Thursday, April 24, 2008

Something for a Rainy Day

We're having our wettest April ever highest recorded rainfall for 15 years ago. No wonder all the little animules are sheltering in Ark Fairway . . Two very soggy horses will need rubbing down and winter woollies are being trawled out of the bottom drawer. My loungeroom resembles a Chinese laundry. Speaking of Chinese - the Torch was weilded through our sterile capital, Canberra, without incident thanks to sport being a religion in this country and I'm off for a delightful drive in the pissing rain -the things I do to be sociable. So, here's something I prepared for a 'rainy day' some time ago . . .and never has it been more appropriate!

Since I work for a Financial Planning company, insurance is also part of our service offering.

Mind you our clients tend to insure their lives, key people in their businesses rather than their limbs or appendages. I was reading in Money Management and surprisingly there was an article about the speculation that JayLo insured her bottom for $1 billion. While there’s no evidence to confirm that her backside is in fact worth that much there are other better documented items that are well insured. Apparently, it becan in the 1920’s when Ben Turpin, famed for his crossed eyes, insured himself against ‘uncrossing’. Yo-yo champion Harvey Lowe insured his hands for $150,000 in 1935. Then Betty Grable invented the million dollar legs by insuring hers for that handsome sum.

Lord of the Dance, Michael Flatly insured his pins for 25 million pounds and model Heidi Klum, and Tina Turna followed suit. Even Merve Hughes insured his characteristic moustache for 200,000 pounds.

Rod Stuart’s scratchy warbl is ensured for $6mil as is Bruce Springstein (never fancied either as golden garglers but there you are) Naturally Becks legs are insured for a different reason and we allknow what Dolly Parton had ‘covered’ metaphorically speaking.

Those who are worried about unexpected trips to outer space can buy alien-abduction insurance. The policy would provide $10 million to cover medical and psychiatric care, not to mention sarcasm from friends and relatives, and $20 million if the aliens insist on conjugal visits.

Marilyn Monroe may have been the first star to be insured against drug use, says Moraga. No fewer than three movie studios purchased policies to protect against losses if the star's drug use interfered with filming schedules. Robert Downey Jr, took advantage of this precedent and insured against ‘similar’ difficulties.

Food critic and gourmet, Egon Ronay bought a $400,000 insurance policy on his taste buds. The chief taster for Dreyer's Grand Ice Cream also insured his his tasting ability, in the amount of $1 million.

Lloyd's offers an insurance policy that will pay between $40,000 and $760,000 to cover the costs of temps and recruiting new employees if more than two workers quit within 14 days of winning more than $150,000 in the U.K. national lottery.

Lloyd's underwriters, while they will insure almost any risk, don't take reckless business risks themselves. For example, the policy for the 20-year-old merchant navy officer who sailed the English Channel in a bathtub was issued only on one condition: The bathtub plug had to remain in place the entire trip.

Me? Don’t ask . .I’m well covered . . . I’m insured for life, trauma, income protection, terminal illness, Medical and Hospital, Home and Contents, third party accident and third party property fire and theft!

So that’s where my pay goes!


Thriftcriminal said...

As far as cars go, if I write off mine and it is insured for more than the market value the company will only pay out the market value (regadless of my premiums). Does the same apply to J-Lo's butt? What is the open market selling price for her butt anyway? A billion seems like an awful lot for what is essentially skin, bone, muscle and adipose tissue? Did I leave anything out? I've heard of butt implants, perhaps she has ones made of ambergrist?

Nick said...

Goodness, never thought about alien-abduction. I'd better ring my insurance company straightaway and get that one covered. Thanks for the tip!

Seriously though, I think a lot of insurance policies are completely unnecessary scams. I only insure what I have to, the house and contents, cars and holidays. That's it.

And I heard the reason the torch got such an easy ride through Canberra was the thousands of Chinese wheeled out to line the streets and deter the protesters.

GayƩ said...

