Friday, October 02, 2009

Friday Fuckwits (Well Not Really)



Well it's Friday . . not before time and with a wet and windy long weekend ahead I thought a little fun rather than pointing the finger. Tonights Friday Fuckwits took their silly but rather ingenious inventions and discoveries to the 2009 Ibnoble Awards in the hope of winning the coveted 'spoof' prize for amazingly ridiculous research:


2009 Ignoble Awards (Reuters)

Engineers who invented a bra that converts into a gas mask and Irish police officers who mistakenly wrote tickets to "Driver's Licence" have all won spoof IgNobel prizes.

The IgNobels - a play on the name of the Nobel prizes awarded every October from Stockholm and Oslo - are given out by the Harvard-based humour magazine Annals of Improbable Research.

Prizes also went to Zimbabwe for issuing banknotes that ranged in value from one Zimbabwean cent to 100 trillion Zimbabwean dollars, to Mexican scientists who made diamonds out of tequila, and to the leaders of four Icelandic banks that suffered spectacular collapses.

The Public Health prize went to Elena Bodnar of Hinsdale, Illinois and colleagues who designed and patented a bra that can be quickly converted into a pair of gas masks, one for the brassiere wearer and one to be given to some needy bystander.

Ireland's police won the literature prize for writing more than 50 traffic tickets to a frequent visitor and speeder named Prawo Jazdy. In Polish, this means "driver's licence".

Pathologist Stephan Bolliger and colleagues at the University of Bern in Switzerland won for a study they did to determine whether an empty beer bottle does more or less damage to the human skull than a full one in a bar fight.

"Both suffice in breaking the human skull. However, the empty ones are more sturdy," Mr Bolliger said by email.

This is because the pressure of the beer, aided by carbonation, makes a full beer bottle explode quickly.

The economics prize went to managers at Kaupthing Bank, Landsbanki, Glitnir Bank and Central Bank of Iceland "for demonstrating that tiny banks can be rapidly transformed into huge banks, and vice versa".

Donald Unger of California was honoured for a lifelong experiment in which he cracked the knuckles of his left hand but never his right for more than 60 years to prove that cracking your knuckles does not cause arthritis.

Other winners included farmers who showed that naming your cows makes them give more milk, researchers who used panda droppings to break down household trash, and a scientist who calculated why pregnant women do not fall over.


Have an amazing weekend. I don't care if it rains, hails or shines
. . I'm going to relax!

51 comments:

Sarah Lulu said...

I did laugh ....

Do relax ....me too, going to ease into a few days of pause.

Pam said...

Seems more like a Saturday night Australian thing to find out how much damage a beer bottle, half empty or full can do to a skull.Substitute the work collegues for "mates" and we'd have a number of contenders for a Ph.D. in the school of hard knocks here in good old Oz. Not adverse to trying to put their noses in someone's bra either I'd think ("Jeez, what's ya problem, just checkin' out gas mask possibilities,ya can leave it on!")...and now that South Australia is paying a small fortune to house two Pandas, when we should be housing the bottle-wielders off the streets and away from behaviour further encouraged by the likes of Dr. Stephen Bolliger, at least we can do something with their poo (the panda's that is...) Thanks for the visit Baino.Haha!! I enjoyed Friday Fuckwits. Have a great weekend.

JeffScape said...

Love it! Abso-fuckwit-lutely love it!

JeffScape said...

I just have to mention that the word verification for my previous comment was "whorse."

Blogger's getting lewd, methinks.

Rowe said...

I like what Donald did best, haha, cracked his knuckles on just one hand for sixty years to prove arthritis does not exist. Have a wonderfully relaxing weekend, Baino, it's your first mini holiday from the new job. Enjoy!!

Roy said...

Ah yes, the Ignoble Awards. Along with the Darwin Awards they're ther highlight of my year!

hokgardner said...

The things people come up with.

Renee said...

Now if only all those people would waste their time doing my laundry.

Love Renee xoxo

Susan at Stony River said...

Can you BELIEVE some of these? What's fascinating (or depressing) is that some of these 'achievements' seem the result of real genius...too bad it's so goofily applied.

Except for our own Gardai. *sigh* There was no genius at work in THAT. But hey, if the Irish had to forego the Booker, Pulitzer, etc, this year, we HAVE NOW one an international Literature prize after all, which takes the sting off.

