Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Jealousy

My apologies for the rather rushed effort. I've been mad at work and hit my download quota at home so it's not been easy getting to post. . . so for your Wednesday foray into the Madhouse . . .

The most common cause of jealousy, is Romantic Jealousy common of course when our boyfriends spend too much time scoping the blonde in the LBD or ou
r girlfs flirt outrageously with our best mate. Of course once you're married or in a relationship, you stop being jealous and argue about money!

Then there's that damaging work/power jealousy that affects people who are angry about a "missed" promotion, salary level or other work-related issue. It’s repercussions can be bitchiness or white-anting or seriously trying to damage the reputation of the person who has managed success at their expense. If they don’t make you redundant then best to move on in this case - you’ll just get fired eventually.

Then there's family jealousy, often posing as sibling rivalry. I’ve never been jealous of my siblings except perhaps their earning ability and my younger brother's ability to lose weight by eating no carbs for 8 weeks. I’ve been on the sticky end of their collective and individual jealousy on occasion.

Then there's 'friend jealousy' . . when you're jealous of someone else's popularity. I have been there, often and frequently. I was for a time, very jealous of my best friend. Much as I loved her. She was incredibly popular, totally blessed. . . Shes clever, beautiful,
talented. Slim, sporty, eloquent. We grew up together from being 15 years old. I met my husband and many of my friends through her. We went to university together and now we work together. She and her charmed life, while mine is so often spiralling out of control. That in itself made me incredibly jealous.

I look at her and the incredible amount of ‘luck’ and some degree of good timing and decision making that has left her with an intact family, happy marriage, a beautiful home, a secure income, lovely kids and apart from some sporadic health issues . . she and her life are perfect. I was very jealous for a long time. Even now, I feel uncomfortable mixing with some in ‘her crowd’ simply because of their wealth. These people are perfectly nice, perfectly ordinary self-made men and women but they’re just way over my budget and live in a different world. I really can’t afford a week on a Greek Island or a trip to Wimbledon. It’s very intimidating. For a long time I wanted all she had but recently I’ve realised that it’s all come at a cost it’s only a ‘perception’ of which I am jealous.

Friends and lovers alike avoid the pitfalls of jealousy by being honest with each other and avoiding a build-up of negative emotions. I think recently she and I are becoming much better at this even if we hear things we don’t particularly like about each other.

Sensitivity is vital to recognizing the cues that upset and worry other people. But on many levels, jealousy is a sign that one person cares about the other and values the relationship. In short, when jealousy is kept in the bounds of normal behavior it can be a good thing.

However, the mi
nute someone’s pet bunny is threatened . .

23 comments:

Melanie said...

omfg i choked on my pizza laughin at the end of your story lol

nick said...

I was born without the jealousy gene so I'm never jealous of anyone or anything. Perhaps it's because I know that even if someone appears to be better off, under the surface it could be a very different picture.

I'm also quite fatalistic and philosophical and if someone's doing better than me I tend to think, well maybe they deserve it, they've got talents I don't have. I'll just concentrate on making my own life as good as it can be.

But Jenny's a very different kettle of fish!

Ronda Laveen said...

OMG, can you tell I've been married far too long as I've moved into the $$$$ argument.

P.S. Please don't fire up the bunny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mrsupole said...

Please, please don't eat the bunny.
They cannot taste that good, to make you eat the pet.

Is that a real bunny? It looks fake at a glance and then it really looks real. If real, how did you get it to stay in the pot?

Yes, jealousy is such a sad feeling, but I think we all suffer from it at some time. Glad you and your friend are working things out.

And I am in the same category as Ronda. Money, money, money, I am sick of money arguements. He needs to know I am just doing my job to help keep the economy going. Oh, it is okay for him to do this, so why can't I. Actually we only sometimes argue about money. Usually it is when we don't have any. So really the arguement is not about money, it is about the "lack of money".

God bless.

Grannymar said...

Jealousy is a waster of energy and it turns to bitterness.

PS. I had to rescue you again twice from my spam bucket. That fast b/b provider of yours does not like the Irish!

Baino said...

You're supposed to be dieting so stop eating pizza .(Says she who has just had a medium rare fillet steak with bearnase sauce - but I did eat my beans!)

I was very jealous when I was young Nick but I think that's because I was very amazed that such a lovely man would love me. I don't feel it much any more. Jenny jealous? Nah, she's just passionate.

Tis true Miss Ronda . .money arguments . .the pits but they happen. No rabbit stew? nom nom

I stole the pic Mrsupole but I'm sure he is perfectly safe. He's a proper domesticated bunny not like the feral perils eating my flowers and leaving the weeds. Sad but true, money does cause us grief. If only currency was in bunny poo . .I'd be rich, rich rich!

I know GrannyMar but sometimes I just can't help it. Get me out of that naughty spambox, I dont deserve to be there!Repeat after me "Baino is not junk mail, Baino is not junk mail . ."

conortje said...

food for thought - I suffer from jealousy I must admit and you're right a certain amount can be healthy so long as you are honest and open I guess.

