Sunday, August 23, 2009

Self Cleaning Ovens Are an Oxymoron

I was over at Ribbon's not too long ago and she was singing the praises of washing soda in relation to cleaning those yucky brown sticky bits on your oven racks. Damn the superlatively zen woman because I was then overcome with a wave of cleaning guilt because I haven't cleaned my oven for 4 years, actually given my memory, it's probably about six years because I bought a new one when I had my kitchen redone and nope, I've NEVER cleaned it.

Now anyone who knows me, also knows that this is totally out of character as I'm a total clean freak (bloody impossible endeavour on five acres I tell you). But anyone who knows me also knows that I'm not much of a 'baker' so the most my oven sees is garlic bread (Adam's addicted) the odd pizza and the Sunday Roast . . still, it was, I am ashamed to say, filthy to the point where I almost contemplated scrapping it and buying a new one.

To cut a long story short, I have spent the best part of my gloriously sunny afternoon washing horse rugs and cleaning the oven. Not in any particular order! And yep, the washing soda is working but this laborious pursuit prevented my Sunday excursion being anything more than a trip to the supermarket. Such is my life of excitement!

So in the absence of any pretty pics or Q Station adventures . . .I give you 12 things about me.

Why 12? Because Nicole over at Super Bloginess and Ribbon at Fragments Treasures Memory tagged me with the same meme "Six Things About You" so here goes. I'm not going to tag anyone for fear of being accused of favouritism, and you know I loves yous all, but feel free to run with it . . unless that is, I've guilted you into cleaning your oven!

I tell you if Adam as much as puts a single piece of grated cheese in that oven I'll kill him . . . slowly!
  1. I am outwardly a very confident and assertive person, inwardly I'm introspective and incredibly insecure

  2. I cannot stand doing anything by myself other than taking photographs which suit solitude. Even then, I always have my dog with me. So in reality, I am never alone.

  3. I always wanted a shimmery, schparkly, backless dress like one I saw Shirley Bassey wear about 30 years ago, almost exposing a hint of bum cleavage. Sadly, I don't have the figure or that lovely coffee toned skin for it.

  4. I love alternative rock music but for the life of me can never remember the name of the song or who sung it and am forever singing riffs to Clare and asking her "Who sings this song and what's it called". She's very patient.

  5. I hate bras, even pretty, sexy ones. (not that they make many in my size! I am cursed with big norgs) Bras are uncomfortable, unnatural and I can't wait to whip it off the minute I get home. Over shoulder boulder holders give me the shits. Oh and I've never been able to do them up at the back. I'm a front-fastener.

  6. When the new job finally comes through, I'm going to have hypnotherapy to try to give up smoking and just hope I don't break into the chicken dance whenever someone says "What's for dinner?" Then again it could be a good daily exercise regime.

  7. I love the stinky pooey, grassy-breathed, sweaty smell of horses . . really it's intoxicating. Although recently I read that you're supposed to 'clean' your grey gelding's crusty penis with vegetable oil in order to prevent melanoma . . .Oh God . . what will the 'neigh'bours think (pun intended), me on my milking stool rubbing an Arab's willy with olive oil! Big issue is, I know he'll actually like it!

  8. I love that I can sit at my computer with all the doors and windows open, in little more than a pair of yoga pants and a T shirt on, with, 12 inch skinks skitting across the room, Butcher Birds having their tree-to-tree arguments, pretty grey and pink galahs grazing in the back garden and the sound of Lorikeets in the trees. Sunday BLISS! The only thing lacking is the odd grey kangaroo! We're too urban for the marsupials here.

  9. I think I have Agony Aunt written on my forehead but strangely, I like it when people confide in me, and they do! It's very flattering and I hope I can help because I have an overactive empathy gland

  10. I am trying to work out what my 'passion' is. I haven't felt 'real' joy for a long time. I'm happy, generally, very happy, but not joyful.

  11. I miss my dad more than I miss my husband . . is that bad?

  12. I do like to pick my nose . .but not in public and I wipe it on a tissue . . well you asked!
Right, time to see if the washing soda has done it's job . . I am never using my oven again.



How Awesome is this woman!

49 comments:

Megan said...

I'm a front-fastener, too. Why add unnecessary contortions to an already despised maneuver, right?

I have a backless dress in my closet that I haven't fit in 15 years. But I keep it around, because I haven't given up hope. Someday it will rise again!