Rain! Oh yes!
Back home (sydney) in 8 days! Started to look for a place to rent in Epping already (where we were living before).
I, like Nick, never thought about insurance against alien abduction before! Too funny.

Brianf said...

I have said for years that when I become King of the World, that right after I outlaw ground hogs and setup a 'dear' hunting season (a hunting season where you can legally hunt your X-wife)I am going to outlaw insurance companies and hunt down and persecute anyone who ever worked for one.
Baino, you're safe for awhile for a few reasons. First, it might be awhile before I get elected King of the World. Secondly I would start with the CEOs/Owners and work my way down from there.

Baino said...

Thrifty: Not being a man, I wouldn't like to pass judgement on the JayLo appendage but it does seem excessive for a bit of glutimus maximous. I thought they made perfume from ambergris? *has unhealthy thoughts about the fragrance of JayLo's butt*

Nick: Yeh, thought about that one myself but since it might be the only way I get to travel I've decided to take my chances! I'm insured to the hilt thanks to the amount of debt I need to cover about a third of my wage pays premiums!

As for the torch, we have a large Chinese community here they were supporting rather than protesting what the press didn't show were the thousands of happy families enjoying a good day out.

Gaye: Epping is about 20 minutes from me. Let me know when you're settled. You'll feel right at home if this weather keeps up!

Brianf: Oh dear . .what can I say . . .now what did ground hogs ever do to you? I feel very safe, I'm way low on the corporate pecking order!

Quickroute said...

I've never being big on insuring things but as I get older and wiser (or is that just older), I make sure I have good health and travel insurance. It scares me to think how naive I was to travel to far flung places without travel insurance when I was younger but few people i knew did back then. Although I've never needed it, there's a lot to be said for peace of mind.

Thriftcriminal said...

They do, but it is also one of the most valuable things by weight on the planet. Heh, fragrance :-) That'll make me laugh next time she release a new scent. Now I'm back to flatulence again.

Emperor Ropi said...

It is very rainy here as well but the weather guy said it is going to be better,

ian said...

Who is J-Lo?

Is she a model or something?

Don't bother answering - if I have missed news of the billion dollar cover her name will have passed me by anyway.

I only discovered today that Harry Redknapp is Frank Lampard's uncle - not a lot of people know that.

Baino said...

Quickroute: Yep travel insurance is a must even though they make you jump through hoops to make a claim. I'm probably over insured but as a single parent and the only income earner all the Trauma and Income Protection is a necessity as is Home and Contents . .which fortunately has replaced a flooded kitchen and numerous panes of glass thanks to errant pool balls and a tent peg flung up by the tractor!

Thrifty: Boys always get back to flatulance . . it's a vicious circle!

Ropi: I hope it clears up soon . . the weekend is supposed to be fine here.

Ian: Very funny. Jennifer Lopez, actress and singer, mother of twins and owner of the billion dollar bottom. (although she has denied the claim). Clearly you do what most men do and read the paper from the back (sports pages) through to the front and take the 'entertainment' section out of the middle to line the kitty litter bin!

ian said...


I read the sports, business and opinion pages in the Irish Times.
Only paper I read with any degree of thoroughness is the Financial Times on Saturday and actress/singers don't feature too often.

I can put my hand on my heart and say I haven't a clue what Ms Lopez might have appeared in or what she might sing - she doesn't feature on our classic music station!

Nancy said...


I think I have you all beaten in the insurance department.

I have hurricane insurance on my cemetary lots..........

ian said...

And talking of body bits, if Ms Lopez' buttocks are worth a billion, how much was Warnie's right arm worth?

(I was in a pub once where the prize fighter Dan Donnelly's arm was in a display case, but as it wasn't attached to the rest of him, on account of him being dead, it probably isn't worth very much)

Baino said...

Rev: Stop it . .I really don't want to know half of what Warney does with his right arm. See email. . . very funny man! Thanks.