Right?

Jay said...

Wow ... pregnant women do not fall over? Are you kidding me? ROFL!!

Those are funny. Stupid, but funny.

Cinnamon said...

I want one of those bras!

e said...

I'm with Cinnamon and Jay on this one...

Baino...you just inspired today's post over at my blog!

Chris said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Christopher said...

Wait a minute. I can understand dismissing some of the Ignobles as "fuckwits" but the very first one, a bra that converts into a gasmask could be seriously useful...unless the woman who's wearing it shares it with a guy, in which case he'll be too busy staring at her breasts to put the gas mask on.

Never mind.

Tom said...

my cow's name is Hey You...does that count?

Ropi said...

I will surely have awesome weekend! I realised life is just on long distance. :D :D

Otin said...

I need a pair of underwear that will mask gas! LMAO!

Baino said...

Sarah, sounds like you're ready for a resty poo as well! Enjoy!

Pam loved the comment and yeh, very close to the truth methinks. I didn't know you were getting pandas. . .

Well, I was in too good a mood to be mean Jeff!

Ah Rowe but how do we know . . he could be telling huge porkies!

Fun though aren't they. I think a bra would be far more comfortable as a gas mask than it's intended use frankly Heather!

Hmmph . . doing mine right now Renee . . keep it quiet but the SIL has gone on holidays for a week so I'm pinching her dryer! Ooooooh soft and sweet smelling towels! I know . . I'm a simple creature.

I just hope they don't get government grants for it Suze but I think it's all in good fun. I read about the Irish one. In fact they may have starred in a previous edition of FF!

Well I dunno Jay, I fell over a couple of times . . damn high heels!

Hehe . . me too Cinnamon . . .make a pretty Swine Flu protector eh?

e, stupid and funny they are and I know but I can't for the life of me think where the fresco is. . .I'll hold off guessing until you've had a few more comments!

Haha . . Christopher, I always had you tagged as someone who thinks outside the box. You haven't disappointed!

Tom . . only if your dog's name was D-For or Fetch.

Ropi . . Good . I hope you do have an awesome weekend. Not sure I understand "Life is just on long distance"? If you're saying you're living in the moment! Then enjoy!

Hahaha . . you are a TWIT! And you think you're boring! Get outta here!

Melissa said...

Now *that* was fucking funny!!

Thank you, Baino!! :D Happy weekend!

laughingwolf said...

you kill my comment?

Baino said...

Same to you Mel. Just had a Photoshop tutorial!

Wuffles? Nope? I'd never kill your comment!

Bimbimbie said...

Tsup*!* I want to know how they got a panda inside the bin to deposit it's droppings in the first place.

Enjoy your extra long weekend, what's your state celebrating that mine isn't? It's still blowing a gale up here and the ground is brown and dusty once again*!*

kj said...

i believe it about naming cows. i think it works for cars too.

about bras. i think this is true: when falsies when out of style, manufacturers had a ton of unused unsellable inventory. ever clever, they converted the falsies to...........shoulder pads.

and thus a new fashion trend was created.

honey hells, i beseech you to have that relaxing weekend. in fact, i order you. i know it's not necessary--you're going to see to it, but i figure a little authority can't hurt.

love love
kj

Kath Lockett said...

Cancer, Schmancer - we NEED to know that cows with names give more milk!

Baino said...

OH Wuffles honey, I would never moderate your comments. Perhaps you clicked OK before waiting for word verification. I do it all the time.

Melissa! Hush your mouth you sweet thing! Josephine will pick up all your bad habits and there's nothing worse than a dove uttering profanities, t'aint natural.

Tsup*! Bimbimbie . . my little Irish dude was thrilled with your kookaburras! He loves the idea of rump steak eating birds! Must be a friggin huge compost bin!
Labour day weekend. I have no idea what kind of labour but any long weekend is a good weekend even if it's pouring! We need it, been very, very dry.

kj I haven't named my car but I do ask her to start very nicely and often say 'thank you darling' she's 15 years old so I treat her well. And don't worry, I'm very relaxed. Did all my housework last night and used my sister in law's dryer to floof up my towels so it's all good. Even had time for a quick post on Blogland Lane!

ick said...

