Wednesday, November 12, 2008

My Quest for World Domination


We all crave world domination . . don't we? There's a bit of a blogwar in Ireland between the disreputable Maxi Cane, the not so benevolent dictator of Maxiland (please don't go there if you're easily offended or under 18 or have small children clinging to your knees or dogs who are easily frightened by deformed male genitalia) and his rival, would be 'she with Monarchial aspirations, yet butter wouldn't melt Queen of the K8opians. I'm not getting involved beyond being an abject fence sitter, berating both sides for their woosiedom and serving up the odd virtual refreshment (as a non national, I only qualify as the tea lady and yes I wear a virtual hair net) but . . . I can't compete with the evil genius that is Maxi's team nor match the cleverness of K8 the Gr8. So as with most things I participate vicariously.

However, if I did want to unleash my evil genius and put a cat among the pigeons, reach for world domination and the subjugation of all, I'd need a plan . . so I stole this fabulous link from Ellybabes and formulated my plan . . go on . . click it . . you know you want to . . then leave your plan in my comment box! Yes, I have a dark side but it's decidedly Monty Python.

So here's my blueprint for world domination (thanks Ellybabes) - yours in total silliness . . .Baino the Bombastic!

Evil Plan (tm)!

Your objective is simple: Soul Accumulation.

Your motive is a little bit more complex: To show them all

Stage One

To begin your plan, you must first seduce a chosen one. This will cause the world to wipe the sleep from their eyes, stunned by your arrival. Who is this ripe bastard? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good wearing the skin of another human?

Stage Two

Next, you must seize control of the Eiffel tower. This will all be done from a air fortress, a mysterious place of unrivaled dark glory. Upon seeing this, the world will weep uncontrollably, as countless hordes of ninjas hasten to do your every bidding.

Stage Three

Finally, you must tauntingly wave your needlessly big weather machine, bringing about something that's really metal. Your name shall become synonymous with fuzzy bunnies, and no man will ever again dare take your lunch money. Everyone will bow before your cunning intelligence, and the world will have no choice but to erect a gigantic statue of you.

And yes! I'd like a hairdo like Tilda Swinten in Narnia!

24 comments:

Thriftcriminal said...

Evil Plan (tm)!

Your objective is simple: World Domination.

Your motive is a little bit more complex: Hatred for all mankind

Stage One

To begin your plan, you must first incapacitate a rich and powerful ceo. This will cause the world to realize something is wrong, unsettled by your arrival. Who is this evil genius? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good in a corporate suit?

Stage Two

Next, you must obliterate the internet. This will all be done from a underground secret headquarters of doom, a mysterious place of unrivaled dark glory. Upon seeing this, the world will spontaneously combust, as countless hordes of animal minions (rats, birds, etc.) hasten to do your every bidding.

Stage Three

Finally, you must let loose your plague of doom, bringing about the destruction of the masses. Your name shall become synonymous with the spice girls, and no man will ever again dare interrupt your sentences. Everyone will bow before your cunning intelligence, and the world will have no choice but to whisper your name in fear.

Maxi Cane said...

Your objective is simple: Soul Accumulation.

Your motive is a little bit more complex: Mom never loved me

Stage One

To begin your plan, you must first kidnap a town mascot (K8). This will cause the world to slaughter a sacred calf to appease the gods, amazed by your arrival. Who is this evil genius? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good in a supervillain costume with gimmicks?

Stage Two

Next, you must destroy the moon (ooh, tides!). This will all be done from a underground secret headquarters of doom, a mysterious place of unrivaled dark glory. Upon seeing this, the world will fall into catatonic trances, as countless hordes of ninjas hasten to do your every bidding.

Stage Three

Finally, you must let loose your unholy weapon, bringing about pain, suffering, the usual. Your name shall become synonymous with sheer dementedness, and no man will ever again dare interrupt your sentences. Everyone will bow before your superhuman powers, and the world will have no choice but to elect you dictator for life.

Miles McClagan said...

