Saturday, October 10, 2009

Forgetfull Fool


I forget birthdays.

I am a lousy friend, a forgetful daughter-in-law an inconsiderate sister and a lazy rememberer. I forgot my nephew's, best friend's, mother-in-law's, brother's birthdays. It's not that I didn't think of them on the day, I did. "Oh must ring Betty and wish her a happy birthday!" or "Must remember to buy Joel a pressie" Don't get me wrong. I care about these people but demonstrate my affection in more offbeat ways. I blow their leaves, babysit their children, have dinner parties or barbies for them, listen to their woes and tribulations. I bring their washing in off the line when it rains, maintain their pool, mow their lawns, make them coffee. I would walk over broken glass if they asked me to, or donate an organ - but send a birthday card, make a call? I am hopeless.

I just don't ring or email or send them a card. I think about them, I love them . . so why is it so hard for me to just buy a friggin' present or call on their special day? I don't give a rats arse about birthdays myself and don't understand why others find them worthy of remembering. I'm so, so, sorry - family, friends. . .I have the best of intentions but don't follow through.

Then I remember birthdays of people who aren't related or friends or bloggers or long lost acquaintances with verve and passion. I guess the bottom line is I would die for each of those who's birthdays I missed, hug them until the breath leaves their bodies . . .but remember their special day? It's not that I don't care about you, or think about you, or mean to ring . . I do - deeply. I just love you ever day so remembering just one seems pointles . I'm sorry. I really am.

So to: Annie, Mark, Joel, Mick, Peter, Betty, Kenton . . forgive me and I hope you had a happy day . .I love you . . .really . . . I do.

33 comments:

subtorp77 said...

Baino, I only remember the ones that need remembering. If Icould recall all of them....and most times folks are either happy that you did remember, or else they don't want to be reminded of it, yes?( says me...with a stack of cards ready )...

Anonymous said...

it might be my birthday too. i have four of them.

sincerely,
emily rabbit

Candie Bracci said...

lol,me too I do sometimes!That's cool!As long as you got them in your heart and mind th rest is not important.I'm not much of a phone adept myself and really few emails,but my friends and family know that it doesn't mean that I don't care.Have a nice weekend!;)

Roy said...

I remember family birthdays, and those of most of my friends (at least the ones whose birthdays I know of). But I have one friend in Texas I always forget. I know when it is, but on the day itself it just always slips my mind, and I can't for the life of me figure out why she's been so singled out. The brain is an odd thing, isn't it?

kj said...

i'll take the thoughtfulness and gift of your friendship any day.

(another mushy truth spoken by kj babe)

otin said...

I remember some because it is important to other people, not because it means anything to me. If it were up to me, all Holidays would be very low key.

lettuce said...

ooops that reminds me - 2 birthday cards to send!

Hails said...

You know, I have a couple of friends like this. I'm big on birthdays - I put thought into gifts, I write heartfelt messages on cards, I arrange surprises and I spend a lot of time on the whole thing. It used to really hurt me when a close friend forgot my birthday or just muttered a token "oh, happy birthday" in passing. I thought it meant that they just didn't love me as much as I loved them. This post helped me to see it from a different perspective! Thanks. :)

Brian Miller said...

honestly, if T did not remember them and remind me to make the call, it probably would not happen. i am bad about this as well.

nick said...

Fortunately I don't have many birthdays to remember, but I'm sure if I did I would be as forgetful as you. And yes, in the end it's the actual friendship that matters not a card on a certain day. The only thing is that if someone doesn't send me a card, I'm never sure if they've just forgotten or whether they're snubbing me for some reason....

laughingwolf said...

yeah, ye be doin' it right, matey! ;)

AngelMay said...

Ha! This is why AngelSpouse and I have agreed to stop giving cards to each other. It was my idea, actually, because I live in fear of forgetting and then feeling like a total dufus and all-around bad-guy.

Darlene said...

I forget everything now - not just birthdays. That's why I write endless notes to myself. Then I lose the notes or forget to read them. I'm hopeless.

I was hurt when my son forgot my birthday this year and told him he had better remember my next one (85) because that's a milestone. I don't know why every five years is a milestone, but I will use any excuse to get attention ;-)

Renee said...

Oh so your not perfect then? har har

No, I still think you are.

Love Renee xoxo

Baino said...

I don't mind so much about forgetting adults Subby, they're bit and ugly enough to cope but my little Nephew came with his mum for coffee yesterday and I don't have his present. His birthday was in September! I felt awful.

Sorry Emily, I have trouble remembering one each year, let alone four!

Actually Candie, it was my Mother In Law who chastised me (gently) because this is the first year in 27 that I've forgotten her birthday! I thought about her . . just forgot to call.

Roy I constantly forget my best friend's birthday. I know it's August 24th but invariably it comes and goes. She's used to it by now!

Thanks kj, no need to take it . . .it's given willingly! Just don't ask me to remember your birfdie!

Well I wouldn't call a birthday a holiday Otin . .and for me, unless there's a zero in the number it's just a reminder of getting older! GAH!

Haha . . glad I helped someone remember!

Hails, you sound like my sister. She's amazing and remember's everyone's. Calls even if she can't get around to see and in my case always asks what I'm doing for my birthday and is usually involved in dinner or breakfast out. It makes me feel all the worse! I'm sure they love you . . they're probably like me and just distracted by shiny things!

Brian that's true of many men I think. I used to be the gift and present buyer for all my husband's family. Then the wheels fell off and I don't do it any more. Then none of them call me on my birthday except my MIL so I don't feel too guilty.

Wuffa, talk like a pirate day was two weeks ago!