So if cows are given names AND lacy bras, do they give even more milk?

Ropi said...

I meant just as justice, fair, correct, unbiased etc...

nick said...

Less haste, more speed....

Baino said...

Fair enough Ropi . .enjoy it!

"ick", I should have known you were Nick! Haha . . you know you can automate that! *evades question about lacy bras on cows* thought you might have been Terrence McDanger there for a moment. He likes cows!

River said...

The convertible bra does have a certain amount of merit...

lettuce said...

diamonds out of tequila, what a very cool idea

having such fun catching up here

Baino said...

River . . no bra has any kind of merit!

Lettuce, I bet they're not advertising their formula! Yeh wet weekend her and I have a square bum . .seem to have been online all day!

Miladysa said...

Did Melissa swear? No... not possible... must have been an imposter...

Hilarious Baino! Makes you wonder where these numpties came from and why no one every said STOP!

Wishing you a fantastic chilled weekend :)

Baino said...

She DID! Gobsmacked I was! Ah I think it's all in good fun! You too. I'm fantasically chilled and ready to read.

Candie Bracci said...

Now I know how to recycle my old bras!Thanks!LOL
No there were some great inventions though!Enjoy your weekend and relax a max!;)

Gledwood said...

I thought you were going to put ME as friday fckwit... I did reply to ur points re my academic diatribe

;->...

subtorp77 said...

Relaxing with the rain and cracking all my knuckles-LOL! Look Ma, no arthritis!

Carolina said...

Okay, so I haven't read all the above comments, so I might not be the first one to see the flaw in the bra/gasmask design: what's holding your breasts up when you use the gasmask. Imagine you have to run somewhere with your gasmask on; your boobs will be all over the place.
And I wouldn't want to be the guy whose skull was used to test the beerbottle idea.

Also, I had coffee this morning with a friend and she told me she had just adopted a little calf on the farm where her horse is stabled. She named the calf Josje and will cuddle it senseless. The rest of the calfs remain nameless. Hubs mentioned the 'more milk'-theory to her and she is going to try and prove it.

Before I forget: I really liked this post. Huge smile ;-)

Baino said...

Candie I'm sure they'e be the prettiest gas masks around!

Aww Gleds. No, I just get cranky with you sometimes. I'm heading over now.

Cracking is actually the 'air' between the joints. I guess he busted the myth!

Exactly Carolina, you'd have to carry a spare if you're an 'ample' woman! Ooh a live experiement! Sounds like it might be a while before she's ready to 'milk'! And rest assured, there's a fuckwit or two here every Friday!

Auntie, aka Coco's Mom said...

hello there girl,
How interesting that someone on Twitter had commented on the bra/gas mask thing yesterday...
Good to be back in my blogging!

Ces said...

The bra invention
It is the best.
Now they need to do
a research on
how to make best use
of a panty
during a calamity!

Megan said...

I couldn't go a day without cracking my knuckles!

Hope you are having a relaxing weekend. We actually have rain forecast for tomorrow - I wonder if we'll get it?

Grannymar said...

Arriving late has the added benefit of reading all the fun comments. I hope you are having fun and relaxing this weekend. Not sure my little bra would work as a face mask, I better borrow one of Ellys!

Carole said...

I haven't read through all the comments, but I did notice that the mask is being worn by a male...adds to the humour.

Dot-Com said...

Too bad compound nouns are always written in one word in Danish - just in case the Irish police ever need to issue me with a ticket :-)

i beati said...

I need that mask - the saggies don't really care anymore..sandy

Kate Hanley said...

Finally getting back to reading some blogs and this was a perfect way to start off after a long 5 show weekend. Thanks for the laugh!

Ropi said...

Well, then it seems I am more leniant with girls than your son.

Renee said...

Just so you know I wrote about Epona specifically for you and your horses.

Love Renee xoxo

...mmm... said...

Donal needs a life...well, too late now, already 60 years into it.

hope your weekend was indeed restful.

Your dogs def. can tell that storm was impending--you can see it on their brows. Whoa, and what a rainstorm it was! It doesn't rain like that here.

Cuppa Jo said...

I thought the Darwin Awards were funny. I never knew about these. Thanks!