I don't need any generated post, my plan involves Miley Cyrus records, killing Powderfinger, and a giant ray gun...

You'll know about it soon enough in long, rambling, non paragraphed detail...

Maria Sondule said...

Unfortunately, you are wrong- I for one have never wanted world domination. I want UNIVERSE domination. (not starting with Earth, of course. I like to save my homeland for last)
My plan involves insanity (because of course how can you ever come up with a good idea without being thought of as insane?) and dots. ..........

Baino said...

Ooh love a man in a suit! God I hate having my sentences interrupted "cunning intelligence" better than cunnilingus! I'll blow in yer ear and follow you anywhere! Well done Thriftmeister!

Aww Maxi (big schloppy mumsy kiss to make up for lack of childhood attention) Love a superhero. Gimmicks? Bring 'em on! Your name is already synonymous with sheer dementedness!

Miley, Miley, Miley . . .although I support your anti-Powderfinger antics. Bernard Fanning is a dickwad. When I am ruler of the known universe it will be my mission to teach you how to use paragraphs!

Hello Maria . .Love an ambitious young woman (wait til Ropi gets here he'll give you a run for your money!)Maybe you and your dots should get together with Miles and his lack of punctuation and rule the literary universe mwahahahaha! Semi Colons Rule Mkay . .

Miladysa said...

Your objective is simple: Soul Accumulation.

Your motive is a little bit more complex: Love (Yes, it works)

Stage One

To begin your plan, you must first seduce a chosen one. This will cause the world to slaughter a sacred calf to appease the gods, amazed by your arrival. Who is this criminal mastermind? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good in your wizard's robes?

Stage Two

Next, you must desecrate the internet. This will all be done from a haunted woods, a mysterious place of unrivaled dark glory. Upon seeing this, the world will lose their minds, as countless hordes of classic thugs hasten to do your every bidding.

Stage Three

Finally, you must release your great supernatural forces, bringing about the dead rising from the grave. Your name shall become synonymous with dear god no, and no man will ever again dare interrupt your sentences. Everyone will bow before your extraordinary charisma, and the world will have no choice but to restore your credit rating.

Excellent Adventures said...

Haha, that site is hilarious and very Dr Evil, I'm the diet coke of evil, just 1 calorie, not quite evil enough!

conortje said...

world domination seems like way too much work to me...I'm going back to bed, wake me up when Conorland is free again.

Ces said...

Ha! I visited the sites and read the pretenders. Appearing to be brave and bellicose, your leader is a pussy. Pretend war! Pfft. try being a conservative in the US with all the orgasmic liberals inhaling the O shit B.O., fainting and crying their eyelashes off. Now that is a population that will blindly eat the B.O.'s shitlin, you heard it, I did not say chitlins.

Nick said...

Sorry, I'm another wimpy Conorite, I've no interest in world domination, imaginary or otherwise. I leave that to the Bushes and Putins of the world. It's hard enough dominating my own wayward, maverick personality - Hey, where's he gone now, Nick come back....

Moon said...

Evil Plan (tm)!

Your objective is simple: Soul Accumulation.

Your motive is a little bit more complex: To show them all

Stage One
To begin your plan, you must first seduce a famous actor/actress. This will cause the world to sit up and take notice, overwhelmed by your arrival. Who is this nightmare beyond comprehension? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good in a corporate suit?


Stage Two
Next, you must sabotoge the moon (ooh, tides!). This will all be done from a haunted woods, a mysterious place of unrivaled dark glory. Upon seeing this, the world will spontaneously combust, as countless hordes of ninjas hasten to do your every bidding.


Stage Three
Finally, you must prepare your time machine, bringing about horrors beyond man's comprehension. Your name shall become synonymous with slaughter, and no man will ever again dare steal your woman. Everyone will bow before your dashing good looks, and the world will have no choice but to whisper your name in fear.

jackmcmad said...

Your objective is simple: Widespread Misery.

