Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Coin Operated Partner

I've been single for a long time and am quite used to it but with the impending loss of my job, I've been thinking that it would be so much easier to bear with someone who was understanding, employed, empathic and well, life would be so much easier, emotionally and financially, with a partner by your side. Why is it so hard to find the right partner these days? I know the good ones are taken and the single ones are not about to go there but . .surely there are people like us . .sensitive, nice, ready for commitment (I've just scared all the single readers haven't I?)

I have a beautiful 24 year old daughter, intelligent, attractive, fun loving, well travelled . . she has wonderful manners a sense of obligation and fantastic ethics . . Ok she can burp with the best of them and her language can be blue in the right circumstances (she is her mother's daughter after all) but when I see her leave the house on a night out . . well it's enough to turn me gay! (No that didn't sound quite right but you know what I mean - she's a stunner!) All she wants is a decent man with visible means of support and a sense of humour. Someone interesting and romantic unafraid of commitment but willing to party. Someone who can talk the leg of a chair or deal with the pregnant pause. (Ok less of the pregnant but you know where I'm going here) Someone who loves her in her gladrags and smokey eyes as much as when she's wearing her flanny PJ's, Ugg Boots and Panda eyes . . .oh and he has to like dogs and horses and to be able to cook something that doesn't involve chocolate because she has that covered! Where are you late 20's supermen with you're big burly arms and wonderful mother-impressing manners!

Biker Girl - who is not a biker at all but an instructor and races occasionally. All she wants is some intimacy and a man who can tell her he loves her and embroil her in passion and embrace. She's barely 40! Gorgeous . . intelligent, interesting, well travelled, experienced in love and life, a good cook, great conversationalist. No baggage just warmth and a smile that makes even me melt. Where are you, handsome mature men unafraid of emotion and commitment?

The Paduan - He's shy and masks it with arrogance but take some time and he's sweet and generous. Fun loving and a bit of a speed king. Well-dressed, clean shaven, moral and quite hilarious. He's intellectual, well-travelled, well educated, well read and totally interested and aware of the world and all it's foibles. I don't think he can cook much more than pot noodles and toast but he's young, he can learn - then he was also a guest so didn't have the opportunity. Where are you chicky babes?

The Photographer - sensitive, quiet, creative. Self supporting. Now he can cook! Articulate, romantic (perhaps a little too so), well dressed. Observant of the human condition, environmentaly aware and politically naive, a bit of a dreamer and gentle as a lamb. He's just hanging for a redhead with big green eyes that he can call his own. . .Where are you ginger girls?

Me! Ok I'm a little on the pudgy side but self sufficient, entirely capable and I can fix machines and stuff. Apparently, I'm 'alright looking', (someone else's words not mine because of course I am stunningly beautiful) intelligent, slightly anal retentive, also well travelled and a Good cook . . you should try my sauces! Rich in life experience. Fun loving, young at heart and hardly any wrinkles (except those little ones just there that you'd hardly notice with a pair of beer goggles or some mood lighting). C'mon you silver foxes . . .

Seriously, how do people meet people these days. Once you get to a certain age and it doesn't seem to matter whether you're 21 or 51 . . it becomes exasperating. Small talk and chit chat . . .flirting and flauting . . .I know, I jest. None of the abovementioned are what I'd put in the 'desperate' category but it's just so hard to mix and match without putting yourself in uncomfortable crowded pubs or clubs or making the first move and dealing with ridicule and rejection or joining a singles club or speed or internet dating.

I wish you could just 'design-a-mate' online and get them home delivered like the designer gourmet pizza where you choose the topping . . or order one like the couch you loved but not in that colour and so select the perfect fabric for your tastes so that it's just a perfect fit.

When you have a life partner . .whatever life decides to throw in your direction . .good and bad . .it really is much nicer, the joy higher, the dispair easier to bear if you are able to share your experiences, your joys, your problems and worries with a kindred spirit.

Not sure where all that came from, my fingers made me do it. . .Ces, you do it unconsciously with a pallette knife or a pencil . . . I just blither out the words.


Thriftcriminal said...

All the wrong approaches in the media. Films, magazines and TV do not represent reality, but give expectations. This has a negative impact on both sides (shyness and fear of not measuring up, or excessively high expectations on the other).

I reckon clubs (hillwalking for example) are a sensible approach, hang out with people with similar interests, and don't have expectations.

Baino said...

