Thursday, November 13, 2008

Boys and Girls Behaving Badly


I can hear Adam on the phone:

"I've got the house to myself this weekend so . . ."
(then something about 'let's smash it' which I think is a good thing . .)
Ah now it's . . .
"I just told everyone to come around about 7 . . .It won't be a big one!"
(yeah right! Everyone? Who's everyone?)
Yes, I'm going away for the weekend with four of my most fabulous friends. I shall report on events afterwards but the last foray involved The Great Ocean Road, copious amounts of red wine and champagne and four menopausal women hot flushing in the Kruger and giggling until The Teacher wet herself on several occasions. The one before, all five of us catching a lift with a bucks party up to the spa dressed in little more than towelling robes and frilly shower caps. The one before, a weekend in the Blue Mountains where I nearly died of bushwalking (damn that poo-in-a-hole hyperactive best friend of mine) and a nose that refused to stop dripping while I had a massage. This year three of us are a bit on the poor side so we start with drinks at the Vicar (of Wakefield) then end up with the pub crowd for dinner somewhere . . it's always a mystery tour so will be fun.

The Teacher's coming up from Melbourne, Struth Ruth, The Merry Widow, Thommo and I will pick her up at 8am on Saturday morning and begin an adventure with Brunch at Tamarama or Bondi and the cliff walk, maybe Paddington Markets which is good because tomorrow's payday and they're super cool except last time I went I was booked for a parking infringement. Then lots of catching up before repairing to Chez Dural (Thommo's palatial home, set on five manicured acres, complete with swimming pool, tennis court, plasma screen and far too many Sting DVD's and 'aubergine' pained feature walls) to have a 'who can cook the best course' gourmet dinner and then get totally shitfaced and behave like schoolgirls.

So for Friday and Saturday night my fabulously now self-employed Landscaping Horticulturalist will be able to play 'house', Guitar Hero 3 on 11 and behave badly with his mates.

The last time I left him alone there were attempts to make explosions using a variety of vinegars and pool acid/chlorine and upon my return a declaration that the acrid vinegar odour was due to a new affection for fish and chips. I took the smile off his face by making him scrub the blackened pool coping stones with a tub of Gumption and a toothbrush. He took some convincing that there was little volatile about Balsamic Vinegar but gave it a go anyway. There were copious amounts of Yaegerbombing and then there was the time of faux sex with another dreadlocked mate involving a tin foil hat and a tin foil penis. Another party trick is shoving pink marshmallows up your schnozz and seeing how far you can blow them across the room. There was also an incident with about 11 people packing into a car and driving up to the servo for late night nibblies (the driver was sober). All of which have not only been caught on video but pasted on Facebook!

Thank God there's a fire ban from October to April or there'd be some pallet burning in the back yard and the possibility of some unsuspecting 'sparkly' rabbit emerging from the holes beneath the pyre . . seriously that happened once on bonfire night with loads of little children watching the illegal fireworks . . .'cover your eyes children' squealed the yummy mummies . . someone was brave enough to thwack it with a brick and put it out of its misery.

I just know that when I get home on Sunday evening the place will be reasonably tidy but not quite up to standard The Sulo bins will be full of bottles despite being emptied last night, my cooktop will be greasy beyond belief, the pool balls racked and the video games put away. My dog will be exhausted (she loves a party) and bloated with left over snags and the whole place will bear the stench of breakfast which usually comprises El Porto Portuguese chook and the house will stink of garlic and doner kebab farts and require 3 hours of Dusk "Awakening" fragranced candles to clear the fog . . . *sigh*

Should I be worried? Nah Babybro will shut them down at 1am!Thanks to www.amyleigh.com.au/AKTOR for the shots.

26 comments:

RyanIAm said...

in the words of big kev, god rest his soul, I'M EXCITED!

steph said...

NAUGHTY Baino and NAUGHTY Adam!

Can we all join in? :-)

Have a great weekend, Baino and don't forget to stock up on smelly candles for when you get back!

Does Lily use earplugs?

Ces said...

How sure are you? They may get together and read Aristotle's Rhetoric and On Poetics, have a very civilized discourse on Michael Faraday's The Chemical History of a Candle and dissect Voltaire's L'Optimiste. You think? Haha. They'll eat your house to the bones, especially if they are testosterone-laden. Have fun. Hey, Depends may come handy for The Teacher, especially if it is a long drive. You think?

Melissa said...

Have a super weekend!! I can't wait to hear of the adventures ... both yours and of the one who will be protecting home and property in your absence. ;) Safe journeys to you and here's to lots of laughs and wine and friends doing silly things!

