easier to sell bad products with sexy girls. :D

laughingwolf said...

grats on the meal, clare, and the job, baino!

as for the winner: the teen dork with the tats... i believe only the part her dad was mad

the israeli woman actually threw out her mother's mattress...

the liberals don't even register

Marianna said...

Congrats on the contract!! That is great news and am so so happy for you!!

Oh and I have to comment on the star(y) face...poor dad lol

Have a great weekend :)
xoxo

Ronda Laveen said...

Great news! Glad to hear you landed a nice contract. Ya gotta love those Fukwits. I certainly don't see how you could forget your life savings, unless you had Alzheimer's and then you wouldn't suddenly remember you had a savings. And as for getting 56 tatoos and not knowing it, she's young and things we oldsters are as dumb as she is.

Glad to see you back in writing form. Happy weekend.

kj said...

OH BAINO! i haven't read this post (yet) but i found the important part: CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

i knew it! i said so! i'm dancing! sideways! it's good! more good to come! i'll be right again!

YIPEE-I-OH!

Ribbon said...

wow I'm torn between the mattress and the stars... they're both winners!

great you have money coming your way soon.
enjoy good living...

best wishes
Ribbon

lettuce said...

congrats with the contract!!!

me and my daughter - also addicted to masterchef, even its not really quite so entertaining celebrity version.

thanks for the made4aid button/link
:-)

River said...

Yay! A contract! Woo-hoo!
See, I told you something would turn up...this could lead to big things.

Well done Clare, the dinner looks yummy.

Kath Lockett said...

Yay for you! We're addicted to MasterChef too - but out of the five remaining I think that Chris is too arrogant.

Mattress Matriach gets my vote too - best I've ever found was a twenty buck note in my winter coat!

California Girl said...

congratulations on the contract. that is great. your daughter's meal looks chef worthy. love the funny bits you included. I heard about the million dollars stuffed in the mattress. the others are a hoot. what are people thinking? or are they?

Renee said...

woot woot.

Awesome and fantastic about the job.

Love Renee xoxo