Friday, November 21, 2008

Friday Fuckwits


Has to be our friends Google who have developed a new voice recognition search tool for the iPhone which has HUGE problems understanding British accents, leading to some bizarre answers to spoken queries.

The free application, which allows iPhone owners to use the Google search engine with their voice, mistook the word "iPhone" variously for "sex," "Einstein" and "kitchen sink," said the Daily Telegraph.

Bit like ringing a share registry which I do on a daily basis and that delightful woman asks me to say what holding I'm after:

"BHP" I enunciate with perfect clarity, she says:

"I heard Telstra Holdings . . one moment while I put you through"

You can imagine what I'm saying to the voice recording whilst she's finding the wrong share registry for me . . . smug biatch! Anyway . . .

A video demonstration of the Google Mobile App on the online giant's website shows an American engineer successfully asking for pictures of the Golden Gate as well as cinema timetables and temperature conversions. The website also includes a link to a video showing people with Irish, British and Chinese accents asking for relatively complicated searches, with apparent success.

One user commented "Awesome job Google. Only problem is every time I say the word 'fish' it registers as 'sex'." (Not sure what sort of accent he had!)But British iPhone owners had less luck when speaking the word "iPhone" into the application - a Scottish user was offered a porn website after it mistook his search for "sex," the Telegraph reported. Haha . . .well I can understand that, they say 'fon' for 'phone' and 'pon' for pawn so one rhymes with the other.

A user from Surrey, south of London, had his request mistaken for "Myspace" and "Einstein" was another option offered for "iPhone" spoken with a Kent accent, it said. Well that's just plain off the wall.

The only British accent which correctly understood the request was for a user from Yorkshire, northern England, although he was also offered "bonfire."

Eee by gum . . .and he would have said "ahh-forn"

A Welsh accent gave the suggestions "gorillas" and "kitchen sink." No surprises there since nobody understands a word they're saying, I know, I'm half Welsh!

Quite liked this little tip for keeping your iPhone clean too . . .

The solution . . .talk to your iPhone with your best American accent!

On its website, Google points out that the new voice search system "is currently available only in US English." Bloody oxymoron that is!

Now you're phone might talk dirty but here's a novel way to keep it clean:


25 comments:

Miles McClagan said...

That reminds me, when I was little I wanted the board game World Quest for Xmas, and Mum went into Toyworld and asked for it and the guy was being patronising to her accent and said "what...waddle quest" and Mum said "Son, I'm after the game, I'm not collecting fucking idiots and making you the first"...

She got the game...

Thriftcriminal said...

Jesus, I dread to think what would happen with Irish accents. I mean a D4 head looking for somewhere to put his lexus would ask for a "cor pork". A Ballymunner requiring a bit of Nike based sartorial elegence could search (on his nicked iphone) for "Champin Sporridts", In Cork a chap needing to tame his quaff would request a bazzer (slang, not strictly accent). No, I anticipate no end of trouble 'round this neck of the woods.

I can totally see the Kent one though.

Ces said...

Aren't you suppose to have a Chinses or Hindu accent when talking on the iPhone, depending on where it was assembled? Start practicing. I thought the Phonefingers were to prevent digitally transmitted disease :)

Ces said...

I mean "Chinese", not "Chinses" my keyboard has a Mexican accent.

Baino said...

Haha . . I'm having so much fun tonight. Miles I reckon I've read your last 5 posts in succession and gone from broody and sad to giggling in my chair! Love the Scots . . I'm so gonna steal you're mum's line - if I can remember it at the appropriate time. Brilliant!

Thrifty I'm still getting used to the dialect thing. I talk to Grannymar who isn't strickly a Belfast accent, far from it. Had a chat with Steph and I'm not sure what hers is. I talk to another kid from Cavan - very broad - and amazing at doing Traveller and Knacker accents. You're quite softish as is Grandad and K8 but I work with a dude who insists on calling his accountant WINDY . .he's lived here for 17 years for God's sakes! It's W-E-N-D-Y
Waterford man. I have another friend from Dundalk who I can barely understand. And I'm sorry but I can't work out what Champin Sporridts is? Champion sports? Frankly all you've gotta do is turn up here and you'll get laid by virtue of your accent! It's very sexy.