Your motive is a little bit more complex: Madness

Stage One
To begin your plan, you must first devour a pope. This will cause the world to sense a grave disturbance in the force, bewildered by your arrival. Who is this demented madman? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good wearing the skin of another human?


Stage Two
Next, you must desecrate the moon (ooh, tides!). This will all be done from a island of mu, a mysterious place of unrivaled dark glory. Upon seeing this, the world will gibber like madmen, as countless hordes of animal minions (rats, birds, etc.) hasten to do your every bidding.


Stage Three
Finally, you must release your plague of doom, bringing about an end to sanity. Your name shall become synonymous with dear god no, and no man will ever again dare make you clean your room. Everyone will bow before your mind-boggling insanity, and the world will have no choice but to pray to you for enlightenment.

Nick said...

Oh, I forgot to say, I adore Tilda Swinton, she's a fabulous actress. *swoon*

Baino said...

Miladysay, how did I know yours would involve love and magic and a woodland barbecue?

Clare, I knew you were a lightweight.

Connor, poor form! Although all these world dominators need minions.

Hello feisty one . . .you still fuming? Maybe that's why they're waiting until January so that all the 'shitlins' can calm down a little and regain composure. Don't you worry now, your fearless leader is learning all about G20 this week!

Never mind Nick there are plenty of contenders here. Perhaps you'd like to make the tea?

Mooon . .'dashing good looks' . . heheheh! Ninjas are a nice touch. Always had a soft spot for a ninja!

Nick, one of my faves as well. Discovered late but always worthy of a look see!

Miladysa said...

Yeah - sums me up :D

I would love to see a debate involving Ces and the President Elect -- now that would truly make politics interesting :D

Megan said...

All right I have way too much to do to have just spent 20 minutes trying to make mine come out the way I wanted it to.

Sigh.

laughingwolf said...

lol... love it!

Babysis said...

Too Tired...Seeing Peaches in my sleep...Too Tired for world domination....Peaches rule...I am a slave to the Peach....

.....ha ha but I have an evil plan...its called peach jam...I shall sugar the peaches till they think I love them...then I SHALL BOIL THEM STUPID!!!

Kath Lockett said...

Baino have we been smoking some - ahem - 'electric spinach' tonight?

Jay said...

Evil Plan (tm)!

Your objective is simple: World Domination.

Your motive is a little bit more complex: Madness

Stage One

To begin your plan, you must first seduce a famous actor/actress. This will cause the world to sense a grave disturbance in the force, baffled by your arrival. Who is this demented madman? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good in classic black?

Stage Two

Next, you must seize control of the internet. This will all be done from a underground secret headquarters of doom, a mysterious place of unrivaled dark glory. Upon seeing this, the world will give up, as countless hordes of animal minions (rats, birds, etc.) hasten to do your every bidding.

Stage Three

Finally, you must demonstrate your needlessly big weather machine, bringing about an end to sanity. Your name shall become synonymous with fear, and no man will ever again dare roll his or her eyes. Everyone will bow before your mystical abilities, and the world will have no choice but to fall madly in love with you.

MWAHAHAHA!!! No prizes for guessing who the famous actor is that I will have to seduce. Several times. *Sniggers insanely*

Oooh! That was fun! LOL!

Baino said...

Jack I've seen you in your floofy hat and toy gun you couldn't knock the skin off a rice pudding!

Baino said...

Babysis get yourself those shoes with big springs on them and boing around the peaches . . .

Megan that's a cop out!

So Wuffa? No plans for world domination or are you too busy being a bookworm?

Nah Kath, gave that up years ago . . gave me the munchies

Jay I knew you'd have to get Johnny Depp in there somewhere, you are a woman obsessed!

laughingwolf said...

posted mine shortly after i saw yours, but ye dinna visit :(

K8 the Gr8 said...

A fierce rage upon my incoming links!!! This would've been very handy back in the war days.

"Finally, you must tauntingly wave your time machine, bringing about something that's really metal. Your name shall become synonymous with the spice girls, and no man will ever again dare roll his or her eyes."

So, so accurate.