And garlic toast cannot be praised enough, says I...

subtorp77 said...

Baino, where to start?-heh, heh...
I finally cleaned the cooker that came with the flat. Mum got some new type cleaner and "
who knows" how many years of food burn came right off, in about an hour. We've not used it since-LOL!

You're pretty open on this and 'tis a joy to read...

#5-haven't heard the "boulder-holder" schtick in a while-HA! Mum is the same like that. Especially when she has to go tot he clinic, as the darn thing gets in the way, wot?
#6-been smoke-free almost 11-1/2 years, I have...and no hypnosis! Ican just imagine you doing the "Funky Chicken" at a meeting-HAW!
#7-LMFAO!
#11-No 'tisn't and prob'ly for the same reason I miss my Grandmum more than my da...
#12-Ditto this...no wait..I do public nasal excavations, wot? heh, heh...

And tho' I can't stand the song( at least the other version ), Shirley's vocals make it work! Nice! And enjoy your after-noon luv!

Sarah Lulu said...

Hmmm I haven't heard Shirley for so long isn't she great?!!!!!

I love bras, pretty ones, sexy ones, lacy ones ...I'm a back fastener. I really like it if a man unfastens it though ...God if I can remember that far back.

Been smoke free for ...ummm almost 5 years. Used to smoke like a chimney, I never miss it.

I hate cleaning ovens too.

Don't Bug Me! said...

I find it hard to believe that a capable woman such as yourself cannot fasten a behind-the-back bra. It really isn't that hard!?!
I also love the smell of horses - I sometimes just go and find a field or stable full of horses just to stand there and smell them. As for the olive oil and horse penis - well, that is just one more reason for not actually owning a horse. That and the fact that my garden is the size of a postage stamp :0(

Ropi said...

That was a really opened 12 points. You know Self cleaning ovens are rather a paradoxon. It sounds controversial but it makes sense. When you switch it on, the hat kills germs so in a Biological way it is cleaning.

Grannymar said...

Are you practising that song for the office 'Welcome Baino' party!

I love good well fitting sexy underwear. Only I know it is there. It is the 'for me' treat.

nick said...

Of course the only problem with wearing a shimmery, sparkly, backless dress is that presumably you'd need some kind of bra under it....

Mrsupole said...

#7 ROFLMAO

I too haven't cleaned my oven in years but it is self cleaning and seems to keep clean due to lack of use. Loved the video.

God bless.

Mim said...

I'm with you on 1,3,4,5 - but the olive oil penis thing...Yuck!

Lorna Lilo said...

I don't clean the oven, I just move to another place, but then my oven has dust in it. As for bras, well I only buy grey ones now because they all end up that way anyhow.

Harnett-Hargrove said...

Love your idea of Sunday BLISS! And the rest of it too. -Jayne

Renee said...

Loving the list and laughing at the list and listening to the list.

Maybe you knew your Dad much longer than your husband. That could be a reason and I don't think it is bad.

The new banner is amazing.

Love Renee xoo

Candie Bracci said...

Yeah!Cool stuff about you!
I'm so with u on the bra's thing.I find them pretty but it is the first thing I take off,along with shoes when I come home,unless I have guests of course!lol
Have a bice sunday :)

Candie Bracci said...

bice=nice!:D

California Girl said...

you're too funny. you share more than I ever would but that's what makes you Baino! My husband loves the Shirley Bassey rendition of that song. She does look good.

otin said...

"Big Norgs" LMAO! is that really a bad thing?? We need to see a picture!
Yes I am a pervert!

I am the same way with new music, I like a lot of songs, but never know the titles!

laughingwolf said...

having never worn any kind of bra, i really have no preference :P lol

nor a backless anything, much less a dress...

but i'm with adam and megan, ANYTHING garlic works for me!

Kate said...

Take out number 7 definitely and I would be convinced you were my sister that got away!!! ( a long way away at that!)

Just ordered some new bras and I am still shuddering at how un-pretty they are!!

Ovens? I have found the perfect cleaner - made by Kleeneze, its a gel that you paint on with a brush, leave for a short while and wipe clean! And yes - it works, every time!!!!!

Ces said...

I love reading about you! Unless, you don't really care about tagging other people, you have to tag specific people in a meme. it's part of being assertive. I like that part when I have to make decisions and I have 10 friends and I am forced to choose three. Hahahah!It's crazy but I have to make those decisions and be assesrtive about it.