Ah so my photography workshop in June might just bring along Mr 'would you like to sit on the couch and watch Spicks and Specks in matching slippers' after all . .I've been searching in all the wrong places.

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

Well, you could always try the dating sites on the internet. I speak, of course, from personal experience. Seriously, it can actually work.
Alternately, Thriftcriminal has some some sensible suggestions though I'm not sure about having to tramp up hill and down dale to find a bloke...

Someone once said to me when you stop looking then they find you.

Sarah Lulu said...

Well since I last dated in the 70's ...and mostly that was just boys I met on the beach ...I have no idea!

I can't imagine anyone thinking my now overblown .. (think of a rose that's lost more than a few petals hahaha)....body on the beach would be a catch.

Since I've only just opened myself up to dating ....maybe we will both find out?

Good luck to you too.

Baino said...

AV I'm a bit over it actually, although I wouldn't mind a dinner or movie compantion, but I cant understand why so many young things have the same difficulty. Don't listen to Thrifty the dishy dad . .he's way out of the loop.

Haha . . well you go for it Sara Lulu! Although I value companionship more than anything else and my dog can do that. But i am surprised that younglings have a hard time of it too. Not finding partners, but finding the right partner. I wonder if we've instilled some perfect illusion in them to make them very fussy about potentials?

California Girl said...

great song!!!! I'm still trying to figure out how to lift (embed) that particular widget and send to my also single girlfriends.

well, sometimes I WISH I were single. But since I'm not, my husband has a man's POV on this subject. He was asked this very question by three of my single friends during a 50th b-day party wkend. His advice:

1) stop going to bars to meet guys. you're only going to meet guys who are horny and want to get laid or are looking for twenty somethings or both.

2) Take up a sport. Play golf, tennis, things that require a group effort or teaming up. You'll meet all kinds that way and fill your time nicely.

3) Take a class. Art class,writing class, auto mechanics, something like that. Alot of people do this and you again meet people with similar interests.

4) Clubs: garden, book, writing,poker, etc. Ditto above.

I'm not sure what I'd do if I were single now. I think I'd hang with my girlfriends but my single friends say you get lonely so who knows?

btw, I do have one friend who met Mr. Right on the internet. She went through a lot of losers tho'. Internet scares the pee out of me.

Candie Bracci said...

YOU are the best!!I wish for you and your daughter and all to find Mr or Mrs right!!Pretty soon!!You are so nice,caring,bright and funny,you deserve it.Love!!

Baino said...

Cali thanks that was an honest response. The 'widget' is actually a you tube clip but you change the height and width in the html code, my daughter and friend Ces showed me how. I dunno . .my kid plays soccer has a wide social network . .plays hard but it's still difficult. She isn't short of suitors they're just not the right ones. Being out of the country for a year hasn't helped. I'm over the hill and don't care too much but it would be nice to have a walking, dinner, movie companion.

Merci Candie . .all good things come to those who wait perhaps?

Brian Miller said...

I would start with figuring out the type guy you wanted to meet and then think about what he would be doing. california girl gave some great advice there. once upon a time i was guy in a bar, and well, my motives were definitely not commitment.

Ces said...

I married my husband because I loved his brain and his sexy chest. He is my rock. I love him very much but the older I get I do not like men. They snore, they fart, they watch sports and someone always smokes he so comes home with cigarettes smell that drives me nuts. I would like to retire someday with my female friends, live together in a big house with maids and we will read, make art, travel, take care of one another, cook for each other. No lesbian crap! The men are welcome but they can go camping, hunting, fishing for weeks! Really, I am going to do this. I am going to build a big house in the Philippines and 6 months of the year, I will live there and paint and 6 months of the year I will return to the US to have my medical check ups, etc. visit the kids, make sure they are eating their vegetables. You and Bella are welcome to live with me when I retire in the Philippines and stay for as long as you want.

Brian Miller said...

by the way, if i was not married, you would have had me at sauces...lol.

Grannymar said...

Go to BarCamps!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You talk the Lingo.

rummuser said...

Baino, I come via Grannymar's blog and a personal nudge from her to visit your blog.

Now the reason for that nudge is that Grannymar is convinced that my new single status, I became a widower just six weeks ago, is not very good for me. She thought that I could bring a man's point of view to this highly interesting topic.

