DrummerBoy and the Fringelet are house sitting for two weeks whilst her sister enjoys a holiday in New Zealand. He's been gone four days but there are little signs that he's been lurking around and I don't need a Stat Counter to prove it.
The first, a call on Monday morning because one of the staffies he's babysitting piddles every time he walks in a room. He's not used to cleaning up after anything let alone an excited dog.
DB: Mum there's something wrong with Tia, everytime she comes in, she pees on the floor
Me: Did you shout at her or anything?
DB: Shit yeah! I told her to get off the bed at 3.00 in the morning!
Me: Well that'll do it. You're now the Alpha Male and she's frightened of you
DB: So why does she want to hang around and get all excited when I come in
Me: It's just the effect you have on women
DB: How do I get pee stains out of the carpet?
Me: Blot it up, spray with Preen Large Area carpet cleaner, gently scrub, dry and vacuum
DB: What does blot mean and what's a vacuum?
*revenge is sweet*
The second, I come home on Tuesday and there are the tell-tale signs that he's been home. Opened mail and an empty pizza box on the bench, cordial jug left out of the fridge, the empty toilet roll on the toilet roll stand rather than in the bin, the open bedroom door and a dishevelled pile of once neatly folded washing - he must have run out of boxer shorts and of course the door wide open and the dog on the bed with muddy paws.
The third (this is only day four mind you) and the power board behind the computer and one of the power transformers is missing so the net is down and the speakers are unplugged. Little shite . . took me ages to work out what the problem was. I was just about to install a new switch when I realised he's nicked it.
On the upside. ClareBear and I can eat seafood and watch chick flicks (although I don't think TMNT qualifies in that area). There's beer in the fridge, untouched. There's food in the fridge . . . now that's a rarety. The rest of the house is uncannily tidy. Nobody uses my toothbrush (although he did steal the toothpaste) and the house smells girly. There are no wet towels on the floor in his bedroom, instead they're all folded and fluffy in the bathroom. My Google, Facebook and Hotmail remain signed in to my account and there are no black fingerprints on my white kitchen cupboards.
I'm tempted to send some money to the sister and ask her to stay in New Zealand for a bit longer. And I thought he had a face that only a mother could love!