Darlene I'm in the practice of writing reminders ALL day at work. Maybe that's the problem, when I get home, I'm just over it! And yes I guess at 85, at least a phone call is worth it. Although my father in law turned 80 last year . . .they had a small 'do' up where he lives (about an hour and a half up the coast) but nobody invited us. We were a little miffed actually too.

Far from it Renee . . beautifully imperfect I'm afraid! Still, my good friends understand and it's become a bit of a running joke. I'd forget my own kids birthdays if they weren't living here to remind me!

ebony said...

I think often when birthdays are remembered, it's kind of shallow. 'Happy birthday' is just something people say because it's somthing you're supposed to do... I think it's much more important to show your feelings so they'll really know you care. Blah. I hope you don't feel too bad about forgetting... Perhaps you should put an alert in your mobilephone or mark the special days in a calendar...

i beati said...

how's the job life creeps upon us

Megan said...

Every few years, I say to myself that THIS will be the year that I don't forget. And I dig out the list and mark the calendar and all that.

And after I miss that first one, it all falls apart for another year or three.

And poor Liam, he's had, like 3 birthday parties in his whole life. Okay, maybe 4 or 5...

Nancy said...

Well, Baino, I had the exact same problem with remembering birthdays.

We have a large family and until I was about 80 years old I always had a card in the mail to everyone who was having a birthday. Then, I started to forget them one by one and I spent a year apologizing to them all.

This year I planned a huge what you call a "Barbie" at my little cottage and invited the whole clan. Everybody showed up and I had a wonderful birthday cake with "Happy Birthday One and All"
written in icing on the top and I had a birthday card for each and every person who attended.

I don't care when their birthday is, this is the time they are getting their card from me.

Now I never worry about a certain date and sending a card at a particular time. I have solved my problem, and maybe yours,too!

River said...

You answered your own question. You forget because on a personal level birthdays mean nothing to you. i'm similar, my own birthday means nothing to me and I don't much care about others birthdays, but for family, especially my kids and grandchildren, I always send a card with a little something inside, like a phone credit voucher for the teenagers, a lotto ticket for the adults.

Bimbimbie said...

I'm sure they all loves you back just as much *!*

Miladysa said...

Aww Baino I soooo empathise with you on this!

I'm sure everyone understands and loves you for just being you! xxx

Ropi said...

I tend to forget birthdays, therefore you should take notes.

Dot-Com said...

Awww, but we can all forget. Now I want cookies though. Cookies. Hmmm, wonder if I have any in th apartment. Must check!

Melissa said...

I have a dear friend much like you in that regard, Baino, and I love her dearly for her ways of remembering me throughout the whole year, not just on my birthday. You're a wonderful friend! xo

Ces said...

Just don't forget my birthday. It's tomorrow!

Melanie said...

I hate birthdays so much that I renamed mine Present day coz all I really want are presents. I know, Im shallow, but stiff. Anyhow, I have a terrible habit of being so scared I will forget someones birthday that on a number of occassions I have called a month too early, a week to early, once even a year too early for a big 40 or 50. Birthdays are so damn stressful but I dont care what anyone says, people who like birthdays will always remember if you forgot theirs.......

Ribbon said...

Baino I have an Award for you over at my place... this one comes with a challenge :)
Pls take it with love.

I just forgot a bthdy last week!

It's human to forget :)

x Ribbon

California Girl said...

My birthday is coming up...Nov 1st. I want acknowledgment from you, hahahahaha!

Miles McClagan said...

Cookie Monster - #3 in all my time favourite Sesame Street characters

After Clumsy Chef and Grover when he's the waiter...

"TEN BANANA CREAM PIES!" - who doesn't love that!

steph said...

Baino

I like Nancy's idea, don't you? And who better at organising a fun party than OUR Baino..whoo..hooo!

I've the opposite problem to you. Once I know someone's birth date, I never EVER forget it. I can even remember school friends birthdays who I haven't seen since leaving school (and that wasn't yesterday!).

Which reminds me, October 16th is rapidly approaching...

I'll be thinking of you! (and Ian)

Have a good 'un, Missus. You sure deserve it!

xox

...mmm... said...

I always remember B'days but never send card, so who's the worse for wear?

Baino said...

True Ebs but my nephew is only 10 so I will have to make it up to him. Although I don't think he's emotionally scarred by me yet.

Erm the job is a job ibeati . . it pays. It's not fun.

Yeh well. I remember my kids birthdays because they're only a week apart so if I forget one, I can say that I'm 'amalgamating' the celebration to the later date.

Nancy at 80 you're allowed to forget anything! Not a bad Idea . . again, our whole clan will be together for Christmas . . I might have to do something like that!

River I think you're right and fortunately, the older we get, birthdays mean little to others as well but I kick myself for forgetting the kids.

Well I'll make up for it at Christmas. I have been a little 'distracted' of late and the shops aren't as 'handy' where I am now as they were when I worked closer to home.

We'll see on Friday Miladysa . . lets say I'm not expecting a plethora of phone calls!

Notes it is Ropi. I need a notebook . . then I need to remember to read it. Perhaps I should put it all on my computer!

Good luck with the cookies . . we're all on a get fit quick kick here! Carrots anyone?

Yeh well my bestie is much the same Melissa . . water off a duck's back for her!

Mel, I have been known to get it wrong or call early then forget the actual date!

Thanks Ribbon, it's in the meme monday bank

Haha; . . .Happy birthday Cali . . take it now, who knows if you'll get it on the 1st!

Hello there Miley . . . haha . . .I'm a snuffaluffagus fan myself. . .he was/is never on often enough.

Toasty, I used to send cards but then went all 'green' . . .probably more of an 'excuse' than a reason but I should at least call!