It all depends. Depends on what sort of a life you led while wed. In my case, we were mostly tied down to the home due to my wife's illness. Now that I am single, I do not find it necessary to break the habits formed for so many years of being self sufficient at home. I do miss her but not so much that I want to get into another relationship again.

I am inclined to agree to a man's version of the retired life that Ces suggests. A retreat full of men, who can snore and fart when they want, drink all the beer that they want and smoke to their heart's content besides play all the golf that they can afford, regular poker games and generally enjoy a great deal of male bonding.

Ropi said...

Well, I have been struggling with your problem for 18 years. It seems girls can't see the possibility in me but I can just smile on that although it is not the best feeling but I can handle it.

Ronda Laveen said...

What about a cooking club? I hear they are getting to be quite popular and you could shine, have wine and dine.

Personally, I'll take my mate without the flowered chintz. I like me some fat, nubby frieze.

laughingwolf said...

methinks thrifty nailed it... at least from a male perspective

as for 'finding' THE one... ya gotta kiss a lotta frogs afore ye find a prince[-ss]?

Melanie said...

Life has some ironic twists doesnt it. Here I am, frumpy, fugly and with the mouth of a fisherwoman and I am on husband number 3 because well, they give me the shits so I go through them like I do cheap drill bits.
I tried from the international menu twice and I am sticking with the American, more because Im getting up there and Im too lazy to doll myself up to get husband number 4. I dont know why it works out like that mate. Im an awful wife. Just ask one of my husbands so I just dont know why there remains many lovely women still single. I know I am not much help am I? Im just expressing my baffledness(word?) If I was a bloke though I would woo you for your no bullshit upfront personality and your shed space:)Both I find to be dead sexy traits in anyone:)

Ces said...

Hey Mental Ninja! Come on over.

tut-tut said...

Hey, when you stop looking, that's when you get found. And if you don't have the same sense of humor, forget it. sometimes, that's the single thread that keeps you tethered. been my experience.

Baino said...

Brian, I'm resolved to remaining single it doesn't bother me but the younglings do seem to have trouble. I keep telling Clare that you don't meet men in bars . . all her boyfriends have been met in a bar! GAH!

Ces, Biker Girl and I have a similar plan unless one of us gets lucky! Maybe I'll trot over for a couple of months holiday and you can teach me how to draw!

Brian! And there I thought you were sweet and wholesome. Yeh! Way to a man's heart I've been told.

Haha! That I do GM but talk is cheap! If I had a clue, I'd be more confident. Actually I have a stack of geeky friends but they're all under 30!

Rummuser, welcome aboard. I've been a widow for 20 years so it's taken me a very long time to feel the need for male companionship but I fear I may have left it too late! I'm sorry for your loss.

Ropi, your time will come but you have to face a lot of rejection before she says yes! I had a dream about you last night. I was in Hungary and we met up and as I was leaving you bought a plane ticket and came back to Australia with us for 1 day . . .then you got really upset with me because I wouldn't take you to the airport at 3am! Weird.

Ronda, I'm hoping to do more of that sort of thing. More for me than anything else. At the moment, mastering my SLR is the focus. What on earth is nubby freize?

Wuffa, he's a wise man that Thrifty. Sadly, he is not available and lives 12,000 miles away. Nah, not into kissing frogs, The Paduan and Clarebear don't mind too much!

Melanie you're a cack! And frankly, very selfish taking up 3 men in one lifetime! But srsly, you wouldn't want my midden of a shed. Looks like a bomb hit it and is the next big project once I can bend properly!

Ces been there done that and thanks a bomb. I love being a Mental Ninja . .I hope you mean 'cerebral' and not crazy . .nah, I'm mental alright.

Toots that's exactly what my mother told me! Then I had to work hard to get my surname! What is it they say, a man chases a woman until she catches him! Trust me, it wouldn't be my nubile body or girlish good looks that would attract any man! Clare on the other hand is beautiful . .just don't understand it.

Kath Lockett said...

Nightclubs and pubs certainly aren't the places - dark, crowded, artificial and far too noisy.

....Would youse consider going online? At least that way you could rule out the snobs, racists, bums etc... Could make more than a few funny blogs to read too!

Ronda Laveen said...

A nubby frieze is a type of fabric that was popular in the 50s-60s. I was usually a single color with a pattern and the nap was loopy. The kind of stuff that the buckle on little kids shoes would snag.

My turn. What on Earth is SLR?

Megan said...