Well spotted on the phone fingers Ces. Took me a couple of minutes. I think the Indian accents particularly are on the regular phone "Heelo Mrs Binbrodge . .I have an offer on phone plan that will impress much you!" (Damn those Mexicans their everywhere!)

Bimbimbie said...

Tsup*!* ... laughing with a Yorkie accent Tsup*!*

Grannymar said...

I was with Ces on the DTD!

My accent is a real dolly mixture. Dad was from Co Clare, mam a Dub, hubby was from Durham, UK and the Elly had the local Co Antrim one I never understood!

Now I am off to order a new phone my screen has a crack!

Baino said...

Annie I'm actually a Lancashire lass but know how to wear a flat cap and ride a bike!

Now Grannymar you have the most lovely Irish voice ever. Sadly, I could hear little of it last night. You're definitely not a Belfast girl. And I can't tell a northern from a southern accent in a pink fit!

Ces said...

I have a conservative, Republican, metropolitan Texan accent. You will be able to understand every word I say!

TCL said...

The only thing that separates English speakers is our common language.

Ropi said...

In elementary school some people called me Lord Vader because I am tall and my movement is not so smooth sometimes.

Megan said...

I've a simple solution - don't buy an iphone.

Ropi's comment cracked me up.

Jay said...

Hahaha!

Sent that out half-baked, didn't they? LOL!

Mind you, accents can vary so much... I remember on our first day in NZ, having never heard the accent, being told that someone's son was at a school for the deaf. My response?

'What's a Diff?'

Thriftcriminal said...

well that settles that, the missus will never let me move there:-)

Thriftcriminal said...

Ask your waterford man if he's found any good blah (particular bread roll in waterford).

Moon said...

I thinkl I would be pissed oof when looking for porn, and I get a fishy Einstein !!!!!!

gaudiumdegaea said...

Hola, I tried to leave a comment late last night but I wasn't logged onto my wordpress account, so poof! my comment was gone! Let me see if I can remember and reproduce the effect:
Michael Jackson (the freshly converted Muslim Mikaeel) probably has the finger gloves already. I can so see him do his moondance with an Iphone in his hand and tapping away on it with his gloved fingers. Creeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!
Funny that the voice recognition.
But still, I want an Iphone darnit!

laughingwolf said...

iphone and ipod touch CONDOMS? :P lol

fugheddaboudit!

Baino said...

Ces, I'm non the wiser since I have no idea what a metropolitan Texan Accent sounds like - George Bush?

TCL too true. I have more trouble understanding a Geordie than a Korean.

Ropi I've seen you dance remember? You're smoooooooooth.

Haha Megan, I have a dinosaur of a phone. Adam's the iPhone addict and Ropi is hilarious in a Hungarian kind of way. He's also VERY tall and slim.

Oh Jay. The New Zealanders are hilarious, we have an ad here for Colby cheese: "Your frund un thu frudge" Oh noo bro!

Steady there Dishy Daddy you're off the market! I will ask Joe about the bread tho!

Moon! You'd go looking for porn?

Hello Chicka. Yep he's a weirdo alright . .might be a world tour on hand due to his owing some Iranian prince gazillions of dollars! Adam has one but I can't see the point of spending so much money so that you can turn your iPhone into a light sabre.

Wuffa . . I don't think Mac make the condoms! hehehe! Hey, we had snow in the mountains today!

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

Oxymoron indeed, with the emphasis on the last half of the word...
Can you imagine what will happen with Souf' Efrken eksents and New Delhi accents.
I think it's time for an English revolution.

Ces said...

It does not sound like anything Texan because most of the people in the metropolitan areas are transplants from all over the world. So it could be an Australian accent like one of our project manager's accent.

Baino said...

AV there are so many yarpies here that I reckon I can do a South African accent. I've been told that is a disparaging remark but one of my closest friend's husband is known as 'Yarp'

Ces get onto Skype and let's have a chat Baino1610 will get you there! I just heard Christoper from Tennesse doing a reading of a children's poem on You Tube and it wasn't at all what I expected but fitted him to a tee!

laughingwolf said...

we got dumped on, big time... have about 15" of snow on my car, more to come :(

Baino said...

Well Wuffa you DO live in Canada!

i beati said...

That's like the comment verification words like arsehole etc..ahahhaha