Brian Miller said...

great post. one thing you said really summed it up for me and that is when you hold it tightly it will cause damage, but when you share with honest feeling it can become a catalyst. lol on the end of the story, about fell out of my chair.

Candie Bracci said...

Ah jealousy is a poison.I have experienced the romantic one but apart from that I've never been jaleous of the popularity of someone or something like that.I know people who are always jealous about everyone and everything.There is no point of that I think.They are never happy.
Your case isn't the same,you were young and with time you have changed your perception,everyone changes.But they are some who never change,I got one in my family as an example and it's really tiring.But at the end,she is the one to blame.

ian said...

Feeling jealous of their money, Baino?

Try a bit of oneupmanship. Can you still manage an English accent? Let on your 'old money' and think garish activities like holidays on Greek Islands are rather downmerket and betray a lack of breeding!

reyjr said...

They really eat rabbits in some European countries (like Italy). I saw a skinned one on the grocery when I was there. I almost gasped. It was horrible! Worse than the balut! (hehehe)

Jay said...

Jealousy, huh? What brought this on? LOL!

I'm no stranger to jealousy, either, but as I've grown older I've learned to accept and deal with it. Truthfully, no-one has the perfect life and those who seem to, often have undercurrents that we wouldn't want to suffer.

Poor bunny .. we do eat rabbit here in the UK, both domestic (farmed) and wild, but actually I don't like the taste. I was forced to try it once, and I've never had it since.

Grow Up said...

Jealous of how much sleep your other half gets.

I don't subscribe to jealousy much, but I guess we fall foul of it occasionally.

Moon said...

Oh yes, I often have this conversation, Jealousy, controlled jealousy is a GOOD thing, it's healthy, and shows that you are not too keen about your wife flirty with others. you trust her, but you might not like it .... so control the green eyed monster, but not to worry if it comes out sometimes ...

Bimbimbie said...

I guess it's only human nature to be curious about living a life where money is no object. My Dad would always remind us to be happy with what you have, health being no 1 and that there will always be people better off ... but a lot more worse off.

Now I'm jealous someone has a bunny accoutrement in there kitchen Tsup*!*

California Girl said...

I read through the post and comments waiting for a reference and not seeing one...someone channeling that "Fatal Attraction" of the perverted and crazy kind?

Ominous image.

Baino said...

Hmm. . Conor, I'm not sure that envy and jealousy are the same thing but I certainly get 'envious'.

Brian it's not always to be brutally honest and sensitive in a relationship. Sometimes I just can't tell my friend stuff but others it spills out. Hehe . . .clearly everyone's old enough to remember Fatal Attraction! I( was torn between that an ConAir where he warns "Put your gun down or the bunny gets it!"

Ah the old sibling rivalry Candie. Although rivalry requires two competitors. If you refuse to compete, there can be no rivalry.

Wel I envy their ability to do whatever they want whenever they want and not having that last week of the month hanging out for payday and playing borrower and lender with my family. Nah, forgot all that posh stuff. They're multicultural so wouldn't get it anyway.

Rejr we eat rabbits here too! Well they're in the butchers. Not my cup of tea although I have plenty bobbing around my garden.

Yep Jay, I know the grass isn't always greener but sometimes it sure looks like it! Nah, can't bring myself to eat rabbit either. Shame, it's cheap, tasty, low cholesterol and plentiful!

Erm GrowUp he's dead you twit! Are you that tired?

True Moon although it's a rare occurence with me. Envy is my sin!

Tsup! Bimbmbie. . strange but I don't envy her material possessions other than an ability to not have to worry about where the next dollar is coming from and the travel thing of course. Well I don't envy anything about her any more but I did, and for a long time. She can fit into a size 10 ..(God and I thought I'd got over it!) No bunnies in my pans . .

Cali . .saving the best to last! Nah, I'm crazy and pervert free down here!

Megan said...

Hm. I'll be thinking about this one.

steph said...

You're no-bunny unless some-bunny loves ya!

River said...

"Sensitivity is vital...."
Here's the thing. I'm totally clueless when it comes to reading people.I have no idea when it comes to reading faces or body language, if someone doesn't tell me they're upset or offended by anything I've said or done, well, I'll just go on blindly being obnoxious.
I'm also jealous of big money lotto winners. I'd like it to be my turn before I'm too old to do anything with the money but leave it to my kids.

Baino said...

You do that Megs!

Steph, very funny!

River . . in touch with your masculine side perhaps? I'm actually very intuitive, sometimes so much that I over read people. My best friend is not at all intuitive, she is clueless! Totally! Still we manage to communicate on some level of intimacy!

I have resolved to by a lottery ticket everypayday. . gotta be in it to win it.

Maxi Cane said...

Mmm rabbit stew

Kath Lockett said...

I'm not as jealous as I used to be, thank choc. I finally worked out that I was giving myself a hard enough time without using up even more energy wishing for what other people had. Having said that though, I know that all of my mates have qualities and skills that I admire and don't have myself, but rather than feeling jealous, I'm happy to be surrounded by talent. Talent that seems to like me back. :)

...does that make any sense ?