I have never heard of a slef cleaning oven that did not spike the elctric bill every time you turn it on!

Why not start smoking cessation now/ Easy for me to say huh?

The Jelly Monster said...

Ha ha ha had such a laugh reading this!

I feel for ya with the whole bra situation its a total bitch, but do you not feel kinda hot when you see itty bitty 32A bras,and say "damn, thank buddha I have massive knockers??!"

I'll send Maxi over to ya he cleans a mean oven!

Jay said...

Oooh, I remember those Shirley Bassey dresses and I have a similar wish - I wish I could wear those spaghetti strap little skimpy, sexy dresses. Never have been able to, because I have shoulders like an olympic swimmer and upper arms to match. I look ug-leee in them.

And self-clean ovens! Yes, they are a contradiction in terms, aren't they? I keep a sheet of silicone in the bottom of mine which rinses clean under the tap (they're sold for the purpose. The sheets, not the taps, daft wench). And I soak the shelves in biological washing powder. That does the trick. But what I can never do is get the glass clean. *Sigh*

Dot-Com said...

Ha ha, the problem of cleaning the oven is not so much doing it. Well, sure, that's tough work. But it's finally accepting that the oven has to be used again that's really difficult!

Bimbimbie said...

Tsup*!* Tsup*!* What a mixture for my Monday breakfast read, thanking my lucky stars I only have to apply vaseline to my cats ears ... good luck ;)

Kate Hanley said...

I am the complete opposite, not quite a clean freak but I do clean my oven and I have nothing, and I mean nothing on top so I need a bra with padding and toilet paper and...
Great post though! Too funny!

Baino said...

Well good luck with the dress, I'm losing my bid to be a size 12 by November big time! Maybe I should buy a dress as inspiration.

Subby I just tried to put the racks back in and a little bitty thing fell out and now I can't fix it. . job for Ads methinks. I may never use mine again either.

Well Sarah, necessity being the mother of invention, I might just have to go cold turkey. I can't afford them any more. Smokes, not bras.

I know, it's pathetic DBM!

Ropi I think you're supposed to wipe them EVERY time you use them to prevent the spatters sticking but who's got the time to do that!

Nah, I'm yer Bridget Jones type I'm afraid.

Nick you can get little sticky perky upper things with no straps. I've got it covered!

There's the solution right there Mrs, just don't use it!

Mim, I don't think I'm going there.

Lorna what is it with underwear that it goes grey? I'm a black undies person mainly so it holds its 'colour' or lack of it.

Thanks Jayne, helps when the sun is shining and all the chores are done!

I did Renee, that's true. I lived next door to him for 20 years as well.

Bra free and barefoot Candie. Perfect!

Cali, I do tend to be a bit open I guess but there's still plenty I can keep to myself.

Otin sadly the big norgs come with being a little overweight! I'm hardly a Playboy model so the photo will have to wait!

Wuffa I'm pleased to hear that cross-dressing is not one of your hobbies

Kate, I used something similar but had to sacrifice two old towels wiping off the gunk. I was ashamed totally ashamed.

Ces I couldn't possibly pick six people. Plus I know that some don't care much for tags or memes so I refrain. Personally, I quite like em

Haha Jelly they're not 'massive' Wouldn't mind a little 34A tho! And a bit more 'perkiness'. Everything's going south these days so it won't be long and all I'll need is a belt to keep the girls under control.

So true Dot. I may never use it again. Although getting Garlic Boy to comply might be a bit difficult.

*Tsup!* Bimbimbie, sorry if I made you sputter your coffee!

Ronda Laveen said...

What's a skink? I could help you with the hypnotherapy if I were closer and probably the equine appendage oil massage...

i beati said...

cleaning the oven oooh oooh oooh and oooh

Brian Miller said...

you smoke and pick your nose?

lol. sorry just getting ove, the nets been down all day...brutal...

i don't like to wear bras either...and i like alternative rock as well...amazing what we have in common.

dads have a special place in our hearts...

hope you find that joy soon. smiles.

Vagabonde said...

I really like your style of writing. I wish I could write like this but since English is not my first language I am always afraid to say things that are not accurate, like I always say it’s raining like dogs and rats or whatever I can’t seem to remember which animals are raining. It is so warm here that I only use the oven in winter and it’s supposed to be self-cleaning – well I guess it is, I have not looked too close for a quite a while.

Kath Lockett said...

