Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Noah's Spark

Watching one of my fave shows on TV tonight (believe me Tuesday night TV is awful) Bondi Rescue. However, dumb as dogshit 40 something (Australian - they are usually foreigner's getting into strife) surfer is found at dawn with nice slashes across his forearm and claims he's been surfing the reef break and attacked by a shark. He's spent 12 hours on the beach so hasn't exactly bled to death.

Shark attack victim . .I don't think so . .sharks have hundred's of teeth, not four molars!

He fought bravely thumping the thing through the water which is like trying to run fast in a dream or scream when no sound comes out. He's treated at Sydney's St Vincent's hospital, filmed and relays his experience to reporters. Two or three days later a 2 metre Grey Nurse (very passive shark) is netted at Bondi . . dead as a dead dingo's donger. Could this have been the culprit? She was a biggun! They're not known for attacking people.

Turns out the guy has committed a break and enter, cut his arm on glass and reported it as a shark attack. Stupid medics haven't been able to remove a tooth (which dislodge very easily during an attack apparently) but still think the guy was attacked by a Wobbygong "A wobbygong ate my forearm". Port Jackson or Wobbygong sharks are bottom feeders, small and look a bit like large catfish and NOT aggressive. Broken and bruised and with stitches the size of the one's that edge your granny's blanket . .he had them all conned.

Happy ending . . . not so for the 2 metre endangered Grey Nurse that was trapped in the Bondi Shark net . . .(City beaches are all netted which kills hundreds of sharks, dolphins and small whales each year) he's arrested for the 'deed', his scam exposed and Australia the wiser.

Poor sharks. It's their environment. They are so sensitive, I mean in an electromagnetic way, they are the scavengers of the sea, they are PROTECTED. They never eat people, they take a bite and go "OMG this tastes like rusty poo". There's nothing more frightening than a shark alarm when you're waist deep in water but it's where they belong. Face it dudes, we don't taste nice, they rarely bite more than once . . .Don't want to get bitten, don't swim on unprotected beaches on 'grey' days. Any surfer will tell you that.

Bull sharks are unrelentless . .great whites are prevalent in South Australia. Grey Nurses are sweet and quiet . . . surf, dive, put burley in the water or dress like a seal and you'll attract a noah . . .horses for courses . . . give em a break . .they're beautiful, electronic, sinister and one of the ocean's greatest 'cleaners'. Ever watched Reservoir Dogs . . Harvey Keitel was the Mob's shark! I love them.


There is a diver under there who lived to tell the tale

12 comments:

Nick said...

What's interesting is how easily people can be taken in by tales like that. Even seasoned professionals can fail to ask the right questions and be duped by a confident load of bollocks. Reminds me of all the regular stories of bogus doctors and aristocrats and millionaires who're always fooling gullible punters.

It's sad that so many sea creatures die to protect our desire to swim on dangerous beaches. More innocent victims of human indulgence.

Thriftcriminal said...

Surprising that it wasn't found out sooner. Sharks RULE. They have been around on this planet for a whole lot longer than us gimpish humans anyway, as have many other magical animals, what makes us think WE own it. Arrogance.

Absolute Vanilla (& Atyllah) said...

Never been a shark fan, personally - has something to do with coming face to face with a great white when I was about ten. It was all those teeth and the kind of mad look in its eyes. But you're right, the sea is their home and they, like it, should be treated with respect. As for the dude - what a plonker and more plonkerish those who fell for it.

BWT, did a post on Zim today.

Baino said...

Nick: The most dangerous thing on Aussie beaches are the rips and the sun.

Thrifty: Fantastic things aren't they. Not that I want to go diving with them but I admire them incredibly and so svelt and perfect that they haven't needed to evolve much.

AV: I watched an Attenborough series years ago and they filmed the south african whites breaching out of the water to scoop up the seals on the surface. They're the only ones in the world to do that apparently.

On my way over.

Anonymous said...

Saw the ad for the 'shark attack' but thankfully missed the ploy for television ratings. I agree, poor sharks! Although, haven't experienced the same as Absolute Vanilla! Have had a few scares... Isn't "Wobbygong" a great name!

ian said...

Just to indulge in some stereotyping: he looks just like what in Dublin would be described as a skanger.

Babysis said...

Yeah I saw that show last night - what a drongo! And his wife was drong no. 2!. I'm actually very frightened of sharks. I have held a Port Jackson and it was tiny and very much like a cat fish - not scary at all! I do however respect all sharks and am ever conscious that we are not creatures of the sea, just splash in it! BTW - Harvey Keitel was the mobs shark in Pulp Fiction not Reservoir Dogs.....

Baino said...

Anony:Tuesday TV is woeful. That's about all I can be bothered watching.Gottalovawobby.

Reverend Poulton! You're supposed to be above all that stereotypical stuff! We'd call him a westy or a drongo. So what's a skobie?

Babysis: Damn! So it was . . I wrote it a bit late, after a few chardys . .bugga. At least I didn't quote Hideous Kinky . . at least they were both gratuitously violent films with sticky bits.

Emperor Ropi said...

Even me can realise that it is not a shark bite. Shark has a lots of teeth in more row so his all hand should be bloody and not only a few wounds. You are right, if humans can't swim sharks never eat people.

Baino said...

Quite right Ropi. . Once they had cleaned his wounds it became clear that there was something more to the story. Some sharks have up to 6 'layers' of teeth and they make a real mess of things, even the smaller ones.

Miladysa said...

When I saw the photograph of the Kangaroo with the gun I knew that I would love this blog!

This post had me swinging between giggles and tears - poor sharky :[

The only sharks I have ever known had two legs...

ian said...

Baino,

A skobie is a cross between a skanger and a knacker - isn't he?

(Interestingly, there's a Dublin drugs gangs called the Westies, skangers to a man)