Hooo boy this post is too much in my wheelhouse for me to be able to comment intelligently. If I ever do comment intelligently?

Baino said...

Nope Cath. I'm online enough as it is! My physio (just been) told me it's hours spent sitting in front of a computer that's knackered my back!

Ahhhh . .roit! SLR stands for single lens reflex but I have no idea what it means - hence the camera workshop!

Meg you're being evasive I know you are! You're one of the most intelligent women I sort of know

Bimbimbie said...

Tsup*!* Don't know about these days but I met my chosen one in a pub ... so go easy on your daughter ;) perhaps if she just makes sure they ain't horizontal when they try their pick up line on her she might find a keeper ;)

Must agree with Thrifty about expectations, there does seem to be a bit too much of it these days.

Lets hope that silver fox you are seeking is on the other end of your lens at the upcoming camera course*!*

River said...

There I was, pootling along, happily divorced, not looking for anyone, then I met L. Didn't fall, dive, plunge,tumble, head over heels so much as enjoyed his company a lot. Got married too soon, didn't know him well enough. 7 years later I wish I'd waited. Now I know him too well.

nick said...

Yep, Thrifty's got the right idea, join groups where you'll meet people with shared interests. And as others say, you'll find him when you've stopped looking for him, when you're just busy doing your thing. That's what happened to me at the age of 34 when Jenny suddenly popped up out of nowhere.

Baino said...

Tsup*! Tsup! Clearly Bimbimbie,I do not spent enough time in public houses. Must correct that! Interesting init. I was talking to younglings at work and their expectations of a partner are far outside reality. No wonder so few are happy. I don't think either of us has high expectations . .a heartbeat would be good.

River, pootling I can do . .I am a long term and highly proficient pootler . . .

Oh what is this the Thrifty mutual admiration society! (Well actually I admire him a lot but pelease!)
Jenny 'popped' goodness . .I'd die of fright! Yeh, you're right, stop looking, get into circulation (something I'm very poor at doing) and get on with it.

Ribbon said...

Basically I think we get what we want... you've just got to really know what you want!

It's tricky :-)

Good luck... Ribbon

laughingwolf said...

still... kissing frogs beats kissing asses, methinks! :O lol

i beati said...

many are meeting through the dot.coms. My friend met a bklind man she adores after a domineering husband. I know that sounds funny but she adores doing for him bevcause he so appreciates her. I never meet anyone who rocks my world though I tease on my blog. I recently hooked up with a school chum only for him to tell me he wanted someone younger- thick skinned Sandy

Anonymous said...

Hi Baino, You have my sympathies. I have two boys here aged 27 and 25. Not a girlfriend in sight.The eldest has decided that it's time to move out of the family home and rent a flat in Manly. He was all set to buy somewhere but I've persuaded him to rent for a while because in the current climate I feel prices are going to come down, regardless of the first homebuyers grant.(all you non-Australians talk between yourselves). My middle son is still finishing his actuarial exams and has not saved much money yet but I will try to persuade him to stay and save a little longer.He's been in Melbourne since he finished Uni-he left the UK and came back to Oz on his own. He is very keen to get his independence back and obviously not used to having to explain himself to anyone. My youngest (I've mentioned him before) is in Oxford. We will see him briefly next year when he has an elective six weeks in a Sydney hospital.He may come out for a brief visit in Sept/Oct with his girlfriend..yes there is one, and we'll have to try and impress her so that they decide this is the place to be.

My daughter is only sixteen and still at school. She has red hair and green eyes but she's not available yet. The boys are a different story. I'm quite prepared to flog them off on-line but I just haven't told them yet,

Love Mary

Baino said...

Ah Ribbon, I want what we all want, companionship, help, hugs . .nice face and a big heart!

IBeati I've thought about it but frankly I'm not really that bothered. I've been on my own so long, it's second nature now.

Oh Mary, maybe we should get our two together! And yes, work on your medico son's girlfriend. I don't think she'll need much persuading! Good luck.

Anonymous said...

We should arrange that, but how? You sound like a good laugh anyway. I'm sure we would get along fine.Do you have a fun email address?
Love Mary

Baino said...

Mary I'm in the Hills District. You can email me at baino1610@gmail.com. Hey, bugger the kids, lets do coffee!

Anonymous said...

Hi Baino,
I sent you a message that was returned. Have just resent to bainbridge etc, rather than baino. Hope it works.