You are a treasure, big norgs and nose pickings and all!

kj said...

fascinating, all of it, but you stinker, did you have to put that last nose=y one in at the end? you know i hate references to bodily functions. couldn't you have thought about your dear friend kj just once?

only for you did i read your list twice. and only because it's you will i admit that you are an honest hoot of a woman, so much so that i am overlooking the nose-y information just this once.

p.s. your statement about missing your father made me swallow hard. and as far as bras go: f---them. i hate them too. especially in humid weather. i am a wild woman trying to get the damn thing on. at least i've lost weight. more compact.

:)

River said...

Mmmm, garlic bread. I haven't cleaned my oven properly in ages. It wasn't too clean when I moved in here, and I've maintained that standard, it passes inspection whenever the property manager does one so that's good enough for me. what irks me is the roof of the oven. The baked on yuk up there cannot be removed. I spray it with oven cleaner and once that's done its job I can wash/wipe till the cows come home and it doesn't come clean. I can't even see it because it's a free standing stove and i'd have to lie on the floor and shine a torch in there. It has no light. Anyway....self-cleaning ovens are fantastic. My daughter has one.

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

Oh LOL Baino, reading about you was a good chuckle. And look, can we just not talk about cleaning ovens - not after the Toulouse sausage whizzed all over the insides of mine yesterday. I swear there must now be garlic laden pork fat everywhere. So much for that Frenchman.

steph said...

Oh, Baino

That was such a good laugh! I adore your honesty.

And you're just as awesome as Bassey (in your own way).

Ribbon said...

Big love to you and thanks for playing.
I've tried to leave comments over the past couple of days but for some weird reason I haven't been able to.
here's hoping this one sticks.

xoxoxo Ribbon

Baino.. I'm totally with you on the bras, but I don't have big boobies :)

Darlene said...

I'm learning a new slang language reading your blog. Boulder holders (a hoot), Norgs (that's a new one on me).

Re: your dad; he probably gave you unconditional love - husbands never do. Maybe that's why you miss him more.

Alexx said...

Im in love with my yoga pants! I have so many different ones all from RepeatPossessions.com. They have so many different styles and colors.

Renee said...

I am sending love on the wind.

xoxo

The Man at the Pub said...

Just tell your Arab to lie back and think of Persia.

Cinnamon said...

I think I will carry on feeling gulity for a while...

I like the sound of your Sunday bliss! -but not sure about the 'skinks' (I had to google that one!)

Joy is different to happiness. Havn't felt that in a while either.

Good luck with the hypnotherapy. BTW I have been thinking about Kylie's post about breaking habits ('web-breaker' on her side-bar)- may be useful in your quest to quit the ciggies.

Jill said...

I know you better after this post and LIKE YOU SO MUCH TOO! What fun!

I would like to try on this backless dress of yours...and my oven has NOT been cleaned recently...I will NOT try to remember the last time!

We have a new horse next door...he is a joy! PURE sweetness! I will not volunteer to help with his penis care!! ACK!

the projectivist said...

oh lovely!
it seems i have popped by at just the right moment - how kind of you to give me the quick synopsis version of Baino.

i am pro chucking out ovens when they get dirty. i haven't cleaned my oven in ages either. what's the baking soda trick? does it mean i don't actually have to scrub? can i just quickly spray it with a diluted whisper of baking soda and voila! it's done? because that would be good.

Gledwood said...

Seriously now, can you explain something to the uninitiated but how on earth is an oven, any oven at all supposed to clean itself?

Does it have a little mechanical man inside who wakes up each morning, yawns, stretches and ambles out to the garden where he fills a bucket of soapy water for the daily oven-renewal task..?

otin said...

I am in a bad mood quite often! I am not always a ray of sunshine! LOL!

Annie Ha said...

I'm a front fastener, too! I thought I was the only one!

River said...

Going back to your first sentence, I read the same tip, but the only place big enough to soak my oven racks is the bathtub, I'm going to try it anyway, but I'll be crossing my fingers that no damage is done to the tub. Not from the washing soda, but I might scratch the tub with the racks....

laughingwolf said...

lol... most times i'm in walking shorts and t-shirt, even in winter... til i have to go out, that is ;)

Ropi said...

I use the oven or any other equipment only in crisis.

e said...

I cleaned my oven a few months ago and covered the rack in foil. I helps although the only thing I use it for is vegetables, potatoes and casseroles as I don't eat meat or bake generally. Love your 12, and as for big norgs and bras, don't even get me started...