Lets Stalk Stryne

As pregnant mum's to be and mother's of the newborn, we agonise over the choice of a name for our little bundles of joy. I particularly went for names that had the least opportunity for alteration - alas, twas not to be. In the great tradition of changing things for the sake of it, Australians, like many others are compulsed to award a nickname. Finding pseudonyms for people I know on the blog isn't hard, most of them are in fact their nicknames. In my family alone we have: Poider, Stressany, Hanule, JimmyD, Red, Baino, Abe, Nell, Doo Doo, Twoneth and Maddie, only Joel seems to have escaped an alternate moniker. My best friend is Thommo and others BikerGirl, Overall, Kaz and TheParra. Then there's Bumper, Crispy, Toddles and Westy, Cheeky, Benchwarmer, Mattie, Crofty, Doona and more . . in fact not a single friend of mine is addressed by their proper name with the exception of some of the younger girls. Shame really . . but pressure's off younglings, when you become parents, you needn't worry about the spelling of Aleisha, Alicia, Alysha or Aleesha . . .she'll get Ally, Leish or named after some characteristic. If she has red hair, she'll be a Bluey, blonde she'll be Snowy . . big ears a Wingnut . . and your little Sean or Shaun will be Shorty if he's tall, Stretch if he's short.

The Rules

• Any word with three syllables or more is far to risky if you have to pronounce under the influence or in a hurry - it must therefore be shortened
• Maximum irony or sarcasm must be employed at all times
• The endings "o" "y" and "a" are preferred above all others, but are not exclusive.
• The words thus formed must be frequently used in conjunction with swear words found offensive in most English speaking cultures

Now you've got the rules, let's see about the application. Here is couple of non-exhaustive lists of words or concepts and their Australian equivalents.

Proper Names

• David Stephen, John, Benjamin become Davo ("dave-o"), Stevo, Johnno, Benno etc. Note that "Johnny" is a term of utter contempt and never used except as such.
• Darren, Warren, Lauren become Dazza, Wazza, Lozza etc. The "a" ending sound is always drawn out for dramatic effect. Wazzaaaaa! This may seem like a contradiction of the "shorter" rule - until you think about the ease of drunken or exhuberant pronounciation
• Peter, Robert, Kimberly are always Pete, Bob, Kim etc.
  
• Surnames are fair game, Thompson becomes Thommo, Smith becomes Smithy, Simpson becomes Simmo and very unfairly for it was my maiden name, Dunn becomes "Dunny"
  
• Mac anything always becomes Macca
• Then there are the out there nicknames which describe a particular character trait and not always flattering: Parra, Barra, Chopper, Blocker, Plugga, Licka, Roo or Fridge - the list is endless!
  

So you've got it. Although we're not over giving you a disparaging nickname attribuable to a habit, peculiarity or racial mix.
Sawyer seems to have the knack:

No matter how carefully your parents chose your name, it will be changed . . in fact it's almost an honour to have your name perverted in such a way. Lesson over - any questions?