Nick said...

So you've taken out the comprehensive 100-page party insurance policy, natch. That should cover everything from turmeric stains on the ceilings to the house burning down, plus a generous relocation allowance....

laughingwolf said...

grats to the boy for starting his own biz!

enjoy yourself, life's too short to fret over 'mighta beens' ;)

Excellent Adventures said...

Hmmm, so he's quit his job, spending all his money at an alarming rate and drinking copious amounts of alcohol in your absence? Sounds like another one of your offspring. Some very responsible children you've raised!!!

Moon said...

What time are we supposed to be there ?, I'll bring the gasoline and gunpowder !

Annie Ha said...

have a great weekend!
I need a girls' weekend away myself. Need all that wine and laughter!

Megan said...

Omigoodness - 'sparkly' rabbit - so sorry bunnies, but that made me laugh my soooo hard.

I won't say have fun because I already know you will!

Baino said...

Well just you behave or Ryanyouwon'tbe!

Thanks Steph .. looking forward to it we always have a blast when we get together.

Ces, all I know is what I see on Facebook otherwise what goes on tour stays on tour . . maybe that's just the tip of the iceberg! Although I'm fairly confident that all Adam's ever read in his lifetime are model instructions, motorbike magazines and the dust jackets of novels. One thing for sure is that it's slim pickens in my fridge this weekend! Payday tomorrow! hehehe :)

Thanks Melissa, we're not going far this time but it's the company that counts!

Nick I'm happily poor thanks to monthly insurance premiums! Actually they're not breakers just smelly messers! He knows the drill "leave things as you find them"

True that Wuffa. He's hit the road running bless and still getting up at sparrows fart! Only now he has a smile on his dial!

Clare at least he's 'employed'! He'll need a labourer in January, that'll get rid of your love handles!

Moon does that mean he'll never grow out of it? You're such a boy!

Thanks Ms Ha if you and Megan were closer I think you'd fit right in frankly! Never mind poor thing, it's Friday!

I know! Megan it looked like a fibre optic lamp! But it wasn't our fault they decided to build a home underneath what is quite obviously a bonfire pyre! Stupid wabbits! Bunnies are BAD mkay?

Miladysa said...

Good grief I laughed so much I joined the teacher!

Brushing quickly over that last remark... congratulations to me laddo! Well done Mum :D

And your weekend... reads like it is going to be a riot - I wish I was coming too! One day I really hope our blog gang can manage such a trip. Maybe we should all meet half way in Paris or somewhere else closer to me? LOL ;D

Miladysa said...

And that poor poor rabbit! :{ Far more information than I need to know.

Quickroute said...

I loved when my folks went away - the freedom! - we never went mad and trashed the place but there was usually a day spent cleaning up evidence of a party! - It's all about being young

Grannymar said...

Have fun all of you!

Enjoy every minuteand don't do anything I wouldn't. ;)

Baino said...

Miladysa wouldn't it be great to have a bunch of us being throw out of Chanel for being 'rowdy'.

Quickie mmm well he wasted no time organising a get together in my absence. They were horrified this time last year when I came home from what should have been a week hospital stay after three days! It was the Sunday after the night before! Bottles and bodies everywhere!

Sadly Grannymar there are no toyboys involved .. otherwise it'll be fun to catch up!

Kath Lockett said...

I don't know which one of you I want to spend the weekend with - they both sound BRILLIANT! Have a great one mate :)

Bimbimbie said...

I'm guessing his first management decision is to award himself an impressive entertainment allowance ;)

remember too many cooks in the kitchen ... I'd bag the drink waiter's role Baino*!*

Gledwood said...

O dear me. Just cover the house in tinfoil, just in case!

laughingwolf said...

gooders!

btw - see my blog for your award....

Ropi said...

Well have fun and hopefully you will get the house back in one peace.

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

Well, hell, if you're going off to party and get rat-faced you can't exactly expect Adam to sit at home and knit, now can you?
Hope you both have a wonderful time - and that the house is still standing when you get back!

ebony said...

hope you had an awesome weekend. I hope you can cope with your wild teenagers ;D

Ernest de Cugnac said...

well, there's surreal and then there's surreal. On balance, projecting pink marshmallows from high pressure nostrils has got to be about the most surreal thing I have encountered this side of the other side.

gaudiumdegaea said...

Hope you had a great time away with your mateys!
You know you will just have to tell everything... well maybe not everything hehe

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