Already there's a plethora of patrons a swirl of skirtage and a collage of kilts on their way to Willow's Ball. My main men are taken so I'm gunning my luck and arriving alone . . . In which case . . I need a major overhaul.
But it's not about the finished result. Frankly it's about achieving it . .
First, book into a day spa and have a pedicure. Doesn't matter if you have ticklish feet because you soon get used to that wonderful massage, fragrant oils and having your toes painted.
Then if you're like me and go a little au-naturel during the winter . . .wax on, wax off until you're as smooth as a baby's bottom. And it doesn't hurt. . . for long!
Manicure . . .perfect, short, polished, French manicured nails with just a little natural gloss. No red claws for this vixen . .
Massage, exfoliate, and a warm mud masque so that your skin is alive, tingling, soft and touchable. Just try not to snore as you drift off into wonderland.
Finally, after all the moisturising, manicuring and massaging, a shower, hair wash and a colour and cut.
Time to get dressed in the bra that feels as if it isn't there . . c'mon girls, you know you want it!
A daub of this, incredible, seductive, distinctive perfume, behind the ears, on the pulse points of the neck, behind your knees, on your ankles and on your wrists. Devine.
Schparkly shoes . . .not too high but pretty enough to leave one behind and Prince Charming chasing you to find it's better half.
And the gown . . one for the 'mature' woman. Inspired by Ingrid Bergman and Princess Grace. Ok not much flesh but it keeps you wondering and man I smell so good, feel so smooth, who can resist!
Can I be on your dance card? I'm warning you, I can only really do the Bus Stop! Or I have been known to hoik the dress into the knickers and do the Time Warp . . it's just a jump to the . . .